Big Things Are Done With Small Actions

Hi all.
I have committed the fatal creative error of grandiose dreams.

When I fell off my blog, I kept wanting to come back bigger and better than ever. I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence when I stopped blogging just as I hit one thousand blog posts.

All of a sudden, I felt like everything should be much bigger than it was. And when I stopped blogging I thought I should come back with everything revamped, a new website, new goals, new everything and all better than I had been doing it before.

But the truth is that I got to 1000 blog posts because something about my blogging worked for me. My blog has always been a blog about process. It has always been casual and immediate and about sitting down every day to create and to document my creativity.

So here I am. Coming back. Hoping to stay back. Hoping that by returning to something that was an effective part of a successful creative process, I can make it work. Once again.

The thing about creating is that you can't do big things. All big things are made up of small things. You can't climb a mountain, you can only reach one handhold, then the next, then the next, and keep going until you have climbed that mountain.

I wrote a novel, but I didn't do it by writing a novel. I did it by writing a word, a paragraph, a page, a chapter, a draft, a final, and now a thousand different versions of a synopsis.

Big things are done with small actions.

When you feel overwhelmed with your big things, step back and see what small step you can take to get you closer to your goal.

So I'm going to make a goal to stop taking my blog so seriously, expecting it to be so established and perfect and professional and I am instead just going to commit to seriously sit down to write my small, imperfect, process driven, document of my daily creative life.

Back

We have arrived.

My brain is still back in Kentucky somewhere. My goals to create while I was in the car were sadly a bit ambitious. I did finish a stuffed animal that I've been procrastinating with for about 2 years.

At some point, I will get myself organized enough to take photos of all the art and crafts that I have been working on the past couple of months. It's not as much as I'd like, but it's something.

For now, where I'm putting my energy (aside from getting the kids registered in school,) is my new studio. 

This is what it looked like after I moved all the boxes from my kids' room into it.

Yipes.

Well, I had to get the kids a place to sleep, that was first on the agenda. Forget that fact that in order to put everything away, I had to get the studio in order, since it will be storage heavy. When we came back down here to Florida, we were also reunited with most of our stuff that has been in storage. I haven't even gotten through all the boxes, but I've already found so many things that are full of memories.

 Half way through. Still moving boxes and tables.

Boxes moved. Tables moved. Shelves moved. Actually thinking I want the stainless desk back on the other side. I have to experiment with it.  I am looking forward to my thrift shopping and yard saling, looking for a desk chair and a cozy armchair to go along with my soon to be desk.

I love thrift shopping. I love yard sales. I also love the art of the curb side find.

Next to the shelving unit, there is a cabinet that I think used to house an old school stereo system but which I used for my art supplies. It has a pretty inlay, but a patch of missing trim. I found it in the alley here in Florida three years ago. I almost put it back out in the alley when I moved away, but decided to hold onto it, and now I'm glad I did.

Because it turns out that my craft cabinet aka travel kitchen, which was another curbside find but in Michigan, fits perfectly on top of the hulking cabinet with the interesting inlay and curved front. Now I have a full service craft cabinet.

Well, that's one little discovery in my studio. It will make me even happier when I've filled it with all my supplies.

I kind of want to get back to work and finish fixing up the rest of my studio. I think it's time to make a space to take my art and my writing seriously. Because I am super behind in nanowrimo and super behind in my 100 in 100 days creative projects.

Sigh.

Well, like I said, back to work.

Flight, Figure It Out, Ambiguous 26-27/100 in 100 Days

Flight
26/100 in 100 Days Creative Challenge
acrylic on paper

I am falling behind in my challenge. I'm afraid that I've bitten off a bit more than I can chew and it's overwhelming me.

It isn't over yet and I'm still working on things and I still have a couple of finished things that I haven't prepared for posting yet and I have a couple of things that I've started and haven't finished yet, but I'm still feeling overwhelmed by everything.

Having a hard time integrating my wishes for things with how to get them all done.

Figure It Out
27/100 in 100 Days Creative Challenge

Heh heh. Maybe that explains this painting. Trying to figure out all the details. Sometimes I'm just trying to figure out all the artistic urges, but more often than not I'm trying to figure out how to make life work, how to balance life and work and art and kids and all.

Ambiguous
28/100 in 100 days creative challenge.

My paintings are making me a bit dizzy. This one reminds me of Vertigo for some reason, or some other Hitchcockian movie. Maybe it's North By Northwest. Falling, flying, running, tripping, surrendering?

Caught between things.

Lets see if art helps me make sense of it all.

To Remember What has Been Forgotten, 14-19/100 in 100 days creative challenge.

 the rain,
acrylic and ink on paper
14/100

I think there is a lesson to be learned in the ways life gets all complicated and messy and stops working, whenever you've actually started something that will get you where you want to go.

I suppose this is the equivalent of rain on your wedding day, or that black fly in your chardonnay.

Now, I'm not saying it's ironic, I'm just saying perhaps there's a lesson to be learned.

For instance, today, when I wanted to post my back log of 100 in 100 days paintings, my blogger stopped working.

All these great intentions coming to naught.

 She thinks of flowers
acrylic on paper
15/100

It has been said that life puts obstacles in your path to see how much you really want your goals and how hard you will work to achieve them.

Hmm.

It's something to think about. Is it worth it to go after that dream? We can all have happy lives living smaller, can't we? Following the beaten track? Loving and being loved, that's a beautiful thing and completely worthwhile.

