tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98600462024-03-13T11:07:31.236-04:00Warrior Girl- Rowena MurilloRowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.comBlogger987125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-14097111879167723322017-11-02T11:13:00.000-04:002017-11-02T11:13:22.327-04:00Writing Process: The Tortoise and the Hare (I'm both)<div class="post_title" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: Gibson, "Helvetica Neue", HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 47px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; outline: none 0px; padding: 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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I had a good day writing yesterday. 2806 words by the time I shut the computer at 10 pm. It’s pretty common for me to have a good day on the first day of nanowrimo, before the long slog sets in, while i’m still excited and have the ideas fresh in my mind.</div>
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I’m writing my sequel for nanowrimo, but as a nano rebel, I’m actually also using this time to write the ending of the last novel (which I stalled on about three months ago) and allowing the momentum to carry me through into the next book. And I’ve spent 3 months not writing that story.</div>
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I was very frustrated coming to the end of that story, and couldn’t finish. But I’ve been thinking about it, ever since then. I’ve been mulling it over. I’ve been reading it over. I’ve been getting ideas for how to finish.</div>
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But even with the ideas, I did not write them. I waited. I let them percolate. Along with the idea on how to finish, I got the sudden inspiration to write the sequel for nano, just last month. I’d been planning to skip nano this year. So I wrote some outline notes (very sketchy) and continued to wait without writing. I call this the “hushing and holding” phase. Or “fallow period.” </div>
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It’s silent, but it’s growing. </div>
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Part of my writing process… perhaps THE writing process, I’m not sure if it’s necessary for everyone or just many of us… is NOT writing. I require times of silence and contemplation. Sometimes before I have a story. Sometimes when my story is going well and I just need to go deep. Sometimes when I am stuck and need to work out tangles that my conscious, actively writing mind can’t figure out. </div>
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I almost feel bad having such a good day for nanowrimo, because I know not everyone does, andI don’t want to make the slower paced writers feel like they are doing it wrong. Because they’re not. </div>
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There are many different writing processes, and going slow and steady is just as valid as writing binges where the word count is racked up. Writing fast and furious without the internal editor is just as valid as writing carefully and slowly and choosing the exact words as you go. Even with someone who DOES write fast, like me, I go through periods in my writing process where there is no writing. Or the words come slowly. Or I’m all about planning. Or I’m all about revision. Or I have to skip around from story to story. Or I’m writing non fiction. Or I’m drawing. </div>
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My three months of non-writing or slow writing are just as valuable as the times when I binge on 50k in a month. And to be honest, forcing myself to write TOO MUCH is not good for my long term writing process. I write better when I write a little bit more slowly. Nanowrimo pushes the outer edges of my comfortable writing pace (about 1200 words a day according to this past year which I am quite pleased about.) No matter how much of an adrenaline rush I might get from hitting 5k in a day, it is generally not sustainable and if I push for it, can lead to a full stop on my writing process. And no matter how disappointed I might feel on those days when my word count is only in the hundreds, that slower pace is still moving me forward.</div>
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So here’s the thing. Stop comparing yourself to other writers. Stop seeing what they did and looking at your process as wrong. If you wrote. You wrote. And those words add up. If you only had time to write in 15 minutes sessions, those bits add up. If you wrote 90 minutes in the morning and none at all after. That adds up. If you had to work and couldn’t hit your word count, recognize that your life might not look like other people’s lives, and you might have more time and focus on the weekends, where you get to catch up. If you write better with other people around. Go to a cafe. If you write better alone, hole up in your room with your computer under the cover. If you’re not doing nano at all because the pressure and competition doesn’t work for you… DON’T DO IT. Screw competing. Unless competing really gets your juices flowing THEN COMPETE. Try to beat someone’s word count. IDC. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.</div>
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Here’s the trick… you have to write in order to figure out what’s good for you, though. So do your writing. Do nano or don’t. Don’t feel bad about not being like other people, instead, look at the ways you’re not like other people and say, okay that doesn’t work for me BUT THIS DOES, so I’m going to do THIS like me, not THAT like you, because this is my process, not yours. </div>
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find this post <a href="https://rosy-writes.tumblr.com/post/167050791113/writing-process-the-tortoise-and-the-hare-im" target="_blank">here,</a> on my writing tumblr</div>
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Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-61794407026300485082015-11-03T09:23:00.000-05:002015-11-03T09:23:27.064-05:00Nanowrimo and Parenting or Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Again, by Rowena Murillo</td></tr>
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The first time I did nano, I had a one year old and I was pregnant with my second. I went through the infant stages, the toddler stages, preschooler, kindergartner, early elementary and now the mid grade years. Every year, I managed to keep them alive and fed and relatively clean and happy. Nine years later and I have attempted nano every year and only failed the year I also moved cross country in November.<br />
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The thing about nanowrimo is that life never gets out of the way for it. Every year, it's the holidays. Every year, there are technical difficulties with family and work and living and health and relationships and money and time. Every single year. I've moved in November, twice. Last year I got separated in November. I've struggled with the flu. I've needed to find a new job.<br />
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The other thing about nanowrimo is that if you keep going, if you keep putting one word down after the other, if you keep giving yourself 15 minutes, half an hour, nap time, the minutes while the chicken is baking, an afternoon while grandma babysits, an hour after the kids go down for the night, if you keep giving yourself that time to write and you actually do it, you will succeed.<br />
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Make the time. Keep writing. Don't judge yourself. Don't edit. Sit down and write. Find the time. Commit. Just do it. Write. In little bits and drabbles or in long bingeing periods where you forget to eat and neglect your kids (actually don't neglect your kids, just pawn them off on someone else) just keep writing.<br />
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Nanowrimo tells me that over the course of the last 9 years, I have written over half a million words during nanowrimo. That's right. 500,000 words. And that's not counting the work I've done outside of November, the new work, the research, the outlining, the editing, the revising. I actually have one full, finished final manuscript that I am sending out to agents. And I have become a much better writer for all the effort.<br />
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As parents, we might not have as much free time as other nanowrimo participants. We might have more responsibilities and sticky handed time bandits, but we also know what matters in life. We know what matters to us. We know that if we want something, we have to take care of it.<br />
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So the first question to ask yourself at the beginning of nanowrimo is this: how much do you want it?<br />
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The second question to ask is what will you to do take care of it?Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-56661769293951698442015-10-05T09:39:00.002-04:002015-10-05T09:39:33.873-04:00How To Reappear<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How To Reappear: Listen To Your Heart Beating, by Rowena Murillo</td></tr>
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<br />
The process of coming back from a fallow creative period can be very difficult.<br />
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Uhm, like, REALLY difficult.<br />
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I think we do a lot of self flagellation over not being able to create. Hand wringing, hair pulling, shirt rending. Metaphorically, I hope.<br />
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If you're an artist, shouldn't it be EASY to create? Shouldn't it come naturally? Shouldn't it be something you want to do and like doing? Shouldn't it be fun?<br />
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Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It should.<br />
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Except for when it isn't. Because sometimes creating is hard and it's like pulling teeth and you want to avoid it because it is facing things you really don't want to confront and it's not fun at all because, goshdarnit, it is hard work! And that is just as it should be, too.<br />
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So, yeah. I've been in a deep creative funk, at this point for a couple of years. I'm always trying to get it back, I'm often doing projects and writing novels and snapping photos and writing in my journal and taking workshops and doing challenges and these are all good ways to get your mojo back, but in some ways, I've lost my direction.<br />
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At some point, I have to pull all my little projects together and make it mean something. Something for myself, give it a purpose.<br />
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But what happens if I don't know what purpose I want to have?<br />
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I wonder, maybe, if this is the reason for my creative slump.<br />
