Moving House

Moving House

I've kind of fallen down on my 100 paintings in 100 days. A few days in, I discovered that I'd have to move in two months, and as the days got nearer, the stress and time constraints kept me from painting and even more, from posting.

Now, the 100 days is not actually over yet, so who knows, maybe I will manage to put it all together. I mean, I did do these little houses and charms, and perhaps if I count some of the other things I did, not just paintings, I might not be as far behind as I thought... but my 100 days is not moving smoothly.

Speaking of moving, my move is upon me. Today is the day when we hit the road, so perhaps in a few days when the travel is over and the dust has settled and we are ensconced in our Florida home with the warmer weather, I will come back and show you the plethora of travel themed sketches, paintings, feltie and paperclay projects I have done while riding in the car and trying to keep my kids entertained. I packed a bag with all the things I might need to do so. Wish me luck.

I'm going to take this as a lesson not to take things so seriously, to lighten up and enjoy the ride, even if the ride is bumpy. Perhaps I could have kept up with my painting if I had just remembered to breathe, and to do the work I needed to in the time I had, and then to take a break and do my painting when I needed to.

Oh yeah, I'm also doing nanowrimo.org, even though the first week will be rough in the writing department. I can catch up, I know.  I have always hit my word count, every time I've done it, even if I haven't written a successful novel.

Ah ha. I will take the lessons of my 100 in 100 kerfuffle. Do what I need to do. Take some time to breathe and focus on what I WANT to do. The kids can't talk the ENTIRE trip, right? There will be some time to get some brain space to write, right?  Right?

Oh well, I'll just go with the flow. Let the road rise to meet my feet, er, pen. Ok, enough mixed metaphors. I have to pack the last of the bags in the car and take off.

See ya on the flip side.

Grow/Sun and Shadow. 04/100 Days Creative Challenge

Grow/Sun and Shadow
acrylic on paper
9/4/12
04/100 days creative challenge

I am taking this challenge as an organic one. Much like this drawing. Each day will grow out of the last one. Each painting will come from the last one. Each one leads to one. Like baby steps, leading to the end of the journey.

I don't know where I am going when I take my first step. At each step I look and evaluate where I am and what looks like the next best step. I ask myself, do I like where I am going? Does where I am going feel right? If yes, I continue. If no, I take a look and see if there is anything that I DO like about where I am. I go off in that direction. Or I see if I can adjust it somewhat to fill my needs.

Or I scrap it and follow some other dream/desire/necessity.

I don't have to know where I will end up. I just have to know who I am, what is most important to me, and that I will keep going until things start working out and making sense.

Yes?

Yes.

Babysteps get us where we want to go. We don't need to have the whole journey figured out when we start.

Swept Clean, and a new 100 in 100 Creative Challenge

Swept Clean
acrylic on paper, moleskine notebook
8.5"x 5, 1/100 in 100 days

Good morning and happy September.

I've been struggling with staying on track lately. I've been slacking in my creativity, getting lazy, not being productive when I know I have goals...one of those goals I had was to start a 100 in 100 days of creativity again.

I need to get back into the habit of painting every day. And on this happy new September Day, I've decided I'm just going to go to it and get started, even if I didn't prepare the way or start a movement on pinterest or whatever.

I need to do it for me. And that's what I'm going to do. Perhaps over the next week or so I will post something asking if other people want to join me. I already have the "rules" since I made them years ago when I first started playing this game.

I have been thinking about starting this 100 paintings in 100 days for a while, planning on September 1st as a start date, but I let town fairs and back to school and shopping and kids and cleaning and work all get in the way and just forgot.

Then this morning I remembered. "Oh! Today is September 1st! I wanted to start painting again!" And instead of saying, I can't, I didn't plan. I didn't make a log sheet. I didn't post about it on my blog, I just up and grabbed my paints and my journals and started painting.

And you know what happened?

It felt good.