If you stopped struggling, trying to reach that goal, and just let yourself be happy in the moment, that would be a wonderful thing... so why are you still struggling? Is there something there that is more important to your life than you have admitted to yourself?

 Pattern
acrylic on paper
16/100

I don't know.

Maybe yes, maybe no. But maybe we need to pay attention to the way life keeps repeating itself. Maybe what's important keeps coming up. Maybe those lessons you haven't learned yet, the ones you keep resisting, maybe those keep coming up.

 Harvest
acrylic on paper
16/100

I hope you have enjoyed my abstract collection of thoughts, philosophies and paintings. It's hard to make sense of things sometimes, when they seem to be all over the place, without singular theme. I am liking the blue/orange thing, and the experimentation it allows... although I'm starting to get bored of the color. I think I've gone pretty far with it.

 Forgotten People
acrylic and ink on paper
18/100

This one is my favorite of the recent pieces.

Sometimes I get it right, I hit a nerve, although I never actually know which piece is going to strike a chord with me.

There are a few things I am repeating here. The blue/orange color scheme. The silhouette of a standing figure (also known as grounded girl in my lexicon, although she doesn't look that grounded to me, and she has feet, where grounded girls don't always).  Another repeated theme is the orange dots/circles/flowers or whatever it is they are.

Sometimes the themes repeating seem to resonate with something else and from that resonance comes a deeper meaning. I think this one has it.

the remembering
acrylic on paper
19/100

The next one is clearly following #18. Forgotten People leads to The Remembering. But this one does not resonate as much. Why? What happened? What failed to happen.

Again, I don't know. I don't know where the journey of each piece will lead.

Every bit of life is an experiment. Every bit of life is an adventure.

Perhaps what needs to be learned here is that we have to take life for what it is, the good and the bad, instead of what we think it should be, or what is lacking. Perhaps we need to keep trying, even when what we try doesn't work out so perfectly. Keep going on that journey. Keep looking for the answers.

Inside, Outside, Upside Down, 11-13/100 Days Creative Challenge

 The Other Side of the River
acrylic on paper, 9/10/12
moleskine
012/100 in 100 days creative challenge

Boy, I am having a challenge keeping up with my 100 in 100 days creativity challenge. I was doing really well with the painting/drawing portion, going off on binges of paint and ink, and then...I just got stopped. The chaos of life and necessities of things I have to do and unexpected twists and chores and the paying kind of work and kids and blah.

But I never said this challenge would be easy, or smooth, and while I have gone through periods of painting every night like clockwork, day after day in a routine that kept me productive and creative, that is never a guarantee and sometimes, it's really hard work to get to that point.

I know life can get in the way.

The point is not to do the challenge without ever being challenged, the point is to meet the challenges, and find a way around them.

 Inside (drawing)
ink on recycled menu, 9/10/12
4"x8"
011/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I'm doing a lot of examination of my life and my art I think, trying to figure out where I want to go with it. Trying not to have the answers. I suppose what I am painting now does have more questions than answers. Is more mysterious, less about illustrating a point. I don't know where it is going, but I am trusting myself to be able to continue on in my journey, to be able to handle whatever is thrown at me.

The things that I thought would be easy are not so easy. The things I thought would be the main struggle are not an issue at all.

the light inside
acrylic on paper
8.5"x 5"
013/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I think I am in a blue period, like Picasso's, just by chance, because those are the colors I pulled out of my paint bag, and those are the colors I have been using for the last two weeks.

The last few times I did this challenge, I would pull out three or four different paint tubes and let my nightly painting be inspired by the randomness of the color scheme. I was surprised and delighted by this painting prompt sometimes, and came up with some of my favorite paintings out of it. Of course, sometimes the painting sucked, but that's ok.

This way of going at it, using the same color scheme again and again with different emphasis on the colors, using some similar techniques, using a limited palette, well, I kind of like it. It feels more poetic and less illustrative to me. It goes deeper. I don't mind. I find myself picking up additional paint tubes or media to add to my three tubes of paint. I don't mind that. As an exercise, I like the ability to become fluid within my constraints.

I know a lot of people think that being an artist is about being free and having no boundaries, but I think the truth is, it's often about it's often about looking through that one inch frame and seeing how infinite you can make that tiny space.

Well, I've run out of time. I have to get ready for work. Before I go, I did want to tell you that I have gotten back to my novel. I am up to chapter three in the revision in my first week of working on it. I don't know how quickly it will go or how consistently I can manage it. I've already found it a challenge to get back to it. I guess we'll see if I can manage to juggle my life of kids and work and chaos and painting and writing. Perhaps the painting and writing can give structure to the chaos.  We shall see.

Swept Clean, and a new 100 in 100 Creative Challenge

Swept Clean
acrylic on paper, moleskine notebook
8.5"x 5, 1/100 in 100 days

Good morning and happy September.

I've been struggling with staying on track lately. I've been slacking in my creativity, getting lazy, not being productive when I know I have goals...one of those goals I had was to start a 100 in 100 days of creativity again.

I need to get back into the habit of painting every day. And on this happy new September Day, I've decided I'm just going to go to it and get started, even if I didn't prepare the way or start a movement on pinterest or whatever.

I need to do it for me. And that's what I'm going to do. Perhaps over the next week or so I will post something asking if other people want to join me. I already have the "rules" since I made them years ago when I first started playing this game.

