Shooting in the Dark

Shooting in the Dark

One night, past sundown, I was sitting in a lovely little waterside bar, with my new camera beside me. I had missed the sunset, arriving just a bit too late. It was getting darker and there wasn't much to see.

My plans for capturing the sunset had failed, but I said to myself, "self, what do you have to lose?" And I picked up the camera and took a picture. Even though it was too dark to really see. Even though I'd tried dark shoots with my old, crappy camera, and it was always a crap shoot.

And then I looked at the picture I had just taken.

Water!
Egrets!
Boat!
Pilings!
Nature Preserve!
Deep blue with just a touch of pink!

Now, I am not a professional photographer. I just like to play with pictures and capture pretty things. I consider it a hobby and a tool, and myself an amateur. I couldn't tell you why this camera takes such better pictures although my uncle the photographer tried to explain it to me. I can't explain anything about apertures or shutter settings. I forgot that after my long ago high school photography class. I am relieved to not have to deal with developing or chemicals or any of that stuff from the last generation. I just like to be able to play.

And I can also recognize when an image sizzles.

Here's the lesson I learned.

Take the chance. Even when you are not sure what might come out, what the results might be. Even when you feel like you don't know what you're doing and you have missed your opportunity. You have nothing to lose. Take the chance. Even though you feel like you are going blind and don't understand anything, trust yourself and take the chance.

It might not end up like what you expected.

It might be better.

Today Is A Day To Honor Who You Are, or Self Portrait With Eyes Closed

Self Portrait: Eyes Closed

One of the things we can forget to do when we try to step out into our dreams, is to remember who we are.  It's so easy to look at all the wonderful things that are out there, the beautiful paintings, the beautiful people, the talented folks, the successful business people, the brave and exciting and important paths that people take and think, "Oh, that is just not me."

We compare ourselves to everyone else and decide that we are lacking. They have it. We don't.

It's so easy to do. So easy to focus on the negative and the flaws.

So today, I'm going to look at myself as if I weren't me, as if I wasn't privy to all the fears and failures and missteps and dead ends that I've gotten caught up in. I'm going to look at only my own beauty and talent and success and bravery and adventures and contributions to the world.

I'm going to make a list of the things I am good at, the things I know how to do, the things I can speak with authority on. I'm going to list my successes, because for all my failures in life, I've had successes, too, we all have. I'm going to focus, today, on who I am as a positive force in the world. What I can give. The effect I have had. I am going to focus on my own power.

Try it yourself. Try making a list of all your strengths... without adding caveats and exceptions and 'buts' and trying to convince yourself that you're not that good. Write out the ways you are wonderful and beautiful and strong. Take stock of your own strength and power and abilities. Every time those negative voices come up, tell them, 'thanks for sharing, but we're only looking for positive qualities now.' Ignore the negative and move on to the next positive.

It takes practice to look at the positive aspects of yourself without that negative voice, without the pessimism and doubts and fears. So practice. Answer that internal 'I suck' voice with a new internal 'I rock' voice... even if you don't believe it at first. Keep focusing on your own greatness, and sooner or later, you might even start believing it.

Pulling it Together 67-71/100

 Head of a Girl 8 (Tilly Losch)
ink on vintage Alice in Wonderland Page
67/100

Like I said before, I am trying to put my house together, trying to pull together all the pieces of myself and my art and make it whole again.

It's remarkable how confusing and disorganized things can get. Or sometimes maybe we just need a break. Maybe we just need to step back and get some distance so that we can look at things and say "yes, this is what I want," or "no, this is not where I want to go."

So sometimes it helps to stop the go go going and be silent, to see what once was there, what is there now, and what you want to be there.

Found Still Life
(flowers, pencil, miniature houses, toy leash, and vintage contact paper on the counter)
68/100

This one is a case of looking and seeing what is already there.

