Writing Process: The Tortoise and the Hare (I'm both)

 

I had a good day writing yesterday. 2806 words by the time I shut the computer at 10 pm. It’s pretty common for me to have a good day on the first day of nanowrimo, before the long slog sets in, while i’m still excited and have the ideas fresh in my mind.

I’m writing my sequel for nanowrimo, but as a nano rebel, I’m actually also using this time to write the ending of the last novel (which I stalled on about three months ago) and allowing the momentum to carry me through into the next book. And I’ve spent 3 months not writing that story.

I was very frustrated coming to the end of that story, and couldn’t finish. But I’ve been thinking about it, ever since then. I’ve been mulling it over. I’ve been reading it over. I’ve been getting ideas for how to finish.

But even with the ideas, I did not write them. I waited. I let them percolate. Along with the idea on how to finish, I got the sudden inspiration to write the sequel for nano, just last month. I’d been planning to skip nano this year. So I wrote some outline notes (very sketchy) and continued to wait without writing. I call this the “hushing and holding” phase. Or “fallow period.” 

It’s silent, but it’s growing. 

Part of my writing process… perhaps THE writing process, I’m not sure if it’s necessary for everyone or just many of us… is NOT writing. I require times of silence and contemplation. Sometimes before I have a story. Sometimes when my story is going well and I just need to go deep. Sometimes when I am stuck and need to work out tangles that my conscious, actively writing mind can’t figure out. 

I almost feel bad having such a good day for nanowrimo, because I know not everyone does, andI don’t want to make the slower paced writers feel like they are doing it wrong. Because they’re not. 

There are many different writing processes, and going slow and steady is just as valid as writing binges where the word count is racked up. Writing fast and furious without the internal editor is just as valid as writing carefully and slowly and choosing the exact words as you go. Even with someone who DOES write fast, like me, I go through periods in my writing process where there is no writing. Or the words come slowly. Or I’m all about planning. Or I’m all about revision. Or I have to skip around from story to story. Or I’m writing non fiction. Or I’m drawing. 

My three months of non-writing or slow writing are just as valuable as the times when I binge on 50k in a month. And to be honest, forcing myself to write TOO MUCH is not good for my long term writing process. I write better when I write a little bit more slowly. Nanowrimo pushes the outer edges of my comfortable writing pace (about 1200 words a day according to this past year which I am quite pleased about.) No matter how much of an adrenaline rush I might get from hitting 5k in a day, it is generally not sustainable and if I push for it, can lead to a full stop on my writing process. And no matter how disappointed I might feel on those days when my word count is only in the hundreds, that slower pace is still moving me forward.

So here’s the thing. Stop comparing yourself to other writers. Stop seeing what they did and looking at your process as wrong. If you wrote. You wrote. And those words add up. If you only had time to write in 15 minutes sessions, those bits add up. If you wrote 90 minutes in the morning and none at all after. That adds up. If you had to work and couldn’t hit your word count, recognize that your life might not look like other people’s lives, and you might have more time and focus on the weekends, where you get to catch up. If you write better with other people around. Go to a cafe. If you write better alone, hole up in your room with your computer under the cover. If you’re not doing nano at all because the pressure and competition doesn’t work for you… DON’T DO IT. Screw competing. Unless competing really gets your juices flowing THEN COMPETE. Try to beat someone’s word count. IDC. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

Here’s the trick… you have to write in order to figure out what’s good for you, though. So do your writing. Do nano or don’t. Don’t feel bad about not being like other people, instead, look at the ways you’re not like other people and say, okay that doesn’t work for me BUT THIS DOES, so I’m going to do THIS like me, not THAT like you, because this is my process, not yours. 

find this post here, on my writing tumblr

Nanowrimo and Parenting or Again

Again, by Rowena Murillo

The first time I did nano, I had a one year old and I was pregnant with my second. I went through the infant stages, the toddler stages, preschooler, kindergartner, early elementary and now the mid grade years. Every year, I managed to keep them alive and fed and relatively clean and happy. Nine years later and I have attempted nano every year and only failed the year I also moved cross country in November.

The thing about nanowrimo is that life never gets out of the way for it. Every year, it's the holidays. Every year, there are technical difficulties with family and work and living and health and relationships and money and time. Every single year. I've moved in November, twice. Last year I got separated in November. I've struggled with the flu. I've needed to find a new job.

The other thing about nanowrimo is that if you keep going, if you keep putting one word down after the other, if you keep giving yourself 15 minutes, half an hour, nap time, the minutes while the chicken is baking, an afternoon while grandma babysits, an hour after the kids go down for the night, if you keep giving yourself that time to write and you actually do it, you will succeed.

Make the time. Keep writing. Don't judge yourself. Don't edit. Sit down and write. Find the time. Commit. Just do it. Write. In little bits and drabbles or in long bingeing periods where you forget to eat and neglect your kids (actually don't neglect your kids, just pawn them off on someone else) just keep writing.

