Shooting in the Dark

Shooting in the Dark

One night, past sundown, I was sitting in a lovely little waterside bar, with my new camera beside me. I had missed the sunset, arriving just a bit too late. It was getting darker and there wasn't much to see.

My plans for capturing the sunset had failed, but I said to myself, "self, what do you have to lose?" And I picked up the camera and took a picture. Even though it was too dark to really see. Even though I'd tried dark shoots with my old, crappy camera, and it was always a crap shoot.

And then I looked at the picture I had just taken.

Water!
Egrets!
Boat!
Pilings!
Nature Preserve!
Deep blue with just a touch of pink!

Now, I am not a professional photographer. I just like to play with pictures and capture pretty things. I consider it a hobby and a tool, and myself an amateur. I couldn't tell you why this camera takes such better pictures although my uncle the photographer tried to explain it to me. I can't explain anything about apertures or shutter settings. I forgot that after my long ago high school photography class. I am relieved to not have to deal with developing or chemicals or any of that stuff from the last generation. I just like to be able to play.

And I can also recognize when an image sizzles.

Here's the lesson I learned.

Take the chance. Even when you are not sure what might come out, what the results might be. Even when you feel like you don't know what you're doing and you have missed your opportunity. You have nothing to lose. Take the chance. Even though you feel like you are going blind and don't understand anything, trust yourself and take the chance.

It might not end up like what you expected.

It might be better.

Revisiting and Working, 78 and 79/100

This Shore
acrylic on paper, moleskine
78/100

This is a revisitation of an idea from the beginning of the challenge.(The Other Side of the River). I just thought I'd see what would happen if I did it again, after playing with the ideas and colors for the last few months. It seems a little deeper, if less spontaneous.

Selfie (revised) Blue and Gold
ink and acrylic on paper
79/100

Here's another revisitation. I didn't like the ink wash self portrait I did yesterday, so as I had nothing to lose, I thought I'd see what would happen if I added paint to it. I stuck with the color scheme of prussian blue and quinacridone gold. Adding a touch of titan buff. I like the painting better now. I think I fixed the flaws. I'm kind of hard on my self portraits though. It's hard to deal with your vanity, looks wise and painting wise, and see the ways you fall short. But whatever, it's an exercise, right?

It's interesting how these portraits have gotten more realistic. I haven't really done representational art for a while, going with the more abstract or illustrative styles, but I spent many years painting and drawing real life, and it is kind of like getting back to my roots.

Do I know where I will go with this? Nope.

It's enough to do it, right now. It's enough to step out on the creative journey. I don't need answers yet, I just need to keep working.

Still 21 pieces to go before I finish my self challenge. It's about 2 pieces a day. I've caught up a bit. Just got to keep working, though.

To Remember What has Been Forgotten, 14-19/100 in 100 days creative challenge.

 the rain,
acrylic and ink on paper
14/100

I think there is a lesson to be learned in the ways life gets all complicated and messy and stops working, whenever you've actually started something that will get you where you want to go.

I suppose this is the equivalent of rain on your wedding day, or that black fly in your chardonnay.

Now, I'm not saying it's ironic, I'm just saying perhaps there's a lesson to be learned.

For instance, today, when I wanted to post my back log of 100 in 100 days paintings, my blogger stopped working.

All these great intentions coming to naught.

 She thinks of flowers
acrylic on paper
15/100

It has been said that life puts obstacles in your path to see how much you really want your goals and how hard you will work to achieve them.

Hmm.

It's something to think about. Is it worth it to go after that dream? We can all have happy lives living smaller, can't we? Following the beaten track? Loving and being loved, that's a beautiful thing and completely worthwhile.

If you stopped struggling, trying to reach that goal, and just let yourself be happy in the moment, that would be a wonderful thing... so why are you still struggling? Is there something there that is more important to your life than you have admitted to yourself?

 Pattern
acrylic on paper
16/100

I don't know.

Maybe yes, maybe no. But maybe we need to pay attention to the way life keeps repeating itself. Maybe what's important keeps coming up. Maybe those lessons you haven't learned yet, the ones you keep resisting, maybe those keep coming up.

 Harvest
acrylic on paper
16/100

I hope you have enjoyed my abstract collection of thoughts, philosophies and paintings. It's hard to make sense of things sometimes, when they seem to be all over the place, without singular theme. I am liking the blue/orange thing, and the experimentation it allows... although I'm starting to get bored of the color. I think I've gone pretty far with it.