I looked down at the corner of my craft cabinet counter, and saw this little still life, just sitting there. I gasped and grabbed my camera and started snapping away. It's where I'd tossed a few things that I was done with, the little houses from yesterday, the handful of garden flowers that my daughter gave me, whose stems were too short for a vase, the yellow pencil, and the broken purple toy leash that I told my daughter I'd fix.

It's interesting, because although it took me a few tries to frame it right, and I did remove extraneous items away from the composition, when I tried to "make it right", when I took away the junky purple toy leash, the composition went flat.

It was there. And I needed to pay attention to it, to see it for what it was, a snap shot of life, color, line and texture. Movement in stillness and discards. There's something about those bleeding heart flowers that seem to me to be always moving, even when they are just sitting there, wilting.

"Day" Flying Girl Articulated Paper Doll
acrylic on paper, metal brads
69/100

And then, sometimes, you have to work and think about something, plan it out and put it together.

I've been thinking about making a Flying Girl Paper Doll for a while, but never got around to it, because I knew it would be a bit of work and commitment.  Sometimes life is like that. You take ideas from the past and finally sit down to work on them, make them into something, even if you're not sure that they really will work out.

 Reveal
Pen and watercolor on paper
70/100

Here's a sketch I made, without real plans, just allowing it to come to be, although, again, I am pulling on past sketches and motifs.  I don't think that everything is actually revealed, here, even though it's called reveal. Perhaps time will be the big reveal.

Belated Bunny with Big Legs
Repurposed velour, cotton knit, buttons, thread, polyfill
71/100

And here's the stuffed bunny I started almost three years ago and never got around to finishing. It went three years without eyes or legs.

Even now, my daughter tells me that the legs are wrong and I need to make them smaller. I guess she's right, they don't really fit this bunny.

Belated Bunny (detail)

But she's kinda cute anyway.

Well, I continue to try to pull together my house, and my art and my writing. I'm working on my synopsis for my novel and my query letter... something that has needed to be done for quite some time.

Like I said, sometimes it takes a commitment to pull together all the disparate efforts, all the history and the knowledge and the ideas. And sometimes it takes a re-commitment, after a period of silence.

We shall see.

Be Gentle To Yourself woodland animal greeting card

Be Gentle To Yourself Woodland Animal Greeting Card

I've shown my little deer before, but I wanted to do something with her. I wanted to also do something with some of the stamps I've been messing around with. 

So this is what I came up with.  I'm creating a set of "Gentle" greeting cards. They come from my woodland animal articulated paper dolls that I made as a favor for my daughter's fairy princess tea party fifth birthday party. To tell the truth, the paper dolls skewed a little too old for five year olds. But I really liked them anyway so I wanted to find something to do with them.

I think one of the ways to be gentle with yourself is to look for the good in things that maybe didn't work out quite the way you wanted them to. Don't toss the baby out with the bathwater, to put it in the vernacular.  

It's very easy to only focus on the negative, and think that what you are doing is failure, or who you are is not good enough. But if you start saying, "okay, that didn't work so well, but let me look for the positives and see how I can use them the next time," then you shift your perception of your work, and yourself to something that is creative rather than destructive. And I have to say, this doesn't only go for creative projects and drafts of art work, but also for real life. I've seen this happen in work situations where people scrap projects because there were failures, without looking to see the benefits. I've seen women do this to themselves by only focusing on trying to change their physical flaws and devaluing their beauties. It happens in relationships where people focus on little things that bother them and don't give credit to the big good things that can fade into the background. I've seen it in pessimistic world views looking for how everything sucks, and missing how everything rocks. Oh yeah, and low self esteem and negative self talk.  You don't suck. You rock.

So practice looking for the positives. Remember that having flaws does not mean you are bad. Remember to pamper yourself and take care of yourself when you're sick.

Here's a photo of my daughter, sitting on the porch wrapped up in her comforter, watching the fog and the traffic, taking it easy, cozying up.  Not pushing. Just enjoying. I should try that. It would be a lesson in being gentle to myself and allowing myself to just be.