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Maybe instead of spending my time with figuring out what projects I want to do, or how I want to do them or when I have time to squeeze them in, perhaps I need to spend some time working on WHY I want to be creative.<br />
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Why? What is my purpose? What fills my life with meaning? What is that something that keeps me going?<br />
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Another problem.<br />
<br />
How the heck are you supposed to figure out that?<br />
<br />
To answer that, I refer back to the drawing. Follow the things you love. Follow the things that fill your heart with gladness. Follow the things that make your heart say "yes." Just keep following them.<br />
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Take real steps to make those things a part of your life. Find the "yes," say "yes" to it. Do. Don't imagine it, don't say "oh that's really nice, I should try that, what's playing on netflix?" (btdt)<br />
<br />
Do.<br />
<br />
Create.<br />
<br />Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-24184842038787173382015-05-11T13:29:00.000-04:002015-05-11T13:29:08.724-04:00Big Things Are Done With Small Actions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hi all.<br />
I have committed the fatal creative error of grandiose dreams.<br />
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When I fell off my blog, I kept wanting to come back bigger and better than ever. I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence when I stopped blogging just as I hit one thousand blog posts.<br />
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All of a sudden, I felt like everything should be much bigger than it was. And when I stopped blogging I thought I should come back with everything revamped, a new website, new goals, new everything and all better than I had been doing it before.<br />
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But the truth is that I got to 1000 blog posts because something about my blogging worked for me. My blog has always been a blog about process. It has always been casual and immediate and about sitting down every day to create and to document my creativity.<br />
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So here I am. Coming back. Hoping to stay back. Hoping that by returning to something that was an effective part of a successful creative process, I can make it work. Once again.<br />
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The thing about creating is that you can't do big things. All big things are made up of small things. You can't climb a mountain, you can only reach one handhold, then the next, then the next, and keep going until you have climbed that mountain.<br />
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I wrote a novel, but I didn't do it by writing a novel. I did it by writing a word, a paragraph, a page, a chapter, a draft, a final, and now a thousand different versions of a synopsis.<br />
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Big things are done with small actions.<br />
<br />When you feel overwhelmed with your big things, step back and see what small step you can take to get you closer to your goal.<br />
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So I'm going to make a goal to stop taking my blog so seriously, expecting it to be so established and perfect and professional and I am instead just going to commit to seriously sit down to write my small, imperfect, process driven, document of my daily creative life.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-32193894308953037092013-11-07T13:05:00.002-05:002013-11-07T13:05:24.571-05:00Shooting in the Dark<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Shooting in the Dark<br />
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One night, past sundown, I was sitting in a lovely little waterside bar, with my new camera beside me. I had missed the sunset, arriving just a bit too late. It was getting darker and there wasn't much to see.<br />
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My plans for capturing the sunset had failed, but I said to myself, "self, what do you have to lose?" And I picked up the camera and took a picture. Even though it was too dark to really see. Even though I'd tried dark shoots with my old, crappy camera, and it was always a crap shoot.<br />
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And then I looked at the picture I had just taken.<br />
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Water!<br />
Egrets!<br />
Boat!<br />
Pilings!<br />
Nature Preserve!<br />
Deep blue with just a touch of pink!<br />
<br />
Now, I am not a professional photographer. I just like to play with pictures and capture pretty things. I consider it a hobby and a tool, and myself an amateur. I couldn't tell you why this camera takes such better pictures although my uncle the photographer tried to explain it to me. I can't explain anything about apertures or shutter settings. I forgot that after my long ago high school photography class. I am relieved to not have to deal with developing or chemicals or any of that stuff from the last generation. I just like to be able to play.<br />
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And I can also recognize when an image sizzles.<br />
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Here's the lesson I learned.<br />
<br />Take the chance. Even when you are not sure what might come out, what the results might be. Even when you feel like you don't know what you're doing and you have missed your opportunity. You have nothing to lose. Take the chance. Even though you feel like you are going blind and don't understand anything, trust yourself and take the chance.<br />
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It might not end up like what you expected.<br />
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It might be better.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-82933568413899750722013-10-31T11:07:00.000-04:002013-10-31T11:08:14.175-04:00Ideas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4xl-tkVQwYs/UnJvJd4W_9I/AAAAAAAAFcI/GQguEADvKQI/s1600/PA200124.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4xl-tkVQwYs/UnJvJd4W_9I/AAAAAAAAFcI/GQguEADvKQI/s640/PA200124.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<br />
It is the end of October and tomorrow is the first day of November, the first day of Nanowrimo.<br />
<br />
My mind is awhirl with ideas.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow starts the month when I put my ideas down on paper and attempt to make something concrete out of them.<br />
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It's a scary thing, often, making your ideas real. Sometimes it feels much better to keep your ideas in the realm of the maybe, to not put them down on paper, to not show them, to not turn them into something real.<br />
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The thing is, ideas can be wonderful and great and genius and perfect, but once you put them down on paper to make them real, they will be real in their flaws, lumps, awkwardness, and imperfection. Before you put them down, when that page is blank and full of nothing but potential and possibility, your hopes of what might be can get so big and important that it's too frightening to write them down and expose them.<br />
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Because reality is never perfect, and genius may start with a genius idea, but to make it real, it takes an awful lot of work and pruning and revising. It is so much better to put that flawed idea, that uncertain attempt, that maybe down on paper than it is to sit with the flawless, intangible idea floating around in your brain.<br />
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Put it out there. Try it out. See what happens when the floating idea lands on the page and inspires a second idea, and then a third. Or maybe it turns out to be a bad idea that doesn't go anywhere. In that case, scrap that idea and move on to the next. Just make sure whatever it is, you commit to those ideas, you make those ideas real.<br />
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<br />Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-83427859005924139982013-10-26T13:36:00.002-04:002013-10-26T13:36:59.681-04:00Get Ready for Nanowrimo with a Mock Up of Your Book Cover<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Subterranean</div>
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In preparation for beginning <a href="http://nanowrimo.org/dashboard">nanowrimo</a> in November, I created a mock up of the front cover of the novel I am hoping to write.</div>
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It is actually quite surprising how creating the cover of your novel can help you focus on the book you are going to write, it almost makes it real, whereas before, it was just a nice idea and a bunch of words all mashed up in some order you're not quite sure of yet.</div>
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I suggest this as an exercise for anyone tackling a big book project, whether in<a href="http://nanowrimo.org/dashboard"> nanowrimo</a> or on your own. I did this once before for the novel I was revising, and it really gave me the push to see it all the way through.</div>
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Some suggestions for how to get this mock up going.</div>
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1. Take a look at some of your favorite book covers and look at how these books convey the mood and characters and story of the books. Start getting some ideas of what you'd like your book cover to look like. For some inspiration, I have pinterest collections of <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/rowenamurillo/art-and-illustration/">illustrations</a>, and more<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/rowenamurillo/art-and-letters/"> text based illustrations</a>. Notice that the illustrations can be anywhere from super elaborate to very simple, multiple colors or black and white, perfect and precise to scrawled graffiti. </div>
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2. Pick a medium that you are comfortable with. Remember, you are not actually trying to be a book illustrator, you are just trying to make your book real to you. It's okay if you are not a great artist. If you like taking photos, try using one of your photos as the main image. Use magazines and collage images that convey a sense of the story. Perhaps your book cover is just color block, patterns or words. If you know photoshop or computer graphics or like cool computer fonts, use that. I generally hand draw all that</div>