Nanowrimo tells me that over the course of the last 9 years, I have written over half a million words during nanowrimo. That's right. 500,000 words. And that's not counting the work I've done outside of November, the new work, the research, the outlining, the editing, the revising. I actually have one full, finished final manuscript that I am sending out to agents. And I have become a much better writer for all the effort.

As parents, we might not have as much free time as other nanowrimo participants. We might have more responsibilities and sticky handed time bandits, but we also know what matters in life. We know what matters to us. We know that if we want something, we have to take care of it.

So the first question to ask yourself at the beginning of nanowrimo is this: how much do you want it?

The second question to ask is what will you to do take care of it?

Shooting in the Dark

Shooting in the Dark

One night, past sundown, I was sitting in a lovely little waterside bar, with my new camera beside me. I had missed the sunset, arriving just a bit too late. It was getting darker and there wasn't much to see.

My plans for capturing the sunset had failed, but I said to myself, "self, what do you have to lose?" And I picked up the camera and took a picture. Even though it was too dark to really see. Even though I'd tried dark shoots with my old, crappy camera, and it was always a crap shoot.

And then I looked at the picture I had just taken.

Water!
Egrets!
Boat!
Pilings!
Nature Preserve!
Deep blue with just a touch of pink!

Now, I am not a professional photographer. I just like to play with pictures and capture pretty things. I consider it a hobby and a tool, and myself an amateur. I couldn't tell you why this camera takes such better pictures although my uncle the photographer tried to explain it to me. I can't explain anything about apertures or shutter settings. I forgot that after my long ago high school photography class. I am relieved to not have to deal with developing or chemicals or any of that stuff from the last generation. I just like to be able to play.

And I can also recognize when an image sizzles.

Here's the lesson I learned.

Take the chance. Even when you are not sure what might come out, what the results might be. Even when you feel like you don't know what you're doing and you have missed your opportunity. You have nothing to lose. Take the chance. Even though you feel like you are going blind and don't understand anything, trust yourself and take the chance.

It might not end up like what you expected.

It might be better.

Ideas

It is the end of October and tomorrow is the first day of November, the first day of Nanowrimo.

My mind is awhirl with ideas.

Tomorrow starts the month when I put my ideas down on paper and attempt to make something concrete out of them.

It's a scary thing, often, making your ideas real. Sometimes it feels much better to keep your ideas in the realm of the maybe, to not put them down on paper, to not show them, to not turn them into something real.

The thing is, ideas can be wonderful and great and genius and perfect, but once you put them down on paper to make them real, they will be real in their flaws, lumps, awkwardness, and imperfection. Before you put them down, when that page is blank and full of nothing but potential and possibility, your hopes of what might be can get so big and important that it's too frightening to write them down and expose them.

Because reality is never perfect, and genius may start with a genius idea, but to make it real, it takes an awful lot of work and pruning and revising. It is so much better to put that flawed idea, that uncertain attempt, that maybe down on paper than it is to sit with the flawless, intangible idea floating around in your brain.

Put it out there. Try it out. See what happens when the floating idea lands on the page and inspires a second idea, and then a third. Or maybe it turns out to be a bad idea that doesn't go anywhere. In that case, scrap that idea and move on to the next. Just make sure whatever it is, you commit to those ideas, you make those ideas real.

Get Ready for Nanowrimo with a Mock Up of Your Book Cover

Subterranean

In preparation for beginning nanowrimo in November, I created a mock up of the front cover of the novel I am hoping to write.

It is actually quite surprising how creating the cover of your novel can help you focus on the book you are going to write, it almost makes it real, whereas before, it was just a nice idea and a bunch of words all mashed up in some order you're not quite sure of yet.

I suggest this as an exercise for anyone tackling a big book project, whether in nanowrimo or on your own. I did this once before for the novel I was revising, and it really gave me the push to see it all the way through.

Some suggestions for how to get this mock up going.

1. Take a look at some of your favorite book covers and look at how these books convey the mood and characters and story of the books. Start getting some ideas of what you'd like your book cover to look like. For some inspiration, I have pinterest collections of illustrations, and more text based illustrations. Notice that the illustrations can be anywhere from super elaborate to very simple, multiple colors or black and white, perfect and precise to scrawled graffiti. 

2. Pick a medium that you are comfortable with. Remember, you are not actually trying to be a book illustrator, you are just trying to make your book real to you. It's okay if you are not a great artist. If you like taking photos, try using one of your photos as the main image. Use magazines and collage images that convey a sense of the story. Perhaps your book cover is just color block, patterns or words. If you know photoshop or computer graphics or  like cool computer fonts, use that. I generally hand draw all that

3. Take out a piece of paper and divide it into 6 or 8 book cover shaped rectangles. Sketch a few ideas on this paper, one per rectangle. Think about different main images, colors, where the text goes. Try rearranging the main elements for the best effect. Leave space on the image to put your book title, author and any other text. Sketch out the title so you know how much room you'll need to make it all fit. Pay attention to the space around your images, the negative space, so nothing is too squooshed or unbalanced (unless that's part of your design.) After I did it, I noticed that my lettering is a little unbalanced, but you know what? It's not that bad, and this is just a mock up. It's good practice for nanowrimo to not worry about being perfect. Practice letting go of your internal editor. I'll be honest, I skipped this step when I did my own mock up and went straight to step 4.