 Forgotten People
acrylic and ink on paper
18/100

This one is my favorite of the recent pieces.

Sometimes I get it right, I hit a nerve, although I never actually know which piece is going to strike a chord with me.

There are a few things I am repeating here. The blue/orange color scheme. The silhouette of a standing figure (also known as grounded girl in my lexicon, although she doesn't look that grounded to me, and she has feet, where grounded girls don't always).  Another repeated theme is the orange dots/circles/flowers or whatever it is they are.

Sometimes the themes repeating seem to resonate with something else and from that resonance comes a deeper meaning. I think this one has it.

the remembering
acrylic on paper
19/100

The next one is clearly following #18. Forgotten People leads to The Remembering. But this one does not resonate as much. Why? What happened? What failed to happen.

Again, I don't know. I don't know where the journey of each piece will lead.

Every bit of life is an experiment. Every bit of life is an adventure.

Perhaps what needs to be learned here is that we have to take life for what it is, the good and the bad, instead of what we think it should be, or what is lacking. Perhaps we need to keep trying, even when what we try doesn't work out so perfectly. Keep going on that journey. Keep looking for the answers.

Inside, Outside, Upside Down, 11-13/100 Days Creative Challenge

 The Other Side of the River
acrylic on paper, 9/10/12
moleskine
012/100 in 100 days creative challenge

Boy, I am having a challenge keeping up with my 100 in 100 days creativity challenge. I was doing really well with the painting/drawing portion, going off on binges of paint and ink, and then...I just got stopped. The chaos of life and necessities of things I have to do and unexpected twists and chores and the paying kind of work and kids and blah.

But I never said this challenge would be easy, or smooth, and while I have gone through periods of painting every night like clockwork, day after day in a routine that kept me productive and creative, that is never a guarantee and sometimes, it's really hard work to get to that point.

I know life can get in the way.

The point is not to do the challenge without ever being challenged, the point is to meet the challenges, and find a way around them.

 Inside (drawing)
ink on recycled menu, 9/10/12
4"x8"
011/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I'm doing a lot of examination of my life and my art I think, trying to figure out where I want to go with it. Trying not to have the answers. I suppose what I am painting now does have more questions than answers. Is more mysterious, less about illustrating a point. I don't know where it is going, but I am trusting myself to be able to continue on in my journey, to be able to handle whatever is thrown at me.

The things that I thought would be easy are not so easy. The things I thought would be the main struggle are not an issue at all.

the light inside
acrylic on paper
8.5"x 5"
013/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I think I am in a blue period, like Picasso's, just by chance, because those are the colors I pulled out of my paint bag, and those are the colors I have been using for the last two weeks.

The last few times I did this challenge, I would pull out three or four different paint tubes and let my nightly painting be inspired by the randomness of the color scheme. I was surprised and delighted by this painting prompt sometimes, and came up with some of my favorite paintings out of it. Of course, sometimes the painting sucked, but that's ok.

This way of going at it, using the same color scheme again and again with different emphasis on the colors, using some similar techniques, using a limited palette, well, I kind of like it. It feels more poetic and less illustrative to me. It goes deeper. I don't mind. I find myself picking up additional paint tubes or media to add to my three tubes of paint. I don't mind that. As an exercise, I like the ability to become fluid within my constraints.

I know a lot of people think that being an artist is about being free and having no boundaries, but I think the truth is, it's often about it's often about looking through that one inch frame and seeing how infinite you can make that tiny space.

Well, I've run out of time. I have to get ready for work. Before I go, I did want to tell you that I have gotten back to my novel. I am up to chapter three in the revision in my first week of working on it. I don't know how quickly it will go or how consistently I can manage it. I've already found it a challenge to get back to it. I guess we'll see if I can manage to juggle my life of kids and work and chaos and painting and writing. Perhaps the painting and writing can give structure to the chaos.  We shall see.

Swept Clean, and a new 100 in 100 Creative Challenge

Swept Clean
acrylic on paper, moleskine notebook
8.5"x 5, 1/100 in 100 days

Good morning and happy September.

