Nanowrimo and Parenting or Again

Again, by Rowena Murillo

The first time I did nano, I had a one year old and I was pregnant with my second. I went through the infant stages, the toddler stages, preschooler, kindergartner, early elementary and now the mid grade years. Every year, I managed to keep them alive and fed and relatively clean and happy. Nine years later and I have attempted nano every year and only failed the year I also moved cross country in November.

The thing about nanowrimo is that life never gets out of the way for it. Every year, it's the holidays. Every year, there are technical difficulties with family and work and living and health and relationships and money and time. Every single year. I've moved in November, twice. Last year I got separated in November. I've struggled with the flu. I've needed to find a new job.

The other thing about nanowrimo is that if you keep going, if you keep putting one word down after the other, if you keep giving yourself 15 minutes, half an hour, nap time, the minutes while the chicken is baking, an afternoon while grandma babysits, an hour after the kids go down for the night, if you keep giving yourself that time to write and you actually do it, you will succeed.

Make the time. Keep writing. Don't judge yourself. Don't edit. Sit down and write. Find the time. Commit. Just do it. Write. In little bits and drabbles or in long bingeing periods where you forget to eat and neglect your kids (actually don't neglect your kids, just pawn them off on someone else) just keep writing.

Nanowrimo tells me that over the course of the last 9 years, I have written over half a million words during nanowrimo. That's right. 500,000 words. And that's not counting the work I've done outside of November, the new work, the research, the outlining, the editing, the revising. I actually have one full, finished final manuscript that I am sending out to agents. And I have become a much better writer for all the effort.

As parents, we might not have as much free time as other nanowrimo participants. We might have more responsibilities and sticky handed time bandits, but we also know what matters in life. We know what matters to us. We know that if we want something, we have to take care of it.

So the first question to ask yourself at the beginning of nanowrimo is this: how much do you want it?

The second question to ask is what will you to do take care of it?

How To Get Creative 1-25, and Work In Progress

Work In Progress (dream catcher)
acrylic on paper
8.5x11

After a life of being creative, I think I've learned a few things. One of those things is that we are always starting over. We're always going through endings. We're always going through transformation. And we're always beginning again.

This is the process. Fighting it doesn't help, it just makes us feel guilty. Trusting the process means that we believe things will turn around, eventually. It gives us hope.

So in this period of starting over again (where did my creativity go? where?) I am going to make a list.  I like lists.

How To Get Creative

1. Start something.
2. Turn on the music and dance.
3. Take a camera and go take pictures of something.
4. Read an old journal.
5. Go to a museum or gallery or show or concert.
6. Talk to someone creative.
7. Watch a documentary about something you care about.
8. Divide a page into four sections. Fill each section with a different drawing, painting, poem, story, song.
9. Sing a song.
10. Play with clay. Create a tiny sculpture. Display it proudly.
11. Take out your old portfolio, mss, tapes, or other creative work, and look at it as if you'd never seen it before.
12. Climb a tree. Take a minute and pay attention to the view from up there.
13. Climb under a table. Take a minute and pay attention to the view from down there.
14. Cry unashamedly.
15. Take a shower and plan a great story/painting/dance routine/song while the water is running.
17. Freewrite in your journal for fifteen minuets without stopping.
18. Make something with a child.
19. Read your favorite author.
20. Write out 100 great words on little slips of paper. Fold the words and put them in a jar. Shake and pull a word or two. Create something based on those words.
21. Make a commitment to create something every day for one week, no matter how small.
22. Set an alarm for 15 minutes and be creative until that alarm goes off, no excuses and no stopping.
23. Join a class, group, workshop, community, blog party, organization, etc of like minded, creative beings.
24. Clean up your creative space.
25. Write a list of ways to be creative.

Seeing that I like lists, and since this is a process and there are a million ways to be creative, I just might come back and add to this list.

Add a comment and share your tricks to getting your creative juices flowing.

Hush or Keeping It Inside

Hush, or Alice Keeps It Inside
4 3/4 x 7 1/2"
ink and acrylic on vintage Alice in Wonderland book page

I've taken a little blog break. You see, I've had a lot going on.

I know I was blogging last year when I was in the midst of a move and I was blogging all my art from my 100 days challenge but I think that I had a moment to stop and think about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do... and in order to think about that with my blog, I had to stop.

What I've thought about doing lately is making my blog more intentional, and I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do it yet.

Sometimes there is virtue in being quiet.

In quiet, we can start listening to our internal voices, and these voices can whisper very silently sometimes. We have to stop talking, stop declaring ourselves, stop shouting to the world, just so that we can hear the whispers of intuition, emotion, idea, belief, desire, fear, hope, story, inspiration.

I know that it can be hard to be quiet and still, to not jump right in to actions or decisions. Sometimes, when you get that initial idea, it can be so exciting that you want to race to the finish line and go all in.