4. Take out a larger piece of paper and sketch out the placement of your images lightly, just so you know where it all goes on your paper.  Oh, I suppose if you're working on the computer do whatever it is the computer wants you to do. The point is, try out your final arrangement. 

5. Now go at it and make your image, paint, draw, collage, photo edit. Don't be too obsessive about getting it perfect. You only have a few days left before you have to start writing, so don't spend all that time on this. This is an exercise for your writing.

6. Don't forget to display your new book cover mockup so that you can be inspired by it while you are writing. Upload it to your novel page on nanowrimo. It feels good to have it on your profile.

I am specifically not giving advice on how to do graphics or art techniques, because the point is not to get all wrapped up in the hows of the craft, but to help you with your planning and drafting and writing. And to play. This is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun, scrap it. Find a better exercise for you, your personality and your creativity.

Perhaps it would work better for you to write the back copy of your novel... those few paragraphs that you would read if you picked up your novel in a book store and wanted to find out what it was about. Do that instead. Or do that also. Just have fun, and focus on the story you want to tell. Woo hoo, November is almost here!

I May Wander But I Am Not Lost, Turning Failures into Something New

Sometimes, when I am printing up one of my paintings that someone ordered, something will go wrong. The ink will splotch or an unnoticed spot will appear or the colors will be off or I tried to use the wrong paper or something will smudge or the printer will break down or it just won't be right.

I won't send those prints out. I will stick them in a box and pray the next print comes out. Every once in a while, that one doesn't, or the next one doesn't. So every once in a while, I go through my boxes and files of failures and look for something that I can take and do something with, make something of.

I had a whole series of prints where the color was off. I finally just took them out and chopped them up into little bookmarks. This is one. You can see the tip of a flying girl's foot right above the 'wander.'

I thought this was a kind of fitting metaphor for life, and a good illustration of Tolkien's quote.

I wander from my path. I fail in my endeavors. I get lost in the details or in the living. Then I unpack all my mistakes, and see what I have learned, how I have grown, what I can make from my failures.

Interestingly, I'm doing the same thing with writing. I'm doing Nanowrimo in a few days where I will write 50k words in a new novel in the month of November. I've done nano for the last 7 years. I dropped out last year because life was just in too much upheaval, but even the two years before that, where I met my wordcount goal, I wrote stories that were failures as stories. The first of those stories didn't work, so I tried again the next year, and that one didn't work either.

They wandered. They wandered terribly into places that didn't make sense and didn't seem to get me where I needed to go, narratively speaking. I explored paths the story wasn't ready to take, and so the "novels" I wrote never went anywhere. That would be 100k words of a novel that wandered, without ever getting where it needed to go.

So here I am again, getting ready to write that novel that I failed at twice before. Unpacking those hundred thousand words, reading them, salvaging what I could.

And I chopped that sucker up, just like the bookmark. My new outline starts with the one scene that worked in the first novelistic failure.The same scene that I started again with the second novelistic failure. After reading both drafts, I realize that my second draft improved greatly on the first draft of the scene, so I got ONE thing out of rewriting it twice.

My new outline for this twice attempted book is taking an entirely different direction. The book, while it has the same characters and basic premise, will have an entirely different flavor. I believe it will be richer and smarter and darker. It will mean more.

Because the thing is, I have learned things over these last three years of failed noveling that have actually gotten me past the struggle I was having with writing the new story. Some of those lessons are about writing and character and plot, but some of those things are about myself, living, love, fear and pain.

I am very optimistic about my writing for this nano, and about the story I am going to tell. Is it because this time I put my energy into planning and outlining instead of winging it like I tried for the last three years? Quite possibly. Or is it because in my wanderings I have grown and am now ready to write the story that needs to be written? Maybe that, too.  I may wander, but I am not lost.

Write. Just Do It.

Write, or Pink Smith Corona

To reach your dream, you have to make a commitment, a real, solid, painful commitment, much like a marriage. It's a better or worse kind of scenario. It's the kind of commitment where you forsake all others, and give up other things to stay true to the dream. If for instance, you dream of being a writer, you may think only of the wild and alive story that you have brought into the world, the glories of publishing, the swagger of being that writer with the pen in hand and the journal, sitting at the cafe like some Parisian bohemian, drinking strong black coffee and pouring his soul out onto the page. But being a writer is often a lot uglier than that. It's struggling with the days when the words don't come. It's a deadly dull day job or grinding financial struggle. It's rejection letters. It's fear and insecurity. It's isolating. It's the hundreds of pages that you have to delete because you were just going down the wrong track. It's your laptop dying when you didn't save, when you had finally figured it out, and were *that* close to the masterpiece of your dreams. It's that moment when you say, "Forget it. I give up. It's too hard."