I don't want to be stopped by what I haven't done right or am not ready for or the long list of to dos I have to take care of every single day of my life. I just want to paint.

And I want to stop saying no.

And I want to stop thinking about the negatives and how hard everything is and how nothing is ready or perfect or how it's all too scary to do everything.

No more "nos". Just "yes". Just "I'll try."

So I'm starting my 100 in 100 creative challenge.

I am going to paint 100 paintings in 100 days. I don't even know what day I will be done on, but I'm going to keep it up and I'm going to commit. Some days, it might be a tiny painting. Some days it might be a rough sketch. Somedays, I might hate it, but I'm going to do it.

Would you like to join me in a creative challenge wherein you create 100 things in 100 days?  Take a look over at the official rules, which are about bending the rules to fit your lifestyle and your creative needs, then leave a comment here, and I'll create a 100 in 100 sidebar of participants.   What the hell! I'll also create a 100 in 100 group board on pinterest and invite you to join so you can pin your challenge. Just leave your pinterest account in the comments.

Are you ready for a challenge? It's scary when you start out, but it's so satisfying. You can do it, you know.

Harry Potter Party!

 I have been working on this party for quite some time, from searching pinterest for great ideas to making favors to hunting thrift stores and making decorations and taking trips to the 99 cent store oh and all the crafts.

So this weekend it finally happened. And it didn't rain until after the party, woo hoo!

I still have some crafts to post, so I'm going to show you some of the things I've already posted or things where I don't have tutorials, or just fun things.

 I brought my fancy wooden table out to the deck and laid a baroque looking runner across it so I could set up my potions table scape. I set out the gold cups and napkins and I had a few candle stands and candy bowls that I set with crystal platters. I liked the height they gave and thought they would work really well when I brought out the candy for Honeydukes Sweetshop and the Cauldron Cakes.  But somehow, the sweets never made it onto the pretty table.

 I took some of my son's toy snakes and wrapped them in and out of the bottle, for just a little bit of added spookiness.

And how about that fantastic green glass bowl I found at the thrift store? I filled it with the Expecto Patronum and Dementor Stones activity.

 Here we have a photobooth set up that I made. I took out the navy sheet and pillowcase and bought some glow in the dark stars from the dollar store, but for a while, I thought I'd run out of time and not be able to put it up... but at the last minute, I tacked the sheet up to an unused corner of the deck and covered the ottoman with the pillow case, brought out the little railroad village rug and stuck those stars on the sheet.

For the amount of effort it took, this photobooth was really worth it.  If I'd had a little more time, I would have made a witch broom to go with it.

When the kids first got here, I had them choose their favorite owlet from amongst Pigwidgeon's Pals.

That is Ivy's christmas gift, Mrs Hoot Hoot inside the old birdcage, on top of the old suitcase, ready to travel to Hogwarts.

Then they got to pick their wand from the box sent from Ollivander's Workshop.

I made gift bags and wrote their names on the gift bags so that they would be able to keep track of their owls and wands and other assorted stuff. That was a good plan, because with all the running around that happened later, they really needed one place to put their favors. Here is a tutorial for the gift bags .

 While waiting for all the kids to arrive, they got right to work at Transfiguration Class, where they needed to turn a rock into a creature.

All I did for this activity was to go to the 99 Cent store and buy some decorative rocks (in gray and green glass) some paint, glue, feathers, markers, gems, pipe cleaners and of course, googly eyes.

Then I just put those all in a box and put it on a kids table covered with a silver table cloth.  They really loved it. Who knew?

 I also made some Hogwarts House Banners. I really like how they came out, so I'll try to do a tutorial later on, but I really just painted them free hand.

I kept staring at them during the party and going, "wow, I like those." Right now, they are living very happily up above G's bed.

Once a bunch of kids were all there, I brought out some balloons and told them that they had to keep them in the air with their wands and the spell, "Wingardium Leviosa" I didn't get any pictures of that because I was going another craft at that point.