 And here's a detail of my card. The other side of the fawn puppet is a print of a small fabric. I made the card stock two ply. I like it for stability and I love the little pattern.

In the end, I want to have four of these gentle paper doll cards. And I'm thinking I'd like also four bold paper dolls... but I really haven't figured out how that will look yet. Luckily, I don't have to force it. I can be gentle for now. The time for boldness is coming soon. The gentleness prepares the way.

Remember to be gentle to yourself when you need it. Don't think you have to be bold all the time.

In Transition, Traveling, or The Creative Process

 In Transition, Traveling

I have found that the process of creativity is a very fluid one. When you are creative, it feels unstoppable, as if it could go on forever and never end. This is just who you are. A creative machine.

But it is an illusion. Creativity ebbs and flows and it has its own journey that is not just about moving forward and being a genius. Creativity is a lot of silence. A lot of waiting. A lot of staring out of the window. A lot of quiet periods where things are growing, developing, and making their way into the light.

I think some people call these creative blocks, but I don't look at it like that. Calling it a block gives the blockage too much power. You focus only on what is not happening, and that is a sure bet that it won't. Instead, I look at these silent periods as fallow periods, part of the natural progression of the creative process.

To me, it is very natural, it is a kind of seasonal thing, although your fallow periods may not coincide with winter/spring/summer/fall. Mine kind of do. I think they are influenced by the mad crafting of the holiday season, the long days of summer, the get back to work time of the fall, and the... well... okay, spring is meant to be renewal and rebirth and all, but to me, so much of it is labor and letting the dark earth and cold rain do its job, while I wait for things to grow.

Hey, look. This is a picture of fields in spring. You notice that the grass is lush and green, but those fields are nowhere near harvest. They're barely even sprouting. I love when my photo/artwork sort of magically starts to fit with my ruminations of the day.

Well let me take my metaphor even farther. I don't feel very much like my fields of creativity are abundant right now. They're not, in fact. They're kind of just little germs of ideas, sprouts of inspiration. I want to be expressive and productive and bountiful in my creating, but right now, I'm just kind of picking at whatever is well formed enough to be something, even if it is not what I want.

But I am not doing nothing. I am thinking an awful lot about who I am, what I want, what I have done and learned and made in my whole life. I am tilling that soil. I am tending it. Fertilizing it with ideas that might work or things I want to try, even if they are not directly related to my long term goals. I am trying to get rid of the destructive or negative things in my life, purging things that are not useful, pulling weeds and clearing the space to allow things to grow. I am planting seeds, organizing those plans, starting work, trying different things, taking the first steps to make my creative goals come to fruition. (I just realized that you can really tell that I am the granddaughter of a farmer, even if I'm such a city girl, I learned a lot from him.)

This season in my creativity is a very frustrating one, knowing that I have to wait to get to the full fruited productivity I want. But at the same time, it feels good, itchy and antsy, but good, to know that the process has started over again, the first steps have been made, the journey has begun.

I think the most important thing about this stage of creativity, or about creativity in general, is to remember that you need to TRUST THE PROCESS. The silence is not wrong. It is a sign that something is growing underground and you need to sit back and let it. It is a sign that you need to prepare yourself for the hard work of tending and watering and harvesting. Don't resist the process, don't despair because you feel like you can't break through. Have faith that this is the way it works. Don't give up, keep working at it, keep looking for ideas, keep practicing new skills, keep organizing and planning, keep trying new things, keep being inspired by the world around you and the world inside of you. Keep showing up to the page. Trust and don't give up. This whole post is beginning to remind me of this one, from years back. But that doesn't surprise me, the lessons I need to learn keep popping up in my life.

What are some ways you've managed to break through those fallow periods and get back to creating?

Self Portrait, Reflection

Self portrait, Reflection

One of the things I learned last week when I kept track of my creative output and productivity in my creative log, is that some things made me feel happier and more productive. 

Oddly, one of the things that made me feel the most happy was just simply taking a walk to the post office. It wasn't the post office that made me happy, it was the walk, on which I took my camera and pulled it out when I saw things that struck me, things that made me happy... like this pretty porch with flowering tree and wicker chairs. 