A lot of the time, when we think about our dreams, we only see the hilights, the pretty pictures, the golden light streaming through the windows and the joy of achieving what you have worked for all that time.

But the truth is, dreams are hard work and they have shadows, too. They are full of struggles, confusion, failure, drudgery, dust bunnies, neglected children, neglected health, being broke, lonely days, detours, breakdowns of many varieties, long stretches of silence, block and giving up.

But if this dream is really your dream, if you love the journey, not just the idea of accomplishment, if you love the work, then trust yourself, trust that when you come back, your dream will be waiting for you and you can climb your way back onto the path. But, it's hard. Don't think it will be easy. If you really want this, and you have lost your way, you will have to claw your way back, regain the ground that you lost inch by inch. But believe in your dream and believe in yourself, because it's that belief that makes the dream possible, even when it seems like it isn't.

PS  This is my 1000th post. I think that is why I've had such a bloggers block this year. I knew this momentous post was coming up and I wanted to make it a landmark, important. I made the stakes too high and it kept me from writing. One Thousand blog posts. ONE THOUSAND. Even thinking about it kind of blows my mind. So perhaps, instead of making this a special post, I will just quietly go back to writing my blog, one post at a time, the way I wrote every one of those thousand entries, without trying to make it momentous. Maybe I'll reward myself with a new sweater. Or a cake. Cake is good.

PPS I'm also doing nanowrimo this year. Is anyone else taking the challenge? I am rosymamacita over on nanowrimo if you want to buddy up.

PPPS I have prints of Write or Pink Smith Corona up for sale in my shop. You notice it says "Write" not, "Hey, why don't you think about writing and avoid the blank page until you are absolutely 100% sure you have it all perfectly down and will not make any mistakes and really really know what you're doing and are totally confident and the circumstances are just perfect and you're not tired or stressed out or don't have to go deep clean the kitchen." Just write. Do it.

PPPPS Yay me for sitting down and writing this blog entry instead of just thinking about it for more weeks on end. 

Moving House

Moving House

I've kind of fallen down on my 100 paintings in 100 days. A few days in, I discovered that I'd have to move in two months, and as the days got nearer, the stress and time constraints kept me from painting and even more, from posting.

Now, the 100 days is not actually over yet, so who knows, maybe I will manage to put it all together. I mean, I did do these little houses and charms, and perhaps if I count some of the other things I did, not just paintings, I might not be as far behind as I thought... but my 100 days is not moving smoothly.

Speaking of moving, my move is upon me. Today is the day when we hit the road, so perhaps in a few days when the travel is over and the dust has settled and we are ensconced in our Florida home with the warmer weather, I will come back and show you the plethora of travel themed sketches, paintings, feltie and paperclay projects I have done while riding in the car and trying to keep my kids entertained. I packed a bag with all the things I might need to do so. Wish me luck.

I'm going to take this as a lesson not to take things so seriously, to lighten up and enjoy the ride, even if the ride is bumpy. Perhaps I could have kept up with my painting if I had just remembered to breathe, and to do the work I needed to in the time I had, and then to take a break and do my painting when I needed to.

Oh yeah, I'm also doing nanowrimo.org, even though the first week will be rough in the writing department. I can catch up, I know.  I have always hit my word count, every time I've done it, even if I haven't written a successful novel.

Ah ha. I will take the lessons of my 100 in 100 kerfuffle. Do what I need to do. Take some time to breathe and focus on what I WANT to do. The kids can't talk the ENTIRE trip, right? There will be some time to get some brain space to write, right?  Right?

Oh well, I'll just go with the flow. Let the road rise to meet my feet, er, pen. Ok, enough mixed metaphors. I have to pack the last of the bags in the car and take off.

See ya on the flip side.

Putting On My Writing Hat

Put On My Writing Hat
acrylic, sharpie, on paper moleskine

Yesterday, I decided to do some sketching. I drew a self portrait from a quickly snapped digital picture. I know the chin is too prominent, but that's what happens when you use sharpie. You're stuck with it, more or less.

Sketching turns out to be a good way to start my day. I don't know if I will make it a habit, I only have so many minutes before I have to get going on my regular days, and there are always so many different things that I'd like to start off with. But this day, a day off of work, turned out to be a good one.

Getting ready to nano, I am starting to get my outline together. It's never as much time as I want, but it's what I have. I put my hat on, my "writing hat", before I got started. It kept my brains from wandering all over the place when I was trying to write. I know it's probably silly, but I also think that it might be a good sense memory-association to cultivate. Hat goes on: girl goes writing.

I took my hat, pulled together a writing folder, gathered up my index cards, collected my pens, printed out my previous notes, and headed to the cafe, where I stared out the window, drank a latte and ate coffee cake, and began a snowflake outline.

The funny thing is, I only had a couple of hours to write, but while I wasn't writing, I got so much else done. Cleaning and cooking and working with kids and painting and blogging.

It is so terribly hard to sit down and start writing when you haven't been writing and you are out of practice, but when you actually get started, the momentum can carry you forward in all sorts of productive ways.