ACID POPS! You can see how I made these and displayed them here. They were a big hit with the kids and with the adults. But the kids were still sweaty after the acid pops so I remembered that I had some Gillywater in the fridge.

What is Gillywater? Oh, no one knows, but it was in the books, and I found this site where they wanted an alternate Harry Potter drink and found an Invisible Koolaid that tastes like Koolaid but looks like water. I put it in a clear glass jar and filled their glasses with the magical stuff.

The kids really liked the Gillywater and it was so easy, I almost forgot about it until I realized how thirsty the kids were after running around.

I forgot about quite a few things during this party. I forgot to put out the chocolate covered flies/raisins. I forgot to make that broom so the kids could fly. I forgot to do the crystal ball reading with the meditation jars I made. I also forgot to hang up the floating candles, and I'm kind of bummed about that one, because I really wanted to see how they turned out.

Then they went back out to play again, off in the yard. It was a Wizard War, with their wands and another craft I made out of recycled coffee can lids that I painted with silver stars, lightning bolts and swirls of various types. They would fling them like frisbees at each other and then run around picking them up again, with cries of, "I'm loaded! Better watch out!"

These are the spell discs I made. No tutorial. It's just painted directly on the plastic with silver craft paint. Frisbees would work very well for this and could also serve as favors for the kids to take home, but I had a dozen coffee can lids that I'd been holding onto (I use them for paint palettes sometimes) and when the brainstorm came that is what happened. I'd been thinking they would be used in a Wizard Duel where two kids stood apart and tried to throw it at/to the other kid, but the kids turned them into a wizard war and then ran their little butts off and got all sweaty.

I really tried to alternate slow paced, sit down activities with running around, because it would keep the kids from getting bored or worn out. So after Wizard War, I got out the Butter Beer. No photos of that, because I was too busy serving and by the time I was finished, everyone was pretty much done.

The next activity was the Expecto Patronum spell with the Dementor Stones.  That was a lot of fun and very cool when they were opening them... I mean, working on their spell. You can see how that worked here.

Once we finished the Expecto Patronum, I asked the kids what they wanted to do next and if they were ready for the candy.

Silly me.

They practically herded me into the kitchen to get the candy. I wisely didn't have it sitting out for most of the party, not only because some things would melt in the heat, but also because they would have been snitching candy the entire time.

As it was, they all wanted to be "helpful" when it came to the candy, and offered to carry the candy back out to the deck. Aww so sweet. I gave them the sugar mice and the chocolate frogs to take out.

But by the time I brought the main tray out, they'd set everything up on the little coffee table I'd put out there, kid height, instead of the pretty potions display table where I had all the nice cake stands and such.

Oh well. There was no orderly civilized Honeydukes Sweetshop line. No, it was mass, sweet, chaos. A free for all.

THEY LOVED IT.

Then I brought out the cauldron cakes but that was kind of anticlimactic after the candy. I thought they were great, but the kids were mostly sugared out.

And then they spent about an hour pulling each other around in a wagon. That wasn't part of my party planning. Perhaps in their imaginations, it was the flying Ford Anglia that Ron wrecked.

Anyway it was a lot of fun and some things were definitely more worth the fuss than others.

The wands were worth it.

The owlets, sadly, not quite as fun. Unless they took them home and loved them quietly. So not quite worth it.

The Acid Pops were great... for adults and kids. Worth it.

The chocolate frogs? They were cool, but the kids didn't love them that much and the adults didn't bother much with the candy. I would have made fewer chocolate frogs. Not so worth it. Better for an adult party.

Sugar Mice? Also cool, but I will probably eat more out of my fridge than all of the kids combined. So I'm glad there are left overs, because those are mine. But perhaps not worth it for the level of time consumed in making them. Also better for an adult party.

