Today Is A Day To Honor Who You Are, or Self Portrait With Eyes Closed

Self Portrait: Eyes Closed

One of the things we can forget to do when we try to step out into our dreams, is to remember who we are.  It's so easy to look at all the wonderful things that are out there, the beautiful paintings, the beautiful people, the talented folks, the successful business people, the brave and exciting and important paths that people take and think, "Oh, that is just not me."

We compare ourselves to everyone else and decide that we are lacking. They have it. We don't.

It's so easy to do. So easy to focus on the negative and the flaws.

So today, I'm going to look at myself as if I weren't me, as if I wasn't privy to all the fears and failures and missteps and dead ends that I've gotten caught up in. I'm going to look at only my own beauty and talent and success and bravery and adventures and contributions to the world.

I'm going to make a list of the things I am good at, the things I know how to do, the things I can speak with authority on. I'm going to list my successes, because for all my failures in life, I've had successes, too, we all have. I'm going to focus, today, on who I am as a positive force in the world. What I can give. The effect I have had. I am going to focus on my own power.

Try it yourself. Try making a list of all your strengths... without adding caveats and exceptions and 'buts' and trying to convince yourself that you're not that good. Write out the ways you are wonderful and beautiful and strong. Take stock of your own strength and power and abilities. Every time those negative voices come up, tell them, 'thanks for sharing, but we're only looking for positive qualities now.' Ignore the negative and move on to the next positive.

It takes practice to look at the positive aspects of yourself without that negative voice, without the pessimism and doubts and fears. So practice. Answer that internal 'I suck' voice with a new internal 'I rock' voice... even if you don't believe it at first. Keep focusing on your own greatness, and sooner or later, you might even start believing it.

Hush or Keeping It Inside

Hush, or Alice Keeps It Inside
4 3/4 x 7 1/2"
ink and acrylic on vintage Alice in Wonderland book page

I've taken a little blog break. You see, I've had a lot going on.

I know I was blogging last year when I was in the midst of a move and I was blogging all my art from my 100 days challenge but I think that I had a moment to stop and think about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do... and in order to think about that with my blog, I had to stop.

What I've thought about doing lately is making my blog more intentional, and I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do it yet.

Sometimes there is virtue in being quiet.

In quiet, we can start listening to our internal voices, and these voices can whisper very silently sometimes. We have to stop talking, stop declaring ourselves, stop shouting to the world, just so that we can hear the whispers of intuition, emotion, idea, belief, desire, fear, hope, story, inspiration.

I know that it can be hard to be quiet and still, to not jump right in to actions or decisions. Sometimes, when you get that initial idea, it can be so exciting that you want to race to the finish line and go all in.

But the truth is, very often, the initial idea, or even not so initial, needs care and silence and darkness in order to grow to fruition. I've seen it with story ideas, for sure. I get a great idea and I want to start writing, but something in me tells me to hold on, let the idea germinate, let it grow and become stronger, let it feed on different thoughts and experiences, mull it over in the darkness. I sit with it deliberately, jot down a few notes, go to sleep with the idea in my head, throw in another intriguing concept, stir them up a bit and still... still hold on to it, silently.

There is no need to rush to speak it.

Not yet.

Hush. There is time to let it grow.

Flight, Figure It Out, Ambiguous 26-27/100 in 100 Days

Flight
26/100 in 100 Days Creative Challenge
acrylic on paper

I am falling behind in my challenge. I'm afraid that I've bitten off a bit more than I can chew and it's overwhelming me.

It isn't over yet and I'm still working on things and I still have a couple of finished things that I haven't prepared for posting yet and I have a couple of things that I've started and haven't finished yet, but I'm still feeling overwhelmed by everything.

Having a hard time integrating my wishes for things with how to get them all done.

Figure It Out
27/100 in 100 Days Creative Challenge

Heh heh. Maybe that explains this painting. Trying to figure out all the details. Sometimes I'm just trying to figure out all the artistic urges, but more often than not I'm trying to figure out how to make life work, how to balance life and work and art and kids and all.

Ambiguous
28/100 in 100 days creative challenge.

My paintings are making me a bit dizzy. This one reminds me of Vertigo for some reason, or some other Hitchcockian movie. Maybe it's North By Northwest. Falling, flying, running, tripping, surrendering?

Caught between things.

Lets see if art helps me make sense of it all.

