Miniature Bound Fabric Treasure Book
felt, cotton, thread, glitter glue

My daughter found this in her dollhouse and brought it to me to read to her. I made it for her a couple of Christmases ago, and it kind of got lost in the avalanche of crafting and toys. So I thought I'd post about it here... because it's the little things that make life good, right? This is a little thing.

On the front, I drew a diamond in glitter glue, because it is a treasure.

 I particularly thought it was interesting because she already CAN read this. It's not real difficult. But the point was she wanted ME to read it.

 Because it's about love.

 It's about a message from mommy to her,

 Ivy.

See, her name is Ivy so I appliqued felt ivy leaves into the book.

the end.

I might even have looked up how to bind a book to put it together.

Greeting Cards with Tea Party Charms

 Greeting Card with Tea Pot charm

Now you see what I had in mind with all my little doo dad paintings. I had a request for a couple of cards. Let me tell you, research and development can take a long time.

But then, I love to futz with things and figure out how I can make them work. I like to invent things and create new solutions. And make pretty things, of course.

Greeting Card with Tea Party Charm

I like to think of these as little bits of joy that can be sent in the mail. The little pleasures in life that you can hang up on a wall to remind yourself that it's the little things that make life happy. Or put into a book and used as a book mark.

I'm a little obsessed with books lately, the idea of reading, the adventure of stories, the mystery of a new novel, the education in a non fiction book.

I suppose it's today's kick off festival for the library summer reading program, or maybe it's because my son is becoming a reader and I am reliving my youth as an avid reader.

Maybe I'll turn the rest of my little doo-dads that I painted into book marks. Goodness knows, between my own reading and my kids', I'm reading enough books right now to need more book marks. I mean, receipts and scrap paper will do the trick, but it's nice to have something pretty to put between the pages, just another pleasant thing about reading.

Let it Go and love, or Some Thoughts on Being Zen

Let It Go, and love
watercolor, ink, gel pen on paper

One of the things I have never quite managed to figure out is the practice of non attachment. The idea is that we don't hang onto our ideas of the way things should be, what we think we need, our desires.

I know some people have said that this would be bad because it would mean we have no ambition, no desire to change things for the better, it would be settling, but I don't really think that's what it means.

I think, although I'm by no means sure, that the concept of non attachment means we don't fixate on having our specific ideas come true. It's about accepting what is, about living in the present and the world that you are actually living in.

It doesn't mean that you can't work to improve things or WANT things. It's more like standing where you are and saying, "I am here," and having that be good. And being able to move, from where you really are, with all the tools you have at your disposal, to where you are going next, without ideas of what you SHOULD be doing or who you SHOULD be.

How do we stop fixating on what we think we SHOULD be? How do we let go of our ideas of what things SHOULD be like?

I'm still working on it, but I've worked up a few things.

1. Be who you are. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Someone will always have something you don't. Someone will always be better at something. You will always look to see where you are lacking in comparison. So stop it. They are them. You are you. Every life has struggles and every life has joys.

2. Pay attention to the positives. Stop focusing on the negatives in your life. Don't obsess over what you haven't achieved, what you don't have, what is wrong with you or your life. I know it's hard, when you feel like you should be fixing all these things that feel broken, but just think of all that energy you are giving to these negative feelings. Look instead at what you do have. Pay attention to that. Feed the positives in your life and they will grow. Look for the love. You'll find it.

3. Don't idealize things. Your idea of something you want may turn out to be a lot harder and more complicated and uglier than you first imagined. Like for instance, I thought this little post with the little illustration would be a lot easier than it's turning out to be. Hey, what could be easier, right? Let it go. Don't obsess. Focus on the love, right? But no, it led into non attachment, one of the most difficult Buddhist philosophies, which I have, honestly, been trying to figure out for 25 years, which of course, leads me to confusion and struggle. But maybe that also what it's about.

4. Don't over complicate things.  Am I making it more complicated than I need to? It just is what it is, right? Let it go means let it go. Don't fuss over getting it just right, allow it to be what it is. Don't add on what ifs. Don't try to make something that will stun the world with your genius. Don't over think it. Simplicity is often the key.

5. Accept it for what it is. Whatever it is. We're flawed. Period. We fall down. We make mistakes. We don't live up to our expectations. Even if we'd like to change things, where we are is still where we are. We can only be here, we can only change things from where we are, with the tools we have at our disposal.  We can only be who we are.