But the truth is, very often, the initial idea, or even not so initial, needs care and silence and darkness in order to grow to fruition. I've seen it with story ideas, for sure. I get a great idea and I want to start writing, but something in me tells me to hold on, let the idea germinate, let it grow and become stronger, let it feed on different thoughts and experiences, mull it over in the darkness. I sit with it deliberately, jot down a few notes, go to sleep with the idea in my head, throw in another intriguing concept, stir them up a bit and still... still hold on to it, silently.

There is no need to rush to speak it.

Not yet.

Hush. There is time to let it grow.

Abundance and 96-100 in the 100 days creative challenge,

 Branched
gold acrylic paint and pen on paper
96/100

Yesterday was my 100th day of my 100 creative works in 100 days challenge.

Woo hoo.

I actually did it. I didn't even cheat. I missed two months of painting and drawing because of my move, but I was able to get my grove back and restart my creativity. Maybe it's a good idea that I did commit to finishing this task, against the odds, because it meant my creativity didn't get lost in the many duties of moving. And life. Don't forget life.

This is a painting of a branch. In gold. I had extra gold paint on my palette from painting another picture, so i wanted to use the last of it, and I've always loved those twisty branches, so... No special meaning behind it.

Monster Plans
watercolor, pencil, pen on paper
97/100

These are plans for a horde of monsters I am going to make my son for Christmas. A kraken looks an awful lot like an octopus, and godzilla looks an awful lot like a T-rex. Interesting. The plan here is to use felt and cotton knit and buttons and embroidery floss.

I need to do less planning and more sewing though.

 this bowl is full of abundance
pencil, water color, ink wash and acrylic on paper
98/100

This is another empty/full bowl. This one  I designed with gold leaves and pomegranates to symbolize abundance. The bowl is marked with hatches, which to me always represents time. The background is a dark, deep brown, like fertile earth.

An incomplete symbology

ink and watercolor on paper

99/100

Speaking of symbols, here I drew out my own study sheet. I was just thinking about some of the symbols I seem to use over and over again. Sometimes when I paint, it's a kind of language, I paint stories... or parts of stories, and the symbols are part of the meaning making. 

Too many years reading and writing poetry. :)

Miniature doll in progress
paper clay, silver wire
100/100

And for my 100th work of art, I am posting a paperclay doll that I started. She's not done in the slightest, but I don't feel bad about using a WIP for my last entry. It's a new challenge for me and I have been wanting to try it for ages. Plus, I think it looks kind of cool unfinished, just the white paper clay and the silver wire.

It was even better before I dropped it while the clay was still damp and it landed face down on the floor. She got a little smooshed. Oops. I tried to fix her the best I could. I think when she's dry all the way, the paint will go a long way to making her look better. What I've seen of the tiny dolls people make, they don't have to have all the details in the clay. You can just give suggestions of the features, then when you paint her face, she gets her personality.

I intend to give her hands and feet attached to the wire, then wrap the exposed wire with florist tape, then make tiny clothes out of fabric. I do not know who she will be. She might be a woman from the 30s or 40s... as I think about the hair style that I kind of molded a bit already. We shall see. Whatever she develops into, that's part of the fun.

And I guess that's why I picked this piece for my last entry, instead of another piece that I completed... because where I'm going in my creativity is still unwritten.

I think I've entered some territory that is new to me, and have developed some techniques and ideas that are rather interesting. That's one of the best things about doing this challenge, watching how you develop as you go. It's such an extended project, one of small babysteps, that you can actually see the journey you make and you can see how one thing leads to the next.

And so now I'm done and I can relax on the posting, but I do hope that I can continue with my art work and see where it takes me next.

I do recommend this as a challenge for anyone. It is a challenging journey, but if you keep your daily goals small enough, it is not impossible. You'll notice that whenever I got behind in my count, my art work would get smaller and simpler, and that's okay, it still moves you forward. If 100 days is too long a challenge, you can do a month of art works, or  43 days. Or whatever number suits your life. It's committing to the creating that makes it worthwhile.

Re-Vision and the Past 93-95/100

 re-vision
acrylic on paper
93/100

I spent all morning and afternoon painting yesterday and then ran out of time to post. I am slowly catching up to my 100 works in 100 days goal. Of course, I've been neglecting other things. Well, life is about sacrifices isn't it?

I feel like today's post shows a departure for me. I'm not quite sure where it's going. Maybe it is more intentional and less improvisational. I'm okay with that, although it takes a lot longer to do. Thus all day painting and running out of time.

I did start with a symbol, the eye, one that has been a common refrain through out my artistic life. Mostly doodled on notebooks when I was a kid. I read somewhere that it was something about "being seen." I don't know. Maybe that's go something to do with where my head is at nowadays.