Transition- Waiting, Flying and Falling 20-15/100 days

Waiting

acrylic on paper

25/100

I am finding myself having problems, not with my 100 works of art in 100 days, but with blogging said works of art. I've gotten back to my novel writing, too, and while that is going more slowly than my painting, I am moving forward on that. It is hard to find the time to paint, write, blog, work, cook, keep house, spend time with my kids, and various other necessary activities. 

I am also in a decidedly transitional period, and am finding that to affect my concentration and ability to commit. 

 When Camouflage Doesn't Work
acrylic on paper
20/100

There are decisions that need to be made, priorities that need to be adjusted. And I am still figuring out how I want it all to work and how I will manage to get it to work.

and if I surrender
acrylic on paper
21/100

All in all, that means I've slacked on the blogging. Sorry about that folks, but sometimes you have to do what is necessary.

But I am still enjoying the challenge of painting, and painting with a limited palette.

Blue, Gold, White. What happens when you mix them? What happens when you thin them? Use them solo, blend them all together. Paint with them, draw with them, water washes, scumbling, layers, opaque and transparent.

 tilt
acrylic on paper
22/100

This one is confused about what she is. She doesn't know. She thought she wanted to be something else, then she got up in the air, and got lost up there a little.

I'm exploring other ways to integrate the flying girl, I think.

Flying Girl Flies Again
acrylic on paper
23/100

Like this one. Arms akimbo in a swirl of orange.

Is she flying or falling? It's always a question.

Are those bubbles rising up or stones weighing down?

Oh I don't know.

Breathe
ink on paper
24/100

A change of pace. A reminder. A drawing.

Waiting

25/100

This one is my favorite. She started out all gold, then I added color. I'm moving away from the two color palette, although I'm still using variations of blue and gold with the turquoise and brown. The rose actually showed up accidentally. The drawing from the last page in the journal was pressed through the page onto the next page. Only in that one place, though. So I went with it. I like to go with the accidents of life, and see what comes of them. Sometimes it is very interesting, sometimes it just doesn't work.

I have another portrait that I forgot to photograph, then decided I wanted to work on it some more. And I'm working on another figure. I might consider adding layers to that one, too, instead of just the single color.

I can't believe I've been doing this for almost a month already. Time does go fast, and it's nice to keep track of your growth with the little bits of paintings that you leave behind you.

Woman in Triangles and Woman Lost in Stripes, #9/100 and #10/100

Woman in Triangles
acrylic paint on paper
9/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I have decided to do less story telling about my paintings. I'm okay with not knowing what exactly is going on in them. I'm okay with not having the answers in my art. I saw this vintage photo  of Nita Naldi, sultry silent film star, and it led to #9.

I don't really know what I am doing with it or where I am going, but I am going in this direction, whatever it is.

It really is the most important thing about creating art, I think, committing to making art. Committing to each work of art. Committing to yourself as an artist. Committing to your vision. There's a lot of trust involved in committing to art, or to anything, for that matter. You are trusting that it won't be a waste of time, that you will like what comes of the commitment, that you won't be hurt by what comes up.

There's a lot of bravery involved in committing, a lot of bravery in following your heart.

Woman Lost in Stripes
Acrylic Paint on paper
10/100 in 100 days creative challenge

Especially when you don't know what will come of it.

Lady of Flowers, or She Becomes What She Believes

Lady of Flowers or She Becomes What She Believes 

acrylic on watercolor paper 

3"x4" 

I drew this lady last night while watching so you think you can dance.

Then I painted her this morning while my kids ran around playing.

I'm trying to paint more. I'm also trying to utilize my time better. I'm trying to make things that will make my better. I'm trying to be in the present moment. And I am trying to be the person I want to be and live the life I want to live.  I'm trying to focus on the positives and good things and creativity. Focus on what is working, rather than what is not working or what is missing.

Be who you want to be.

Do what makes you feel fulfilled.

Believe that things will work out, one way or another.

Look for bounty and the world will be bountiful.

Give your energy and your focus to the things that get you where you want to go.

And then never give up, even when it seems that none of that is working.

Blue Girl of the Wide Open Skies

Blue Girl of the Wide Open Skies
acrylic on watercolor paper
3" x 4"

Sometimes I want to experiment a little. The other day while I was painting, I liked a stage of underpainting. I have often been attracted to an unfinished looking painting or sketch, there's something about the "developing" feeling that I like. So when I started a new little portrait, I decided to go all the way with the underpainting, allow the off colors to come through... well, no, not come through, to be the painting.