I have been thinking about starting this 100 paintings in 100 days for a while, planning on September 1st as a start date, but I let town fairs and back to school and shopping and kids and cleaning and work all get in the way and just forgot.

Then this morning I remembered. "Oh! Today is September 1st! I wanted to start painting again!" And instead of saying, I can't, I didn't plan. I didn't make a log sheet. I didn't post about it on my blog, I just up and grabbed my paints and my journals and started painting.

And you know what happened?

It felt good.

I don't want to be stopped by what I haven't done right or am not ready for or the long list of to dos I have to take care of every single day of my life. I just want to paint.

And I want to stop saying no.

And I want to stop thinking about the negatives and how hard everything is and how nothing is ready or perfect or how it's all too scary to do everything.

No more "nos". Just "yes". Just "I'll try."

So I'm starting my 100 in 100 creative challenge.

I am going to paint 100 paintings in 100 days. I don't even know what day I will be done on, but I'm going to keep it up and I'm going to commit. Some days, it might be a tiny painting. Some days it might be a rough sketch. Somedays, I might hate it, but I'm going to do it.

Would you like to join me in a creative challenge wherein you create 100 things in 100 days?  Take a look over at the official rules, which are about bending the rules to fit your lifestyle and your creative needs, then leave a comment here, and I'll create a 100 in 100 sidebar of participants.   What the hell! I'll also create a 100 in 100 group board on pinterest and invite you to join so you can pin your challenge. Just leave your pinterest account in the comments.

Are you ready for a challenge? It's scary when you start out, but it's so satisfying. You can do it, you know.

It's In Your Hands (Creating a Creative Practice)

"it's in your hands"

This coming September, when my kids are both in school full time, I am planning to take my creative career more fully in hand.

Truth be told, I've taken a bit of a hiatus.

I've had kid duties and work duties and household duties, and many of my creative duties have fallen by the way side. 

I am looking forward to re-committing to being a serious artist and writer, not just in the off hours when I'm not too exhausted from my long day, or while the kids are playing outside, before they come back in to ask for my attention in 15 minutes.

I'll still be working, and I'll still be taking care of my kids, but there will be more time to focus without distraction or multi tasking or kids every where. I'll be able to focus on my own personal work for at least a couple of hours a day, and for the whole day twice a week! It seems like such a luxury to me now, after all my years of raising infants/babies/toddlers/preschoolers. I am hoping that those years will have taught me how valuable my time is now, and that I shouldn't waste it.

And I'm going to do it.

It's only a few weeks away, but I am starting my process of organizing and planning and psyching myself up and getting the ideas flowing.

I've learned that it helps to psych yourself up before you even start, to plan and set goals for yourself. Like with Nanowrimo. If I think about it months before, I can start dreaming of my story and characters and plots. Then I can do an outline. And I can schedule in work times and write out logs and graphs to keep track of my work.

Really, I should learn from myself and write out my graphs and log books and such. I have plans for reorganizing and prettifying my "studio" which is really more like part of the kitchen, but has turned out to be a good place for me to work in the past, at least part of the time. 

The truth is that being creative is a lot more work than it seems sometimes, because so much goes on under the surface, before creativity happens, while you're staring out the window or in your psyche every minute of the day, even while you're doing other things. 

It often takes more preparation and planning than one would suspect. I often have to almost "go into training"  as I build up my work habits and practice my craft and coax the ideas into being. 

 In one way, this is comforting to me.

Even though I don't feel all that creative right now (particularly after burning out a bit with the craft intensive Harry Potter birthday party) I know that if I take my baby steps, I will soon be ready to get that creative engine going.

In another way, it's kind of exhausting, because I know how much work I have to do and how much I am going to have to commit to the work.

But then, that's exciting too, the idea of being able to commit real time and energy to work after so many years of naptime writing and painting while the kids are watching tv and being satisfied with arts and crafts instead of the larger projects that have been calling to me for the last few years (which I have been putting off.)

I drew this journal entry to remind myself of the work it takes to take your life into your own hands. It often doesn't seem like I am getting anywhere while I am in the middle of the small actions, but when I look back on it, I can see how far I've come and how much I've done.

It reminds me that I have the power to create things, to make life the way I want it, if I am only willing to do the work, commit to the end product, and trust the process.

Oh yes, that trust of the process. It can be very difficult, but it makes a big difference.

Cauldron Cakes, A Harry Potter Treat

When it came time for cake for my son's Harry Potter birthday party, after much exhaustive research, I came upon this recipe. Cauldron Cakes. I loved the idea and that it was relatively easy for such special type results. I of course, had to modify my recipe.

Really, it is just flipping your basic cupcake concept on its head... almost literally. It's just an upside down hollowed out cupcake with some embellishments, but it fits the theme and looks special.

:

Step 1

Make devil's food cupcakes.  

I just used a regular Duncan Hines cupcake mix, but I modified it with a food hack to make box mix taste like bakery cakes which I found, here. Again I modified it. Since this was a devil's food cake mix, I added one extra egg that the directions called for, switched out the oil for melted butter (rather than double the amount, I doubled it by half) then I switched out the water for half milk and half strong coffee. 