I know when I got intentional with it, I began to think about what I KNOW my life is about nowadays, and that is reviewing my life, my work and my goals, and revising and re-visioning it all. I kind of like that I am taking symbols from the past and rethinking them again. Or art supplies from the past and seeing what I can do with them. Or vintage photos from the past and recreating them from my perspective. (I found piles of photo albums from my own family, my ancestors. I should really try to incorporate them.)

this bowl is full of hope
acrylic and graphite on paper
94/100

I saw an illustration of a bowl somewhere and since then, I have been slightly obsessed with the symbolism of the bowl.

It is an empty receptacle. It holds whatever it is you put in it. It is also used to hold offerings, to other people, to the gods, to yourself. You can not fill the bowl unless it starts out empty. The emptiness of the bowl is what allows it to hold the gift, the sustenance.

I drew it in pencil and painted half of it. It is not unfinished. That was intentional. There's something about the bare bones of pencil drawing that I like. As if it is being created. It is also without color. It is work a day, functional, not really meant to be shown. It is what belongs underneath the surface.

I also wanted to show the marking lines for the words. This bowl is laid down to it's essence, this is what it is made of.

The inside of the bowl is the color of a spring sky. Hope. The outside is a pattern of pencil circles that remind me of stones.

The background is half painted with the swirls, kind of reminiscent of steam, or vines. Something growing, something rising. I painted it with titan buff, because I wanted it to still be white, but a white with color, as if it was hope alone that changed the plain white paper of the table to the color.

head of a girl 13 (tori amos)
ink wash on paper
95/100

I saw a High School picture of Tori Amos, and although she was not "quite" as vintage as the other photo sources I've been using, there was something about the loveliness, the imperfections, the romantic curly hair, the youth and hope of a girl who would become something powerful and darker as she grew... I just wanted to paint it.

And I wanted it to be pink and girly and dreamy.

She doesn't really look like her, but I wasn't really trying to make her look like Tori Amos. It was the feel that got me and the feel I was trying to convey. I thought a too-close portrait of Tori would be distracting.

Well that's what I did yesterday. Hopefully I will be able to paint some more today so I can keep my momentum going. I have four more days of my self imposed challenge, and only five more pieces to do.

I CAN DO IT!

Learning How To Say Yes 72-77/100 in 100 days

Yes (gold and silver)

pencil and acrylic

72/100

One of the things I have to practice is saying yes to life. My first impulse is always to say no. The farther out of my comfort zone things are, the more likely I am to say no, or just clam up and hide.

I've learned to get around this impulse. I make myself little reminders, like this painting of YES. Or I try to change my automatic internal dialogue into something more positive. I ask myself, what's the worst that could happen? I join blog challenges to do one brave thing a day. Sometimes, I just hold my breath and jump in.

Another thing I do to help myself learn to take chances and try new things and go for my goals, is to take baby steps. For instance, I wanted to do more portraits, try something new, really get into it. So I started small. The earlier recent portraits are an example. The first ones were a bit over 3"x5.5". Note paper size. And then I moved up to vintage book pages at about 4.5"x7". The scrap paper and left over book pages are not only small, but because they are "scrap" the stakes are lowered for me. This enables me to take chances, to risk things not working out... because it's just experimenting.

 

 Head of a Girl 9
ink on vintage Alice in Wonderland Page
4.5"x7"
73/100
Here my experiments get a bit larger. Practicing with the same image, trying new things, learning the technique, branching out.

 Head of a Girl 10
ink on paper, moleskine
5"x8"
74/100
Now on plain paper. This is not watercolor paper and it absorbed the ink strangely. Something I actually thought was interesting, so I decided to try something a bit more challenging

Ivy
ink on paper, moleskine
5x8"
75/100

I painted my daughter. I always find painting kids to be very challenging, because the features are so soft and rounded. But after experimenting with these vintage portraits and the ink, I went for it anyway.

I decided that I like the stronger shadows better. Gives me something else to grab onto with the sepia ink, but all in all, I don't think this is a bad attempt, for a first attempt. Usually, when I do portraits, I do myself... since I am always there and I don't complain when I model. And since the advent of digital photography, I don't even need a mirror, I can just snap a picture and paint it from my camera.

 Selfie
ink on peper
5x8"
76/100

Like here. A painting of a snapshot. This is definitely not my best self portrait, but I'm okay with it. Remember, part of this whole series, aside from getting my numbers up on my 100 in 100 challenge, is to take baby steps towards the harder challenges. Experimenting. Trying new things. Lowering the stakes and the pressure that I put on myself to get things right, and be perfect.

The process of trying out new things with low stakes is also a process of being open to whatever comes... whether it is a surprising aspect of a medium or a new idea of what I might try next.

Head of a Girl 11
ink on paper
5.5"x8.5"
77/100

(does anyone else find it funny that my page sizes are going up in half inch increments?)

This last painting was done this morning when I had a brilliant idea to use acrylic on top of my ink paintings... except I liked how this turned out, with it's strong shadows and pretty girl, so much, that I didn't want to touch it with the experiment.