And that's what I'm working on, getting a creative momentum going, building up those good writing habits, pulling together the supplies I need, getting out the ideas so that I am not stopped by "what do I do next." And staring out the window, mulling things over. That too.

What do you do to get your creative momentum going? Do you have creative habits? Talismans? Schedules?  Routines?

La Pintura On The Way Back

La Pintura, articulated paper doll.

paper, giclee print, metal brads

Long time no see.

I've been in hiding. Well, not really in hiding so much as in a fallow period. Busy with daily life and silent on the outside. But at the same time, I feel a lot of work has been going on under the surface, even if my forward momentum seems to have stalled.

But the way my life works, I've found this is actually a normal part of the process. Again and again, I've gone through quiet, struggling periods of life, where art is silent and the transformation process is dark and quiet.

It would be easy to get stuck there, to think, "I have creative block," or "I give up," or "I just can't do it, my life is too difficult to allow these goals in." But the truth is, my goals as an artist and a writer are not just something that comes from the outside, they are a part of me. Even when I'm not painting or writing, I still feel that urge, and it gets stronger and stronger until I have to work my way back. Because I am just who this Paper Doll says I am. I am The Painter. And I am The Writer. I am the Artist even if she's quiet sometimes.

So here I am working my way back, trying to find the right steps to take me back to creativity and productivity. That's okay. Remember, this si part of the process. I'm beginning to remember creativity as a choice, a daily choice. I'm beginning to remember myself as the creator, even at the end of the day when I'm exhausted and have been taking care of other people all day long. Part of taking care of myself is creating things.

So.

So then. The baby steps I am taking are towards recommitting to art and writing. I have begun painting again, little things in my journals. I took out my new-used sewing machine for the first time and gave it a whirl. I went back to my old novels and read them over to get ready for a new commitment to nanowrimo.org.

Yes, I'm going to try to write a novel in November, again. I am very worried, to tell the truth. I've met the goals every year for the last five, but this year, my habits are so poor and my mind is so out of writing that I am concerned that I won't be able to get the writing juices flowing and actually sit down at the computer every day.

So I am afraid. And that means I have to do it. Is fear what has been stopping me all along? Am I just using busy-ness and fallow-ness as an excuse for not doing it?

Well, I'm going to try again. I'm going to go for the daily commitment. And I might as well do Art Everyday Month, too. Commit to a daily creative practice and it will come back, I know this. Because for all I've been "The Mom" all this summer and autumn, I really am "The Artist." I am "The Writer." I am "The Painter." It's just who I am, and I am going to find a way to integrate all these parts of me. I just am.

Wish me luck.

25 Days of Creativity-- Ready to Go!

25 Days of Creativity

glitter, gesso, acrylic gel medium, pencil, paper bag, paint pen

This holiday season, I am making a real effort to focus on the home made, hand made, creative and non-materialistic things. I'm making gifts and cooking and decorating and hoping to help my kids see that it's not just about getting presents.

And to keep myself from getting overwhelmed by all of the crafting, baking, making, doing, painting, holidaying and ho ho ho-ing, I have decided to take on the challenge of doing one creative, crafty holiday task a day.

And since the online challenges have been such a help to me, I've decided to ask if anyone else wants to join in.

So here are the (loosely defined) rules.

I do solemnly swear that I am up to crafty goodness (or naughtiness).

Every day in the month of December, until the 25th, I will make something crafty/arty/creative/festive.

If I miss a day, I will not panic. I will just keep going, or maybe I'll do two things the next day, or maybe give myself a break. Or maybe I will count that eggnog I made for a party, or the cookies I baked for the kids, or decorating the Christmas tree, or wrapping those presents beautifully.

I will have fun, because this isn't a race or a competition.

I will not freak out with the pressures of the season, and that is why I am giving myself the whole month to get there, day by day.

I will do it bit by bit. And I will count the bits I am doing, even if they aren't perfect/complete/fancy.

I will put my love into my creative endeavors.

I will not put too much pressure on myself to make things perfect, because hand made is loved, and imperfection is lovely.

I will celebrate myself, my creativity, my loved ones and the season with all of the wonderful goodness that is upon us.

I will go with the flow, after making my lists, and see where this adventure takes me.

*** *** ***

So there are my rules if you want to play along.

The only other rules I can think of are to put your name and your blog address in my comments, if you want me to put you in the sidebar, so we can cheer each other along in our creative holiday month. Or if you don't want to commit to a sidebar, you can just put a link to your creative projects in the comments.

I was also thinking about making a pinterest board with my 25 days of creativity project-- in fact I've just done it. Now I will be able to add all the creative projects, with links back to their blog or flickr account. I think it would be a fun place to collect all the projects in one place.

Well. I'm ready for the holidays... are you?

p.s. I finished my nanowrimo 50k words yesterday. woo hoo! Not done with the novel, but I am done with the November challenge. Thank you November. You kicked my butt. See you next year.