So bake the cupcakes according to the directions and when they are cool, take off the cupcake liners and, using a sharp knife, core the cupcake. You do this by cutting out a cone. Hold the knife at an angle pointing towards the center of the cupcake and then cutting into it in a circle. Make sure you go deep enough to leave a nice hole for your cream, but not deep enough to cut through the cake. About half way into the cake is fine.

Step 2

Make your glaze.

1 cup chocolate chips

4 TBS butter.

Melt your butter and chocolate chips over a double boiler, stirring occasionally, until smooth. Take the glaze off the heat.

I had a problem, because my glaze did not turn out smooth. In fact it was thick and lumpy. I think I cooked it at too high a temperature. But since I have been known to make myself a chocolate glaze at night after the kids go to bed, so I could dip apples for a treat, I know how to fix it. I added a splash or two of milk and mixed the glaze smooth and it turned out just fine... if  a little thick. You can also use the liqueur of your choice, cointreau or kahlua is lovely, but since this was for kids, I used just milk. 

You need to let the glaze sit and cool for about five minutes and then, although the recipe says dip the cupcake tops, mine was too thick for that, so I ended up smoothing it on with a spatula in a thin layer. Although it did not look as pretty as the original recipe, it tasted great.

Step 3

Add the chocolate chips for feet.

about 1/2 cup of chocolate chips, or enough choc chips to give each cupcake 3 feet.

Make sure you let the glaze cool a bit (I didn't, and when I tried to put my chocolate feet on it, the glaze melted my chocolate chips. oops.) 

Place three chocolate chips about an inch apart on waxed paper or a silicone mat. Press the chocolate cupcakes, glaze side down, into the chips so the chips can serve as tripod feet. Press gently so the chips stick. 

Step 4

Make the cream. 

I did not use the marshmallow cream found in the original recipe because I am not a fan of marshmallows. I considered using just plain whipped cream (from a can) as a short cut, but at the last minute, I found this recipe for a whipped cream-cream cheese frosting that really made me happy... so that's what I did.

1 small package of cream cheese, room temperature

1.5 cups of powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 pint of whipping cream.

In one bowl, mix your room temperature cream cheese with a mixer on low speed, adding the powdered sugar gradually, until it is light and fluffy. Add the vanilla and mix until incorporated.

In another bowl, mix your whipping cream at high speed, until the whipped cream is stiff and firm. It works best if your cream is very cold.

Fold the whipped cream gently into the cream cheese frosting until it is blended smooth.

Step 5

Fill the cupcakes

Put the cream cheese filling into a pastry bag, or a sandwich bag with the corner clipped off (which is what I did) and squeeze the filling into the hollows of the cupcakes, allowing it to rise out of the top like boiling potion. 

Sprinkle the top with yellow sanding sugar.

Step 6

Add the handle.

Take a handful of licorice sticks. I used black Twizzlers. These turned out to be far too big for my cauldron, so I sliced the twizzlers in half and then again, in half the long way, making them both shorter and thinner. 

For each cupcake, I took the quarter Twizzler and bent it into an upside down U shape. I pressed one end into one side of the opening of the cupcake cauldron, and the other end into the other side of the opening, pressing them in until they stuck.

I tried to find chocolate Twizzlers, as I don't like black licorice, but couldn't. If like me, you don't like licorice, the handles should be discarded before eating, as we don't think licorice is edible. For those strange ones who DO like licorice... well, go ahead and eat it, it's ok if I think you're strange. 

Step 7

Enjoy!

I actually loved the way these cupcakes tasted. The chocolate glaze was fudgy and the cream cheese filling was light and sweet and tangy. I don't know how often I'd make the upside down cauldron, but I would definitely make this combination in regular cupcakes. 

They were great at my Harry Potter party, but I somehow feel that older kids or young adults would enjoy them even more. For links to all the other crafts and tutorials and recipes involved in the Harry Potter party, check out the main post.

DIY Harry Potter Potions Decor

 Harry Potter Potion Ingredients Decor

I have so many things to post now, that it's hard to keep it down to one project per day, but I have to, because they're all big post, many steps, lots of photos kind of projects. All the things I've been working on for the last month are finally being completed. It feels good to cross these off the list. I will probably be posting about the Harry Potter party well into next week. I hope it looks as impressive as the work load. I am very glad that I started so early, though. That helps a lot.

Anyway, lets get down to the tutorial.

This one is pretty easy and almost cost free, if you already have things like recycled bottles, a little glue and paint, a color copier and random ingredients. I used this tutorial for aging bottles and it really served as my jumping off point. She has a label download that is great, but which I didn't use.

 First get some interesting looking, cleaned bottles, with the labels removed. For once, I am glad I don't take the recycling out as often as I should. If you will notice, most of these are cleaned but the two on the top right  have already been treated to look as if they have been sitting in a potions shop for eons. (I used some gold paint and glue with those bottles.)

 Then, you take some paint--whatever colors you think would make them look aged and dusty. I liked the browns for this-- and mix it with some glue or mod podge to make it translucent. Then paint the glue/paint on your bottle. This application is actually a little heavy. Try to paint it a little thinner, because your next step is to blend and smudge it and remove much of the paint so it no longer looks like paint, but rather like the dust and dirt of the ages. I used both a paper towel and my hands to smudge it, rubbing it in random directions to make it look natural.

You don't even need to use paint to age the bottles. Just some white glue will give it a different aged appearance. I wanted all the bottles to look a little different, as if they came from different wizard shops, so I varied the treatment, with different paint colors and heavier or lighter applications. Some bottles already looked antique, with tinted glass or, in the case of one bottle I found in my basement, ACTUAL dust, so I left them.