You see? I stopped the willingness to try new things because I got attached to this "perfection." Not that I think it's perfect, but that I didn't want to "ruin" it.

Luckily, with this series, I am gaining enough facility in the medium and style that I can paint another head of a girl and experiment with that one. Maybe I should go back to my usual head of a girl, so that I can feel more comfortable with trying something new without ruining the existing work.

Being an artist does not mean you are always confident in what you create. Taking chances is part of the territory. Every blank page is the chance to make a masterpiece or a disaster that will make you climb back into bed and hide under the covers.

Learning to get out there, becoming comfortable with the risk, trying things that you've never done before... facing your fears... this is part of being an artist. This is part of being a human, actually. It's a hard lesson, and sometimes you have to relearn it.

Experimenting. 49-60/100 in 100 days

Pout

ink on paper

49/100

I stopped pouting about being overwhelmed and behind and having so much to do and etcetera, and decided to pick up a paintbrush and dip it into some ink and paint on whatever came to hand... mostly old papers that I found in my boxes from three years ago.  

Imaginary Face 1

ink on paper

50/100

Experimenting with ink and brush. I found this too dark. The face was... well, an experiment.

Imaginary Face 2
ink on paper
51/100

Still too dark. Meh.

Face 3
ink on paper
52/100

Liking the light wash much better.

 Head of a Girl 1
ink on paper
53/100

Found a vintage painting by Martiros Saryan, to use as a reference. Liked the head tilt and the shadows. Continued experimenting.

 Head of a Girl 2
ink on paper
54/100

Found a photo reference (lost alas) for this head of a girl

 Head of a Girl 3
ink on vintage book paper
55/100

Really wanted to paint more of the first girl. Ran out of scrap grid papers though. Moved on to pieces torn from a book I altered, many years ago (10 years?). I do so love vintage book pages. And they go with the vintage image inspiration. And the sepia toned ink that is from a vintage circa 10 years ago.

Head of a Girl 4
ink on vintage book paper
56/100

Still loving her head tilt, and the line of the neck and the shoulder. Kind of like how each painting has her looking a little bit different.

 Head of a Girl 5
ink on vintage book paper
57/100

Wanted to try it with a different reference photo. Tried this one. Her name is Nita Naldi. You might recognize her from here. She's a femme fatale. Do you notice the title of the page is "Death?" Unintentional. It was just the scrap paper I had left over.

Man Reading on the Subway
ink on vintage paper
58/100

Saw another vintage photo source. Thought I'd try something different, something less girl-y. Shoot lost my photo source. Darn it.

Head of a Girl 6
acrylic and ink on paper
59/100

Back to my Head of a Girl. This time, I wondered what would happen if I played with some things. Color. Shape. Tilt of head remains, neck, shoulder, and the shadows. A little bit of the Leonor Fini influence.

Head of a Girl 7
acrylic and ink on paper
60/100

Another version of my head of a girl. I like her. She looks more fifties than thirties style. And reminds me also of this girl.

Here are a couple days of experimentation. I was having fun and I liked the way some of these turn out. I think sometimes you have to delve into an idea and see where it goes. Although, sometimes you also just have to lower stakes and try new things.  A little bit of both, maybe.

Let's see what I come up with next. I am not as far behind as I was last week. And I still have a few more days to catch up. Gotta keep moving.

Back

We have arrived.

My brain is still back in Kentucky somewhere. My goals to create while I was in the car were sadly a bit ambitious. I did finish a stuffed animal that I've been procrastinating with for about 2 years.

At some point, I will get myself organized enough to take photos of all the art and crafts that I have been working on the past couple of months. It's not as much as I'd like, but it's something.

For now, where I'm putting my energy (aside from getting the kids registered in school,) is my new studio. 

This is what it looked like after I moved all the boxes from my kids' room into it.

Yipes.

Well, I had to get the kids a place to sleep, that was first on the agenda. Forget that fact that in order to put everything away, I had to get the studio in order, since it will be storage heavy. When we came back down here to Florida, we were also reunited with most of our stuff that has been in storage. I haven't even gotten through all the boxes, but I've already found so many things that are full of memories.

 Half way through. Still moving boxes and tables.

Boxes moved. Tables moved. Shelves moved. Actually thinking I want the stainless desk back on the other side. I have to experiment with it.  I am looking forward to my thrift shopping and yard saling, looking for a desk chair and a cozy armchair to go along with my soon to be desk.

I love thrift shopping. I love yard sales. I also love the art of the curb side find.

Next to the shelving unit, there is a cabinet that I think used to house an old school stereo system but which I used for my art supplies. It has a pretty inlay, but a patch of missing trim. I found it in the alley here in Florida three years ago. I almost put it back out in the alley when I moved away, but decided to hold onto it, and now I'm glad I did.