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3. Take out a piece of paper and divide it into 6 or 8 book cover shaped rectangles. Sketch a few ideas on this paper, one per rectangle. Think about different main images, colors, where the text goes. Try rearranging the main elements for the best effect. Leave space on the image to put your book title, author and any other text. Sketch out the title so you know how much room you'll need to make it all fit. Pay attention to the space around your images, the negative space, so nothing is too squooshed or unbalanced (unless that's part of your design.) After I did it, I noticed that my lettering is a little unbalanced, but you know what? It's not that bad, and this is just a mock up. It's good practice for nanowrimo to not worry about being perfect. Practice letting go of your internal editor. I'll be honest, I skipped this step when I did my own mock up and went straight to step 4.</div>
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4. Take out a larger piece of paper and sketch out the placement of your images lightly, just so you know where it all goes on your paper. Oh, I suppose if you're working on the computer do whatever it is the computer wants you to do. The point is, try out your final arrangement. </div>
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5. Now go at it and make your image, paint, draw, collage, photo edit. Don't be too obsessive about getting it perfect. You only have a few days left before you have to start writing, so don't spend all that time on this. This is an exercise for your writing.</div>
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6. Don't forget to display your new book cover mockup so that you can be inspired by it while you are writing. Upload it to your novel page on nanowrimo. It feels good to have it on your profile.</div>
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I am specifically not giving advice on how to do graphics or art techniques, because the point is not to get all wrapped up in the hows of the craft, but to help you with your planning and drafting and writing. And to play. This is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun, scrap it. Find a better exercise for you, your personality and your creativity.</div>
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Perhaps it would work better for you to write the back copy of your novel... those few paragraphs that you would read if you picked up your novel in a book store and wanted to find out what it was about. Do that instead. Or do that also. Just have fun, and focus on the story you want to tell. Woo hoo, November is almost here!</div>
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Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-50852657933203815152013-10-25T12:10:00.000-04:002013-10-25T12:10:11.538-04:00I May Wander But I Am Not Lost, Turning Failures into Something New<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2pdFTlgRIok/UmqRQU5l8XI/AAAAAAAAFbo/Yjc7xdN-STE/s1600/PA200148.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2pdFTlgRIok/UmqRQU5l8XI/AAAAAAAAFbo/Yjc7xdN-STE/s640/PA200148.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Sometimes, when I am printing up one of my paintings that someone ordered, something will go wrong. The ink will splotch or an unnoticed spot will appear or the colors will be off or I tried to use the wrong paper or something will smudge or the printer will break down or it just won't be right.<br />
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I won't send those prints out. I will stick them in a box and pray the next print comes out. Every once in a while, that one doesn't, or the next one doesn't. So every once in a while, I go through my boxes and files of failures and look for something that I can take and do something with, make something of.<br />
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I had a whole series of prints where the color was off. I finally just took them out and chopped them up into little bookmarks. This is one. You can see the tip of a flying girl's foot right above the 'wander.'<br />
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I thought this was a kind of fitting metaphor for life, and a good illustration of Tolkien's quote.<br />
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I wander from my path. I fail in my endeavors. I get lost in the details or in the living. Then I unpack all my mistakes, and see what I have learned, how I have grown, what I can make from my failures.<br />
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Interestingly, I'm doing the same thing with writing. I'm doing Nanowrimo in a few days where I will write 50k words in a new novel in the month of November. I've done nano for the last 7 years. I dropped out last year because life was just in too much upheaval, but even the two years before that, where I met my wordcount goal, I wrote stories that were failures as stories. The first of those stories didn't work, so I tried again the next year, and that one didn't work either.<br />
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They wandered. They wandered terribly into places that didn't make sense and didn't seem to get me where I needed to go, narratively speaking. I explored paths the story wasn't ready to take, and so the "novels" I wrote never went anywhere. That would be 100k words of a novel that wandered, without ever getting where it needed to go.<br />
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So here I am again, getting ready to write that novel that I failed at twice before. Unpacking those hundred thousand words, reading them, salvaging what I could.<br />
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And I chopped that sucker up, just like the bookmark. My new outline starts with the one scene that worked in the first novelistic failure.The same scene that I started again with the second novelistic failure. After reading both drafts, I realize that my second draft improved greatly on the first draft of the scene, so I got ONE thing out of rewriting it twice.<br />
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My new outline for this twice attempted book is taking an entirely different direction. The book, while it has the same characters and basic premise, will have an entirely different flavor. I believe it will be richer and smarter and darker. It will mean more.<br />
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Because the thing is, I have learned things over these last three years of failed noveling that have actually gotten me past the struggle I was having with writing the new story. Some of those lessons are about writing and character and plot, but some of those things are about myself, living, love, fear and pain.<br />
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I am very optimistic about my writing for this nano, and about the story I am going to tell. Is it because this time I put my energy into planning and outlining instead of winging it like I tried for the last three years? Quite possibly. Or is it because in my wanderings I have grown and am now ready to write the story that needs to be written? Maybe that, too. I may wander, but I am not lost.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-29340573706068933382013-10-23T09:07:00.000-04:002013-10-23T09:10:17.979-04:00Write. Just Do It.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1OQLRb2IqjA/UmfDoQAv-QI/AAAAAAAAFbY/F7sIwAdcygo/s1600/PA080034.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1OQLRb2IqjA/UmfDoQAv-QI/AAAAAAAAFbY/F7sIwAdcygo/s640/PA080034.JPG" width="472" /></a></div>
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Write, or Pink Smith Corona</div>
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To reach your dream, you have to make a commitment, a real, solid, painful commitment, much like a marriage. It's a better or worse kind of scenario. It's the kind of commitment where you forsake all others, and give up other things to stay true to the dream. If for instance, you dream of being a writer, you may think only of the wild and alive story that you have brought into the world, the glories of publishing, the swagger of being that writer with the pen in hand and the journal, sitting at the cafe like some Parisian bohemian, drinking strong black coffee and pouring his soul out onto the page. But being a writer is often a lot uglier than that. It's struggling with the days when the words don't come. It's a deadly dull day job or grinding financial struggle. It's rejection letters. It's fear and insecurity. It's isolating. It's the hundreds of pages that you have to delete because you were just going down the wrong track. It's your laptop dying when you didn't save, when you had finally figured it out, and were *that* close to the masterpiece of your dreams. It's that moment when you say, "Forget it. I give up. It's too hard."</div>
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A lot of the time, when we think about our dreams, we only see the hilights, the pretty pictures, the golden light streaming through the windows and the joy of achieving what you have worked for all that time.</div>
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But the truth is, dreams are hard work and they have shadows, too. They are full of struggles, confusion, failure, drudgery, dust bunnies, neglected children, neglected health, being broke, lonely days, detours, breakdowns of many varieties, long stretches of silence, block and giving up.</div>
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But if this dream is really your dream, if you love the journey, not just the idea of accomplishment, if you love the work, then trust yourself, trust that when you come back, your dream will be waiting for you and you can climb your way back onto the path. But, it's hard. Don't think it will be easy. If you really want this, and you have lost your way, you will have to claw your way back, regain the ground that you lost inch by inch. But believe in your dream and believe in yourself, because it's that belief that makes the dream possible, even when it seems like it isn't.</div>
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PS This is my 1000th post. I think that is why I've had such a bloggers block this year. I knew this momentous post was coming up and I wanted to make it a landmark, important. I made the stakes too high and it kept me from writing. One Thousand blog posts. ONE THOUSAND. Even thinking about it kind of blows my mind. So perhaps, instead of making this a special post, I will just quietly go back to writing my blog, one post at a time, the way I wrote every one of those thousand entries, without trying to make it momentous. Maybe I'll reward myself with a new sweater. Or a cake. Cake is good.</div>
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PPS I'm also doing nanowrimo this year. Is anyone else taking the challenge? I am rosymamacita over on <a href="http://nanowrimo.org/dashboard">nanowrimo</a> if you want to buddy up.</div>
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PPPS I have prints of <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/165344490/write-or-pink-smith-corona-by-rowena?ref=shop_home_active">Write or Pink Smith Corona</a> up for sale in my <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/rowenamurillo?ref=si_shop">shop</a>. You notice it says "Write" not, "Hey, why don't you think about writing and avoid the blank page until you are absolutely 100% sure you have it all perfectly down and will not make any mistakes and really really know what you're doing and are totally confident and the circumstances are just perfect and you're not tired or stressed out or don't have to go deep clean the kitchen." Just write. Do it.</div>