Oh, and to combat the shiny or printed twist tops for some of my bottles, I just painted the tops with matte black craft paint. I thought about covering them with fabric or trying to find corks to fit many bottles, but in the end, I went the easy way out and just painted the tops. There were enough variations that the black tops kind of faded into the background.

I was also creative with my bottle choice. Not only did I use bottles from my recycling bin, but I also found containers at thrift stores and at least one of the bottles is actually a vase in which I stuck a wine cork. This kind of creativity, looking around the house and seeing what can work for the project is actually the best thing about this endeavor. And is quite necessary, when it comes to the next step.

Filling the potion bottles with potion ingredients.

I am assuming that no one reading this actually has a cupboard full of bat wings and bezoars... so what you need to do is look around your cupboard and find interesting, mysterious or unidentifiable ingredients.  I found ingredients in three places. My kitchen, my garden and my craft cupboard.

A good thing to do is to go into the pantry and look for some of those things I rarely use, like a jar of pearl onions or the stub of a piece of ginger that was dehydrated. I got some ideas for these from pinterest, but after that, I just fudged things.

It almost doesn't matter what you put into the jars. Once you put the labels on, the names you give your ingredients with suggest to the brain what is inside the bottles and they will become magic. It helps if they are less familiar, but say, what if you fill a jar with half milk and half water? Who is to say what the white, milky, semi translucent liquid could be?  Of course, I wouldn't want to leave that out more than a couple hours. 

But that brings us to our next step. Labels!

 Labels

This is a multi step part of the process, too, but it is one that can be useful for more than just one thing, so it's worth it to give it a try.  First I started with my tea/coffee stained paper that I used for my invitations.  It is just copy paper soaked in a combo of tea and coffee and left to dry in the sun.   I took my favorite sheet of stained paper and  I photo copied it on my color copier. On the copy, I took my brown calligraphy pen and drew out some interesting label shapes, creating borders or flourishes on some. I was inspired by this label sheet, which you could just download, actually. But I made my own and then I photocopied that label sheet again. (I did this, because I am planning to use these labels for other parts of the party, like the sweet shop, and I don't want to draw more labels, in the interest of saving time and effort.)

 On the photo copied label sheet, I used my calligraphy pen again to write in various ingredients.  Then I cut out the labels and brushed the back of the labels with watered down white glue (I want to be able to take these labels off some of these bottles) and stuck them onto my bottles. I tried to match the bottle shapes/sizes with the labels, and they mostly fit pretty well.

 Here they are.

I'm particularly proud of the dream fluid. It's such a pretty color and in such a pretty bottle (this one is the vase with cork. I think they look pretty good. And mysterious. So mysterious that I will give you a key to my ingredients.

Veritaserum: some kind of pink lemonade drink that no one in my family actually likes and has been in my refrigerator far too long.

Dream fluid: water with blue food coloring, that's it.

Salamander Scales: pink mica glitter (that container is going back in my craft cupboard just as it is, after the party)

Powdered Unicorn Horn : baking soda

Dragon's Blood: Water with red food coloring

Mummy Finger: dried piece of ginger root

Gillyweed: yard weeds in water with a few drops of green food coloring

Bezoar: garden gravel

Dittany: coffee

Mummified Dung Beetles: dried dates

Bat Eyes (blind): pearl onions

Fairy Dust: mixed color glitter left over from projects for my daughter's birthday in March.

Witch Hazel: I think at this point, the witch hazel is just an empty dark brown beer bottle. I should probably put something in there.

I also am using the meditation jars that I made for my kids months ago. I didn't put labels on them, because I think they are better clean, so that you can actually shake them and look into them and perhaps find a prophecy. Perhaps they shouldn't be in with the potions ingredients at all.

Living This Season As It Is

Working with the kids on papier mache Harry Potter wands.

The summer time is in midswing.

The days are long, stretching into the night. The heat is sweltering. School is out and the kids are home and looking for trouble.

In my mind, I think of summer and a time of relaxation, vacation and the opportunity to really get into projects I want to do.

But the reality is that, as the mother of two still young children, there is no vacation for me in summer.  This is not my vacation, but theirs. I am back on duty as a nearly full time stay at home mom. However my job outside of the home isn't lightened during these times, in fact, this is the busy season for us so my hours are a little longer at that, too.

The problem arises here, when my reality does not live up to my expectations. Just like when you go to a movie, expecting it to be AWESOME and it is just "meh." If you had sat down in the theater without those grand expectations, you would have enjoyed the movie, called it "fun" and been pleasantly surprised. But because you believed it should be something more, something other than what it was, you get cranky, and dissatisfied.

So my summer is like a blockbuster movie that failed to live up to my expectations. I thought I would get back to writing, whip my house into shape, shape up that fabulous Harry Potter party for the boy, paint every day, build my etsy shop into a behemoth, keep my kids from the summer slide and create fabulous games and activities for them every day.

Really... there are still only 24 hours in the day, and there was no way my summer could live up to these grand expectations. Especially since with every goal that I did not meet, I got more and more disgruntled, pouty, even.