Because it turns out that my craft cabinet aka travel kitchen, which was another curbside find but in Michigan, fits perfectly on top of the hulking cabinet with the interesting inlay and curved front. Now I have a full service craft cabinet.

Well, that's one little discovery in my studio. It will make me even happier when I've filled it with all my supplies.

I kind of want to get back to work and finish fixing up the rest of my studio. I think it's time to make a space to take my art and my writing seriously. Because I am super behind in nanowrimo and super behind in my 100 in 100 days creative projects.

Sigh.

Well, like I said, back to work.

Do It/ Hand 02/100 Days

Do It/ Hand
mixed media double spread on paper
9/2/12 art journal
2/100

I have been playing with my turquoise paint for the last few days. This color always makes me feel happy. It reminds me of blue skies and hope and birds and dreams.

I didn't know where this journal entry was going when I started it. I'm still not really sure I know what it means, but I know it is part of where I'm going.

I like doing these 100 things in 100 days challenges, because even though I may not know where I will end up, the consistent habit of sitting down to create every day means that I am developing my vision and my voice.

Something will come out of this project, as long as I show up and commit every day.

What about you? Would you like to give it a chance? Let me tell you, I say "I can't" on a daily basis, but the truth is, if I just do it, I certainly can. Many things are hard, but that doesn't mean they are impossible, and you get so much out of committing to them, even though you aren't sure, even though you are afraid, even though it seems like so much work.

If you want to try to paint 100 things in 100 days, give it a shot. Or cook 100 meals in 100 days. Or create 100 toys, or knit 100 hats, or write 100 poems, or what have you, give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

You Know The Answer

You Know The Answer

You know you do.

That thing that you know you need to do to make things work out... you just gotta do it. That choice you have to make? That step you have to take? Just do it.

It doesn't how we talk ourselves out of it, how hard we convince ourselves it is, how impossible it might be. My personal favorite excuse is "Oh I'm so tired, I can't." But the truth is, I know what needs to be done. And I can, even if it's hard and I have to break it down into baby steps and accept that results won't appear right away and maybe not even ever, but I still have to do it.

Putting it off doesn't make it better. It doesn't make the task ahead any easier. It doesn't make us happier in the long run (although, we might be filling our procrastination time with things that make us feel good in the moment).

You know the answer.

Yes, that's the answer I'm talking about.

The scary one.

The one that is really what you want, in your deepest of hearts. The one that you know is the truest of true.

The one that you really have to rise to reach, to be the person you know you want to be.

The one that is all about your dreams. All about your soul.

The RIGHT answer.

Do it.

Lady of Flowers, or She Becomes What She Believes

Lady of Flowers or She Becomes What She Believes 

acrylic on watercolor paper 

3"x4" 

I drew this lady last night while watching so you think you can dance.

Then I painted her this morning while my kids ran around playing.

I'm trying to paint more. I'm also trying to utilize my time better. I'm trying to make things that will make my better. I'm trying to be in the present moment. And I am trying to be the person I want to be and live the life I want to live.  I'm trying to focus on the positives and good things and creativity. Focus on what is working, rather than what is not working or what is missing.

Be who you want to be.

Do what makes you feel fulfilled.

Believe that things will work out, one way or another.

Look for bounty and the world will be bountiful.

Give your energy and your focus to the things that get you where you want to go.

And then never give up, even when it seems that none of that is working.

Call Me Ollivander (it's wizards and witches wand workshop over here

This morning I was moaning to myself, "oh I have nothing to post and I don't have time to paint anything whatever shall I do oh woe is me." (yes that is my internal voice, more or less) and then I got up to work on one of my projects for my sons up coming Harry Potter party, all the while moaning (woe is me).

And then I gave myself a metaphoric smack in the head.

Duh.

Work In Progress post. I've been developing my HP wands. I started with this tutorial, which is the one I used this Christmas, but my hot glue gun has since bit the dust, and rather than going out and buying a new one, I'm figuring out how to decorate and personalize each one using white glue, scraps and whatever else crafty thing I can come up with. So far I've used yarn soaked in glue (silver wand) tissue paper torn into long strips, saturated with glue and twisted (dark brown and orange wands), kraft paper wrapped around and around with glue plus embellishments (light brown wand and one black wand), and a paper mache pulp and glue. The paper mache pulp was from this tutorial. I kind of like it. I didn't make as much as she did since it's just a trial, but it's fun. It makes sense to use paper mache to me, since these are really paper mache wands.

I have to make, like, twenty of these.

This is what I have so far, with six of them embellished and painted with an undercoat, and two just the blank paper tubes. I figure when I make my next batch, I will do some photo tutorials to go along with it, because although I'm using the basic tutorial from instructables, I've also come up with my own solutions that I haven't seen anywhere. I'm also enjoying scrolling through dadcando and seeing what other people have done with this papermache wand tutorial. In fact, I just got an idea of what I can do with one of those blank paper tubes I have left.