Honeydukes Sweetshop/table of candy. TOTALLY worth it. Maybe better to just get candy from the store instead of making some of it, though. Most of the home made candy was more trouble than it was worth.

The Gillywater/Invisible Koolaid? Cheap, easy and fast. Beloved by kids. Worth it.

The Butterbeer? Tasty, but very sweet, done soon, with no refills. I bought too much ice cream and cream soda. Maybe not worth the stress. Adult party. Spiked with real booze.

The Expecto Patronum/Dementor Stones activity. Really cool and worth it, though it took a while to craft.

Cupcakes? Worth it, because you need cake and these were tasty and not that hard, although a little stressful. But it could have been any cake really... so not necessary. Also, i had trouble with the heat and the melting of chocolate. Again possibly more for an adult, indoor party.

Those flying disc spells? I painted them months ago and just stuck them in a cupboard and the kids played a lot with them, so Worth It. Same for the balloons which are always fun.

Gift bags, easy and worth it. Really I had been planning some sort of difficult craft for making cauldrons and the bags worked fine.

The Pet Rocks/Transfiguration. awesome and low maintenance and just the cost of the dollar store items. Worth It.

And as for the banners and the potion bottles? I really liked the way they looked and I think they added to the Harry Potter feel, so worth it. And G gets to keep the banners.

Also, the photo booth was pretty easy, so that was worth it too. I've got pictures from it.

It seems that I got wrapped up in "cool projects" that would have been better for older party goers but were kind of lost on little kids who like koolaid, running around and candy. Hmm. Well, live and learn there, Ro.

Boy, I also have a lot to post on this party. If you click the links, you will find my tutorials and recipes to many of the crafts and foods, and you can decide for yourself which ones might be worth your time and effort.

Rose Tinted Girl and some thoughts about Leonor Fini

Rose Tinted Girl
3"x4" acrylic on paper

I did another mini portrait, playing with the underpaintings and bright colors. This is orange, green and pink.

I saw a painting of Leonor Fini's Splendid Devils a few weeks ago, and I guess something about it stuck in my mind. The hair, the bright colors. I didn't use it as a source, but it was definitely in my mind when I painted her hair. I remember when I first encountered Leonor Fini. It was over 20 years ago, when I was in college and I was doing a report on female surrealist artists. I remember particularly Leonor Fini, Meret Oppenheimer, and of course, Frida Kahlo. I think I found Leonor Fini a bit strange,  and at the same time I was enamored of Frida Kahlo, so Fini kind of fell by the way side as I explored more of Kahlo and was  influenced by her in my own art work.

But I think Leonor Fini is worth some attention. Just in writing this blog, I have been amazed, astonished, amused and sometimes a little bit bothered by not just her work, but also her life, which was lived in an exceedingly dramatic way and far ahead of her time. She was a powerful and talented surrealist artist at a time when women simply weren't allowed to be that. In fact, she refused the title of "surrealist" because Andre Breton decided that she should be a muse, subservient, not an artist in her own right. And after her death, Salvador Dali said about her,  'Better than most, perhaps. But talent is in the balls', thereby ensuring that her stock as an artist sank quickly, in large part because she was a woman. Oy. I guess I am glad to be a woman in this time, rather than back then.

Well, I'm no Leonor Fini, but I am Rowena Murillo, and I am going about living in my own way. I've never even thought about whether I was ahead of my own time, I'm just smack dab in the middle of it and too close to the matter to worry about it. I am, however, interested in the influence that Leonor Fini might have upon my painting. Her life is a bit too dramatic for me, but the paintings? I think I like.

This Is Your Ticket

I can't promise that it will be easy, in fact, I can promise that it won't be easy, but today, I am telling you that you have permission to follow your dreams and go for that thing that fills your soul with light.

Take that first step. Take the next one, and the one after that. It might be a very long journey. There might be long convoluted detours. You might be delayed. You might pick up travel companions along the way, and you might lose some. You might get weary. You might lose faith in even the existence of that glorious destination. Try anyway.