 Or this one

 What a cozy place to curl up with a book in the shade, watching the cars or few pedestrians pass by.

 This is a picture of the famous Chelsea Jiffy silos behind a garage. I always want to take photos of them but some how, they never quite live up to the actual impression of them. I mean it's just a factory, really, a little industrial action, but there's something quite stunning about the white silos and the factory buildings and the train tracks in the middle of this small town.

So why did this little walk and photo shoot make me feel accomplished? I did particularly like the self portrait, but that wasn't it. It's not that I had some great output of work. I don't really consider photography to be my real work, for me it's just a hobby, something I do for fun. Some day I might take it more seriously, but right now, it's just something I do because I want to, without having any other responsibilities attached to it. There are no shoulds. No people who are counting on me. No deadlines or timetables involved. No money involved.

That might have been part of the good feelings. There was no stress in those few minutes of my walk. I was already on my way on one of my errands. I had no child duties. It was just me and my feet and my eyes and my thoughts. This is why I made "self" one of the categories in my creativity log, because there is something about taking care of yourself, doing things you know make you feel good, not just for the moment, but for the long run. Things that feed your soul and recharge you. I'm an introvert and I need time to myself to recharge, and as a mom, I don't often get it. I'm writing this post now with a little girl sitting five feet from me, jabbering on, with moments of silence.

A ten minute walk, taking pictures and having my thoughts to myself, being able to reflect upon my thoughts or take in my surroundings or just being able to BE myself set me back on the right path for two weeks, I think.

I think also I need to make sure this is part of my regular activities. Remember to walk out by myself. Even if I don't have an errand to run.

Do you remember to do things that are just for you? Do you remember to take care of your self in the middle of all your other responsibilities and doings for other people? What recharges you? What simple activities could you try that would feed your soul?

Magnolias or Spring Always Comes

Magnolias, or Spring Always Comes

I took this picture on the way to work this week. The weather was astonishing. Warm, sunny, with bright blue skies. Flowers were popping up everywhere and the grass was growing velvety and rich.

Spring was here!

It always surprises me, spring. It's like I can't believe winter will let go of its hold. I can't believe the bare branches will grow leaves or the temperature will rise or things will get a little bit easier without mittens and hats and bulky coats.

But it doesn't matter how hard the winter has been, it is an unassailable truth that spring always comes.

After I took this picture (it has been an uncommonly mild winter and early spring, actually) we actually got a cold snap and all those pretty, creamy white and pink flowers turned brown and dropped off, but even so, spring will not be held back.

Spring is my favorite season. It's not just the warm breezes and flowers, but the reminder that life always comes back around. It's how I remember to trust that I can get back to being productive and creative. It's how I remember that even when life seems still and sleepy and inactive and even dead that when it is time everything will blossom and come to life again.

Spring also reminds me that it is hard work to blossom. It looks effortless from the outside, but it is hard work to get those energies stored up, to pull in the sunlight, to wake up again. Or at least I imagine it is. I imagine the cold little budlings and hibernating animals to be like little factories in their underground burrows and bulbs, chugga chugging into gear as we get nearer to the sun and the the seasons change.

Oh look at me getting all poetical and such.

Spring does that to me.

Time for me to go off and plan my blossoming now.

Strangers in a Bar

This is my second post in my July photo challenge. And my second picture. The theme for this was "strangers."

It was a hot day. The air conditioning was nice. The cold beer was nice. Sometimes it's nice to just sit in a nearly empty bar by yourself and be a stranger. Yes, I think I was the stranger.

And in an attempt to not be a stranger to my blog readers, I am trying to get back to the habit of posting. Even if this is the July 4th weekend and everyone is out doing summery celebratory things and this isn't exactly an enlightening post.

The theme for today's picture will be "lunch". I might be able to manage this.

See you tomorrow and have a happy Independence Day. And if you don't celebrate Independence Day, have a happy Sunday.