I've been struggling with staying on track lately. I've been slacking in my creativity, getting lazy, not being productive when I know I have goals...one of those goals I had was to start a 100 in 100 days of creativity again.

I need to get back into the habit of painting every day. And on this happy new September Day, I've decided I'm just going to go to it and get started, even if I didn't prepare the way or start a movement on pinterest or whatever.

I need to do it for me. And that's what I'm going to do. Perhaps over the next week or so I will post something asking if other people want to join me. I already have the "rules" since I made them years ago when I first started playing this game.

I have been thinking about starting this 100 paintings in 100 days for a while, planning on September 1st as a start date, but I let town fairs and back to school and shopping and kids and cleaning and work all get in the way and just forgot.

Then this morning I remembered. "Oh! Today is September 1st! I wanted to start painting again!" And instead of saying, I can't, I didn't plan. I didn't make a log sheet. I didn't post about it on my blog, I just up and grabbed my paints and my journals and started painting.

And you know what happened?

It felt good.

I don't want to be stopped by what I haven't done right or am not ready for or the long list of to dos I have to take care of every single day of my life. I just want to paint.

And I want to stop saying no.

And I want to stop thinking about the negatives and how hard everything is and how nothing is ready or perfect or how it's all too scary to do everything.

No more "nos". Just "yes". Just "I'll try."

So I'm starting my 100 in 100 creative challenge.

I am going to paint 100 paintings in 100 days. I don't even know what day I will be done on, but I'm going to keep it up and I'm going to commit. Some days, it might be a tiny painting. Some days it might be a rough sketch. Somedays, I might hate it, but I'm going to do it.

Would you like to join me in a creative challenge wherein you create 100 things in 100 days?  Take a look over at the official rules, which are about bending the rules to fit your lifestyle and your creative needs, then leave a comment here, and I'll create a 100 in 100 sidebar of participants.   What the hell! I'll also create a 100 in 100 group board on pinterest and invite you to join so you can pin your challenge. Just leave your pinterest account in the comments.

Are you ready for a challenge? It's scary when you start out, but it's so satisfying. You can do it, you know.

In Transition, Traveling, or The Creative Process

 In Transition, Traveling

I have found that the process of creativity is a very fluid one. When you are creative, it feels unstoppable, as if it could go on forever and never end. This is just who you are. A creative machine.

But it is an illusion. Creativity ebbs and flows and it has its own journey that is not just about moving forward and being a genius. Creativity is a lot of silence. A lot of waiting. A lot of staring out of the window. A lot of quiet periods where things are growing, developing, and making their way into the light.

I think some people call these creative blocks, but I don't look at it like that. Calling it a block gives the blockage too much power. You focus only on what is not happening, and that is a sure bet that it won't. Instead, I look at these silent periods as fallow periods, part of the natural progression of the creative process.

To me, it is very natural, it is a kind of seasonal thing, although your fallow periods may not coincide with winter/spring/summer/fall. Mine kind of do. I think they are influenced by the mad crafting of the holiday season, the long days of summer, the get back to work time of the fall, and the... well... okay, spring is meant to be renewal and rebirth and all, but to me, so much of it is labor and letting the dark earth and cold rain do its job, while I wait for things to grow.

Hey, look. This is a picture of fields in spring. You notice that the grass is lush and green, but those fields are nowhere near harvest. They're barely even sprouting. I love when my photo/artwork sort of magically starts to fit with my ruminations of the day.

Well let me take my metaphor even farther. I don't feel very much like my fields of creativity are abundant right now. They're not, in fact. They're kind of just little germs of ideas, sprouts of inspiration. I want to be expressive and productive and bountiful in my creating, but right now, I'm just kind of picking at whatever is well formed enough to be something, even if it is not what I want.

But I am not doing nothing. I am thinking an awful lot about who I am, what I want, what I have done and learned and made in my whole life. I am tilling that soil. I am tending it. Fertilizing it with ideas that might work or things I want to try, even if they are not directly related to my long term goals. I am trying to get rid of the destructive or negative things in my life, purging things that are not useful, pulling weeds and clearing the space to allow things to grow. I am planting seeds, organizing those plans, starting work, trying different things, taking the first steps to make my creative goals come to fruition. (I just realized that you can really tell that I am the granddaughter of a farmer, even if I'm such a city girl, I learned a lot from him.)