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PPPPS Yay me for sitting down and writing this blog entry instead of just thinking about it for more weeks on end. </div>
Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-22794274931745799412013-09-18T15:23:00.000-04:002013-09-18T15:43:50.255-04:00Reintegration and finding yourself not lost<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bpFW-B3qHiA/UjnmDPyMnoI/AAAAAAAAFaQ/zbsjzd9gvpw/s1600/P5100003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bpFW-B3qHiA/UjnmDPyMnoI/AAAAAAAAFaQ/zbsjzd9gvpw/s640/P5100003.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reintegration by Rowena Murillo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There are times on our journey where we might find ourselves lost.<br />
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The answers that we are accustomed to do not address the questions that we are being asked.<br />
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We might find ourselves confused, and aimless, at a loss.<br />
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What now?<br />
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Here's something that I have learned over my long journey.<br />
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These times of crisis are not a failure, they are part of the process.<br />
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The important questions will be asked again. The important answers will have meaning again. And the important paths are the ones we are still walking, even though the signposts no longer show us the way.<br />
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Keep going.<br />
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You will find yourself again.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-62547574012271820082013-04-23T15:39:00.000-04:002013-04-23T15:39:22.872-04:00In Which The Psyche Throws A Temper Tantrum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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YES (nononononononono...)<br />
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I've been thinking about this post for a while. And each time I think about it, I don't do it.<br />
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It's about resistance.<br />
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We've decided that we are going to do something. We are going to change our lives. We're going to reach for our goals. We're going to go for that thing that we've always wanted but haven't been able to do and then, we say YES, now it's time for me to achieve.<br />
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And we make our goals and set up our tasks and shoot for the stars.<br />
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And then we come upon the resistance.<br />
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We choose not to sit down and write. Or we pick up that bag of cookies. Or we turn on the tv instead of making those phone calls... whatever it is.<br />
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Part of this process of changing our lives and taking action on our dreams is facing resistance.<br />
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When we make our commitments, the little angry, scaredy cat inside of us all of a sudden gets really loud and demanding. It doesn't like the idea that it is losing power. The 'no's get louder. The 'yes'es get overwhelmed. It finds its ways to be the center of our attention, to stop the forward momentum that will leave it behind, to be in control of your life.<br />
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And this is part of the process.<br />
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We all face resistance. We all back slide. We all have roadblocks of our own device. We all have fears and anxieties that flare up and take over like a toddler.<br />
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It's okay. You don't have to let the the resistance win.<br />
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When my kids have a temper tantrum, I tell them that it's okay for them to feel their upset, to be angry or afraid or hurt, I tell them that their feelings about things are valid, but it is not okay for them to take out their upset on other people, or use that upset to control the family. I send them to their room to feel their anger. I sit with them and talk to them about it. I ask them if they're ready to move on. I talk to them about what they could be doing now if they weren't having a temper tantrum. I ask them what they'd really like to be doing. And when they are done being upset, they come out of their room and we move on with our day.<br />
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That's a child. Your own resistance is something different.<br />
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Breathe through it. Relax into it. Accept that your fears and anxieties are valid feelings, but may not reflect the reality of the situation. Acknowledge the resistance. Recognize that this is part of our defense mechanism that has served to protect us. It may not be what we need right now to move forward, so pay attention to the voices that are resisting your forward movement. Thank them for protecting you. And then tell them that you don't need them right now, you are quite safe already and are intent on moving forward with your goals.<br />
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And then do so.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-7428446062441456242013-04-22T11:39:00.000-04:002013-04-22T11:39:53.063-04:00Today Is A Day To Honor Who You Are, or Self Portrait With Eyes Closed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Self Portrait: Eyes Closed<br />
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One of the things we can forget to do when we try to step out into our dreams, is to remember who we are. It's so easy to look at all the wonderful things that are out there, the beautiful paintings, the beautiful people, the talented folks, the successful business people, the brave and exciting and important paths that people take and think, "Oh, that is just not me."<br />
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We compare ourselves to everyone else and decide that we are lacking. They have it. We don't.<br />
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It's so easy to do. So easy to focus on the negative and the flaws.<br />
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So today, I'm going to look at myself as if I weren't me, as if I wasn't privy to all the fears and failures and missteps and dead ends that I've gotten caught up in. I'm going to look at only my own beauty and talent and success and bravery and adventures and contributions to the world.<br />
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I'm going to make a list of the things I am good at, the things I know how to do, the things I can speak with authority on. I'm going to list my successes, because for all my failures in life, I've had successes, too, we all have. I'm going to focus, today, on who I am as a positive force in the world. What I can give. The effect I have had. I am going to focus on my own power.<br />
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Try it yourself. Try making a list of all your strengths... without adding caveats and exceptions and 'buts' and trying to convince yourself that you're not that good. Write out the ways you are wonderful and beautiful and strong. Take stock of your own strength and power and abilities. Every time those negative voices come up, tell them, 'thanks for sharing, but we're only looking for positive qualities now.' Ignore the negative and move on to the next positive.<br />
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It takes practice to look at the positive aspects of yourself without that negative voice, without the pessimism and doubts and fears. So practice. Answer that internal 'I suck' voice with a new internal 'I rock' voice... even if you don't believe it at first. Keep focusing on your own greatness, and sooner or later, you might even start believing it.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-71993885447851840512013-04-15T14:36:00.000-04:002013-04-15T14:36:53.052-04:00How To Get Creative 1-25, and Work In Progress<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Work In Progress (dream catcher)<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
8.5x11<br />
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After a life of being creative, I think I've learned a few things. One of those things is that we are always starting over. We're always going through endings. We're always going through transformation. And we're always beginning again.<br />
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This is the process. Fighting it doesn't help, it just makes us feel guilty. Trusting the process means that we believe things will turn around, eventually. It gives us hope.<br />
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So in this period of starting over again (where did my creativity go? where?) I am going to make a list. I like lists.<br />
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How To Get Creative<br />
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1. Start something.<br />
2. Turn on the music and dance.<br />
3. Take a camera and go take pictures of something.<br />
4. Read an old journal.<br />
5. Go to a museum or gallery or show or concert.<br />
6. Talk to someone creative.<br />
7. Watch a documentary about something you care about.<br />
8. Divide a page into four sections. Fill each section with a different drawing, painting, poem, story, song.<br />
9. Sing a song.<br />
10. Play with clay. Create a tiny sculpture. Display it proudly.<br />
11. Take out your old portfolio, mss, tapes, or other creative work, and look at it as if you'd never seen it before.<br />
12. Climb a tree. Take a minute and pay attention to the view from up there.<br />
13. Climb under a table. Take a minute and pay attention to the view from down there.<br />
14. Cry unashamedly.<br />
15. Take a shower and plan a great story/painting/dance routine/song while the water is running.<br />
17. Freewrite in your journal for fifteen minuets without stopping.<br />
18. Make something with a child.<br />
19. Read your favorite author.<br />
20. Write out 100 great words on little slips of paper. Fold the words and put them in a jar. Shake and pull a word or two. Create something based on those words.<br />
21. Make a commitment to create something every day for one week, no matter how small.<br />
22. Set an alarm for 15 minutes and be creative until that alarm goes off, no excuses and no stopping.<br />
