Monday, November 24, 2008

The Past, or She Who Does Not Face What Is

The Past, or She Who Does Not Face What Is
11/23/08 AEDM #22 & #23
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, White Gel Pen.

She is blind to the future that is hers. She is blind to the life of the present that is happening around her. She is wrapped up in things past. Loves and delights and sorrows. The things that she has lost. The things that she wishes she still had. Her eyes are almost closed. Her mouth is turned down in sorrow.

Her long delicate neck is burdened with the weight of all this past that she is carrying around with her. That is a lot of heaviness.

You ARE your past. Your past settles into your bones and creates who you are in the present. The choices you make now are directly and indirectly influenced by all the things you have learned and experience in the years past. This can be a wonderful thing, as y0u draw upon love and kindness and logic and joy. It can also be negative and draining, if fear, loss, pain and cruelty are the parts of your past that you focus on.

Turn to the light, turn to the joy and change your inner voice to one of positivity. Think about those who loved you, and remember all the things about you that are worth loving. Think about the things that made you happy and create a new life inspired by them. Remember the valuable lessons that you have already received and carry them forth into your new life.

I am realizing that perhaps I should follow the actual cards of the Tarot a little more closely. What I'm finding is that the things I am dealing with or the things on my mind are the images that show up again and again. The Diver was similar in meaning to this one. Maybe I should take out my Tarot and pull cards and allow my paintings to be inspired by that.

Me, I have a tendency to think in the future. I am always a little bit ahead of myself, thinking about where I want to be and the things I have to do to get there. For instance, Thanksgiving dinner has not happened and I am thinking about what I need to do to get ready for Christmas. I want to craft and make hand made gifts, but will the painting suffer? I don't know. I am going to have to organize the mish mosh in my head around that. I think about painting pictures for people, but then I won't be able to post. Maybe I should post old paintings/collages/drawings from the past. It might be nice to do some sewing and fabric crafts... which I haven't done for ages. Or jewelry. I do love making jewelry. It's one of those things that I have always enjoyed. Maybe I could even use December as a kind of experimental workshop for things that I might develop to sell in my soon to be etsy shop.

Another thing that is swirling around in my head... this compulsion I feel to paint a new painting every day. What is that about? It started out as a personal challenge. But is it a necessity? No, I don't think so, and may lead to burn out.

I can still be creative everyday if I don't paint every day. This painting took two days... three even, because I worked on it this morning before posting. Taking more time on a painting means the detail can be finer, the technique can be more precise. Sometimes I look on these paintings as rough drafts, some times they seem complete in themselves.

I suppose there are no answers to what my creativity SHOULD be. It evolves and changes as life does. Much as this post did, mish moshed and swirly. Not really about the past, as the image suggests. Or is it? There is a bit about using the past to create things for the present/future. And also, is it my past experiences that have made me such a perfectionist and so hard on myself? Is it because of what I have been through that I set myself such high and rigid standards? I MUST DO A PAINTING A DAY OR I FAIL!!!!!

You know, it takes quite a while to deprogram your brain from the negative self-talk and turn your mind to more positive thoughts.

All part of the process.

My Original Flying Girl Giveaway is still going on until Wednesday night, so come on over.


Shelly Lowenkopf said...

This is lovely for those of us who would coopt it for use in dealing with characters. My own favorite role model for characters is Wile E. Coyote, but now I have a lovely supplement, not only in your visual, which I am committing to memory, but as well to your oh, so nicely articulated description of who She is and how She works.

jess gonacha said...

oh my. sounds like your thoughts swirling are a lot like mine. :) i think we should just claim our creativity for ourselves however it may be. that "should" word gets me every time...... i'd love to get it out of my vocabulary. i think there's a fine line between painting every day because you want to and because you feel like you have to. maybe just listening for when it begins to feel more like 'have to' than 'want to' and then know it's time for a break...? who knows!

Squirrel said...

I think the plunging diver is very different from the burdened Past. Diver is light and actively plunges to explore the subconscious for treasures. The Past is more passive, weighed down by all those memories in her hair, preoccupied, not in control of what comes up, obsessional, perhaps trying to change that by focusing only on the positive, but the drawing conveys something else. It is the diver that seeks the treasures. The past looks kind of depressed to me, weighed down, believing the past determines the present when that is only very partially true. Get inspired from the real Tarot, but follow your own feelings too. In my opinion, the true meaning of the cards you are making will evolve for you over time. They are expressions of your own subconscious. - the Creative Goddess said...

Just wanted to say ~
I'm listening...
and loving your words & honesty & beauty~filled sharings.
Brightest blessings,

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