This is not the fault of my summer.  The summer is what it is. The kids are running wild and watching far too much tv. I am going to work 5 days a week and coming home 3-6 hours later. The pumpkin seeds we planted are a bust. The kids' reading program plans lost steam, slumping along like summer slide fashion. I have far less time to myself as I am waking up later, since the kids don't need to get to school early and the kids are staying up later with the sun, so that means writing is pretty much out. I can do some creative things while the kids are with me, but I can not get the focus together to really write intensely when the girl wants my attention every 5 minutes and I am refereeing sibling fights every other 5 minutes.

OK.

Well the point of all this is that in order to be productive and enjoy the life that we have, we must accept the season that we are living. This season is summer. It is not the summer of my childhood, with endless days stretching out unmarked (or it isn't for me, that's MY kids' summer.) Nor is it the summer of my teaching days, when my hard work during the year was punctuated by glorious days where I could write and paint and really get down to the work that I had to put aside during the work year.

No, this is the busy mom summer I have. To accept it as THIS summer, means I don't expect it to be the lazy summer of my childhood, or the painting/writing summer of my pre-child days. To accept it as THIS summer means I enjoy making crafts with my kids, or staying up late with them, watching favorite movies from my own child hood (that's right, ET, I'm talking to you). It means researching and experimenting with ideas that will create my son's dream Harry Potter party, even if I think I should go even farther and make it even fancier, even though I am not a professional party planner with unlimited resources and dedicated time. Accepting this summer as it is means letting myself be lazy sometimes, and not expecting constant productivity.

Perhaps it also means letting go of the disappointment that I am not in another season, where I can do each and everything on my dream to do list.

The dream to do list is not about reality, see? So why hold onto it? Why not just accept that this is my season, and the best I can do is to make it the best season it can be, to appreciate it for what it is.

What season are you in right now? Are you accepting it for what it is, or are you wishing for some other summer? Some other springtime or autumn?

Caccio e Pepe with Bucatina (Pasta with cheese and pepper)

Caccio e Pepe with Bucatini


I have recently learned to love this simple and basic pasta recipe.

Apparently it's an Italian classic, but I never knew about it until I read it on some blog.... I don't even remember which one, since it was a while ago, and I've done a little research since on how different people make theirs.

The other day, in the heart of the heat wave, I had a hankering for it, so I suffered through the boiling water and had it served with a few slices of left over cold grilled steak.

It's pretty simple. The original recipe is nothing put pasta, fresh ground pepper, grated grana padano (a type of parmesan) cheese and pasta water, but being me, I fudge a little and figure out how I can make the meal my own. I really enjoyed the addition of the bucatini, which is a delightful long tube shaped pasta that has some heft.

1 lb Pasta (some type of long thin pasta is best)
1 or 2 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4-1/2 cup grated parmesan and/or romano cheese  (I used half parm and half romano)
Freshly ground pepper to taste (do not be afraid of the pepper)
Reserved water from cooking the pasta.

Make the pasta according to the directions on the package. Do not forget to salt the water.

Sautee a couple cloves of diced garlic in olive oil in a large pan. When the pasta is done, strain and reserve the cooking liquid. Add the pasta to the garlic and olive oil.  Add your grated cheese to your pasta and fresh ground pepper to taste. Don't be afraid of the pepper.  Mix it up a bit.  It's a little sticky at this point and perhaps not quite melted. Add some of your pasta water a few ounces at a time, and stir your pasta so the rest of the cheese melts. The cheese and starchy pasta water should blend together to make a creamy sauce.  And there you go, your pasta is done. Yum.

As with all simple foods, this dish will be best with fresh ingredients. Fresh ground pepper. Fresh grated cheese. But I must confess, I have made it with parmesan from a jar and a pre-ground pepper (shhh. don't tell anyone,) and I have still devoured it and licked out the bowl. Well, maybe not literally. I add the garlic and olive oil because I like garlic and olive oil, but you don't need them for this dish. And also, these ingredients are so simple that you are free to adjust measurements purely to your liking. More or less peppery. More or less cheesy. Drier or creamier. Garlic or no garlic. It's up to you.

S thought I should add mushrooms or sausage or cream, and I told him no. The delight of this dish is the simplicity. Sometimes, that's all you want.

Too Hot to Cook Oreo Pudding Pie

Oreo Chocolate Pudding Pie

This Fourth of July, it was too hot to do anything but sit inside, the air conditioning blowing, and watch movie marathons. Ok, I went online for a little while. Shh. Don't tell anyone. 

Whatever is one supposed to do when one wants to have a sweet treat to go with one's grilled steak and corn feast?  One certainly isn't about to turn on the stove, let alone the oven. So one searches the internet to find no cook desserts and then goes to one's pantry to figure out what one has in stock.

Or that's what I did, anyway.

What I finally came up with was this no cook Oreo triple layer pie. Oreos. Instant pudding. Milk. Heavy Cream for whipping. I didn't follow the recipe exactly, I almost never do... but I did notice just now that I put too many cookies into the crust. Whoops. Almost the whole package.  Perhaps that's why the crust crumbled when I took it out of the pan. And I used unsweetened whipped cream instead of koolwhip, which, while it is more labor intensive, I think is actually an improvement on the recipe. It avoids the chemical taste of koolwhip and cuts the sweetness. I didn't add the cookie pieces to the whipped cream, either, because I like the smoothness without the crunch. I also think non instant pudding would be better but I didn't have any, and I wasn't about to turn on the stove to make pudding, either. 