23. Join a class, group, workshop, community, blog party, organization, etc of like minded, creative beings.<br />
24. Clean up your creative space.<br />
25. Write a list of ways to be creative.<br />
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Seeing that I like lists, and since this is a process and there are a million ways to be creative, I just might come back and add to this list.<br />
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Add a comment and share your tricks to getting your creative juices flowing.<br />
<br />Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-46153223413525598402013-02-07T16:17:00.002-05:002013-02-07T16:17:35.696-05:00Look Out Now or Flying Girl Makes It Through The Storm<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Look Out Now, or Flying Girl Makes It Through The Storm<br />
Pencil, Ink and Acrylic paint on vintage Alice in Wonderland book page<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">7 1/4" x 4 3/4" on 8 1/2"x 11"</span><br />
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This is my first flying girl in quite some time.<br />
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I'm not sure what the lesson here is, unless it's about learning how to breathe again after being buffeted about by the winds of fate.<br />
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Or perhaps remembering the lessons that I have already learned.<br />
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Or perhaps life is guaranteed to knock you around a bit, but if you manage to come out the other side, it is a lesson, not the doom that it felt like when you were caught in the middle of it.<br />
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That sounds suspiciously like "this too shall pass," but that's ok since that's one of my favorite old sayings.<br />
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Maybe the wisdom of getting older is learning to hunker down and wait it out, and understanding that there is always going to be something better on the other side. Time goes faster than we think and we are stronger than we know.<br />
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Maybe this is just a reminder. It gets better. We get stronger.<br />
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Prints of this painting is for sale here:<br />
https://www.etsy.com/listing/122841807/look-out-now-or-flying-girl-makes-itRowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-89722739204668331532013-02-05T14:49:00.000-05:002013-02-05T14:49:28.959-05:00 There Are No Failures, Not Even This One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday, I had the sudden urge to carve myself a new shop stamp.<br />
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I love all things handmade, and enjoy the thought of doing it myself.<br />
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I took my old stamp and inked it onto the new stamp carving material. You see, you have to do the carving in reverse in order to make it work out right when you stamp on paper.<br />
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Did any of you catch my mistake?<br />
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Oh yeah.<br />
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I out clevered myself. Using the old stamp as my outline, I had reversed the reverse and thus when I stamped, it was all wrong.<br />
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Unless of course, you hold the paper up to the sun and look through it. Ah. There's my nice stamp.<br />
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I really like the hand carved, hand written quality of it. It's what I do, make things by hand, right?<br />
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Pardon my issues with things like left and right, reversals, and negatives and positives. It shows up with arithmetic and numbers and even letters sometimes. It actually turns out that I have a learning disability that I never knew about until I was a grown up. It's called dyscalculia and is like dyslexia with numbers. I can usually logic my way through things, but every so often, my problems come out. Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been different if I'd known about this learning disability. I did pretty well in school, mostly by trying to stay as far away as possible from math, but what if I'd had learning strategies? What if I knew why I could never remember how to figure out the math problems at home, even if I'd understood them in school. Who knows what I would have been doing now if I hadn't spent my formative years avoiding math?<br />
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Oh, don't worry, I turned my mistake around, literally, and used the backwards stamp to stamp a NEW block of carving material, and this time, when I carved it, it was in the CORRECT direction.<br />
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I used it to stamp some cute new little bookmarks for my shop.<br />
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This brings me to my lesson for the day.<br />
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There are no failures.<br />
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There are just steps we take on our journey.<br />
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It could all be falling down around your ears, but if you keep going, if you fight your way through, and come out the other side, everything that fell down before becomes something to help you climb higher. Every mistake you make, every flaw you possess leads you to the positive outcomes of your life. Every struggle you fight through, even if you lose, makes you stronger for your next endeavor... which might not be a fight at all, which might be made easier, which might even be a pleasure, because of all the hard lessons you learned in your failures.<br />
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The stamp carving went smoothly. I already knew it would work. And I solved the problems of the previous attempt, and I was confident in my abilities, so the tension of tiny work was not there. It went faster and more smoothly.<br />
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And voila. I have my stamp. It took a little longer than I wanted, but sometimes that's just the way life is. There are bumps and detours on our life journey.<br />
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Maybe it just makes us ready when we get to our destination.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-35075289091523191712013-01-23T14:49:00.000-05:002013-01-23T14:49:07.871-05:00Head of a Girl from the Past, and Changing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Head of a Girl from the Past<br />
ink on moleskine<br />
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I have lost count of what number "head of a girl" this is. I've decided to go with names form now on, rather than numbers. What started out as an exercise to see what I could do with ink wash portraits has begun to take on meaning on its own, it's begun to become something of its own.<br />
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I suppose that's the nature of a series. It serves as a way for you to grow. You keep going back to the same theme or technique and you develop it with each following piece.<br />
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I don't know where this series will go. It's led me back to portraits, which I've always enjoyed, so that's good, and also drawing from references again, instead of making things up wholesale in my head. That's not a bad thing either.<br />
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In this season of beginning of the year resolutions I've been thinking about change a lot.<br />
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I think sometimes we expect to be able to change, just like that, make a resolution and that's it, quit cigarettes, lose weight, get published, go back to school... whatever the goal. But I don't think that change, real change really works like that.<br />
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Change doesn't happen all at once, it happens in stages and baby steps. Change is more like growth, or evolution. Change is something that happens inside of you first, that makes you want to take that small step, and the small step is what helps you get to the next choice, and making that choice convinces you that this is where you want to go.<br />
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Maybe change begins with an idea, "I can do that..." or "I don't have to be this..." A possibility. An idea. A realization that the dream is possible, an opening of doors, a willingness to take a chance, a first step out on that long journey, the beginning attempts at an exercise, even if they fail at first, and the commitment to keep trying, even though it doesn't seem like you will ever see that desired, whole-sale change or growth.<br />
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Maybe life is all about change. We have the illusion that things won't change or we will always be where and what we are, but the truth is, nothing stays the same and we are always in flux.<br />
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Perhaps part of our issues with making lasting change in our life is that we don't expect to fail in our attempts. We think that we make up our mind to change and that's it, it should be smooth sailing from then on in. But change is such a all encompassing thing, from the inside out, that it doesn't make sense that it would be all that easy.<br />
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There are going to be set backs. There are going to be moments where you are just not living up to your high ideals. There are going to be moments when you are scared and don't think you can do it. There are going to be moments where the old fears and bad feelings rise up again. There are going to be external difficulties, time constraints, people who don't support us, physical difficulties, unexpected disasters, whatever.<br />
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But in our journey to truly change, to GROW and develop and transform, we have to trust that the path we've set out on is the right one. And if it isn't as easy as we thought, we are still moving forward, despite stumbles or road blocks or detours. Sometimes, our journey might lead us into places we didn't expect, places we didn't dare hope for. Sometimes we might find we have to rest on our journey, or stop not quite at the end, or re-evaluate our destination.<br />
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Keep going. Don't give up. Expect set backs. Trust yourself. Trust the process.<br />
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Change is hard. Growth is hard. Life is hard. Yup. So we might as well just keep going through.<br />
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<br />Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-33198755302725366582013-01-21T13:01:00.001-05:002013-01-21T13:01:49.120-05:00Hush or Keeping It Inside<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hush, or Alice Keeps It Inside<br />