This is a ticket that says, Yes, you have the right to try for that very hard, very beautiful thing that you have always longed for.

This ticket says your dreams are worth the sacrifice, the hard work, the road less traveled.

Sorry for the dark picture. But in a way, the dark picture is fitting. This ticket was drawn during the middle of the night, because I had to. And the photo was taken in the middle of a thunderstorm, because when the sun was shining, I forgot about what I wanted to do.

Well there's something else for you. Sometimes we need those storms, those shadowed moments, to remember what it is that fills us with light.

So, like I said, you have permission to follow your dreams.

This is your ticket.

Go.

Hooray for Summer!

 Hooray for Summer!

We're getting really excited over here for summer. Hoping for long days and green shadows, sprinklers and popsicles, projects and adventures.

Tomorrow is the last day of school and the kick off for the library reading program, with games and crafts and prizes and lots of fun down town. I think that's why I whipped together this little package of joy.

It's a book (vintage, which I was planning on using for a craft project) wrapped in brown paper, which I love and can't help wrapping everything in as I sing Favorite Things. Then I decorated it with some little flags I made and the "hooray!" banner. Those are little illustrations that I already posted about, so I'm kind of pleased that I figured out something to do with them.

That's what summer feels like to me. A wrapped present, a celebration, a mystery, and the possibility of adventure... because to me, a book is always an adventure. I guess you know what kind of gal I am.

We've already started on the summer preparations, since the girl has been out of school for a while. This is her lilac bush tent/fort/hideout. 

 She's giving the thumbs up.

And this was the beginning of a play, put on with a neighbor, who is the one who had the brilliant idea to dress up in costumes. Somehow costumes always make things seem to be more of an event.

As for me, I'm getting together a summer bucket list of activities and adventures to go on. I've been spending some time on planning the kids portion of the summer, because the end of school is so near, but underneath that is my personal bucket list, pushing at the mom.

I've got some things I need to do. And I've got to figure out a way to get those things done when I've got two rambunctious kids around all day and a part time job as well.

What have you done to fit your passions into a full life with work and kids? Any tips on incorporating summer break into your personal work?

Butterflies, Flowers and the Creative Process

 Watercolor Painting

I spent the day yesterday painting. Not one painting, but these little illustrations, little things that make me happy, that I think are lovely. I got all sorts of photo references from pinterest. It's such a good tool for those of us who are visually oriented.

I've been a little obsessed with stationery and illustration and lettering. I don't really know what I am going to do with them. It's all still in development. What if I end up not using them at all?

I guess that's the risk of making art, or really anything. The risk of life, even. You don't know how things are going to turn out, if you will like it or if it will all fit together, or if you'll change your mind thirty minutes after you've painted out the last stroke and put the work away never to look at it again. Or if you make something and the world does not receive it well and no one really resonates with it and it just disappears into a drawer somewhere.

I guess that's why you need to enjoy the process of creating, of living, or working. If you're after it all just for the results, for the end product, for the pay or public acclaim, then you are missing the joy that you can get from actually making, from living, from experiencing life and trying new things. The physical loveliness of paint washing on the paper, colors deepening as you add layers, the thrill when something you planned turns out, unexpectedly, to be far more lovely than you were imagining, the hunt for ideas that make you sing.

What this basically comes down to is about enjoying the process.

Release the worry about what it all means and where it is all going. Trust that you are going somewhere you need to go.  Even if these pretty flowers, butterflies and celebratory snacks never go where my vague ideas thought, even if they DO get stuffed into a drawer never to see the light of day, the act of creating them may take me farther down my path. Maybe painting these pages is not about the pages that I've painted, but about the act of painting.

I do so love to paint, you see. And I don't do it nearly enough. So if this project got me to take out my trusty winsor newton travel paint set, then maybe that was the point. Maybe I've already gotten something out of this project because of the thought that I put into writing this post, and the creative process?