Ho Ho Ho on the Go Go Go, or A Question About A 25 Days of Christmas Creative Challenge

Ho Ho Ho on the Go Go Go

Maroon Gel Ink on repurposed menu

4x4"

After a month of being ahead in nanowrimo, I am behind. I haven't written in a week, wrapped up in life and living.

But I'm going with the flow. I am learning something about myself. I am learning something about my writing process. I thought that I only liked the first draft stage of writing, but it turns out, I like the revision process just as much if not more. Go figure. This is good news, since you can't be a published writer without the revision process.

I am also, I think, in the midst of an artistic transformation. However much I like the newness of invention, coming up with that solution, doing a brand new painting every day, going off on a whim of creativity, I am finding that I really long for an extended commitment to something. I want to spend more time on paintings. I want to make bigger projects. I want to work on stuff, expand the process from idea to execution so that I get it RIGHT, not just get it fast.

However... this upcoming month is going to be about Christmas. I recognize that. So, I am going to let myself off the hook on the production of art and allow myself to go fallow, to develop the ideas, the concepts, the desires. This is in regards to painting, though.

I still have some crazy stuff to make for Christmas, but this is more in the lines of craft and cooking, which I still find creative, but is a bit more practical.

I also had a question for any of you out there in blog land. Would YOU be interested in a joining a 25 days of Christmas creative challenge?

I think I want to post one creative project a day for Christmas. This could be holiday decorating, present making, meal cooking, card making, hall decking, carol singing, tradition building, present wrapping, stocking stitching, party hosting or what have you. If it's creative and related to the holidays, then I think it counts.

Really it's just all the stuff I already have to do, but since I am kind of opposed to the materialistic nature of Christmas, I really want to focus on the handmade portion of the holiday. And since the month long challenges usually help me to keep on task in the productivity department... well.... I think this is a good timely challenge.

I know it's late notice, but I think I'm just going for it in my crazy impetuous way. I'll figure out some "rules" for the 25 Days of Christmas Challenge and post it tomorrow.

Well, after I have a novel writing marathon, because I've got to hit 50k in the next couple of days because I'm 5k short!

Tune in tomorrow. I'll put up an official list, add it to the sidebar. Maybe sketch up a graphic. I'm up for a little bit of holiday inspired creativity and community. How about you?

Let the Sunshine In, Bookmark, and Getting Back to Work

Let the Sunshine In Bookmark

repurposed menu, ink, fabric, acrylic gel medium, embroidery floss

AEDM

I made this a few days ago as a gift for a customer. I might have started it a while ago and just finished it this month. Well yeah, that's what I did. I have not really used Art Everyday Month in the way I wanted to. I wanted to get back to painting pictures. Instead, I am again broadly defining "art" as all the sorts of creativity that I take part in, which is good. But I miss painting.

I also haven't been writing as consistently as I wanted for nanowrimo. First with getting the flu, or whatever virus it is that is actually still dragging on just a little bit, then with some required social engagements and my birthday, and to top it off, adding a freelance responsibility to the past week... well, I haven't been writing everyday, and when I write, I haven't been writing as much as I wanted to. I'll still reach the 50 thousand word goal, but I wanted to finish my whole book.

I don't think that will happen, unless I get super productive in the week after Thanksgiving.

So in a way, with the way my life has gone this last month, I've kind of stuck a bookmark in my goals for myself.
reverse, let the sunshine in bookmark

But maybe it's not the worst thing in the world to hold still in place for a little while.

I know that I will always be able to get back to painting when I am ready to make that commitment. There is no reason that I have to do it now now now. I don't have a deadline. The only deadlines here are my own self imposed ones.

And, even though I am not writing as much as I want, I am still ahead of the goals for nanowrimo. I will finish my 50 thousand words, I will hit that deadline. It is only my personal goals of 100 thousand words and actually finishing the whole novel that I may not reach.

The real deadlines that I've had to work with this month are are when I someone else is depending upon me, like when I have to be at work on my scheduled days, or meet the school bus when it's my turn to pick up G, or finish this pile of curriculum plans by tonight. Yes. That's the deadline that has kept me away from writing, blogging and painting this last week.

I finally have a handle on it and can see that I will reach the deadline.

And then when I am done with that, I can get back to the other things that I want to do, my personal goals. The deadlines that only I am holding myself to.

Well... that is, after I do Thanksgiving. You know. Thanksgiving? That day that is never your own, at least when you're a mom. Well at least I don't have to make the whole meal, since we're splitting duties up between family members.

What are your own external deadlines that are getting in the way of your personal goals? Are you letting them stop you? Giving up on your dreams when those responsibilities to others seem so much more immediate?

I'll tell you a secret. I'm planning on finishing this curriculum plan before I need to, and I am going to stay down in the basement, away from all sorts of distractions, and get back to my writing. That's right.

I'm getting back to the plans. I'm going to pick it up where I left off. I'm taking the bookmark out and will be ready to get back to my goals. Just because we don't get as far as we want as soon as we want doesn't mean we still aren't moving forward.

I am the Eggman

I Am The Egg Man

eggs, pretzels, olives, salt and pepper.