This is part of what it means to me to be free in art. I get a whim, a feeling, an urge, and go with it, even if it isn't the way you're "supposed" to do it.

I feel that this is one way to discover who you are as an artist. I believe that this is what it means to push boundaries or think outside of the box or be creative.  When you get a "what if?" question, you try to answer that what if. What if I left off the finishing touches that make it all pretty? What if I let the insides show? What if I didn't use traditional colors. What if I didn't already have the answer?

Another experiment I tried here was with the color.

When I first started my painting every day exercises, I would often reach into my art bag and pull out three paint tubes, and whatever I pulled out would guide my painting for the day. It was fun to just go with the flow  and see what would happen when I put the random colors together. Sometimes it was a disaster, but sometimes, using colors that were not my "usual" color preferences opened up whole new worlds for me. It was almost like speaking another language.

I took a chance with the random colors I first pulled out of a bag with this painting, and came up with the blue and a bright yellow. It reminded me of when I was in school and the teacher gave us the challenge of painting only with complimentary colors and white and seeing what we could come up with. So I added orange to my painting and the titan buff.

I like the freedom this experiment gave me. The freedom to break away from what it's supposed to be and to explore exciting interactions of color. The freedom from my usual solutions to representation.

There is a paradox in this freedom I experience, because I have actually set myself up with very tight constraints.  I am allowed only four colors. I am allowed only 3" x 4" of space.

And yet, despite the constraints, my imagination is free to try new possibilities, new strategies, new paintings that go beyond where I was before.

Oh, I like this idea of limiting where I can go with a painting. At least until I find myself in a place where I have something definite to say, until I am ready to go deeper into something.

Give it a try. Create based on a narrow theme or with few materials. Try small things, or time limits, and within those constraints, see where your imagination and ingenuity can take you.

Little Gods and Goddesses: Nanowrimo, The First Day

Little Gods and Goddesses

"cover art"

11/1/10 Day 1 AEDM

acrylic and pencil on paper

Yesterday, the start of Nanowrimo and AEDM, I woke up bright and early, took the boy to the school bus while the moon was still out, returned home, and promptly got to work... on Facebook.

Oops.

It turns out it's really scary to get started on those big projects that you have big hope for.

The more weight you put on something, the scary it is for you to actually tackle.

But, I pulled on my big girl pants and sat down and tackled it one word at a time. And it turned out it wasn't that hard to tackle.

I don't want to talk about my impression of the WORTH of what I wrote to get myself started. But it is not really important how good the writing is, not at this point. I am writing my way into the story. I might delete every word I've just written-- at some later stage. Because right now it is not about having lyrical prose, engaging characters or a fantastic plot.

Right now it is just about getting the words down, getting rid of that empty page. Getting the ideas out into some sort of concrete form. Giving myself a scaffold to which I can hang my story.

This is the first draft.

The glories and the pains of just writing it out.

It's a little bit difficult to switch from the editor's cap which I have been wearing for the last 11 months, to the first drafter's cap. But I'm working on it.

The most important phrase of this whole post is the one I just wrote, "I'm working on it." Because you can't write a novel, not a first draft, not a second draft, not a final version, if you don't sit down and work on it.

Little Gods and Goddesses, detail (with the little mermaid. i like her.)

The images I have here are from my first piece of art for AEDM. It's "cover art" for my nanowrimo novel. Well... it's a concept. I drew the sketch for it last week when I was trying to get into my story, get a handle on it, understand what it was about and what the themes were and what the title was.

Right now the working title is Little Gods and Goddesses. I don't know if I'll keep it, but it keeps me focused on some things. And it makes me happy when I see it. And if it weren't for AEDM, I wouldn't have sat down with my paints and finished this cover art, temporary as it may be. Just me and Chuck and some chocolate chip cookies and my paints. After Chuck was over, I closed my paints, turned off the tv, and went to bed, satisfied to have met my goals for the day.

Nanowrimo : 5180 words

AEDM 1/30

Works In Progress

"begin again" or Prayer for Rain

54/100 in 100 days

Yesterday I meant to spend all my time finishing pieces that I had begun. Instead, I kind of sat around in a funk.

The day before yesterday, I finished this piece... a drawing I had started inspired by another artist's print.

I was completely unsatisfied with the piece. I'm afraid that sometimes I get so inspired by what's going on around me that I drift off track and try out someone else's voice instead of my own.