4 3/4 x 7 1/2"<br />
ink and acrylic on vintage Alice in Wonderland book page<br />
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I've taken a little blog break. You see, I've had a lot going on.<br />
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I know I was blogging last year when I was in the midst of a move and I was blogging all my art from my 100 days challenge but I think that I had a moment to stop and think about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do... and in order to think about that with my blog, I had to stop.<br />
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What I've thought about doing lately is making my blog more intentional, and I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do it yet.<br />
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Sometimes there is virtue in being quiet.<br />
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In quiet, we can start listening to our internal voices, and these voices can whisper very silently sometimes. We have to stop talking, stop declaring ourselves, stop shouting to the world, just so that we can hear the whispers of intuition, emotion, idea, belief, desire, fear, hope, story, inspiration.<br />
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I know that it can be hard to be quiet and still, to not jump right in to actions or decisions. Sometimes, when you get that initial idea, it can be so exciting that you want to race to the finish line and go all in.<br />
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But the truth is, very often, the initial idea, or even not so initial, needs care and silence and darkness in order to grow to fruition. I've seen it with story ideas, for sure. I get a great idea and I want to start writing, but something in me tells me to hold on, let the idea germinate, let it grow and become stronger, let it feed on different thoughts and experiences, mull it over in the darkness. I sit with it deliberately, jot down a few notes, go to sleep with the idea in my head, throw in another intriguing concept, stir them up a bit and still... still hold on to it, silently.<br />
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There is no need to rush to speak it.<br />
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Not yet.<br />
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Hush. There is time to let it grow.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-30240427862044334732013-01-10T14:22:00.001-05:002013-01-10T14:22:16.582-05:00The Evolution of a Doll, Creating Yourself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every day, I feel like I am creating myself. Who I am as a mother, as an artist, as a friend and partner and sister and daughter. Who I am as a thinker and a doer.<br />
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It's an evolution not unlike creating... art, crafts, food, novels, business plans, outfits, papers... whatever.<br />
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Dolls.<br />
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Like this here doll I made my daughter for Christmas.<br />
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Here she is, nothing but a sketched out pattern and some upcycled t-shirt material. I took my scissors to it and cut away everything that she was not.<br />
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Leaving her with a basic, disassembled, empty shape.<br />
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In this scene, my doll has been sewn up and filled with stuffing. I've begun to MAKE her, to take the ideas of her and put her into reality, give her form and shape. She's a doll now. Anyone could look at her and say, that's a doll. (Here she's sitting next to another gift, unformed, which turned out to be a pink kitty.)<br />
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You see the thing is, nothing we create will ever get to BE anything until we actually start, until we put it through that sewing machine, and take it all the way, see what happens with all that machinery and sharp pointy things and fears of what might go wrong or how the machine might break down (mine did) or how we might forget how to use the mighty machinery (I didn't) or maybe my doll might not look like what I wanted her to look like (she didn't really look like what I imagined at all, she became her own thing.) You just have to do it. Put yourself out there and say, YES, I will do this thing.<br />
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Once you have the basic shape of your doll, that's when you can start putting your personality into her. That's when you can start giving her the colors, trying out different ways of making her look. Here, I'm giving a go to see how the different colored felt pieces might make her look, trying out some placements for her cheeks and eyes and lips and hair. This was not the first combination I tried. I held up different colors, cut out many little circles, tried different shapes and sizes. And this was not the first time I'd made this kind of doll face, either, she is just another variation on work that I've already done.<br />
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Here I have committed to my choices. I've gone and pinned them down. Made them real and permanent. There's no more changing my mind on the color of eyes or lips. Again, did she turn out like I thought she would? Not quite. But in the sewing, in the doing, she became her own thing, not just an idea, but a doll. This doll.<br />
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Then I tried some of the stuff I'd never tried before. Always in the past, I'd made hair with yarn or embroidery floss, but this time I knew I wanted to try felt. How would it work? I didn't know. It was an experiment, something new to try, a risk. And I gave it a shot.<br />
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Here she is with face and hair, after all my giving it a go and planning and making my ideas come real and trying out different variations and committing to my choices and stitching it all down and making it real.<br />
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She's a doll.<br />
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I like her.<br />
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Originally, she was inspired by two things... the scrap fabric I had, aka brown t-shirt, and the vintage doll dress. I made the original pattern so that she would fit into this dress. After that, I allowed myself to be inspired by the various dolls I have seen and loved and by what I had already done with doll making. I mean, this is why you have a daughter, right? To make girly stuff for them?<br />
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It doesn't matter that she didn't like the yellow dress on this doll and made me make her a pink dress out of scrap fabric, right? Or that she'll probably change the scrap pink dress, even though she designed it, and put her in a different vintage doll dress.<br />
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What matters is I went all the way in and trusted my abilities and my judgment and gave it a go. What matters is I took it to the end of the journey and didn't give up. What matters is I made it. I thought of it, dreamed it, planned it, trouble shot it, detailed it, put it all together and then put it out into the world, I mean, gave it to a five year old.<br />
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Make a doll. Make a craft. Make a painting. Make a novel. Make a home. Make a business. Make a life. Create yourself. Those things are not you, and yet, the making of them makes you.<br />
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What are you making?<br />
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<br />Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-65916686515998192232013-01-07T14:52:00.001-05:002013-01-07T14:52:46.914-05:00Head of a Girl 14 or Marilyn in Rose and Dreaming<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Head of a Girl 14, or Marilyn in Rose<br />
ink wash on watercolor paper<br />
4.5" x 6"<br />
1/6/13<br />
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I've been thinking about dreams lately... not the close your eyes at night kind, the big kind, the kind that get you up in the morning and get you moving. The kind where you envision a life that you'd love living. The kind that are about goals and wishes. Those kind of dreams.<br />
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Marilyn Monroe was a dreamer. She put herself out there and she was hurt. She never stopped being vulnerable and I think she achieved her dreams... although perhaps sometimes those dreams ended up being painful and sometimes she had to sacrifice for them and she definitely experienced loss in their pursuit.<br />
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When you commit to your dreams... what happens?<br />
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When you take steps to achieve your dearest goals... how does your life change?<br />
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When you accept that this is the risk you are willing to take and this is the cliff you are willing to leap from... how do you learn how to fly?<br />
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btw Marilyn is for sale in my etsy shop<br />
https://www.etsy.com/listing/119788654/head-of-a-girl-14-marilyn-in-rose-ooakRowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-79017980404394258932013-01-02T13:19:00.000-05:002013-01-02T13:19:59.073-05:00Girl of Freaks: a novel of not werewolves (pending)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Girl Of Freaks: a novel of not werewolves by Rowena Murillo (cover mock up)<br />
ink, acrylic and pencil on paper<br />
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This year, I am going to do my damnedest to get my novel published. It's ready, now it's just up to me to put it out there.<br />
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When I told <a href="http://www.hopefulworld.org/landing/">Jen Lemen</a> of this goal, she gave me an assignment to create a mock up of my novel cover.<br />
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Immediately, the impulse is for me to say, "no, that's not what I had planned for the day," but considering that I say "no" too often, and my word for the year is...<br />
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yes<br />
sharpie, tape residue, and "vintage" foam core board.<br />
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..."YES" it was time for me to try the challenge. I took out my ink and my journal and searched for a likely photo reference (my first instinct was to use one of myself, but I really didn't want to paint myself for my book cover as the mc is not me) and got going.<br />
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This is what I did. Of course, when I get published, this will not by the cover. I'm not even sure it's the best cover for the book, but putting it out there, visualizing it, making it a real thing helps me to focus on my goals.<br />