24 oreos (plus more for garnish) food processed into crumbs
1/4 cup butter, melted
2 packages instant chocolate pudding mix
2 1/2 cups milk
1 half pint heavy cream, whipped

Mix oreo crumbs with melted butter and press into bottom and sides of  9" pie pan. Mix pudding according to pie instructions on the box (you know, pour milk into pudding mix and stir until combined.) Spoon half pudding mix into the pie plate and spread out evenly. Add half of the whipped cream to the remaining pudding mix and mix together. Add to pie plate and spread out evenly. Add remaining whipped cream to the top of the pie and spread out evenly. Sprinkle with cookie crumb garnish. Put in the refrigerator to chill/set. (The recipe says four hours, but with the instant pudding, it was definitely ready by the time dinner was finished, about 2 hours.)

If you want, garnish pie with mocha syrup. That was my daughter's idea, and it was really good. This pie is not nearly sweet as you'd expect it to be and is pretty light, although do not imagine that means you can eat another piece and not get a stomach ache. At least that's what happened to me.

Ok, well this isn't one of my recipes and it's a pretty well known one, I guess, but I've never made it, and it was easy, and I do really like the sub of fresh whipped cream. It satisfied my needs and hit the spot, so I'm posting it.

Rich Iced Coffee Treat and Mocha Syrup

This is one of my favorite summer afternoon treats.

It's simple to make, and delicious, and turns a regular day into a celebration.

Take some cold coffee. I make a little extra in the morning and save it for later. Make sure you take it off the burner so that it doesn't get burned. Burned coffee is not a treat. Or you can make one of those fancy cold brewed coffees that I never get around to, because I always have leftover coffee in my coffee maker. (Actually, after reading that tutorial, I really want to try it. I know where to get gallon glass jars.)

Pour your coffee into a glass and add milk or cream to your desired lightness. Or leave it black if that is your taste.

Add ice.

Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Coffee ice cream also works. As does chocolate. Truth is, the pictured coffee has butter pecan ice cream, because that is what I had in the freezer.

Pour on some lovely chocolate syrup. Here is where you want to be careful. I find that regular hersheys syrup is not that good, but dark chocolate hersheys is works well. I also don't like mine too chocolatey so I add just enough for a slight sweetness, but if you wanted yours more mocha, add more chocolate.

I did not use store bought chocolate syrup here. I made my own, because I have been feeling disappointed with store bought varieties. It was very easy and is very delicious. And I added coffee too my syrup because I wanted it to be a bit darker. Here is my chocolate syrup recipe, which is technically, probably a mocha syrup.

Mocha Syrup
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup strong coffee
1 cup white sugar
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla
pinch sea salt

In a heavy sauce pan, heat water, coffee and sugar together over medium heat, stirring frequently, until sugar is dissolved. Simmer for a few minutes. Add cocoa powder a bit at a time, whisking into the sugar syrup until incorporated. Add vanilla and sea salt. Simmer for a few minutes more.

Let cool and pour into a glass jar for storage in the refrigerator.

According to my children, who got to taste the syrup before bed, "Mommy! I will DIE if I don't get more chocolate syrup!" It's that good. Or they're that dramatic. Not sure which.

This is a syrup and does not get thick in the refrigerator, so is always ready to pour onto ice cream or into milk or iced coffee. It is not a chocolate or hot fudge sauce, but thin like a syrup. I think this recipe could stand cutting out the water entirely and making it all coffee. I can't actually taste the coffee in the syrup, as it compliments the stronger chocolate flavor and just gives it a richer taste, rather than a mocha taste. A cup of espresso might make it a powerful mocha flavor. If anyone tries that, I'd love to hear how it works out.

Anyway, enjoy your Friday. Have a chocolate creamy treat for me.

Never Give Up (rainbows and light)

don't give up
acrylic on paper
7x7"

This is something that I have to keep telling myself, on a regular basis.

It's hard to remember when you keep trying and don't always see results right away.

When I painted this, I was thinking about dandelions. Dandelions are irrepressible. They keep going, bright and yellow and full of wishes.

And I wanted to add rainbows, because I'm part of the Optimism Crew *pound pound* rainbows and light. 


O.C. IN DA HOUSE!


(Does that sound ridiculous? It made me laugh pretty hard when I tossed up my jazz fingers gang sign at work yesterday.)

Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Successes

YES champagne charm celebration card

I made this little charm greeting card for a celebration, combining the banner and champagne glass that I painted and cut out a while ago with the golden beads and fishing line, the stamped backdrop and the fancy edge. I even added a gold edging with paint.

I think it's important that we remember to celebrate the moments of our lives. Sometimes they can be small moments, like a success with a new craft project...and sometimes they can be big moments, like a wedding or a new baby. Usually, they're something in the middle.

Butterfly Charm celebration card

Sometimes, I forget to celebrate my successes, and I get wrapped up in the hard work that I still have to do. Or worse, I get wrapped up in the things that DON'T work out, and I forget to celebrate the things that do.

I like the idea of sending cards to people in celebration. It's a little way to make their day special. Maybe we should send cards more often, write letters more often, celebrate people for smaller reasons or life in progress.

"I love what you're doing with your blog!"

"Your son is getting to be so grown and cute. You are a great mom!"

"I'm so proud of you for going for your dreams!"

"You are so brave, no matter what happens. You never give up!"

"Boy oh boy are you a good cook!"