Whatever it is, in and of itself, creating is a worthy activity. Not just for what you can create, not just for items that you could sell and posts that you could write, but because creating brings beauty into the world. Creating is you envisioning possibility and making it real in the world.

And let me tell you, there are no limits to where THAT can take you.

So take some time and imagine those possibilities, those things you'd like to see come real in the world, a painting, a novel, a beautiful room, a garden, a meal, and put your energy into creating them.  Put aside your worries about how it might go wrong or take too long or be a disappointment, because the act of creating is transformative, no matter the results.

Summer Reading Book Mark for Boys Who Like to Read

 Summer Reading Book Mark
orange elephant stamps, embroidery floss, and scrap menus

We're gearing up for the summer over here, and more importantly, for the summer reading program at our awesome public library. After school (countdown to the last day!) we went to pick out a hefty stock of books. They love reading and G in particular is after some sort of prize where he reads a bazillion books this summer.

To encourage him, I decided he was going to need a book mark all of his own. Also so he can put his book down, because as soon as he took it out of the library, he was ALL OVER that mummy riddle book.

 He couldn't even close the book to walk home from the library. 

Or to pose with the neighbors dinosaur sculpture. Ivy is all over posing with the dinosaur.

I said dinosaur sculpture. THERE'S A DINOSAUR ON THE LAWN, GABRIEL!

 Or how about the squirrel with the white tail.   That's pretty cool. It has a white tail. Have you ever seen a squirrel with a white tail? Gabriel? Gabriel?

Oh okay, When DO the mommy mummies get presents? (Mummies Day, of course.)

Like I said, someone needs his own book mark.  Good night Mummy Riddles, and hello summer reading.

Say Yes To Life, woodland animal paper doll greeting card

Say Yes To Life, woodland animal articulated paper doll greeting card

Here is my bunny. Well, here is the bunny I made for my Bunny. My daughter thinks her real name is Bunny and insists we all call her Ivy Bunny. I made the bunny paper doll particularly for her.

But I like this bunny here, on this card, with the background of lush leaves.  

A rabbit is a sign of Spring. It's a sign that there is abundance, a sign that things are growing, a sign that we should go ahead and let our hope out to romp around in lush gardens.

Don't hide from the joy and the opportunity, get out there and raid that lettuce patch of life. You belong in the abundance that is out there. You are made of yes. You are made of growth and fertility and creativity. Don't let the little fears keep you hidden in your burrow. A rabbit is small and gentle and vulnerable, but every moment they are alive, every step they take into the world is full of bravery and chance taking.

What are you hiding from out of fear? What could you say yes to that might change your life? What chances could you take that would open up possibilities for you? Where could you be brave. Practice saying yes everyday to something that scares you. You might be surprised at how your world can bloom.

Self Portrait, Reflection

Self portrait, Reflection

One of the things I learned last week when I kept track of my creative output and productivity in my creative log, is that some things made me feel happier and more productive. 

Oddly, one of the things that made me feel the most happy was just simply taking a walk to the post office. It wasn't the post office that made me happy, it was the walk, on which I took my camera and pulled it out when I saw things that struck me, things that made me happy... like this pretty porch with flowering tree and wicker chairs. 

 Or this one

 What a cozy place to curl up with a book in the shade, watching the cars or few pedestrians pass by.

 This is a picture of the famous Chelsea Jiffy silos behind a garage. I always want to take photos of them but some how, they never quite live up to the actual impression of them. I mean it's just a factory, really, a little industrial action, but there's something quite stunning about the white silos and the factory buildings and the train tracks in the middle of this small town.

So why did this little walk and photo shoot make me feel accomplished? I did particularly like the self portrait, but that wasn't it. It's not that I had some great output of work. I don't really consider photography to be my real work, for me it's just a hobby, something I do for fun. Some day I might take it more seriously, but right now, it's just something I do because I want to, without having any other responsibilities attached to it. There are no shoulds. No people who are counting on me. No deadlines or timetables involved. No money involved.