6. Let it go. Don't hold on to those fears and angers and upsets and pains and disappointments. Allow them, yes. Feel them, yes. Recognize that feeling the sad things does not mean that they will take over. You are strong enough to get through sad feelings, but they are part of life. So feel them, then let it go.

7. Say 'Yes' to life. When you hold on to all those negative things and feelings and shoulds, we close ourselves off to what is really out there. This is the "and love" part of the post, I think. Love is about yes, isn't it? It's about saying, 'yes, I see your beauty,' or 'yes, I see the possibility.' 'Yes, I will give you my time.' or 'Yes, I will risk being vulnerable to you."

I'm going to have to leave it at lucky seven. I am surprised at how much this supposedly quick post got me thinking. The funny thing, is that I had a more involved craft post that I thought would be too hard, but now I think it would have been a lot easier. 

What do you think of the idea of non attachment? How do you practice letting go? How do you love and accept an imperfect world and imperfect people for what they are?

Heart and Needle

Heart, Sewn

felt, thread.

Here comes Valentines.

*yay*

Sorry. I'm not a Valentines fan. I love the chocolate, and that it means spring is coming soon, but it is not my favorite holiday.

However, I have kids, and I don't have to infect them with my eyerolling too early. So I want to do some Valentines crafts this weekend, maybe help the boy make some cards for his classmates. Maybe sew them some little hearts to hang from their pockets and backpacks. Oh I don't know.

But I do kind of like the way this little unfinished felt heart looks on the old sweater. The threads curling off of the side, pierced by the needle.

A kind of crafty version of Cupid's arrow...

No, do not despair, I am not growing soft and mushy.

Anyway, Happy Valentines Day, whether you are a romantic, or an old grump like me.

Right Here, Right Now.

Gorgeous Fall

So here we are, mid October. I'm working a lot, both at my paying job and with my writing and my art.

I am also working really hard at living my life.

By that, I mean I am trying to enjoy my life. Trying to be present in the moment. To not wish it away on future goals and long lists of what I have to/want to do.

You know what helps with that?

When I walk out of my front door in the morning and take my five minute walk to work, up the street lined with red, orange, yellow, tan, brown, and occasionally purple trees.

I have lived in Florida the last two Autumns, so I missed the perfect Fall. Here I have it. The weather alternates between warm and sunny, and crisp and cool.

And I am perfectly aware, as I walk up that perfect Fall street, with the charming houses, and the crunch under my feet of fallen leaves, and the warm sun and the cool breeze, that this is the only moment of this that there will be.

Tomorrow, more leaves will fall, and the branches will bare, and the weather will get colder. There might be wonderful things about tomorrow, but it won't be today. So perhaps we should revel in the today while we have it.

I haven't finished my author's outline yet, or the synopsis of my novel, or my agent research. Still working on it all. I don't have any new creations to show up here in my blog. My etsy shop is limping along, not getting as much attention as I'd like. I'm still working with my son on his writing, that he feels like he can't do. The house continues to be halfway to a shambles.

But my morning constitutionals are like walking through sunshine made solid. And the air smells somewhat spicy, like cinnamon. And I actually HAVE finished my novel, more so than I've ever done in my life. And finances are stable for the moment. And work is a good place with good people. And the kids are strong and happy and growing up. And it's all good, right now, in its never doneness.

Right here, right now, what is good with you?

Small Things With Great Love

Small Things With Great Love

acrylic and pencil on paper, 8.5"x5"

Where I am is overwhelmed.

Frankly, I am trying to fit 36 hours into the 24 we have. And it just doesn't work.

Then I get overwhelmed and anxious and then I just can't get anything done. It's one of the things that makes waiting tables a good fit for me... because I just go in there, do my job in the moment, even if the moment is stressful, there is only ever what needs to be done right then. It's very zen.

When I get home, I start thinking about all the needs and shoulds, the future and the past, the fears and the desires, and I get derailed feeling like I can't do it all, so I end up just doing nothing.

So yesterday I painted myself this remembering. (Did I just make up a word? Remembering? It's something to get me remembering the long view.)

Small things with great love. Inspired by the Mother Theresa quote, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."

We CAN'T do it all. We CAN'T do these HUGE things when we are these small people... except we can, when we just tackle it one little thing at a time. One little love-ful thing at a time.