This season in my creativity is a very frustrating one, knowing that I have to wait to get to the full fruited productivity I want. But at the same time, it feels good, itchy and antsy, but good, to know that the process has started over again, the first steps have been made, the journey has begun.

I think the most important thing about this stage of creativity, or about creativity in general, is to remember that you need to TRUST THE PROCESS. The silence is not wrong. It is a sign that something is growing underground and you need to sit back and let it. It is a sign that you need to prepare yourself for the hard work of tending and watering and harvesting. Don't resist the process, don't despair because you feel like you can't break through. Have faith that this is the way it works. Don't give up, keep working at it, keep looking for ideas, keep practicing new skills, keep organizing and planning, keep trying new things, keep being inspired by the world around you and the world inside of you. Keep showing up to the page. Trust and don't give up. This whole post is beginning to remind me of this one, from years back. But that doesn't surprise me, the lessons I need to learn keep popping up in my life.

What are some ways you've managed to break through those fallow periods and get back to creating?

Night. Street.

Night

I'm going to try to do this photo challenge, here. I've been such a bad blogger lately that I need a prod to get me going again, but I don't know if I'm up to doing any of my old painting a day things. I like to take little photographs and my camera is easy to carry around, so I thought this might help me blog better again.

This photo above is my first attempt to fit into the challenge. The theme is "Street". Is it kind of fudging the challenge if I take these moving-car-on-the-road pictures quite often? Oh, who cares. The challenge is the commitment, not each individual theme. Today is "Strangers" and that will be harder for me because I am a rather private person. I don't like to bother strangers. (Never mind the public blog, ok? I don't mean writing. Writing is not the same as being face to face with strangers.)
Rain. Green. Street.

watercolor on paper 5x8

In fitting with the theme, I did a watercolor sketch a few days ago, in my journal. More than the painting itself, I think it was important that I sat out side on my porch with my watercolor set and actually painted.

It was good to sit in the moment and focus on what the moment was about, not the future or to do lists or worries or things to do or any of that. Just the moment, the rain, the green and the gray, the paint, the paper.

Paying attention to the world you are living in. Paying attention to the moment that is happening right now. This is important.

The Moon Was Up Here, or Creative Slumps and the Journey

the moon was up here...

watercolor, pencil, sharpie, on paper

November 9, day 9 AEDM

(It was dark, pre dawn, and the three of us walked along. On our way to the rest of our life.)

This is a quick sketch I did this morning. Well, I did the pencil yesterday and watercolor today, the ink too. I didn't want to think too much about it. I wanted to just let if be whatever came to my mind in the moment, thus the grammatical mistakes. Or perhaps the not my favorite choice for colors.

What I've learned from my years (yes years) of creative challenges, is that it often takes a while to find your groove. You start out excited for the challenge, with the opportunity to jump into some things that you have been thinking about for a while, then after a while, your ideas dry up and you kind of futz around, wondering what is going on, wondering what it is you should be doing, what it is you have to say, wondering if you have anything to say at all.

It would be really easy to stop in this point, because it's not a very fun point. That is where the commitment takes over. You keep going because you promised yourself you would. You keep looking for ways to be creative because you promised yourself you would. And it can be a grind.

But somewhere in that grind, you discover something that is meaningful to you, and it all starts making sense again and then you start having your ideas again, and your direction, and you learn new things about your technique and about your voice and the energy returns.

I am in the grind.

But I will continue on.

This is the process.

And it's all good.

How is your process going? Are you sticking with it? Are you living up to your commitments?

ps I think this may also go for all commitments, relationships, jobs, education, projects.

nanowwrimo: 30113 words, day 8

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid-- Halloween, The Living Dead and Nanowrimo

Cemetery in Michigan (oooooOOOOOOooooooooOOooohhh... creepy...)

I am getting ready for everything.

Getting ready for Halloween. Goodness, these kids take a lot of work. Vampires and princesses. Witches for me. That reminds me, I have to make another version of my mini witches hat for my costume, because the one I made looks like... well... a mess. Maybe I'll photograph this version, and you can follow along.

Getting ready to finish my first novel. I need to take a break on that, but I'm still sending out copies to readers and receiving feedback. Thank goodness for google documents.

Getting ready to start the next book. Research research research. Outline outline. All in the few moments in between living life.