Night. Street.

Night

I'm going to try to do this photo challenge, here. I've been such a bad blogger lately that I need a prod to get me going again, but I don't know if I'm up to doing any of my old painting a day things. I like to take little photographs and my camera is easy to carry around, so I thought this might help me blog better again.

This photo above is my first attempt to fit into the challenge. The theme is "Street". Is it kind of fudging the challenge if I take these moving-car-on-the-road pictures quite often? Oh, who cares. The challenge is the commitment, not each individual theme. Today is "Strangers" and that will be harder for me because I am a rather private person. I don't like to bother strangers. (Never mind the public blog, ok? I don't mean writing. Writing is not the same as being face to face with strangers.)
Rain. Green. Street.

watercolor on paper 5x8

In fitting with the theme, I did a watercolor sketch a few days ago, in my journal. More than the painting itself, I think it was important that I sat out side on my porch with my watercolor set and actually painted.

It was good to sit in the moment and focus on what the moment was about, not the future or to do lists or worries or things to do or any of that. Just the moment, the rain, the green and the gray, the paint, the paper.

Paying attention to the world you are living in. Paying attention to the moment that is happening right now. This is important.

Girls' Play Date and The Big Lazy

Oh it's going slowly with my creativity. I took Ivy out for a mama daughter play date. We went to Zou Zou's Cafe.

She had a sprinkle cookie.

Then we took out some pens and crayons and did some drawings.

Here, she drew mama's hat and a flower and various other things. And I drew her drawing. Children are very hard to draw. Their faces are so soft.
As for me, I did start revising my novel, but only a few pages and again, fell off the wagon.

Sometimes being creative is like an addiction. Or breaking an addiction to laziness (or whatever your particular fiend is, mine is laziness). Right now, I have to take it each day as it comes. Face the lazy. Make a choice. Remind myself that I'll feel better if I chose creating over lazy. Remind myself that when I take the first step towards being creative, it will be easier to continue. And it will be easier each time I deny that big Lazy.

I've been feeling the desire to revise my novel, but I mostly don't. I've been feeling the desire to paint again, maybe even Flying Girls, or maybe not. But I don't. I've been feeling the desire to start paper journaling again, writing, art, collage, etc... but I kind of wuss out on that, too.

What is this reluctance to be creative, even though you know you love it? Am I afraid of not being as good as I wish I was or wasting my time? I feel a physical resistance, sometimes, as if the thought of getting out my paints would be impossible, or it wouldn't be worth the physical effort. Resistance. The Big Lazy. (And the Big Fear that we don't like to mention because that might make it real.)

But on the plus side, I know that when I start asking these questions, when I start putting my thoughts and intentions out into the world, then that is a sign that the creativity is getting stronger. The creativity is growing. The Big Lazy (and the Big Fear) is losing power.

It takes a while of this kind of questioning and consideration to make the change.

First will come some not so great sketches in my journal (Hey! I already have some of those right here!) then will come some tentative watercolors. (I'm thinking of buying some new half pans for my Winsor Newton travel set. A new set is like 150$! I'm pretty sure it cost me only 40$ or so when I bought it 15 years ago, but it might have been on sale) then will come some acrylic paintings in my journal, then maybe I'll get up the nerve to paint some bigger things.

Well, we'll see.

How do you build up your creativity? How do you get it back when it slips away in the living of life?

Snow Day and the Creative Process

Snow Day

Okay. So it's February now.

I've done the crazy busy of November and December. I've done the crash and stay quiet of January. I think it's time to get back to work now.

The picture is my fourth draft of my novel, waiting to be revised one last time before I start the business of trying to get published. I was trying to push it and finish it up by November, but I just didn't have enough time. And I thought it was better to do it right than to rush it. So... I let it sit for three months.

Then yesterday, I printed the first third of the novel out and got ready to go. I set up a nice cozy spot in the bedroom, by the window, with the printout, and my colored pens. A rocking chair and a view of the gently falling snow. How lovely.