Don't worry about the grand outcome the huge dreams the perfection of intention. Just do what is there right in front of you. This sketch. This dinner. This moment of connection. This thing on your to do list.

And then we find it all gets done.

Or if it doesn't, we get by anyway.

What He Loves

Animal Bookmarks

repurposed menus, ink, yarn

94-98/100 in 100 days creative challenge

Today is my son's first show and tell. He's been shy still, in Kindergarten, and hasn't made his friends yet. I tell him to talk about the things he loves, to ask people about things that that they love. But he is still shy.

I suppose it is normal.

But when his weekly scheduled show and tell came up, I told him to pick something that he loves to share to the other kids. Maybe they will love it too.

He picked his HUGE book of animals. It barely fits in his backpack, and there are hundreds of animals in it.

I asked him which animals he wanted to show, and he picked Shark, Snake, Whale, Platypus and Fire Fly.
Indian Cobra

repurposed menu, ink, yarn

94/100 in 100

Then I realized that in that big book, he was never going to be able to find the pages to show at show and tell, and he can't read yet, so pieces of paper with words on them would be meaningless.

And being me, I thought, I have all those scrap menus. I'd already thought of making bookmarks. Why not make him some animal bookmarks so he'd know which favorite was where.

(Full disclosure. I don't love this cobra. But I didn't have time or the reference photo for something better. But I like this cobra enough for it to serve the purpose.)

Firefly

repurposed menu, ink, yarn

95/100 in 100

I really like the way they turned out.

I thought first that I might make them clip on bookmarks, but when I drew them out, I thought simplicity was best, and to just leave them uncut.

Besides, just the black and white pen is interesting, and graphic enough.
Duck Billed Platypus

repurposed menus, ink, yarn

96/100 in 100

I punched little holes and threaded color coded yarn through. (White for the white shark, blue for the whale, because there are blue whales although this is a sperm whale, green for the lightning bug because bugs are green although a lightning bug isn't, purple for the platypus because Perry from Phineas and Ferb is purple, okay he's blue, but I used blue, and pink for the snake because I didn't have black and green was used. Okay. There's no code. But go with it.)

I photographed them lined up. If you turn them over, they still say things like "cherry wood smoked salmon salad," and "chicken club sandwich" but I didn't have time or extra scraps to cut out more paper and glue it to the back to make them smooth and stronger.

If the bookmarks come back from school in decent shape, I might do this. I might print them out and make reproductions, too. That's how much I like them. Or perhaps I'll make different versions. I don't know, but I am pleased with them.

Sperm Whale

repurposed menus, ink, yarn

97/100 in 100

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say.

I had a need. I needed to fill it. I created something

Sometimes I am glad that I do not have the unlimited funds and/or freedom to just go out and buy stuff for every need.

Because of those constraints, I have learned to look around me to find something I can turn to my solution. If I was used to just buying everything when I need came up, would I even be practiced enough to make it instead? Or would my first impulse be to purchase it? So then, when I had no time for the searching or the buying, like last night, I would end up just using the library bookmarks and the strips of paper.

And honestly, they would have served the purpose just as well.
White Shark

repurposed menus, ink, yarn

98/100 in 100

But these are special.

I think it goes back to my last post, about bliss.

It also goes back to my advice to my son, about finding something he loves and sharing that with his new classmates.

It's all about the love. It's about following your loves, your bliss. It's about trusting that those loves are lovely. It's about trusting that YOU are lovely, and that other people will love you, too.

Do what you love. Create what you love. Share what you love. Love those you share it with enough put care into it. Love yourself enough to accept your flaws. Love what you've got. Love where you are. Love who you are. It's not just about romantic love or familial love, but all types of love, and is both the hardest and the easiest thing you can ever do. But this is where bliss comes from.

Love. Love. Love.

I guess John Lennon was right.

Ivy the Girl

Ivy The Girl

Casio Exilim 7.2mp

63/100 in 100 days creative challenge

A quick post before I run to work today.

I did a little photo shoot with Ivy yesterday and this morning, I tried to do some editing for black and white.

I did a photo shoot of Gabriel once, but for some reason, his fair coloring and the orange shirt he wore did not work out for the black and white, so I never posted any of the resulting photos. That of course is ANTI my challenge, because my 100 in 100 creativity challenge is supposed to include the imperfect, the odd media, and the experiment.

So WHY am I still not counting some of the work I have done in the past couple of months?