Of course what attracted me to the piece were the elements that I already had in my creative vocabulary, the swirls, the doodles, the floral thing, the rain drops.

Now I am almost satisfied, but that didn't happen until I got away from the other artist's vision and paid attention to what I had done myself. I had to be able to see my work in order to see what I needed to do to complete my picture... my voice, my vision.

Lotus Tears

56/100 in 100

recycled menu and ink

Interestingly, the same day at work, it was slow and I started doodling on a scrap piece of menu. This is what came out. I read on someone's blog (I lost the link, so if it was you, please tell me) how they had an assignment to incorporate a realistic eye into their doodles. I thought that was a great idea, and since it had been years since I have incorporated realistic eyes into my doodles (seriously it was kind of an obsession when I was younger) I thought I'd try it out.

Now this piece I really liked.

But do you see how the two pieces are connected, both inspired by something from someone else, but allowed to marinate in my own brain, they become my own.

Work in Progress

Yesterday, in my funk, I spent some time altering an old pink tshirt of S's that he would never wear because it is, uhm, pink, into a skirt for me. I used loose inspirations and directions from around the web, but mostly came up with it on my own... which is probably why there are some major flaws in the skirt and I am not showing it to you today. That's what I get for being lazy and trying to do as little sewing as possible.

Well I will revise it and get back to you, as I will with the 10" square canvas painted and have eyeing for editing, and my developing gallery wall, and my novel, and this little art doll I am working on.

I've already painted out the golden brown on her forehead and I think changed my mind on the babushka. It just never warmed up to it. It never felt right. I have a new idea, but it will take some time because I have to create some wings from paperclay. Yes wings. What, you thought something else? Have you met me?

But I joke. Yesterday was a day of works in progress.

The biggest work in progress is me. Especially in all my laziness and thwarted actions.

I am still learning how to do all of this, this art stuff, this internet stuff, this job stuff, this parenting stuff, this partnering stuff, this writing stuff. This living stuff.

We all are.

I think we all are.

Here's to you, you work in progress.

I believe in you.

Goddess Abundant, or House Spirit

Goddess Abundant, or House Spirit

cotton, linen, silk, thread, paperclay, acrylic paint, rice. approx. 11" tall

51/100 in 100 days creative challenge, and day 9 of August Everyday

I have been working on this lady for quite some time.

My creative process is starting to take a lot longer than it used to. Sometimes I look back at my previous everyday painting periods and I am amazed that I managed to start and finish so many pieces every single day. Now, I have a tendency to start something, start something else, finish something already started, and then do a project with my kids. I have a zillion projects in process.

This spirit goddess is one of them. I made the head a long time ago, and then I made the body and painted the decoration not too long ago, but I was told it wasn't done. Just in case you are wondering, she herself told me she wasn't done.

Maybe part of the abundance that I've been focusing on is about the wealth of projects, the willingness to explore something new. Like this little House Goddess. She's something new and I was kind of scared to go all the way with her. But when I found the right fabric, there was no reason to let my fear stop me.

Why should we be scared of new things? Why should we be afraid to take those chances on things that could be wonderful? Why should we close our hearts to the possibilities of experimentation and adventure.

You know, there's a lot of fear wrapped up with creative projects. It's amazing. The fear of the blank page. The fear of making mistakes. The fear of letting it go and releasing it into the world. The fear of showing. The fear of declaring that you are worth something. The fear of declaring yourself an artist.

Now how did I get from a post about abundance to a post about fear?

Are these two things connected? Is abundance really more than just having stuff? Is abundance more about being open to the world? Taking chances? Trusting that the universe will provide? Is abundance about saying yes to what you have, the life you live, the gifts you have to give?

Is abundance really about giving?

Well, I think my post has gone off in an unexpected direction. Perhaps my House Goddess is leading me there. What are your thoughts on the matter? What is abundance? What about fear and creativity? And are these things linked?

Mandala for Exploration and Bounty

Mandala for Exploration

acrylic paint and scrap textile samples (cotton and linen)

43/100 in 100 days creative challenge and Day 3 in August Everyday

This last weekend, I took my kids to a town festival. On our way to the bouncy house and clown performance, we walked past all the merchants who had set up tables outside of their stores. One of the stores was a furniture store, and they had PILES of fabric samples for giveaway. I was being conservative and walked away with three packages.

This mandala is one of my first attempts to see what I could do with the bounty of fabric samples.Bounty of fabric samples.