It seems like all in all, it's a great basic blank from which we can use our own creativity to make something that works for us. I kind of like that all my wands are made with different materials, because the real wands in Harry Potter's world are all very different and have unique flavors and feels to them.

Well, that's just a sneak peek at what I've been up to. Now I've got to go off and do less creative projects. Oh who am I kidding, I'm going to embellish another wand.

Just remember, there is so much inspiration out there on the internet these days, but that doesn't mean that you have to follow exactly what they say. Use the ideas out there to inspire your own creativity.

Rose Tinted Girl and some thoughts about Leonor Fini

Rose Tinted Girl
3"x4" acrylic on paper

I did another mini portrait, playing with the underpaintings and bright colors. This is orange, green and pink.

I saw a painting of Leonor Fini's Splendid Devils a few weeks ago, and I guess something about it stuck in my mind. The hair, the bright colors. I didn't use it as a source, but it was definitely in my mind when I painted her hair. I remember when I first encountered Leonor Fini. It was over 20 years ago, when I was in college and I was doing a report on female surrealist artists. I remember particularly Leonor Fini, Meret Oppenheimer, and of course, Frida Kahlo. I think I found Leonor Fini a bit strange,  and at the same time I was enamored of Frida Kahlo, so Fini kind of fell by the way side as I explored more of Kahlo and was  influenced by her in my own art work.

But I think Leonor Fini is worth some attention. Just in writing this blog, I have been amazed, astonished, amused and sometimes a little bit bothered by not just her work, but also her life, which was lived in an exceedingly dramatic way and far ahead of her time. She was a powerful and talented surrealist artist at a time when women simply weren't allowed to be that. In fact, she refused the title of "surrealist" because Andre Breton decided that she should be a muse, subservient, not an artist in her own right. And after her death, Salvador Dali said about her,  'Better than most, perhaps. But talent is in the balls', thereby ensuring that her stock as an artist sank quickly, in large part because she was a woman. Oy. I guess I am glad to be a woman in this time, rather than back then.

Well, I'm no Leonor Fini, but I am Rowena Murillo, and I am going about living in my own way. I've never even thought about whether I was ahead of my own time, I'm just smack dab in the middle of it and too close to the matter to worry about it. I am, however, interested in the influence that Leonor Fini might have upon my painting. Her life is a bit too dramatic for me, but the paintings? I think I like.

Say Yes To Life, woodland animal paper doll greeting card

Say Yes To Life, woodland animal articulated paper doll greeting card

Here is my bunny. Well, here is the bunny I made for my Bunny. My daughter thinks her real name is Bunny and insists we all call her Ivy Bunny. I made the bunny paper doll particularly for her.

But I like this bunny here, on this card, with the background of lush leaves.  

A rabbit is a sign of Spring. It's a sign that there is abundance, a sign that things are growing, a sign that we should go ahead and let our hope out to romp around in lush gardens.

Don't hide from the joy and the opportunity, get out there and raid that lettuce patch of life. You belong in the abundance that is out there. You are made of yes. You are made of growth and fertility and creativity. Don't let the little fears keep you hidden in your burrow. A rabbit is small and gentle and vulnerable, but every moment they are alive, every step they take into the world is full of bravery and chance taking.

What are you hiding from out of fear? What could you say yes to that might change your life? What chances could you take that would open up possibilities for you? Where could you be brave. Practice saying yes everyday to something that scares you. You might be surprised at how your world can bloom.

Be Gentle To Yourself woodland animal greeting card

Be Gentle To Yourself Woodland Animal Greeting Card

I've shown my little deer before, but I wanted to do something with her. I wanted to also do something with some of the stamps I've been messing around with. 

So this is what I came up with.  I'm creating a set of "Gentle" greeting cards. They come from my woodland animal articulated paper dolls that I made as a favor for my daughter's fairy princess tea party fifth birthday party. To tell the truth, the paper dolls skewed a little too old for five year olds. But I really liked them anyway so I wanted to find something to do with them.

I think one of the ways to be gentle with yourself is to look for the good in things that maybe didn't work out quite the way you wanted them to. Don't toss the baby out with the bathwater, to put it in the vernacular.  

It's very easy to only focus on the negative, and think that what you are doing is failure, or who you are is not good enough. But if you start saying, "okay, that didn't work so well, but let me look for the positives and see how I can use them the next time," then you shift your perception of your work, and yourself to something that is creative rather than destructive. And I have to say, this doesn't only go for creative projects and drafts of art work, but also for real life. I've seen this happen in work situations where people scrap projects because there were failures, without looking to see the benefits. I've seen women do this to themselves by only focusing on trying to change their physical flaws and devaluing their beauties. It happens in relationships where people focus on little things that bother them and don't give credit to the big good things that can fade into the background. I've seen it in pessimistic world views looking for how everything sucks, and missing how everything rocks. Oh yeah, and low self esteem and negative self talk.  You don't suck. You rock.