Oh because being an artist is mainly about struggling with your own inner demons, your gremlins, your vampires. It's about telling the stories of your soul, and documenting the travels of your life and imagining the future and dissecting your dreams and sometimes just going with the flow without any deep meaning. But to get to all that, you have to get through your insecurities and fears and neuroses and self critical tendencies that say things like "that doesn't count," or "you're not good enough."

So, onwards and upwards. Keep doodling, taking photos, making kid forts, drawing, painting, sculpting, sewing, cooking and everything else that allows that creative urge to get out, whether or not anyone pays for it, or says it's good, or you think it is even important enough to count. It does count. You count.

Happy Mother's Day

My Kids' Wildflower Bouquet Gift to Me, in their Papa's Handmade Masking Tape Vase Gift to HIS Mom (approx 40 years ago)

I try not to blog on the weekends, so I can spend time with the kids and also doing the myriad of other mom duties... and non mom duties, but this is a special weekend.

I just wanted to wish all the Mothers out there a happy, happy Mother's Day.

Because of all you do for others, and all you mean to them.

But mostly, just because of you.

(Now you go have an awesome weekend!)

Home/Play

Homes
Paperclay, about an inch to an inch and a half tall

I made these last night. I recently bought a pack of paperclay to experiment with, inspired by Elsita's dolls. I tried doing a flying girl doll, but it was harder than I thought it would be.

I decided I needed to practice with this new medium, so I sat down with my journal, and asked myself what I wanted to create.

I ended up drawing little houses. House after house. And there underneath, wrote "home"

Right away, I unzipped my baggie of paperclay (which must stay moist, even while you are sculpting) and started molding my little houses.

Paperclay is interesting. It is like playdough mixed with ashes and paper fibers. Kind of cool, but there is a learning curve. I haven't quite figured it out yet. But I'm having fun making my little houses while I do learn.

I love miniatures. I love sculpting. I love keeping my fingers busy. Fun.



Ivy through the screen door

Other people had fun, too, on this humid Spring day.



Gabriel Smudged by the Light of the Storm


We played outside and inside when it rained.


Teaching Ivy to Make Beads (she made these all by herself out of playdough... well, I made one of them.)

And let's just say that I didn't create these things in a vacuum. The kids saw me and wanted their own playdough.

I showed Ivy how to make beads. She did most of these completely by herself. And they both tried to make little houses out of clay, too.

When you are willing to be a beginner, to explore and play, good things happen.

When you are open to what is actually there for you in your life, happiness happens.

Ode to A Journal

I always talk about creativity and creating, art and crafts, the process of being creative, the struggles of being creative... but I realized yesterday that one of the things I don't talk about much is something that has been with me, in my process, almost as long as I have been creating.

My journal.

Maybe the reason why I haven't written much about the joys of journaling is because since getting seriously involved with my blog, much of my journaling energy has been diverted to this space here.

But it's not the same. Not at all.

Blogs are great for sharing your life and your projects, for developing your voice, for discussing important things, for learning how to show up to your writing every day, but a journal... ah, a journal is a friend.

I started keeping a journal in Junior High School, when I was about 13. Except for one break, after my brother found my diary and read it, I have been writing in journals since then. Almost 27 years. I have about 60 journals. They are in storage now, like Anais Nin's journals, although not nearly so racy, and not quite so neurotic, I hope.

My journal has taught me so much, given me so much, provided a great service to me as a person and an artist.

What have I gained? I'd like to share an incomplete list.