Look at those colors and textures and patterns!

I am almost more excited at the varied types than I am at the cost (free!) Almost, not quite. I enjoy the challenge of turning what I have into something special. I get to look at the materials and figure out what I can do with it.

Sometimes the materials call out for their own project.

I particularly like the natural and organic linens and cottons that I used in the mandala. They fit with a project I have had in my mind for a long time... but they changed the project too. The mandala was a test to see how the paint would work on the cotton/linen for the working project, but I thought the test was successful. Maybe sometimes this week I will show you the larger working project. Right now it is sitting on my bookshelf, waiting for its next stage. It has said it is not done yet, although I'd already done the photo shoot. Oh, okay, if you insist. Here's a detail of the working project.

Does she look familiar? I posted her a while back. And she is one step closer towards completion.

I have so many things in a state of partial completion right now. I'm not just working on one piece at a time. I work on one thing and set it aside, finish a smaller project, go back to something from weeks ago. Do a craft project for the kids.

Perhaps I shouldn't have shown the art doll in progress. Or perhaps I shouldn't have counted this mandala as a part of my challenge on its own, since I'll probably take it into another level and create something with this small scrap of mandala... but hey, part of this challenge for me is to take a look at all of the ways I am being creative in my life and accept them as part of a

creative life.

Do you give yourself credit for all that you do? Or do you always say, "not yet" "I haven't done enough" "I am not good enough" "I have to do more, try harder, be better?"

I do. I say all those things to myself all the time.

But they aren't true.

The truth is you are good enough just the way you are, in your imperfection, in your attempts to grow and change and create and love. We are good enough even when we fail, when we don't reach our goals, when we don't do all those things that we think we "should."

We're all enough.

Do you believe it?

Dream. Work In Progress.

Dream Head. Work in progress.

I have been experimenting in Paperclay for a couple of weeks now.

I don't know what I am doing.

There is a place in not knowing that allows for deeper things to come through.

After practicing with the simpler shapes, the houses, the pears, the birdies, the hearts, I felt the urge to push myself. To try for something that I didn't know how to do. That I wasn't sure I was up to.

Last night I sat with a ball of paper clay and decided I wanted to try to make a doll head. It was hard. I worked on the features, the nose, the lips. I mashed them down and started again, feeling that it wasn't right, it wasn't the feeling I wanted, it didn't look the way I wanted it to. I pushed and pulled and smoothed and pinched and used my tiny tools (bobby pin, nail, push pin, x-acto knife, fingers) to bring it into a semblance of a face. Then I tried for the ears, and they were all wrong, messing up what I had done before. Gosh darn it, I realized the entire head was too small for the face, and I would have to add on hair or more clay or something to enlarge it so it didn't look like a pin head.

And then I realized.

Why do I have to do what is expected? Why do I have to create a doll head that looked like a regular doll head, or even a person at all. And then I realized... I don't really create what is in real life. I like to draw what I see, it's fun. It's journalistic, but more than journaling my life or reality, I love exploring the internal reality much more.

So my doll head became a dream head. Something not quite right, not quite real. Something that is reminiscent of reality, but also conjures up a dream, a fairy tale, the subconscious.

Yes. I went away from reality. I went away from the expected, the routine.

I took a chance on something meaningful, something that risks failure.

I found something important.

I don't know what it is yet... but it's coming.

Have you ever reached your edge of knowing?

Do you pull back and keep yourself safe?

Or do you jump and see what happens? (Gosh, that question is the exact description for my very first Flying Girl painting, which I did right before I graduated from college.)

Girl of Trees, or The Other Side of Sunset

Girl of Trees, or The Other Side of Sunset
Golden Fluid Acrylic, watercolor pencil, paper, 5x8" moleskine

I don't know where she came from.

I had the urge to draw a girl. I painted over her. You can still see some of the watercolor pencil lines. But everything I drew, I painted over. And everything I painted over once, was painted over again. And again.

Nothing came out like I expected it.

Everything was revised, not for whatever vague vision had been in my head initially, but for what was, what felt right. How the colors bounced off of each other, or how the dark needed the light.

Perhaps also a little bit of the winter trees outside my window, holding the reflected glow of the sun going down against the pale cold sky.

I challenge you to not know. To not be sure of what you are doing.

I challenge you to take life for it's own flavor, and not the spice you wished it had.

I challenge you to realize the moment you are in.

To savor it.