So practice looking for the positives. Remember that having flaws does not mean you are bad. Remember to pamper yourself and take care of yourself when you're sick.

Here's a photo of my daughter, sitting on the porch wrapped up in her comforter, watching the fog and the traffic, taking it easy, cozying up.  Not pushing. Just enjoying. I should try that. It would be a lesson in being gentle to myself and allowing myself to just be.

 And here's a detail of my card. The other side of the fawn puppet is a print of a small fabric. I made the card stock two ply. I like it for stability and I love the little pattern.

In the end, I want to have four of these gentle paper doll cards. And I'm thinking I'd like also four bold paper dolls... but I really haven't figured out how that will look yet. Luckily, I don't have to force it. I can be gentle for now. The time for boldness is coming soon. The gentleness prepares the way.

Remember to be gentle to yourself when you need it. Don't think you have to be bold all the time.

In Transition, Traveling, or The Creative Process

 In Transition, Traveling

I have found that the process of creativity is a very fluid one. When you are creative, it feels unstoppable, as if it could go on forever and never end. This is just who you are. A creative machine.

But it is an illusion. Creativity ebbs and flows and it has its own journey that is not just about moving forward and being a genius. Creativity is a lot of silence. A lot of waiting. A lot of staring out of the window. A lot of quiet periods where things are growing, developing, and making their way into the light.

I think some people call these creative blocks, but I don't look at it like that. Calling it a block gives the blockage too much power. You focus only on what is not happening, and that is a sure bet that it won't. Instead, I look at these silent periods as fallow periods, part of the natural progression of the creative process.

To me, it is very natural, it is a kind of seasonal thing, although your fallow periods may not coincide with winter/spring/summer/fall. Mine kind of do. I think they are influenced by the mad crafting of the holiday season, the long days of summer, the get back to work time of the fall, and the... well... okay, spring is meant to be renewal and rebirth and all, but to me, so much of it is labor and letting the dark earth and cold rain do its job, while I wait for things to grow.

Hey, look. This is a picture of fields in spring. You notice that the grass is lush and green, but those fields are nowhere near harvest. They're barely even sprouting. I love when my photo/artwork sort of magically starts to fit with my ruminations of the day.

Well let me take my metaphor even farther. I don't feel very much like my fields of creativity are abundant right now. They're not, in fact. They're kind of just little germs of ideas, sprouts of inspiration. I want to be expressive and productive and bountiful in my creating, but right now, I'm just kind of picking at whatever is well formed enough to be something, even if it is not what I want.

But I am not doing nothing. I am thinking an awful lot about who I am, what I want, what I have done and learned and made in my whole life. I am tilling that soil. I am tending it. Fertilizing it with ideas that might work or things I want to try, even if they are not directly related to my long term goals. I am trying to get rid of the destructive or negative things in my life, purging things that are not useful, pulling weeds and clearing the space to allow things to grow. I am planting seeds, organizing those plans, starting work, trying different things, taking the first steps to make my creative goals come to fruition. (I just realized that you can really tell that I am the granddaughter of a farmer, even if I'm such a city girl, I learned a lot from him.)

This season in my creativity is a very frustrating one, knowing that I have to wait to get to the full fruited productivity I want. But at the same time, it feels good, itchy and antsy, but good, to know that the process has started over again, the first steps have been made, the journey has begun.

I think the most important thing about this stage of creativity, or about creativity in general, is to remember that you need to TRUST THE PROCESS. The silence is not wrong. It is a sign that something is growing underground and you need to sit back and let it. It is a sign that you need to prepare yourself for the hard work of tending and watering and harvesting. Don't resist the process, don't despair because you feel like you can't break through. Have faith that this is the way it works. Don't give up, keep working at it, keep looking for ideas, keep practicing new skills, keep organizing and planning, keep trying new things, keep being inspired by the world around you and the world inside of you. Keep showing up to the page. Trust and don't give up. This whole post is beginning to remind me of this one, from years back. But that doesn't surprise me, the lessons I need to learn keep popping up in my life.

What are some ways you've managed to break through those fallow periods and get back to creating?

Fawn paper doll and Cultivating Creativity in Gentleness

Fawn paper doll, with mushroom

Sometimes, I feel like I am chasing inspiration, chasing down my aspirations, hunting them through the woods.

And I'm making a lot of noise, crashing through the woods with my clumsy intentions.

My inspiration runs off, faster than I can keep up, and disappears into the shadows, just a tease of an idea, a flash of white tail and what I want to do.

In the almost 40 years that I have been pursuing my creativity, I am still learning how this all works. There's no equation for it all.

Perhaps I should take my metaphor father, though. Perhaps instead of chasing after inspiration, I need to do more sitting quietly, hidden in the camouflage of my life, and wait for it to come to me.

Yes, I know I do. Sigh. Moms with little kids don't get to do much sitting quietly.