How lazy.

At one point, I actually turned the novel over so that it wouldn't look at me.

But, I am not giving up. I just have to take my babysteps and work on my mindset and practice the building of good habits.

This is part of the process. Fallow period. Fear. Avoidance. Small starts. Back sliding.

I don't want anyone to believe this kind of struggle means they aren't supposed to be an artist or a writer or really anything they want to be. It's just part of the process, and we have to trust the process. Believe in ourselves. And remember why we wanted to do it in the first place.

I will keep you updated on my ability to keep up with myself and move forward.

When will she start again?

Will this book ever be finished?

Is it any good at all?

Tune in next time, same bat channel, same bat time, or whenever I post next.

Goals, Guides and The Process

Fuzzy

Fuzzy doesn't like the camera. Too bad. She's very photogenic. Her name is also Fanny. It depends on who you ask.

I've been kind of sick lately. A 24 hour flu. You'd think the sucker would be over after 24 hours, but the weakness and dizzy head remains, slowly fading away. Well it's a week later, so let's see how long I remain up and functional today. I got smart and decided to write a blog post before my energy disappeared. Yay. I must be getting better. It's no biggie, just interferes major time with my productivity.

So here I am.

I've made a little bracelet out of bead thread and silver beady things. I made a folder for Ivy out of a happy meal box. Per her request. I've cut out dozens of felt circles in anticipation of stitching up little charms. I even appliqued a tiny red heart on one and tried to embroider (but made an ugly disaster of it) another one. I have no photos of any of these.

I've thought about my plans for the year, my "resolutions" if you will. Last post I talked about theme words... Organize, Enjoy, Say Yes to Life. But the truth is, I have goals that I need to accomplish. The major one... finish this novel and send it out and find an agent and get published.

I'm finding it hard to focus only on the theme words when I have this big honking goal hanging over my head.

I need to work on this goal, that is it. But it isn't a resolution. Resolutions are like bullies. They say you must do THIS thing. ALL the time. WITHOUT fail, or you are a loser. And that actually sets you up to fail. Witness all those lapsed gym goers, yo-yo dieters, people with chewed fingernails, furtive cigarette smokers, and novels languishing in trunks under the beds.

If you really want to achieve something, to make a change in your behavior, you have to think long term. What do you want at the end of the year... not what do you want right now. You have to allow yourself to be imperfect and to backslide, and to have lazy days, even weeks without sitting down to revise the fourth draft. Because of course, you have the flu and kids and must also take care of yourself, not just your goal.

So you set yourself up with smaller goals, that over the long term, will add up to the major goal.

Goals that are not overwhelming. Goals that are specific and measurable. Have fruit for desert instead of cookies, rather than lose 20 pounds. Take a yoga class, not "be fit." Write a query letter, not "be a best selling author".

So that's what I need to do. Look to make smaller goals that fit in with my larger goals.

Not coincidentally, I hope to make my smaller goals and my larger goals fit within my guiding words for the year. I will do so now, breaking down the goals into tasks that will fit within the guiding words.

ORGANIZE: organize my writing space, organize my agent research, keep in touch with critical readers, set up a daily writing schedule, keep a writing log, follow a time table.

SAY YES TO LIFE: actually start writing instead of hiding from it because it is scary, believe that I will be published, look for people who can help me, recognize and accept opportunities that come my way, look for the good in my book and emphasize that, show people my writing, take advantage of the free time I have to work on the things that I really want to do.

ENJOY: allow myself to enjoy the good things about my book, remember to enjoy my writing time because I actually love to write, develop rituals surrounding my writing time to recognize the specialness of it, look back at my life and recognize how far I have come, write a new resume or curriculum vitae celebrating all that I have achieved, write an author's bio as if my book were already published, set up a rewards system for writing/publishing goals achieved (perhaps rewards towards that new camera I want), accept the process for what it is and learn to enjoy it.

Let me tell you.