Gearing up for NaNoWriMo. Sorry if I talk about it a lot. Talking about it gets the juices flowing.

Actually that's true of all creative projects. Immersing yourself in the world of your project gets you excited to get going.

And another thing about nanowrimo... it's not just the deadline that gets you writing, it's all the months (especially October) where you aren't allowed to write according to the rules. And the anticipation of writing starts to build, and you think about your book and write around the writing (outlines, character sheets, research etc) and all of that serves to deepen your book and your thoughts and your entrapment in the world of the book, so that when you FINALLY start, there is something rich and deep and alive.

I am a big proponent of the "holding" stage of creativity. That's when you DON'T jump in to your creative project at the first urge of inspiration, but you let it live inside of you, in the darkness of your subconscious, growing like some sort of fungus or root system or larvae. Only the really strong ideas will last. And they will attract other strong ideas. And they will all grow and transform with the close proximity and the heat of your attention and the magic of your imagination. And then you will have a living being and when you finally start, you have already done so much inner work that the writing part takes on a life of it's own.

So with nanowrimo, on November First, (not coincidentally the Day of the Dead) your novel is ready to rise from the darkness and take corporeal form, like all sorts of uncontrollable frightening beings--ghosts, zombies, vampires, novels.

Are you scared yet?

On Creativity, Blogging, Writing and Feedback

I haven't blogged this much week, but I didn't want anyone to feel abandoned, or to think I wasn't being creative.

I wasn't painting or drawing, and haven't really taken photos since last Monday (the above photo is from then, but I really like some of the Autumn cloudy golden hour traveling photos, so I'm okay). And usually, my blog posts are inspired by the images I have. When I sit down to blog, I run through my recent photos and pick the one to inspire the blog. It's usually a photo of some craft or painting, and when I don't have one of those, a photo like this, taken just for prettiness.

But this week, I have been focusing on writing. Well, that and the kids. And the working. So there's not much evidence of the work I've done.

But I did finish doing a fourth pass of my novel, editing and fine tuning some of the language. I sent out some chapters to friends of mine, trusted readers.

I started getting text messages not too long after sending out the first 7 chapters or so.

Send more please I have finished. And must have more please. Please send the whole thing can’t wait I’m hooked. Need my fix.

I wasn't quite done with the editing then, so I sent her the next two chapters... and got this.

Can u try resending 8 and 9 again? And send me more pls I will be on the road for another 4 hours at least.

K finished 8 and 9 it was spotty internet reception. I’m ready for the rest and to be honest not very patiently. This is a very good story and I see it v...

...ery visually. Please send me the rest I can’t wait.

And then as I rushed, to finish, even more.

OK done where is the rest lady????? Sorry I’m being pushy but its ur fault for writing a page turner. U can upload all the pages on google. It isn’t save...

...d on ur puter but the google network. Hurry up please I have to find out what happens in Scranton.

Ok don’t be holding out now. LOL its really good.

In the end I sent her the unedited draft and let her chew over the last half of the book while I retreated to the basement on my day off and spent the day editing and writing my author's outline.

And while I was working on the last couple of chapters, she started filling up my text inbox with this

There r more books no? I feel like it’s a trilogy or something.

I knew it lol. It’s really entertaining and addictive. The characters r real people. I see them feel for them root for them. U will have no prob selling t...

...his book.

I have a good feelin. U know I read a lot. U know I love books. I want more I’m thinking about the next book. When I get like this I make terry take me

To the store so I can buy all the books in the series. That is how I feel about this book. It is what I see in the future. BTW it is visual enough for a...

...movie. I saw that immediately. Get writing missy U got me addicted. When I read it I’m in the book drawn in. I forget u wrote it. I’m immersed in it. And...

...right now I’m kinda pissy that I have to wait for the next book. All signs that it is good.

PLEASE

After I finished I came up stairs and received a phone call, where we must have talked for an hour about my book. She helped me come up with some plot ideas for the next book, and saw elements of my family in the characters... because you see she is my cousin.

All in all, it was a good thing for my afraid-to-show-my-book self.

Thanks Mitz for the review and the book talk.

It was a good ego boost, and now I can try to whip my query, synopsis, and sample chapters into shape and send them out to agents before Nanowrimo... when I will start the next book and forget all about agents.