I think I need to send more cards, because I certainly know people who are being brave and trying new things and putting all the daily effort into things that won't see results for years and years.

And I also need to find ways to celebrate my own process, my own small efforts on big journeys. Because I have them, even if I tend to gloss over them and instead just see where I'm falling short. What can a celebration consist of? My daughter always wants birthday candles and sprinkles... I guess there's something to that. My son wants seafood. That's what he wants, shrimp and calamari and mussels. They both like staying up late, popcorn with movies, sparklers, parades and free toys. What do I like? Chocolate, margaritas, cafe dates with myself where I get to write in my journal, sitting on the porch painting, home baked desserts, new books, new art supplies, buying a print from etsy.

I think I need to make a list of all the things I like to do for celebration, and then, when something good happens, I need to pick something from the list and do it.

What are ways that you celebrate your little successes in your daily life? How do you honor the steps forward that you've made?

You Can Ride This Storm

You Can Ride This Storm
acrylic and watercolor on paper
5"x8" journal page

I painted this gray seascape a few days ago. Inspired by a photo I saw on line and memories of being at the beach in Florida and watching those daily storms rolling across the horizon.

I used the wrong paper and the wrong size brush and it really wasn't planned out right, but it wasn't supposed to be a planned out image. It was the feeling of the moment, something I tried to capture. The truth is, I don't always manage to capture what I want to capture. Sometimes I make something else entirely. And then I look at what I have and say to myself, "Self, what can I do with what I have in my hands?"

I don't always know what to do with it. I haven't found a purpose yet or haven't figured out what I want to see. So sometimes I put the things away until I discover what I want to make out of what I have.

Creative Storm

Today, I have a billion and one projects going on and responsibilities and a mess of nerves.

This is my storm today.

I'm going to remember what it feels like to watch that storm coming in, the wind in my face, the smell of ozone and finally the deluge.

And I'm going to remember also that the storm always passes. The calm returns. 

Remember that you can ride this storm, whatever it is.

Life Rules

Life Rules
pen and paper

The other day I was browsing pinterest and stumbled upon some nice handwritten life rules. I didn't pin it because.... I don't know why, and now I can't find it, but it must have stuck with me, because I took out my journal and wrote up my own life rules.

These are the essence of some of the things I have learned over the course of my life. Much of it is about being creative, but frankly, I think it goes for everything. These are the things I have to learn over and over again, the things that get me somewhere and the things I have to remember when I am lost.

But on the plus side, none of these things are terribly hard things, they take a bit of practice and a bit of faith.

This is about living. This is about getting through. This is about enjoying your life. This is about being on the journey with your whole heart.

If I thought about it for a long time, I could probably come up with even more. But this is what fills the page and I am satisfied. So here she is.  Rowena's life rules.

What would your life rules be? It helps to see them written down.

Greeting Cards with Tea Party Charms

 Greeting Card with Tea Pot charm

Now you see what I had in mind with all my little doo dad paintings. I had a request for a couple of cards. Let me tell you, research and development can take a long time.

But then, I love to futz with things and figure out how I can make them work. I like to invent things and create new solutions. And make pretty things, of course.

Greeting Card with Tea Party Charm

I like to think of these as little bits of joy that can be sent in the mail. The little pleasures in life that you can hang up on a wall to remind yourself that it's the little things that make life happy. Or put into a book and used as a book mark.

I'm a little obsessed with books lately, the idea of reading, the adventure of stories, the mystery of a new novel, the education in a non fiction book.

I suppose it's today's kick off festival for the library summer reading program, or maybe it's because my son is becoming a reader and I am reliving my youth as an avid reader.

Maybe I'll turn the rest of my little doo-dads that I painted into book marks. Goodness knows, between my own reading and my kids', I'm reading enough books right now to need more book marks. I mean, receipts and scrap paper will do the trick, but it's nice to have something pretty to put between the pages, just another pleasant thing about reading.

Hooray for Summer!

 Hooray for Summer!

We're getting really excited over here for summer. Hoping for long days and green shadows, sprinklers and popsicles, projects and adventures.

Tomorrow is the last day of school and the kick off for the library reading program, with games and crafts and prizes and lots of fun down town. I think that's why I whipped together this little package of joy.

It's a book (vintage, which I was planning on using for a craft project) wrapped in brown paper, which I love and can't help wrapping everything in as I sing Favorite Things. Then I decorated it with some little flags I made and the "hooray!" banner. Those are little illustrations that I already posted about, so I'm kind of pleased that I figured out something to do with them.

That's what summer feels like to me. A wrapped present, a celebration, a mystery, and the possibility of adventure... because to me, a book is always an adventure. I guess you know what kind of gal I am.

We've already started on the summer preparations, since the girl has been out of school for a while. This is her lilac bush tent/fort/hideout. 

 She's giving the thumbs up.

And this was the beginning of a play, put on with a neighbor, who is the one who had the brilliant idea to dress up in costumes. Somehow costumes always make things seem to be more of an event.

As for me, I'm getting together a summer bucket list of activities and adventures to go on. I've been spending some time on planning the kids portion of the summer, because the end of school is so near, but underneath that is my personal bucket list, pushing at the mom.

I've got some things I need to do. And I've got to figure out a way to get those things done when I've got two rambunctious kids around all day and a part time job as well.

What have you done to fit your passions into a full life with work and kids? Any tips on incorporating summer break into your personal work?