Koo Koo Kachoo.

I am crazy right now. In the middle of projects and all. And also, to be honest, when I got an unexpected break in a deadline, well, I did absolutely nothing. That's right. No creativity. No writing. No painting. No sewing. No nada. Sat on the couch and let myself be a shlub.

Because there comes a time when you have to let yourself off the hook.

So I don't have a lot of stuff here. Actually, I have a few more things to show, but I'll save it for another day, because I have not been able to post as often, due to said deadlines.

But I did make Ivy a gingerbread man egg for breakfast. So she didn't eat it. What can I say. I'm used to it. But I made it. Cracked an egg into a cookie cutter and let it cook. Simple as that. Then I added the olive slice eyes and pretzel house.

Oh by the way, wordcount on nanowrimo? 44436, almost 50k. But I have not been able to write consistently, what with life taking over. It figures. All those months with nothing to do, and this is the month I choose to write a novel. But, with all of the writing, I've also started to write my way around to the novel that is closer to the one I want to write.

Boy, this process stuff is hard.

But then, I think this process stuff is life.

I think perhaps that enjoying the process, including the craziness, the challenges, the deadlines is part of how we find happiness.

A painting is not just the piece of art I end up with, not for me. It is also about how I come to that painting, and the act of painting, and the thoughts that created that painting.

Life is in the living. Creating is the process.

Koo Koo Kachoo.

Enjoy Life and Letting the Light in

Enjoy Life

watercolor, pen, pencil on paper

4"x8", repurposed menu

AEDM #15

I woke up this morning, still recovering from the flu or a cold or whatever this is, also suffering from a wine headache (known as an adult hangover, even though as an adult I only had three glasses all night and wasn't even buzzed) and feeling stressed out and behind on all my goals.

And then I said to myself, you know self? I'm going to try to enjoy my day.

And then, I must admit to you that I didn't quite succeed. It's kind of hard to enjoy your day when your stomach starts rebelling. (I really shouldn't drink wine. Sulfites aren't kind to me. Too bad it tastes so good.)

So a few hours later, after some squealing kids, a little bit of web surfing, some alka seltzer, and something to eat, I managed this little painting.

Witness:

No pressure to be perfect.

Going with the flow of life, paint, and paper.

Lots of color.

Remembering to remember.

Inspiring others (the boy has decided to paint again, finally. we may have broken through his own perfectionism that keeps him from painting/drawing/writing.)

Using what you have and living where you are.

Just breathing.

I can't guarantee that I have enjoyed every bit of today, but I'm trying to remember that I enjoy the parts I do enjoy, and not let the grumpy parts take over the rest.

I should be going down to do some writing in about a half hour, so I am trying to prepare myself to get writing. After my slow down this last week, I am still ahead, but not as far. And this morning, I thought about what I want this story to be... on the whole. I want it to be about a strange beauty, shadows and the unexpected things that grow there, the power that we find when we truly embrace ourselves and all our imperfections. And in order to that, I need to push myself to go deeper, wider, bigger. Also harder, more painful, uglier.

To go all the way with our endeavors, we really have to commit to the whole thing, even if it's scary, even if it isn't expected, even if people might not like it. Even if it's odd.

Say yes to those cracks between things.

That's how the light gets in.

Okay well, we'll see if I'm brave enough to go to those cracked and dark places, instead of just going with the flow.

As for you, I hope you are remembering to enjoy life in your little cracked or not so cracked parts of the world..

Flying Girl Goes Head First, or Dive In

Flying Girl Goes Head First or Dive In...

acrylic and pencil on paper

AEDM 13, 11/13/10

Where have I been? I skipped posting yesterday. I have been cranky and sick and not all that creative. Well. I've been creative, but low energy.

Plus I've been obsessed with pinterest. It's fun, but it's definitely a time suck. I guess I prefer a time suck when I'm still sick. So oh well.

But I have been slowly recovering, regaining brain power and such. I've been trying to get back into writing for nanowrimo and I've been afraid.

Writing while I was sick and brain dead took me far off course and got me really confused as to what was supposed to be happening.

Yesterday, before work, I sketched out this.

Dive in sketch

pencil on paper

11/12/10 aedm #12

This was me trying to tell myself that it was time to just dive right in, beyond the fear, beyond the uncertainty, beyond the laziness, to just commit. Take the steps. Write the words.

And I did. I lay in bed (because I didn't feel well enough to go downstairs and sit up right) and I just started writing.

I completely skipped the scene that was giving me trouble. I just went to the next part.

And it helped me figure it out.

The act of committing. The act of writing. The act of just doing carried me past the fear and the confusion.

Am I perfectly clear about what comes next? Nope. But I have somewhere to begin.

Remember also, this is week two of the big November challenges, when the excitement and the anticipation and the stored up ideas all start to run out. When life starts to interfere. When it just ain't as easy as it was in the beginning. This is part of the process. Keep going. Dive back in. We shall pass through this and move on to the next phase.

I'll tell you about when i get there.