Yesterday I had so many ideas and so many intentions they were all crowding for attention. I made lists and ran around from one idea to the next, running around also taking care of my daughter and getting ready for work. Honestly, I almost forgot I had to go to work, so wrapped up was I. Then I went to work with the same amount of nervous energy, and was unable to do anything practical with it. I tried to stay away from more coffee, let's just say that.

Perhaps also what I'm chasing is not something outside of me. Perhaps it is inside of me, that creativity, that center of calm or that energetic intention. Perhaps I need to be gentle with myself through this process. Perhaps we all do. Perhaps we need to cultivate our selves, our creativity and our souls with a measure of gentleness, care, and feeding. Provide for our creative selves, offer safety, calm and sustenance, and instead of having to hunt down inspiration, it will come to us.

With that in mind, what are some ways that we can cultivate our creativity.

1. Provide time where we can be silent with our thoughts, dreams, visions, experiences, etc. In other words, stare out the window time, futz with our supplies time, do nothing and just exist time.

2. Provide space where creating is encouraged. A desk. A basement study. A corner in the bedroom set up for writing. A dining room turned into an art studio. Tell your creativity that this is the space reserved for it, and it is welcome to come.

3. Provide food for creativity. Read great books, fiction and non fiction. Watch films that engage you. Play music that fills you with energy. Look at art that makes you want to pick up a paintbrush.

4. Husband your physical well being. Eat well. Sleep enough. Get out and exercise. Organize your physical space. Declutter.

5. Provide the supplies that you need to create. Gather them so that they are available to you when you need them.

6. Set up regular time to be creative. Yes, inspiration is fleeting, but give it a comforting routine, a safety in the knowledge that it is welcome and will be fed, and it will come.


These are ways to cultivate our creativity in gentleness and positivity. And then we actually have to sit down and do. DO. Write. Paint. Compose. Cook. Whatever your creativity demands. Don't forget the do. It is good to be gentle with ourselves in order to reach our goals, but we can't get there without taking action.

What are some ways that you have for cultivating your own creativity, luring it to come to you?

Collaborating with my Daughter and a Girl Ballerina Articulated Paper Doll

Girl Ballerina Articulated Paper Doll

Yesterday was a girly day. Ivy stayed home with me and we hung out, danced, had peanut butter toast, created a painting of a purple, polka dotted squirrel.

I drew the outline of the squirrel in purple crayon and then she painted it and added polka dots. She actually use a pencil eraser to make polka dots, like she's seen me do with my stamps.

She stole my sunglasses and posed, I took pictures.

 I also printed and cut out this Girl Ballerina paper doll I painted quite a few months ago. I'd always intended it for Ivy, since she is the one who asked for it, commissioned it, you might say, but, well, I don't know what I was waiting for. I printed her out on cardstock, but found that too flimsy, so I actually used a fixative to add another layer of cardstock. So this is a two ply doll. I have wondered how it would work to actually laminate her, for real kid play, but I'm not sure that would make her better.

Here she is with plain feet and just her leotard and tights. She comes with pointe shoes (you can just switch the flat feet out for the pointe feet), flowers, a practice ballet skirt and a fluffy tutu. She also has two tiaras, one pink, one white. I did quite a few of these articulated paper dolls, but I didn't finish them all and some I never managed to put together. I think things just got in the way. But I've been going through my back log of art and projects and trying to do something with what I already have.

 She is a pretty girl, I think. Not a grown up like my other paper dolls. Because she's for my daughter to play with. And PINKPINKPINK because that is my daughter's favorite colors and if it isn't pink she isn't satisfied.

Here is my daughter playing with her Girl Ballerina. Instant fun. She was putting on performances in minutes flat. Then she came running back asking for the flowers, because the performance was done.

I wonder if she will enjoy playing with paper dolls as much as my sister and I did when we were little. She's still a bit young for delicate toys, but I guess she's old enough to start learning, and start learning to take care of her toys.

It seems Ivy and I had a very collaborative day. Our squirrel painting, dancing and photo taking, as well as the paper doll, which I executed, but really was inspired by and directed by her.

Inspiration doesn't just come from inside of us. The world around us can inspire us. The people we love can also. Kids, friends, family, students. My kids have asked me to paint them certain things in the past, and that has always taken me in different directions than I usually would have gone in. The paper doll I made before this was a punk rock chick... ballerinas are just not my thing... but even if they are outside of my current comfort zone (I seem to remember drawing ballerinas obsessively when I was 10 or so) they can express something surprising and unexpected once I take them on.  It can be a challenge to try to link your creativity with someone else's ideas, feelings and concepts, but the challenge can be good for you.

Think about how those around you can inspire you. Is there something your child would like you to make for them? Do you want to give a surprise gift to a friend you care about? Do you look up to someone? How about doing a project with someone you enjoy? Or give your kids/students a project and then do the project with them.

How can you collaborate with those around you in a way that feeds your own creativity?