Someone to talk to when I had no one to talk with.
Documentation of my past and my past self when I don't have the greatest memory.
A place to explore new thoughts and deepen my understanding of the world.
A place to share secrets that I was not ready to release into the world.
A place to practice new skills and goals.
Something to do when I had nothing to do.
Company for when I was wandering out on my own.
A place to document adventures.
A place to explore my expanding concept of the world.
A place to play and joke and say silly things.
A place to be irreverent without offending anyone.
A spot to collect ephemera, like movie tickets, flower pressings, old notes.
A place for sketches of life as it goes by.
A place for trying out new ideas before they flit away.
A place to hold conversations between me and my fictional characters.
A place to hide my poetry that I don't want to show anyone.
A place to rehearse difficult conversations that I am not ready to have yet, with real people.
A way to get up my bravery.
A place to obsess about things without annoying real people.
A place to obsess about my imperfections, fears, upsets and pains, before finally letting go of them because I am sick and tired of obsessing.
A place to plan my day.
A place to plan my goals.
A place to dream of my life.
A place to vent because sometimes people in real life are really fucking annoying.
A place to curse without offending people. (sorry)
A place to remember who I am and where I come from.
A place to be inspired.
A place to focus on being positive.
A place to write down notes from books, movies, magazines, tarot, menus, or what have you.
A place to write dreams, which I always forget.
A place to write schedules, notes, phone numbers, addresses, and all sorts of things I don't want to lose.
A place to write good inspiring quotes that I find.
A place to list books I want to read or music I want to explore, or places I want to go.
A place to write down baby names, years before I had any babies at all. Pretty sure I didn't choose any of those names, but who cares.
A place to get the thoughts out and away. So I don't have to obsess about them and can do better things.
A place to write novels.
A place to write poetry.
A place to sketch out future paintings.
A place to paint small paintings, lowering the stakes and with out freaking myself out about being a "painter".
A place to explore different artistic media, like acrylics, gel pens, pastels, crayons, white out, tape, or whatever is on hand.
A place to find spare pieces of paper that I can tear out if I need to.
A place to recover from heart break.
A place to write random words when organized words are too hard.
A thing to share with very special others, to help them, or to connect, or just because.
A thing that makes a warm summer morning on the fire escape with a cup of coffee feel like a vacation.
An accessory that fits in right along with garden cafes, Greenwich Village, a single girl, and possibly a beret.
Something to do, wherever I go, whenever I go there.
A time passer on the subway or waiting in line.
A place to create collages.
A place to sketch out city scenes.
A place to explore the inner landscape.
A place to write notes and pass them to other people during boring meetings.
A doodle pad for meetings, classes or phone calls.
A planner for creating books, classes, workshops, projects, moves, and all sorts of large projects.
A thing to go back over, every year, to look at who I was, where I am from and how far I have come.
A habit, a compulsion, a task, an obsession, a defining trait.
An unshakable writing habit.
A place where I could learn to turn off my internal editor and just write.
A place to practice writing well and writing fast.
A place to keep my nervous fingers busy.
A place and time to breathe deeply, metaphorically and literally.
A thing that has helped me become a writer.

I could go on and on. My journal has also helped me to be a prolific writer, you see... but I thought that I'd stop and ask you guys to share what you have gained from your journal.

What have you gained from your Journal?

Jane Was Here

Jane Was Here
acrylic on paper, 8.5" x 5.5"

This is a painting that I did as a memorial for a preemie baby back in February.

Why do I post it now?

I think because in a way, it relates to yesterday's post, about how what you do does indeed matter.

Jane was a lovely little girl and was loved dearly by her family, and through her mother's blog, Jane reached out and touched many, all over the world. They are still receiving cards and messages telling them that their little girl did indeed affect many. She was here.

Jane isn't here anymore, and although her life was so short, she mattered. Her existence mattered. Her very breath mattered. She was here.

We all matter. What we do affects others and changes them in ways both big and small. The struggles we take on to reach our dreams or to make the world a better place or to raise good people or create something to leave behind, or even to just simply survive... these matter.

Even if it seems there are too many endings, and too many setbacks, and too many good byes and too many heartbreaking disappointments...

It all still matters.

So there.

I have more words on the subject of how we matter, it turns out.

And if you'd like to follow Our Girl Jane and here about how she was indeed here, and perhaps even send her mom a postcard declaring Jane's existence in your life, I'm sure she would be grateful.

Guest Photographer: Ivy Bean, Age Three

We were outside, sitting on the front deck, when Ivy decided to steal my camera and take some photos. Most were of the grass or cement walk, but a few... well, I think they kind of speak to the day and Ivy herself.

This first one is of me, writing poetry for National Poetry Month. Stay tuned. By the end of the post, I might build up enough nerve to share it.
This is her brother, walking, it looks like or running. In his dinosaur pajama pants. I like the way it's kind of crooked, and the way the path divides, almost like an abstract painting, with boy's legs.
And here is me, examining sticks for a project I did not get done, but still might. Who knows.

Okay, here's my poem. Forgive my nerves. I've got this issue about showing anyone my poems. And it might just be the first poem I've written since last National Poetry Month. I should do some more, whether or not I show them. It feels right to get that sort of creative flow going.

Maybe I'll use my miniature notebook and write some miniature, minute long poems. Those always turn out in surprising ways.