Autumn Travelling and Day Trip

Fall Traveling

Yesterday, we went on a road trip, which explains my lack of posting. Well. We just went to Ann Arbor, but we were out and about all day. I forgot to even take a whole bunch of photos, although I have pictures of some of my favorite fields. I remember to do that because I'm sitting in a car, with nothing to occupy my hands.

Plus, on our way back, storm clouds rolled in, but the sun broke through from the west, on it's way out of town, and lit everything up. The golden hour. And in the golden season of yellow leaves and yellow cornfields. Golden all around, set off by the gray motion of clouds.

I have the idea to have a whole suite of these photos. A traveling of the year kind of thing. Maybe blow them up a bit and have four on a wall. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. I got here in December, so I'm almost all the way. Actually, I don't know how I would limit it to only four photos. I don't know. That project is still on the horizon. Plus, I hope my camera is good enough to take pictures that can blow up well.

I'm starting to save for a DSLR, I think. Good enough for my hobbyist status, and for taking blog and shop pictures.

Also, on our day trip, we stopped for lunch at our favorite pizza place that reminds us of old New York City. Gabriel hates pizza (I know! The sacrilege!) so he has plain wings.
Ivy however is a girl after her mama's heart. She loves her some pepperoni.

And we went thrift shopping and got some stuff for Halloween and all sorts of stuff.

All in all a fun day, although not much of my work was done. Oh well. This is life and we have to get the living in with all the work.

By the way. I wanted to toss a picture in of Grandma's house, here.

Look at that tree. It really looks like that. Kind of glowy. The leaves on the inside are yellow, fading to orange, to that bright red on the outside, so the tree itself is luminescent. AWE. SOME.

I wonder if Grandma bought the car to match that tree, because they are the exact same pumpkin red shade.

I tell ya, Michigan sure does have some pretty Fall foliage. Almost too pretty to actually capture in pictures.

Right Here, Right Now.

Gorgeous Fall

So here we are, mid October. I'm working a lot, both at my paying job and with my writing and my art.

I am also working really hard at living my life.

By that, I mean I am trying to enjoy my life. Trying to be present in the moment. To not wish it away on future goals and long lists of what I have to/want to do.

You know what helps with that?

When I walk out of my front door in the morning and take my five minute walk to work, up the street lined with red, orange, yellow, tan, brown, and occasionally purple trees.

I have lived in Florida the last two Autumns, so I missed the perfect Fall. Here I have it. The weather alternates between warm and sunny, and crisp and cool.

And I am perfectly aware, as I walk up that perfect Fall street, with the charming houses, and the crunch under my feet of fallen leaves, and the warm sun and the cool breeze, that this is the only moment of this that there will be.

Tomorrow, more leaves will fall, and the branches will bare, and the weather will get colder. There might be wonderful things about tomorrow, but it won't be today. So perhaps we should revel in the today while we have it.

I haven't finished my author's outline yet, or the synopsis of my novel, or my agent research. Still working on it all. I don't have any new creations to show up here in my blog. My etsy shop is limping along, not getting as much attention as I'd like. I'm still working with my son on his writing, that he feels like he can't do. The house continues to be halfway to a shambles.

But my morning constitutionals are like walking through sunshine made solid. And the air smells somewhat spicy, like cinnamon. And I actually HAVE finished my novel, more so than I've ever done in my life. And finances are stable for the moment. And work is a good place with good people. And the kids are strong and happy and growing up. And it's all good, right now, in its never doneness.

Right here, right now, what is good with you?

A Day In My Life, 10/10/10

First Picture, Still Sleeping

Holy Cannoli! I have a lot of pictures. This is only some of the photos from my day long photo shoot of October 10th, 2010. 10/10/10. There are some more on my flickr account. I don't think there are any duplicates between the two. And there are still more that I haven't published, but could. And there are still more, not uploaded from my camera, that I took after the kids went to bed. Not that many. I was tired and busy editing.

One good side effect to all these pictures is that I finally signed up for flickr pro. Maybe that will entice me to use flickr more effectively.