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Thank you Jen for the good assignment and giving me a leaping off point for the rest of my year.<br />
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<br />Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-51801734342956427002012-12-10T15:42:00.001-05:002012-12-10T15:42:42.816-05:00Abundance and 96-100 in the 100 days creative challenge, <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R_XpeHfeEgQ/UMY9Hz1_0tI/AAAAAAAAEzI/j3qV3-N-9iY/s1600/072.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R_XpeHfeEgQ/UMY9Hz1_0tI/AAAAAAAAEzI/j3qV3-N-9iY/s640/072.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
Branched<br />
gold acrylic paint and pen on paper<br />
96/100<br />
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Yesterday was my 100th day of my 100 creative works in 100 days challenge.<br />
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Woo hoo.<br />
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I actually did it. I didn't even cheat. I missed two months of painting and drawing because of my move, but I was able to get my grove back and restart my creativity. Maybe it's a good idea that I did commit to finishing this task, against the odds, because it meant my creativity didn't get lost in the many duties of moving. And life. Don't forget life.<br />
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This is a painting of a branch. In gold. I had extra gold paint on my palette from painting another picture, so i wanted to use the last of it, and I've always loved those twisty branches, so... No special meaning behind it.<br />
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Monster Plans<br />
watercolor, pencil, pen on paper<br />
97/100<br />
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These are plans for a horde of monsters I am going to make my son for Christmas. A kraken looks an awful lot like an octopus, and godzilla looks an awful lot like a T-rex. Interesting. The plan here is to use felt and cotton knit and buttons and embroidery floss.<br />
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I need to do less planning and more sewing though.<br />
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this bowl is full of abundance<br />
pencil, water color, ink wash and acrylic on paper<br />
98/100<br />
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This is another empty/full bowl. This one I designed with gold leaves and pomegranates to symbolize abundance. The bowl is marked with hatches, which to me always represents time. The background is a dark, deep brown, like fertile earth.<br />
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An incomplete symbology</div>
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ink and watercolor on paper</div>
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99/100</div>
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Speaking of symbols, here I drew out my own study sheet. I was just thinking about some of the symbols I seem to use over and over again. Sometimes when I paint, it's a kind of language, I paint stories... or parts of stories, and the symbols are part of the meaning making. </div>
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Too many years reading and writing poetry. :)</div>
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Miniature doll in progress<br />
paper clay, silver wire<br />
100/100<br />
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And for my 100th work of art, I am posting a paperclay doll that I started. She's not done in the slightest, but I don't feel bad about using a WIP for my last entry. It's a new challenge for me and I have been wanting to try it for ages. Plus, I think it looks kind of cool unfinished, just the white paper clay and the silver wire.<br />
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It was even better before I dropped it while the clay was still damp and it landed face down on the floor. She got a little smooshed. Oops. I tried to fix her the best I could. I think when she's dry all the way, the paint will go a long way to making her look better. What I've seen of the tiny dolls people make, they don't have to have all the details in the clay. You can just give suggestions of the features, then when you paint her face, she gets her personality.<br />
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I intend to give her hands and feet attached to the wire, then wrap the exposed wire with florist tape, then make tiny clothes out of fabric. I do not know who she will be. She might be a woman from the 30s or 40s... as I think about the hair style that I kind of molded a bit already. We shall see. Whatever she develops into, that's part of the fun.<br />
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And I guess that's why I picked this piece for my last entry, instead of another piece that I completed... because where I'm going in my creativity is still unwritten.<br />
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I think I've entered some territory that is new to me, and have developed some techniques and ideas that are rather interesting. That's one of the best things about doing this challenge, watching how you develop as you go. It's such an extended project, one of small babysteps, that you can actually see the journey you make and you can see how one thing leads to the next.<br />
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And so now I'm done and I can relax on the posting, but I do hope that I can continue with my art work and see where it takes me next.<br />
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I do recommend this as a challenge for anyone. It is a challenging journey, but if you keep your daily goals small enough, it is not impossible. You'll notice that whenever I got behind in my count, my art work would get smaller and simpler, and that's okay, it still moves you forward. If 100 days is too long a challenge, you can do a month of art works, or 43 days. Or whatever number suits your life. It's committing to the creating that makes it worthwhile.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-61022733498324287072012-12-07T09:53:00.001-05:002012-12-07T09:55:01.923-05:00Re-Vision and the Past 93-95/100<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BTnT2WpNtds/UMH9X_Zih4I/AAAAAAAAEyM/PLz4MRJOA8o/s1600/001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BTnT2WpNtds/UMH9X_Zih4I/AAAAAAAAEyM/PLz4MRJOA8o/s640/001.JPG" width="408" /></a></div>
re-vision<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
93/100<br />
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I spent all morning and afternoon painting yesterday and then ran out of time to post. I am slowly catching up to my 100 works in 100 days goal. Of course, I've been neglecting other things. Well, life is about sacrifices isn't it?<br />
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I feel like today's post shows a departure for me. I'm not quite sure where it's going. Maybe it is more intentional and less improvisational. I'm okay with that, although it takes a lot longer to do. Thus all day painting and running out of time.<br />
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I did start with a symbol, the eye, one that has been a common refrain through out my artistic life. Mostly doodled on notebooks when I was a kid. I read somewhere that it was something about "being seen." I don't know. Maybe that's go something to do with where my head is at nowadays.<br />
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I know when I got intentional with it, I began to think about what I KNOW my life is about nowadays, and that is reviewing my life, my work and my goals, and revising and re-visioning it all. I kind of like that I am taking symbols from the past and rethinking them again. Or art supplies from the past and seeing what I can do with them. Or vintage photos from the past and recreating them from my perspective. (I found piles of photo albums from my own family, my ancestors. I should really try to incorporate them.)<br />
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this bowl is full of hope<br />
acrylic and graphite on paper<br />
94/100<br />
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I saw an illustration of a bowl somewhere and since then, I have been slightly obsessed with the symbolism of the bowl.<br />
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It is an empty receptacle. It holds whatever it is you put in it. It is also used to hold offerings, to other people, to the gods, to yourself. You can not fill the bowl unless it starts out empty. The emptiness of the bowl is what allows it to hold the gift, the sustenance.<br />
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I drew it in pencil and painted half of it. It is not unfinished. That was intentional. There's something about the bare bones of pencil drawing that I like. As if it is being created. It is also without color. It is work a day, functional, not really meant to be shown. It is what belongs underneath the surface.<br />
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I also wanted to show the marking lines for the words. This bowl is laid down to it's essence, this is what it is made of.<br />
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The inside of the bowl is the color of a spring sky. Hope. The outside is a pattern of pencil circles that remind me of stones.<br />
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The background is half painted with the swirls, kind of reminiscent of steam, or vines. Something growing, something rising. I painted it with titan buff, because I wanted it to still be white, but a white with color, as if it was hope alone that changed the plain white paper of the table to the color.<br />
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head of a girl 13 (tori amos)<br />
ink wash on paper<br />
95/100<br />
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I saw a High School picture of Tori Amos, and although she was not "quite" as vintage as the other photo sources I've been using, there was something about the loveliness, the imperfections, the romantic curly hair, the youth and hope of a girl who would become something powerful and darker as she grew... I just wanted to paint it.<br />
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And I wanted it to be pink and girly and dreamy.<br />
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She doesn't really look like her, but I wasn't really trying to make her look like Tori Amos. It was the feel that got me and the feel I was trying to convey. I thought a too-close portrait of Tori would be distracting.<br />
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Well that's what I did yesterday. Hopefully I will be able to paint some more today so I can keep my momentum going. I have four more days of my self imposed challenge, and only five more pieces to do.<br />