To recognize the joy in living, to say yes when the world around you wants to say be safe, be sure, don't risk being hurt.

I challenge you to believe in yourself.

Go with it.

Girl of Yes

Girl of Yes
4/17/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic, watercolor pencil, marker on paper, 3.5x2.5" ACEO

This is a girl of abundance. She is surrounded with symbols of abundance, the green of the lush foliage, the bronze of the curtains and gold coins as a corona.

In her hand is an empty bowl.

I believe that in order to receive, one must have an openness, and emptiness... a nothing waiting to be filled.

I do not think I have mastered this nothingness, this letting go. It is very hard to release what you have been holding onto. It is hard to let go when you feel there is a lack, and you must hang on to whatever you can, because if you let go, you will have nothing. It's hard to trust that life moves on, that the universe provides, that you can actually work for and receive those dreams you have been holding onto for so long... particularly if you let them go.

Paradox? You can have your dreams by letting them go?

I think it's about having what IS, what actually is. And not holding on to tightly to that "what is," either, but cupping it loosely, so that it is free to transform into what it is supposed to be, not what you think it should be.

Only then can you be filled with true abundance.

Does this make sense or am I talking out of my, uhm...emptiness?

I painted this in order to focus myself on abundance, because I could use some of that. You could focus on it too, if you wanted to buy her. ;)

What do you think abundance is? What do you do to receive this abundance?

Girls of Flowers, of Words, of Stars

ACEO goddess girls
(l-r) Girl of the Wildflower, Poetess, or Girl of the Words, and Girl of the First Star
Mixed media paintings, acrylic, newspaper, watercolor pencil, marker on 2.5x3.5" watercolor paper.

Maybe there's a reason why I am having such trouble connecting with the Flying Girls lately, and only seem to be able to create these Goddess Girls.

I have a lot more on my plate right now, and my time is divided into even smaller parcels. I have less brain space for focus, for larger paintings (which is funny, since they're only 7"x10") or for more complicated concepts. So, the simpler girls and their simpler backgrounds and smaller size. Although the detail is quite precise, there's less of everything.

Anyway, these girls are all inspired by color. The poetess, in the middle, is inspired by National Poetry Month. I like to think of her as a kind of Anais Nin character, wild and free, exploring new boundaries of culture and art. Me, I'm a different kind of poet. I steal moments before a child can interrupt, trying to find poetry again. I've taken on the challenge of writing a poem a day for the month of April, in hopes that I can get back to her... poetry, I mean. Maybe this goddess girl is meant to inspire me?

Wildflower is my hippie girl. I like her. I like her simplicity, the wild flowers and pony tails. That's all we need sometimes, wildflowers, blue skies, and barefeet running through a field. Sounds good no?

And then there's First Star. She reminds me of dreams. Wish I may, wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. And her blue eyes are swooningly deep. What is with that little crooked smile, though? Perhaps she knows that what we wish for will never quite turn out like we imagine?

I'm going to close these disjointed thoughts and maybe work a little more on a Flying Girl I have going on. Maybe I'll manage to post some of these Goddess Girls in the shop tonight. Keep your eyes open, I sold 4 this past weekend! Some of my favorites.

Girl of Nothing Ever Dies

Girl of Nothing Ever Dies
4/10/09
Golden Fluid Acrylics, Watercolor Pencils on Paper, ACEO 2.5x3.5"

What can I say? I painted a vampire.

Fine, you can't see her teeth, but she's hiding them. I got the urge when I saw some vampire somewhere else. I thought, hey, I paint all sorts of literary creations, why not this one. I like Vampires. And sadly, she looks more like me than any of the other goddess girls. The black hair and pale skin, the widows peak and dark eyes.

But beyond cultish stories of Bella and her predecessors, there's a meaning to this.

I have been amazed again and again that ideas I had years ago keep coming back. This very idea of goddess girls was percolating in a different incarnation many years ago, when I thought I would paint modern day gods/archetypes and sell them on the street corners of the East Village in NY. Gosh that was years ago, and I never did it. I thought the idea had passed.

But it rises again, in slightly different form.

And that gives me hope for all the other ideas that captured me once upon a time and died a death of neglect or indecision or whatever.

If these ideas never really die, then is it really important which one we choose in the moment? If I choose goddess girls right now, and let go of the idea of pendant... it's okay, because the opportunity for pendants will come back when the time is right.

Yes, I want to create resin pendants and have wanted to for years, but haven't.