Okay, no stalling, and no apologizing. (I never want any of you to apologize for your work, either.)

CHASING BUTTERFLIES

5 years old, eyes like open
air, we run in the fields chasing little bits of
life above us
chasing the words, the worlds, we are just
beginning to understand. Words like
"flight" "desire"
"solitude".

The sun warms the grass. Bare toes
flexing in the dirt. The pinch of
gravel in the drive. We are
discovering these feet on this ground,
learning the treasures of stones, sometimes, or ladybugs,
or wildflowers, or scuttling clouds. The treasures
of holding something, or letting it go.

5 years old, sky meets earth, and we
so taut
in between.

Happy Easter!

The First Egg

After a morning of rushing around, making breakfast (bacon and strawberry shortcake... what? you don't eat dessert and bacon for breakfast? It was delicious.) and getting kids dressed in their less scrubby clothes ("I want to wear something that makes me look handsome, mama," he said) putting out squabbles, distracting kiddos while the eggs were hidden, and trying to keep ALL the candy from being eaten by the under five set, we went on our Easter Egg hunt.
Wondering where the eggs are.
Don't be fooled. It looks like she needs help or is too shy, and too little to find the eggs, but she found more than her big brother or her older cousin.
She found this one. For instance. Although Grandma was standing over there ribbiting like a frog.
And then, after egg hunt and eating some eggs, the kids opened up their new kite and went flying with grandma.
Scary, right? He is having just TOO much fun driving the motorized dumptruck that grandpa got. I hope this isn't a hint of the future and little men who like to go joy riding in dump trucks.
Flowers are growing now. They may be tiny, and hiding in the grass, but I am so excited. The kids stopped caring about the flowers once they found them, but I am so thirsty for Spring that it's a really big deal to me. I've been green watching for weeks, and it's finally happening. Yay Spring.
And this is one of the stuffed animals I am in the process of making for my kids. I failed and did not get it done for Easter morning, even though I've been rushing for a week to finish, but I showed them my process and told them they could choose the details, like the legs or the eyes and the mouth.

I'm kind of proud of this bunny. She turned out better than I thought. But maybe I should not say that until I actually get the legs attached and finish her. The boy's snake needs some work too, but they were already running around with the unfinished guys, so I'm sure they'll be okay when I finish them.

WHEN I finish them, because I am taking it easy. After the eggs were hidden, I kind of said, that's it, I'm taking it easy. No more work for me. I put away my needles to let my ouchy fingers rest. I sat back and had a beer or two. I put in my kitchen duty for the day with breakfast. I let grandma "enjoy" her grandkids while I read a book. I even took a nap, after staying up too late getting Easter Baskets ready and waking up too early with the kids.

Yes, I took half the day off on Easter, picked tiny flowers and paid attention to the Spring.

So it turned out to be a pretty good holiday.

Presence + Respect = Love

Crayon Tree on Back of Kid's Menu While Working On A Slow Day

The other day, I was working my little part time job at a restaurant and it was dead slow. I drew this picture of the tree in the courtyard, using the crappy crayons they give the kids to keep them quiet while their parents eat.

I was actually quite surprised how it came out. I haven't really used crayons since I was twelve. I guess I always thought of them as an inferior medium. But you know, they are just a medium. What you do with them depends upon how you work them.

I found them to have an expressive movement, able to make very light lines, or make intense lines with very little pressure. I found that they blended well when a lighter color was used over the top of an underlayer. And using different colors in layers made interesting and lively shades.

Go figure.

I also found that I enjoyed just drawing from life. It was almost meditative, paying attention to the image in front of me, and what came out on the paper.

A suppose this is a lesson to me. Don't count something out because you "think" it isn't fancy enough. Be in the moment you are in, and give respect to the task at hand, whether that is a crayon drawing or a job hosting or taking care of the kids or paying attention to where you are.

And also, maybe I should do some more life drawing. It's pleasant.

Attention is love, I recently read somewhere. What is attention? Presence and respect? Hmm. I don't know, that might be a good recipe for attention... and so for love.

I Have Been Enchanted

Enchanted by this sweet little etsy shop. Sweetbestiary and her darling dolls, puppets, masks... whatever exactly it is that they are. I couldn't turn away from her shop. No I couldn't, even a favoriting left me feeling like it would be too far away from me in the breadth of the wide internet sea. So I thought I would post some of her little creatures here. So they could be nearer to me.