That little exercise actually has gotten me thinking about writing. Not only that, but it's gotten me excited for the process of revision, research, and querying.

You see, I don't want to just be a published author. I don't want just to have a novel written. I want to enjoy the life I am living while I go about doing this. I want to live this life, the one I have, not the one I will have once I achieve some goal, once I have beaten some resolution.

Try this exercise. Think of the guiding words for your year... the words reminding you of the life you want to live, the person you want to be. Now think of the goals you want to accomplish. Now try to find ways that your goals can be achieved THROUGH your guiding words.

All Creativity Day

Here we are, me and the boy. Before trick or treating.

I have much to post, it being nanowrimo and AEDM... however, it also being 8am, I don't have much to post quite yet. There is no creating to document at this moment, but I wanted to just give a shout out to Halloween, and the end of Halloween. I'd feel I could relax a bit, except for the lunacy of tackling nanowrimo and AEDM.

What can I say, I am an inhabitant of the asylum, and I am about to descend to the basement and hole up with some purloined trick or treat candy, a cup of coffee, some notes and my laptop.

If you all are interested. That hair stayed inflated from 10 am to 10 pm. It took me about an hour to get the hairspray and ratting out of my hair. That's after two washing, two conditionings, a lot of combing, the loss of a beast-worth of hair, and some smoothing cream.

Evil beauty comes at a price.

Happy All Saints Day. Happy Nanowrimo. Happy AEDM. And Happy November

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid-- Halloween, The Living Dead and Nanowrimo

Cemetery in Michigan (oooooOOOOOOooooooooOOooohhh... creepy...)

I am getting ready for everything.

Getting ready for Halloween. Goodness, these kids take a lot of work. Vampires and princesses. Witches for me. That reminds me, I have to make another version of my mini witches hat for my costume, because the one I made looks like... well... a mess. Maybe I'll photograph this version, and you can follow along.

Getting ready to finish my first novel. I need to take a break on that, but I'm still sending out copies to readers and receiving feedback. Thank goodness for google documents.

Getting ready to start the next book. Research research research. Outline outline. All in the few moments in between living life.

Gearing up for NaNoWriMo. Sorry if I talk about it a lot. Talking about it gets the juices flowing.

Actually that's true of all creative projects. Immersing yourself in the world of your project gets you excited to get going.

And another thing about nanowrimo... it's not just the deadline that gets you writing, it's all the months (especially October) where you aren't allowed to write according to the rules. And the anticipation of writing starts to build, and you think about your book and write around the writing (outlines, character sheets, research etc) and all of that serves to deepen your book and your thoughts and your entrapment in the world of the book, so that when you FINALLY start, there is something rich and deep and alive.

I am a big proponent of the "holding" stage of creativity. That's when you DON'T jump in to your creative project at the first urge of inspiration, but you let it live inside of you, in the darkness of your subconscious, growing like some sort of fungus or root system or larvae. Only the really strong ideas will last. And they will attract other strong ideas. And they will all grow and transform with the close proximity and the heat of your attention and the magic of your imagination. And then you will have a living being and when you finally start, you have already done so much inner work that the writing part takes on a life of it's own.

So with nanowrimo, on November First, (not coincidentally the Day of the Dead) your novel is ready to rise from the darkness and take corporeal form, like all sorts of uncontrollable frightening beings--ghosts, zombies, vampires, novels.

Are you scared yet?

On Creativity, Blogging, Writing and Feedback

I haven't blogged this much week, but I didn't want anyone to feel abandoned, or to think I wasn't being creative.

I wasn't painting or drawing, and haven't really taken photos since last Monday (the above photo is from then, but I really like some of the Autumn cloudy golden hour traveling photos, so I'm okay). And usually, my blog posts are inspired by the images I have. When I sit down to blog, I run through my recent photos and pick the one to inspire the blog. It's usually a photo of some craft or painting, and when I don't have one of those, a photo like this, taken just for prettiness.

But this week, I have been focusing on writing. Well, that and the kids. And the working. So there's not much evidence of the work I've done.