And that idea feels like it is stirring in it's garlic twined coffin. So are many others.

The important thing is to just make a choice. To not stand in indecision afraid to decide on one if the others might die. They don't die. Not if they have power. If they have power, they stick around for the time when they can drink your blood and fly through the night.

Ha ha. No melodrama here. Maybe I should write a vampire novel. :)

Girl of the Wild Heart

Girl of the Wild Heart ACEO
Acrylic on 140lb Watercolor Paper, 2.5x3.5"

Wild heart? Wild head?

I have the wild head. Wild and whirling full of all the things I have to do.

Is this the struggle of moms who are trying to achieve something?

I wish I had the wild heart, free and running through the shadows, fleet of foot and clear of eye.

Cool air rich with the scent of growing and dying and secrets and sun.

Maybe that's what life is like. Even in the wild head, the running from thing to thing, maybe that's no less that what the Wild Heart does. And maybe within that, we can find the balance.

Hey, running is just falling and catching yourself before you hit the ground. Again and again, tipping forward off balance and landing on the next foot. Fall, catch yourself. Fall, catch yourself. Fall, catch yourself, for as far as you want to go.

And that's how we travel fast.

Hello Ladies! Winter Spring Summer and Fall

acrylic on 140lb watercolor paper 2.5"x3.5" ACEOs
clockwise from top right
Girl of the Blooming Sun
Girl of the Bold Path
Girl of the Falling Leaves
Girl of the Bees

Funny how when I put these girls together, I realized that they were the four seasons.

I had mean Blooming Sun to be summer, but she could just as easily be late Spring when the flowers are in bloom. Isn't she gorgeous? She reminds me of an old time Hollywood movie star. When they wore emu mules and chiffon and full face make up to lounge around the house. Of course she would have a crown of flowers.

And Bold Path came out of the Inspire Me Thursday prompt for "key." I drew a girl, I drew a key, I asked myself..."what is this the key to?" And as she appeared, I realized it was the key to living a life outside of the box, going for dreams no matter what everyone else is doing. Thus the magenta hair, I suppose. But the whole key is that she is bold and she is brave, and she carries on although she is afraid.

Falling Leaves? Well. I was outside in the garden, watching the gold and brown leaves fall off the trees while the Spring green ones grew in. Spring in Florida is weird. Everything is yellowed and heavy. The weather is stunning, but there is no clear blue, crisp white, pale green, blushing pink of Spring in New York. I miss the Spring there, the renewal. But it's also lovely. I mean, I've been hanging out in the garden steadily for the last month, and I know the northerners have been fighting snow, still.

Ahh... see... there it is. When I painted her, Falling Leaves was about learning to let go of things and enjoying the beauty that is there. A tree doesn't hang on to her leaves when they turn bronze? She revels in the blaze of color and then releases them so she can move on to the next stage of life. I should take the lesson from this girl.

And Bees. Oh Bees. I love Bees. I love her serene face. I love the little buzzers crowning her head. I love the blue background and how she seems to emanate light. I love the ovals of face and hair and hive. She is not stung by those bees. How? Is she the Queen? Is she the one that cares for them. She's no flower, she's golden and calm.

So here are my latest goddess girls. Sorry that they are late. I had a very full day yesterday and couldn't get to the whole process of photo/edit/upload/write/post.

I will be putting the original ACEOs up in my shop as the day goes on. Come see!

Talismans To Get Us Through the Darkness

Three more OOAK ACEOs (One Of A Kind Artist Cards, Editions & Originals)
Girl of the Deep Sleep
Girl of Something Being Born
Girl of the Storm Clouds
all Golden Fluid Acrylic and Watercolor Pencil on Paper, 2.5"x3.5"

Hi. I took the weekend off. Sort of. I kept painting, did some more research, listed a few things in etsy.

I have been totally stumped on the Flying Girls, although I have been trying. Finally, I just painted over one that I'd been struggling with and started over with a night time background over the sea. I did it in the very bright sunshine in the garden, and out there it was a vibrant blue, but when I looked at it last night, it was nearly black. Hmm. I may just have to let it stay the way it is, because garsh, I'm tired of struggling with that painting. There comes a time when you have to let go of an idea and say, it's good enough. And then move on.

I definitely feel as if I am in transition here. As if things are starting to come through, but before they do, it's going to get dark and stormy. Or maybe it already is dark and stormy, but the light is starting to show.

It's like that Buddhist saying, "It's always darkest before the dawn."