Then I went to her blog and continued to be enchanted. Her name is Flor and she's from Argentina but lives in London. She's starting over with her art after many lifetimes, well 20 years according to her, but I know how that feels like a lifetime. Her blog is new, her shop is new. Her art is new. And she writes in both Spanish and English, so I can practice my pitiful Spanish.
This Deer Boy is so charming. I love the stag antler boy/man thing. I once made a sculpture out of a found box and sculpee and a photo I took. He was an antler/god man thing and I gave him away as a present. But I still think about him.
These lovers are sold out already. But I couldn't help but post them here. I love the way they are looking at each other. And I love the box they are living in. Reminds me of the assemblages I used to make out of boxes, like the antler/god man I talked about above. Or a broken music box that turned into a meditation on the journey to love.

I miss doing stuff like that.

I guess with how this little shop has just swept me away, maybe I need to follow that feeling, back to something I used to do, on to something just a bit new. I'm enjoying the felt constructions I'm doing now (still must post these) but I miss the sculpting/shaping aspect of clay or papier mache.

I'm trying to gear myself up to do some papier mache, I think. How coincidental that the front page of etsy would have this little papier mache doll/creature shop.

Isn't it interesting to see how inspiration works, how it weaves back and forth between the past and wishes and chance and old loves. I love the burbling feeling of brewing inspiration.

What's inspiring you lately?

Flying Girl Wishes You Love and Light

Flying Girl Wishes You Love and Light
white and cream felt, thread, silver and blue embroidery floss, beads, fiberfill

I am enjoying making these things.

Especially late at night after the kids have gone to bed and I'm too tired to do much thinking. Sewing can be meditative.

I also enjoy the way the sculpture arises out of the medium.

Yes, I have the same pattern for all of the flying girls in the same medium, but the color of the felt or the thoughts in my head, or the time of the year, or whatever happened that day it all combines to make an individual piece that is unlike any other.

I know I am not the best seamstress in the world, but I also enjoy something about the hand made quality, the visibility of the stitches and the knots.

I guess I think that light and love (and life itself) is made of knots and threads and bobbles and mistakes... and sometimes we can turn the accidents of life into something that fairly glows with the livingness of it all.
(rev) Love in blue embroidery

I particularly like the little white bird hanging below, "LIGHT" written in silver thread.

I hadn't planned to go that way, but all while I was embroidering the geometric silver light/shapes I was thinking about what it all meant.

Instead of a banner, I went with a bird.

Sometimes you can just let things flow, you know what I mean?

Trust that it will come out and make sense and become something that you can value, even if it isn't exactly what you thought it would be when you started out.

Oh, hey. Speaking of trusting.... I just posted this in my etsy shop, despite needing to make dinner and being afraid (the real issue) of starting in with a new medium. You can check it out here.

Flying Girl Blessing, or Joy and Sparkles

Flying Girl Blessing, or Joy and Sparkles
Felt, Thread, Silver Thread, Glitter Glue, Fiberfill

This is the Flying Girl that my girl requested. Pink, she said. So that's what I did, with glitter and silver french knots. She was hung on a string of little pearls within view of my little girl's bed.

What is there profound to say about this Flying Girl?

Perhaps she is just about the happiness of living in this world. Warm hugs from little arms. "My wuv you, mommy," she says when she is half asleep.

Perhaps this Joy girl is about how bright the stars are in this cold and northern sky. Or the way the train passes through, the whistle blowing like something out of an old story.

Perhaps Joy is about recognizing that in the moment, taco night is a good night, and cuddling up in a recliner with an involving tv show while the kids sleep and the tea is warm is what it's all about.

Perhaps Joy is about saying yes to what life is right now. And building what you want life to be, also, having hope that things will become what you hope for, and that you are strong enough and good enough to make it all real.

Perhaps joy is about standing where you are, and feeling that your goals are within your reach.
(reverse) "JOY"

Something else about this Joy girl. My little girl doesn't want it any more. She wants me to make her a purple girl.

Isn't that interesting?

Maybe Joy is also about letting go of old desires, and thinking about what comes next, sometimes. It's always good to be able to let go of things. What we thought we wanted. Our expectations of what things SHOULD be like.

I told Ivy that I would make her a new flying girl, sooner or later, but she'd have to relinquish this one, so that I could add more embellishments to it, make it less a plaything and more a soft sculpture.