That might have been part of the good feelings. There was no stress in those few minutes of my walk. I was already on my way on one of my errands. I had no child duties. It was just me and my feet and my eyes and my thoughts. This is why I made "self" one of the categories in my creativity log, because there is something about taking care of yourself, doing things you know make you feel good, not just for the moment, but for the long run. Things that feed your soul and recharge you. I'm an introvert and I need time to myself to recharge, and as a mom, I don't often get it. I'm writing this post now with a little girl sitting five feet from me, jabbering on, with moments of silence.

A ten minute walk, taking pictures and having my thoughts to myself, being able to reflect upon my thoughts or take in my surroundings or just being able to BE myself set me back on the right path for two weeks, I think.

I think also I need to make sure this is part of my regular activities. Remember to walk out by myself. Even if I don't have an errand to run.

Do you remember to do things that are just for you? Do you remember to take care of your self in the middle of all your other responsibilities and doings for other people? What recharges you? What simple activities could you try that would feed your soul?

Be At Home Where You Are

Be At Home Where You Are 

stamps and ink 

I've been having so much fun carving little stamps, trying to think about imagery that I frequently use and how to translate it into a stamp and then trying to improve my own skills with the stamp carving, because, let's be honest, I'm having fun, but I'm no Geninne.

But I'm okay with making little stamps that aren't perfect or making mistakes or mismanaging the engineering of negative and positive space (like I did in the upside down houses above. I left the door and windows and roof but forgot the walls!) because making mistakes are part of the process. I'm okay with not having perfect control of the medium, because I trust I will learn and I will grow and develop and discover how to do it right and where I am going with it all. I might go nowhere at all with all these stamps, creatively, but I'll always have them, and the skills, and that will feed into wherever I do go in the future. So it's okay to not know where you're going or to just play and try out new things to see what will happen, even if it might not work out.

 I really do believe that nothing we do is wasted. Everything in life is a part of the journey. Everything that happens to us has a purpose, even if it seems terrible or we are unhappy, I feel that we have something to learn from our life, somewhere to go. It's really hard to remember that perspective when you might be in the middle of suffering, but even suffering ends, and sometimes the best you can do is to be able to salvage some  wisdom or experience from the suffering.

Okay, well, this post took a dark turn. And here I was just playing with stamps. But I guess the sentiment still stands. This is the life we are living. This is the journey we are on. These are the lessons we are learning, and we can make the best of it if we accept it as OUR journey, if we are at home where we are on the journey, with our selves, with our own ups and downs.

If it comes out-- great. If it doesn't-- take the lesson and work it out next time. Or find a way to make this mistake work for you. Or let it go. We don't have to  excel at everything we try. It's okay for something to not work out. 

With this in mind, what is stopping you from trying something new? Or taking on that challenge that you are afraid of? If you are okay with where you are, if you are at home in yourself, and if you understand that it's all part of the journey, then you should never be afraid to try something or to possibly fail, because there is no failure, there is just another step on the road.

Begin Again

Begin Again

journal entry

pencil, pen, watercolor

I started a new journal. This is a big deal for me. It always feels like turning a new page, no pun intended. But more, since having kids, I just have not been as reflective. I don't get to sit for hours with my journal, writing and drawing. This might surprise some of you who have followed me here, on my blog, as I move along on my creative journal. I'm much more project oriented now than I used to be. Before it was all about the process, and the journal was a private thing where I sought understanding over my thoughts, emotions, experiences and my world.

Now I run around with kids and clean the house and go to work and watch tv and crash exhausted. When I write, it is with purpose, to illustrate something, to convey something, to reflect on something in my blog, for just one little minute, that might enlighten someone else on whatever struggle has crossed my path that day. If I do write in my journal nowadays, it's usually about planning my day, or getting my head straight so I can do something productive.