Anyway, there are so many pictures that I think I will just title them, rather than write about every single one. All photos here were taken on 10/10/10, with my old Casio exilim point and shoot that fits into my pocket.
We Are Wide Awake
Cat Love
Waiting For Coffee
Save Me
I Wuv Fuzzy
Constant Motion
Coffee
Crazy Hair
Escape
Brush
Window
South Street
Go Go Go
Work
I Love Lattes
Home Again
Home
Yard Sunshine
Bedtime Stories

10/10/10-- A Photo Essay Project of Your Day

I Am Here Somewhere

fading self portrait

casio exilim

10/8/10

I haven't done any crafty artsy projects lately. Or at least, I haven't finished them or taken their photos so that I could post them. I feel a little unfinished without my art projects, like I am forgetting something.

Oh well. I've been living my life. Waking up too early, getting everyone fed and dressed, taking the boy to school, going off to work, (whether that is to the paying job or to the one that I volunteer to tackle for free in the basement, in two hour increments), come back home, pick up the boy at the bus stop, get everyone snacks, take care of the school work and/or the emotional needs, make dinner, get everyone cleaned up, pajama'd and off to bed, then kind of collapsing on the couch to do nothing, and going to bed far earlier than I was used to before I became the mom of a school aged kid .

But in the meantime, I'm still here. Still thinking about projects. Planning. Blogging. Etsying. Parenting. Cooking, and so on.

I'm going to have faith that it will all work out in the end. More or less. In some fashion.
I Am Here Somewhere

landscape of trees

casio exilim

10/8/10

I am also remembering to take pictures, sometimes.

I've decided that on 10/10/10, I am going to take pictures all day long. A document, of sort, of my own life. Somewhere out in the blogosphere, there is a plan to film the day, all over the world, different filmmakers from everywhere. I don't remember where I saw it. I can't find it in my google reader and I can't find it in google. Oh well. I like the intention for myself. (If you know what I'm talking about, can you leave me a note so I can link back to the project?)

Because, frankly, life is not an endpoint, but a process. It is happening right here right now. Why wait until I get the projects done, the novel done, the job done, the bedtime done, the dinner done, the editing done, the perfection done?

The perfection? Ah yes. No such thing. We know that already.

Waiting to get it all finished and perfect, we forget the living.

So on 10-10-10 I am going to do a photo essay on the living of my life. (I have to work, so I'm not sure how I am going to manage taking photos, because I'm pretty sure we're not allowed, although I could always ask.)

I invite you, although it is late notice, to bring your camera with you on 10/10/10 and document your life as you are living it. The people, the places, the things, the actions, the results, the color, the darkness, the motion, the stillness, the day.

As an exercise in mindfulness and creativity, seeing and living.

If you want to join in, just leave a comment. Or come back on 10/11/10 and leave a link to your own photo essay.

No rules on this one. Just the fun of photographing your day.

Harvest Soon Travelling

Harvest Soon Travelling

poladroid ap

I don't have that much time to write undisturbed without kids, but I'm still going. Still chugging along. I am closer than I have ever been to having a polished piece of work. It's amazing how those small bits of time can really add up. That should be a lesson to us all. We always think that nothing can get done unless we have everything just right to finish it, but it's so much easier to finish those big projects in small bites, doing a bit a day and staying committed.

By staying committed, I find I am almost done. Almost ready to show to people. Almost ready to send it out and find an agent. Or at least try to. I know that's a whole different story.

And the whole thing is scary. I love to write and do it for my own pleasure, but I want someone to read it. I want it to be read. Except it's scary to think about people actually READING it. Judging it. Paying money for it.

With all the commitment I've made to writing over the last 25 years I'm not going to let a little fear stop me, but I am going to admit it's there.

Fear is one of those things that can scatter when you turn on the light and look at it. Like cockroaches.

Do I want to let those fear cockroaches stop me from going where I want to go with my life? No. Look. I'm even talking about it on my blog. People I know will hear all about my fears. And about my novel almost being ready to read.

When you turn on the lights in your life, where do you find those fear cockroaches? Is it time for you to do a little stomping?

Traveling September: Field, Barn, Cloudy Day

Traveling September: Field, Barn, Cloudy Day

I'm a little obsessed with these landscapes. Photographs. Paintings. Pen and Ink.

Perhaps it's the journeying. The feeling of motion, passing through the colors and shapes, light and shade.

Perhaps it's because I can't bear to be sitting somewhere and doing nothing with my hands. If I'm riding in a car, I need something in my hands, I need to be creating, documenting, making, doing. The same goes while standing around waiting at work. Or while watching tv at night, with my feet up. My hands must be busy.