Oh I don't know. I don't know where this Joy girl is going.

But I like her just the way she is, for now.

Flying Girl Blessings, or I am as open as the night sky

Flying Girl Blessings, or I am as open as the night sky
felt, polyfill, thread, silver embroidery floss, recycled bead, paper and golden fluid acrylic
about 6" from top of head to bottom of banner? I forgot to measure. Hanging thread adds another six inches.

Yesterday while browsing about the web, I got the burning urge to make a 3-D flying girl. Something that could exist in our very own world, not just the world on the page.

Sometimes I get tired of just painting. I've never really been a one medium kind of gal, but I've spent the last couple of years mainly diving into paint. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but sometimes I start to feel a little bit confined doing just one thing.

All growing up, I made stuff out of everything. Doll dresses. A little stuffed shmoo that I made with my sister. Crocheted slippers. Little plasticene figurines. Balloon farms. Paper dolls. Bracelets out of purloined telephone wire. Radio shows on tape. Horror stories to read to my Junior High School friends. Macrame friendship bracelets. Beaded necklaces. Lipgloss out of vaseline. Cut paper animals. Twig houses. Sculpee christmas ornaments, beads, dragons and wizards, dice, brooches. And this was all before I ever took being an artist really seriously. It was just something I did because I enjoyed it and it kept my hands busy.

Over the past year or two, I've been watching other artists explore the breadth of creativity, while I was trying to focus down on one or two media. I suppose it makes sense. I needed to explore one medium, rather than bounce around like a jumping bean.

But yesterday, after seeing other people do stuff that I just thought was cool, it was like I bust out and HAD to do something.

I don't have as many odds and ends as I used to. They are either in storage or have been purged. No silver beads or glass mosaic tiles. No sculpee or fabric stashes. No folders of magazine clippings or that package of copper leaf I've been hoarding.

So I went with my leftover supplies from making Christmas softies for my kids.
Flying Girl Blessings, or I am as open as the night sky (back view)
(here you can see the hanging cord and bead)

This ornament is the result of my fevered multi-media jones.

She is actually the second version. The first version was in black cotton and I found her too delicate to turn and stuff. I nearly tore my hair out trying to manage. I still might be able to salvage something of her, but these are both prototypes.

I am not pleased with the materials. Polyester felt is not my medium of choice, but it was what I had on hand. And good for learning.

I do, however like something in the idea, here. I am planning to make more of her. I am thinking I might like to sell these in my etsy shop. I particularly feel like these pieces, more so than a 2-D work of art are about making something real in the world (HA! There's my focus word for the year-- "realize"). To me, this flying girl seems like a wish made real. An idea to focus down on.

That's why I called her a blessing. In my mind, I think this piece is a concrete manifestation of someone wanting to be open to love. You cannot find love if you do not open yourself to it... open yourself to the possibility of love, the possiblity of being hurt, of depending upon someone, or being there for someone else.

I suppose I was thinking about Valentines Day. You know, love and kisses and pink candy. I've never been very good at pink and candy. Well, candy yes, pink hearts and flowers not so much.

Ironically, I have already been commissioned to create another flying girl doll made of pink, for my almost three year old. She wanted this one, actually. I said I'd make her one of ther own. She chose pink.

I suppose I will need to come to peace with my own pink cottoncandy heart and give my daughter her own Flying Girl blessings.

Girl of Trees, or The Other Side of Sunset

Girl of Trees, or The Other Side of Sunset
Golden Fluid Acrylic, watercolor pencil, paper, 5x8" moleskine

I don't know where she came from.

I had the urge to draw a girl. I painted over her. You can still see some of the watercolor pencil lines. But everything I drew, I painted over. And everything I painted over once, was painted over again. And again.

Nothing came out like I expected it.

Everything was revised, not for whatever vague vision had been in my head initially, but for what was, what felt right. How the colors bounced off of each other, or how the dark needed the light.

Perhaps also a little bit of the winter trees outside my window, holding the reflected glow of the sun going down against the pale cold sky.

I challenge you to not know. To not be sure of what you are doing.

I challenge you to take life for it's own flavor, and not the spice you wished it had.

I challenge you to realize the moment you are in.

To savor it.

To recognize the joy in living, to say yes when the world around you wants to say be safe, be sure, don't risk being hurt.

I challenge you to believe in yourself.

Go with it.