Not only am I not as reflective, and do I not keep up with my journal the way I used to, but I've been in a creative slump for the last three months.

So this new journal for me marks a re-dedication to my own creativity and reflection. I'm ready to get back to who I used to be.... not just the me before this winter, but also the me before kids.

When I think about it, the very existence of this blog is really about me trying to regain my creativity. And it has helped me along the way.... from truly not being creative, to painting everyday, to writing again, to developing new craft skills, to being creative as a mother.

So, I think what I'd like to see the rest of the year for myself and my blog is a return to my big goals as an artist and a writer and a creative. And a teacher too, in case I forgot that.

So you know what? In order to avoid my tendency to "forget" all my goals for myself, I am going to put them out there in writing. Maybe someday one or two of you will call me on avoiding my real goals, and maybe I'll grumble about it, but maybe it will spur me to keep going when I get scared.

So here they are, my creative goals:

1. Finish that novel and get it out there in the world, find an agent, find a publisher.

2. Take myself seriously as an artist. Play big. Go deep.

3. Take myself seriously as a business woman and invest some time and money into my shop, and giving the world what I have to give.

4. Start a creativity workshop IRL. Start one online. I know this stuff, I'm not just faking it here. And I know people who should be doing it with me. Ahem. If you think I am talking to you, I probably am.

So here I am, ready to start my creative goals over again. Begin again.

But on a funny note, I am not beginning from zero. Everything I have done in the past 6 years, even though it seems to have taken me off in a different direction from where I started, has gotten me farther and farther along in my goals. Sideways and roundabout maybe, but I am more prepared now for my goals than I ever have been in my life.

Those detours we take? They make us who we are.

Girls' Play Date and The Big Lazy

Oh it's going slowly with my creativity. I took Ivy out for a mama daughter play date. We went to Zou Zou's Cafe.

She had a sprinkle cookie.

Then we took out some pens and crayons and did some drawings.

Here, she drew mama's hat and a flower and various other things. And I drew her drawing. Children are very hard to draw. Their faces are so soft.
As for me, I did start revising my novel, but only a few pages and again, fell off the wagon.

Sometimes being creative is like an addiction. Or breaking an addiction to laziness (or whatever your particular fiend is, mine is laziness). Right now, I have to take it each day as it comes. Face the lazy. Make a choice. Remind myself that I'll feel better if I chose creating over lazy. Remind myself that when I take the first step towards being creative, it will be easier to continue. And it will be easier each time I deny that big Lazy.

I've been feeling the desire to revise my novel, but I mostly don't. I've been feeling the desire to paint again, maybe even Flying Girls, or maybe not. But I don't. I've been feeling the desire to start paper journaling again, writing, art, collage, etc... but I kind of wuss out on that, too.

What is this reluctance to be creative, even though you know you love it? Am I afraid of not being as good as I wish I was or wasting my time? I feel a physical resistance, sometimes, as if the thought of getting out my paints would be impossible, or it wouldn't be worth the physical effort. Resistance. The Big Lazy. (And the Big Fear that we don't like to mention because that might make it real.)

But on the plus side, I know that when I start asking these questions, when I start putting my thoughts and intentions out into the world, then that is a sign that the creativity is getting stronger. The creativity is growing. The Big Lazy (and the Big Fear) is losing power.

It takes a while of this kind of questioning and consideration to make the change.

First will come some not so great sketches in my journal (Hey! I already have some of those right here!) then will come some tentative watercolors. (I'm thinking of buying some new half pans for my Winsor Newton travel set. A new set is like 150$! I'm pretty sure it cost me only 40$ or so when I bought it 15 years ago, but it might have been on sale) then will come some acrylic paintings in my journal, then maybe I'll get up the nerve to paint some bigger things.

Well, we'll see.

How do you build up your creativity? How do you get it back when it slips away in the living of life?