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I CAN DO IT!Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-76555621340639005872012-12-05T13:53:00.000-05:002012-12-05T13:53:12.328-05:00But Wait, There's More, 85-92/100<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z0m9dkFAFXU/UL-QiKI5zZI/AAAAAAAAEwo/wvX_9DS4xAw/s1600/002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z0m9dkFAFXU/UL-QiKI5zZI/AAAAAAAAEwo/wvX_9DS4xAw/s640/002.JPG" width="402" /></a></div>
There's a light<br />
acrylic and gel pen on paper<br />
85/100<br />
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Spent yesterday and this morning trying some stuff. I had this page of dark blue, awaiting something or other. I think I managed something or other.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mc-anccJNl4/UL-QlSU-8mI/AAAAAAAAEww/YLTa5OM2G2A/s1600/003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mc-anccJNl4/UL-QlSU-8mI/AAAAAAAAEww/YLTa5OM2G2A/s640/003.JPG" width="398" /></a></div>
Be Present<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
86/100<br />
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Then I thought I'd try painting a bit of something around me. Sometimes, when I don't know what to paint, I remember that I can look outside of me and paint something in the real world, not just in my imagination.<br />
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But I added some imagination anyway. Scallops take a long time to paint, did you know that? They take a bit of attention. Sometimes painting almost feels like meditation.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yp_rCNJyafo/UL-Qo5-xozI/AAAAAAAAEw4/F4ZExIFJ_3Q/s1600/006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yp_rCNJyafo/UL-Qo5-xozI/AAAAAAAAEw4/F4ZExIFJ_3Q/s640/006.JPG" width="416" /></a></div>
Green Hand<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
87/100<br />
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More scallops. Smaller. More attention. More hands.<br />
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Blue Chair<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
88/100<br />
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Back to real life. Sometimes I like to practice my visual acuity, paint what I see. This turned out pretty well except I did not judge my paper very well and the chair ran off the edge of the page. :( Oh well. That's part of what you do when you paint. Composition. Maybe I'll try painting this lovely antique desk chair again, and this time have it stay on the page. I did like how I managed the cane back, though. And the dark and light of the shadows, that was nice. I love to watch the paint bleed into the water, I like the spontaneity it gives. It's lively.<br />
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one step at a time<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
89/100<br />
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One of the things I do when I paint is try to use all of my paint. I had a whole bunch on my palette, was I supposed to let it dry up and go on to the rest of my day? I refused. Still didn't know what to paint though, so I wrote myself a message.<br />
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Upon retrospect, I think I should have tried the chair again, just to see what came of it.<br />
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but wait there's more<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
90/100<br />
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Maybe this is because of the extra paint I was still trying to get rid of. Or maybe it's a message. Transitions are hard. Very often they feel like endings, deaths, losses. But there's always something beginning, being born, and gained. Kind of like that whole Aztec calendar thing. The world might end. Then it will begin again.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ytk0iwJ7i6E/UL-Qx7xCVvI/AAAAAAAAExY/yxCN7fJNDgE/s1600/015.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ytk0iwJ7i6E/UL-Qx7xCVvI/AAAAAAAAExY/yxCN7fJNDgE/s640/015.JPG" width="398" /></a></div>
Revel<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
91/100<br />
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Or maybe because there was actually more painting coming. I'm feeling the scallops, and decided to go back to some past imagery from my 100 days. The silhouette.<br />
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Aloft<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
92/100<br />
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And here was a tiny sketch that I started and never managed to finish. So I went back and painted it in and gave it some scallops, because why not? and I was feeling the scallops. It took most of the morning to do a lot of these paintings, although a couple of them were finished last night.<br />
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I am working hard on catching up. I have 4 more days and 8 more pieces to go. Almost there. I'd love to get back to the place where I can just post one piece a day. And I need to get started on Christmas, too. Phew.<br />
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Well like the drawing said, but wait, there's more. There's always more.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-70836950689611750802012-12-04T09:19:00.002-05:002012-12-04T09:19:26.453-05:00Belief is the Theme, 80-84/100<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nVpS0SpabsU/UL39IT0iP6I/AAAAAAAAEvc/PlsxKcVoFcs/s1600/099.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nVpS0SpabsU/UL39IT0iP6I/AAAAAAAAEvc/PlsxKcVoFcs/s640/099.JPG" width="414" /></a></div>
Head of a Girl 12, red and sepia<br />
ink on paper<br />
80/100<br />
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I'm going backwards with this one. When I found my red ink, I started experimenting with it. I was not happy with my use of the medium until the last one I did, which was this one.<br />
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"I draw my hand..."<br />
ink on paper<br />
text reads [I draw my hand to say to the world and myself, that I am the maker. I do. I create. In my hand I hold the power to guide my life. The hand is the tool of human agency. The hand allows us to create the the {sic} world that our big brains let us IMAGINE. That's right. The hand allows us to be human because it allows us to create. And because we can create, the mind is free to dream up all that is ever possible. Between the mind and the hand, we become creators, we become the heroes of our own stories-- Rowena Murillo]<br />
81/100<br />
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Then I saw something where red was combined with black, and I said, aha. I will add my sepia ink to the red ink drawings and see what happens. It worked, with various levels of success. Here, adding the text gave meaning to the not very good sketch of the hand, turning a failing piece into a successful one.<br />
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believe<br />
ink on paper<br />
82/100<br />
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Believe is the current theme. I actually liked this one the best, so I left it the way it was, without sepia ink.<br />
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believe that you can figure it out. And if you can't figure it out, you can figure out a way out of the mess. And if you can't figure a way out of the mess, maybe it wasn't that important to begin with. -RM<br />
red and sepia ink on paper<br />
83/100<br />
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I liked this one the least, even with sepia ink. I had the medium all wrong. The red was too heavy. My brush was too thick for what I was attempting, and my vision of what I wanted was not clear enough for me to even get close to it. Oh well. I take it as a learning experience. Thus the added words. This piece is the one that isn't "that important to begin with."<br />
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Trust In You<br />
acrylic on paper<br />
84/100<br />
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This is the same theme, but different style and medium and technique. I do not know where the animal mask idea came from. It just came upon me and demanded to be painted.<br />
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Still behind on my 100 in 100 days goal, but if I do three a day, I will make it. I can do three a day. I hope.<br />
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Wish me luck.<br />
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Oh, and if you have any insight into what the final piece, Trust In You, actually means, I'd love to hear your interpretation. I think it's a deer. It might be a fox. I am not sure. But why is it a mask? And why is it combined with the words? And why on a black background? Anyone want to analyze it?Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9860046.post-49692575010518024612012-11-30T12:30:00.000-05:002012-11-30T12:32:46.976-05:00Revisiting and Working, 78 and 79/100<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This Shore<br />
acrylic on paper, moleskine<br />
78/100<br />
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This is a revisitation of an idea from the beginning of the challenge.<a href="http://warriorgirl.blogspot.com/2012/09/inside-outside-upside-down-11-13100.html">(The Other Side of the River)</a>. I just thought I'd see what would happen if I did it again, after playing with the ideas and colors for the last few months. It seems a little deeper, if less spontaneous.<br />
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Selfie (revised) Blue and Gold<br />
ink and acrylic on paper<br />
79/100<br />
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Here's another revisitation. I didn't like the ink wash self portrait I did yesterday, so as I had nothing to lose, I thought I'd see what would happen if I added paint to it. I stuck with the color scheme of prussian blue and quinacridone gold. Adding a touch of titan buff. I like the painting better now. I think I fixed the flaws. I'm kind of hard on my self portraits though. It's hard to deal with your vanity, looks wise and painting wise, and see the ways you fall short. But whatever, it's an exercise, right?<br />
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It's interesting how these portraits have gotten more realistic. I haven't really done representational art for a while, going with the more abstract or illustrative styles, but I spent many years painting and drawing real life, and it is kind of like getting back to my roots.<br />
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Do I know where I will go with this? Nope.<br />
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It's enough to do it, right now. It's enough to step out on the creative journey. I don't need answers yet, I just need to keep working.<br />
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Still 21 pieces to go before I finish my self challenge. It's about 2 pieces a day. I've caught up a bit. Just got to keep working, though.Rowenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07146077261663557342noreply@blogger.com0