How is your November going? How is your creativity moving?

Altering a Bleeping Big Thrifted Man's Sweater

Neckline: Foggy Day Sweater

AEDM day 10

thrifted sweater. thread. scissors. snip snip.

I have decided that what I have is not a cold, because I don't have the whole stuffed nose cough tissue dropping thing going on. What I have is a mild versions of my daughter's nasty flu. That is why I have not been able to think. So okay. Let it go. I will fall behind on my nanowrimo. I have time to make up my numbers later.

But last night, after while watching America's Next Top Model, I finally took out my old sweater.
Here it is, pre chopping.

It's a big baggy sweater that is fairly soft of a nice heathered greeny gray. Like a foggy day. It's a little tight in the neckline for me. I want it for throwing on after a day of work, over my tshirt, to lounge about in. But I'd like it to be more stylish than just a big old baggy man's sweater.

So the first step was to cut out the neckline. I was inspired by this sweater, that I have been staring at for months, it seems. I am afraid of cutting the arms. That seems a much bigger step to take. But I think I really need to do it. I think this sweater needs it's arms chopped off. However, I like feel the cozy sweater around my wrists. I think I am going to have to take the jump and just do it. (Whenever I make something, there is often a stage where I don't want to take the big step, to try something new, to possibly ruin it... and I just have to go for it.)

The neckline has improved it already, so why the heck not? Plus, there's something awkward about the big shoulders on this sweater, they don't lay flat, so I'm thinking a wise chopping and stitching might improve the whole thing. Who knows. Maybe I'll ruin it. But I'm still counting it as my aedm item.

Oh, I also just wanted to say that I finally got my invite for pinterest and I am now officially obsessed. I may have to let go of my small and heartfelt blog for the pinterest boards, since I use s&h as a pin board of things I like, but it takes me about 20 times longer to do a s&h post as it does to click the little "pin it" button on my bookmark bar. Sorry if you liked the blog, but I just don't have the time to maintain it the way I would like. Come on over to pinterest. If you need an invite, email me and I think I can send you one.

Sex & Chocolate, Art & Writing

Sex & Chocolate

ink, repurposed menu

day 10 AEDM

Just a quick note, a quick sketch to get myself in there on this AEDM.

A friend asked me to sketch out a design for an invitation, so when I had some down time at work, I did. It made me remember that I've been doing invitations, posters, menus, tshirts and various other design projects since I was very young. I've even been paid for them.

I forget sometimes that I do that. I mean, I do it all by hand. I don't know anything about the various tools of the graphic design trade, from photoshop to screen printing, but I do it.

Maybe I should have gone to art school. Oh well.

Right now I'm too busy with the other parts of my life, and as soon as I finish this, I have to run downstairs and write my novel.

I didn't write yesterday because I was too confused. The cold plus a detour in the plotline took me off so I got lost. Today I think my brain is working a tiny bit better and I think I've decided to back up and start writing again from before I got derailed. I'm still keeping my word count from it, and the character who showed up might come back later, but I'm just going to skip over all that writing.

Wish me luck.

The Moon Was Up Here, or Creative Slumps and the Journey

the moon was up here...

watercolor, pencil, sharpie, on paper

November 9, day 9 AEDM

(It was dark, pre dawn, and the three of us walked along. On our way to the rest of our life.)

This is a quick sketch I did this morning. Well, I did the pencil yesterday and watercolor today, the ink too. I didn't want to think too much about it. I wanted to just let if be whatever came to my mind in the moment, thus the grammatical mistakes. Or perhaps the not my favorite choice for colors.

What I've learned from my years (yes years) of creative challenges, is that it often takes a while to find your groove. You start out excited for the challenge, with the opportunity to jump into some things that you have been thinking about for a while, then after a while, your ideas dry up and you kind of futz around, wondering what is going on, wondering what it is you should be doing, what it is you have to say, wondering if you have anything to say at all.

It would be really easy to stop in this point, because it's not a very fun point. That is where the commitment takes over. You keep going because you promised yourself you would. You keep looking for ways to be creative because you promised yourself you would. And it can be a grind.

But somewhere in that grind, you discover something that is meaningful to you, and it all starts making sense again and then you start having your ideas again, and your direction, and you learn new things about your technique and about your voice and the energy returns.

I am in the grind.

But I will continue on.

This is the process.

And it's all good.

How is your process going? Are you sticking with it? Are you living up to your commitments?

ps I think this may also go for all commitments, relationships, jobs, education, projects.

nanowwrimo: 30113 words, day 8

Can Eye Skip Today?

Eye.

Wax.

Day 8 AEDM

No, that is not a dried apricot.

That is an eye carved out of melted candle wax. I did it while avoiding my nanowrimo wordcount for today.

But I carved an eye.

And I hit 30 thousand words in my new novel. Bad words. Nonsense words. Words that will be removed when I finally figure out what words I SHOULD be writing in this book.

I am still cranky. I am still sick.

Can I skip today? (bad pun, I know. Plus, I did not skip today.)