Time is still traveling and I need to capture the moments and turn them into something I can hold with my hands.

I used to turn this nervous energy into my journals. I would write wherever I went, filling a new journal in 3 months. This latest journal, which I am just finishing up, lasted me 9 months. I guess I'm doing other things with my hands. And putting my words into my blog, instead of my journal.

I was going to post today about paying attention to details... but the truth is, my mind is traveling today. I have the day off of work, and have scheduled myself to go down into the basement and spend my work day there, instead, revising my novel.

My brain is already thinking about how I can get through this post and get everything ready to go and write.

Didn't I just post about paying attention to the moment?

But then, maybe this moment right here is not about being right here, but about preparing for the next moment. It's okay if I'm not settled into my spot, but rushing ahead to the next half hour... because that's what this moment is about. Preparing. Anticipation. The next step.

All in all, it just is what it is. And the journey is the living. And the living is the moment. This moment is good, in its presence and in its anticipation.

There is jazz in the background. A little girl doing downward dog on the couch while watching Dora, the smell of eggs cooking in the kitchen, and me thinking... novels, pages, tightening, hot coffee and how I should probably get dressed before I submerge into revision.

What is your moment about?

Black and White Traveling, or Breathe

Black and White Traveling, or Breathe

9/24/10 ink and repurposed menus, acrylic gel medium

4"x4"

I took Saturday and Sunday off of writing and blogging because I felt myself getting more and more anxious over everything undone and everything still to do.

Taking the writing break meant I could take care of some other business and it meant I could relax a little.

When I went to work, I found myself happy, instead of stressed.

I realized that my goals of revising 100 pages a week, 20 pages a day (not including weekends) was unrealistic. Especially since I was totally planning on working through the weekends which I had actually planned to use as a break. (Did you catch that? I planned a break for myself, and then I was going to ignore that wisdom, and push myself to keep going without a break.)

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, to be productive, to do it all, to conquer the world (whatever world it is we want to conquer)?

I'm being crazy productive, but I still see all the things I am not doing and how far I am from my long term and short term goals.

Oh.

You know what this means for me?

I have to start doing my To Do/Did Done lists again.

That's where I keep a normal To Do list, breaking things down into small tasks, and then I also keep track of everything I have taken care of, done, achieved or gotten through in any given day.

When I start paying attention to what I have actually done, whether it was on my To Do list or not, I start to realize that I am doing more than I thought I was doing.

When I had babies, my Did Done list often had things like, "showered, fed everyone breakfast, got dressed, checked email, nursed 6 times."

Now however, perhaps I might have, "got everyone dressed, made lunch for boy, walked boy to school, blogged, made xx$ at work, drew bookmark, had meeting, revised 10pp, made dinner, watched Mad Men."

It's good to put things on your list that you look forward to or that are about taking care of yourself, not just things that are weighing you down. I know that when I am busy, I quite often forget to take care of myself.

That, my friends, leads to burn out.

So take care of yourself. Take some (limited) time off of all you want to have done. Pay attention to all you do accomplish, even little things, even things that are not on your list, even things that are about having fun.

This is the Path

I decided to be happy

acrylic and pitt artist pen on repurposed paint chip

71/100

This looks like it's folded, but it's not. It's just how the paint chip reacted when I painted it. I guess the paint strips deal with paint better than the tiny lines between the colors, where it's just paper.

I actually came up with this after encountering Illustration Friday's prompt "atmosphere" again and again this weekend. I might like to start doing IF again.

The quote is by Voltaire, and found amongst my collected quotes. I just picked one that resonated with the picture, even though it's not a direct illustration. I don't think it needs to be.
It's the Little Things, or Magnified

acrylic on repurposed paint chip

72/100

This is actually a drawing of a tiny tiny flower that my kids brought me. It was probably one inch from tip to stem. I blew it up and made it work.
Traveling where I am or This is The Path.

ink on repurposed menu

73/100

This was started while I was at work and finished yesterday.

Somehow, all these pieces I did fit together.

Maybe together they begin to make sense. Maybe they aren't little worthless pieces. Maybe the little bits of this and that add up together to make the path and by accepting the path that we're on, may we get to be happy. Maybe the happiness makes the path enjoyable, whether or not we get to the end point as soon as we want.

Maybe.

Hmmmmm.