If you look at the Girls up there, you can see this story, too. In order of painting, it is Storm Clouds, Sleep and Born.

Storm Clouds is my knowing little Boricua, probably from Washington Heights (where my cousins used to live), and she's been through the storms. But that smile and that flower in her hand is a reminder that after the rain comes the flowers. She knows it's tough now, but she also knows that storms pass, and we are washed clean and energized by their trials.

Then theres pretty little Sleep, a reminder that we have to rest and take care of ourselves. Allow the night to rejuvenate us. Allow the dreams to rise and grow strong. Step back. Be quiet. Sleep.

And lastly, look how gentle Born is. I think she's about being kind to ourselves. Could it be a baby she is holding? It sure could, but it could also be a project, or a new path in life, or a beautiful new idea.

Are these ways we struggle through?

I think so. Are these talismans to get us through the darkness. I think they are. In fact, when I found out the prompt for Illustration Friday was "talisman," I was at a loss. Not because I couldn't think of anyway to represent talisman in my art, but because I was already involved in making art talismans. Or talismans in art.

Sometimes those are the most difficult prompts for me, when I am already engaged in the topic, I wonder, "well how can I use this to prompt my art?" But then, maybe I don't need to do something more, maybe I just need to relax into what is already there.

Yeah. So here are my talismans. You can have them for your own, here, and here, and here.

Three Spirit Girl ACEOs

3 ACEOs (Artist Cards, Editions and Originals)
Girl of the Now Healed Heart,
Girl of the Calm Waters,
Girl of Spring Always Comes
Fluid Acrylics, Watercolor Pencil and Pitt Artist Pen on Watercolor Paper, each 2.5"x 3.5"

These are something new I've been trying. ACEOs or Artist Trading Cards. These are for sale in my shop in the original, not prints, so they're ACEO, but they're still the same size, still collectible, still tradeable.

I wanted to sell some original things, rather than prints, but I didn't want to sell my Flying Girls, because I have the feeling I am going to need them for something... projects that I am still developing, so I started on these.

I'm new to the world of ACEO/ATC... but I am not new to the world of tiny art. In fact, when I was a waitress, I used to use my restaurant's business cards to paint and draw. Usually draw, because I could do them while business was slow. I wonder where those are today? I should go digging in my files and portfolios.

I also have been feeling the need to paint faces and get in there with the Flying Girls, but the format of FG doesn't really allow for that. Then the Girl spirits just started arriving.

I do feel that they are inspired. They mean something, and they seem to have such distinct personalities. It's as if they are being painted for someone else. Someone is waiting for them to give them a home. Because of that, I am not making prints. These are one and onlies. Individual tiny paintings for individual real life people.

So if it's you, you can buy Healed Heart, or Calm Waters, or Spring Comes in my shop.

I will particularly miss Calm Waters. I can't stop staring at her. Maybe the next one will make me stare, too. Whenever I really love a painting, it's like I have a crush on it, but then I keep painting and my crush moves to the next one.

I think I will be happy to have a different format for my painting. I am stuck on one Flying Girl who won't come out, right now. Luckily I had another outlet in the Girl Spirits, and in the Daily Sketches. I did another of those, too.

I am painting so much! But I have to admit I am terribly stressed. I don't seem to be able to accomplish everything I want to accomplish or I think I need to do. I think my goals are too big. I think I keep forgetting that I am a full time SAHM, not a full time artist, even though I'm trying to build things up to where I will be able to transition to full time artist and writer. The building takes a lot of work, and I am afraid to lose my momentum. Will I get to a point where I have established some things and will be able to slow down, just a little bit?

I am writing, researching, painting, editing and WORKING all the time, now. I enjoy some of it and it often feels like play (which makes me feel a little guilty) but I am still very tired and frustrated. I think I need to pull it back.

But I don't really want to. I want to keep creating and keep working, but I don't want to feel stressed about it.

I know I need to make more time for play, for non business creating, for just sitting and enjoying, for relaxing. Maybe I also need to take stock of what I have achieved and REWARD myself for meeting goals and task. I don't do that now, I just move on to the next goal/task.

Poor S. It must be exhausting for him to see me always working. I probably make him feel guilty with my workaholic ways. Artaholic? Stressaholic? Someone give me some chocolate!

Anyway, what techniques do you have to balance out work and personal life? Spritual? Social? Fun? Whatever you do, how do you keep boundaries there and manage to take some time for actually living?