But I did finish doing a fourth pass of my novel, editing and fine tuning some of the language. I sent out some chapters to friends of mine, trusted readers.

I started getting text messages not too long after sending out the first 7 chapters or so.

Send more please I have finished. And must have more please. Please send the whole thing can’t wait I’m hooked. Need my fix.

I wasn't quite done with the editing then, so I sent her the next two chapters... and got this.

Can u try resending 8 and 9 again? And send me more pls I will be on the road for another 4 hours at least.

K finished 8 and 9 it was spotty internet reception. I’m ready for the rest and to be honest not very patiently. This is a very good story and I see it v...

...ery visually. Please send me the rest I can’t wait.

And then as I rushed, to finish, even more.

OK done where is the rest lady????? Sorry I’m being pushy but its ur fault for writing a page turner. U can upload all the pages on google. It isn’t save...

...d on ur puter but the google network. Hurry up please I have to find out what happens in Scranton.

Ok don’t be holding out now. LOL its really good.

In the end I sent her the unedited draft and let her chew over the last half of the book while I retreated to the basement on my day off and spent the day editing and writing my author's outline.

And while I was working on the last couple of chapters, she started filling up my text inbox with this

There r more books no? I feel like it’s a trilogy or something.

I knew it lol. It’s really entertaining and addictive. The characters r real people. I see them feel for them root for them. U will have no prob selling t...

...his book.

I have a good feelin. U know I read a lot. U know I love books. I want more I’m thinking about the next book. When I get like this I make terry take me

To the store so I can buy all the books in the series. That is how I feel about this book. It is what I see in the future. BTW it is visual enough for a...

...movie. I saw that immediately. Get writing missy U got me addicted. When I read it I’m in the book drawn in. I forget u wrote it. I’m immersed in it. And...

...right now I’m kinda pissy that I have to wait for the next book. All signs that it is good.

PLEASE

After I finished I came up stairs and received a phone call, where we must have talked for an hour about my book. She helped me come up with some plot ideas for the next book, and saw elements of my family in the characters... because you see she is my cousin.

All in all, it was a good thing for my afraid-to-show-my-book self.

Thanks Mitz for the review and the book talk.

It was a good ego boost, and now I can try to whip my query, synopsis, and sample chapters into shape and send them out to agents before Nanowrimo... when I will start the next book and forget all about agents.

Autumn Travelling and Day Trip

Fall Traveling

Yesterday, we went on a road trip, which explains my lack of posting. Well. We just went to Ann Arbor, but we were out and about all day. I forgot to even take a whole bunch of photos, although I have pictures of some of my favorite fields. I remember to do that because I'm sitting in a car, with nothing to occupy my hands.

Plus, on our way back, storm clouds rolled in, but the sun broke through from the west, on it's way out of town, and lit everything up. The golden hour. And in the golden season of yellow leaves and yellow cornfields. Golden all around, set off by the gray motion of clouds.

I have the idea to have a whole suite of these photos. A traveling of the year kind of thing. Maybe blow them up a bit and have four on a wall. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. I got here in December, so I'm almost all the way. Actually, I don't know how I would limit it to only four photos. I don't know. That project is still on the horizon. Plus, I hope my camera is good enough to take pictures that can blow up well.

I'm starting to save for a DSLR, I think. Good enough for my hobbyist status, and for taking blog and shop pictures.

Also, on our day trip, we stopped for lunch at our favorite pizza place that reminds us of old New York City. Gabriel hates pizza (I know! The sacrilege!) so he has plain wings.
Ivy however is a girl after her mama's heart. She loves her some pepperoni.

And we went thrift shopping and got some stuff for Halloween and all sorts of stuff.

All in all a fun day, although not much of my work was done. Oh well. This is life and we have to get the living in with all the work.

By the way. I wanted to toss a picture in of Grandma's house, here.

Look at that tree. It really looks like that. Kind of glowy. The leaves on the inside are yellow, fading to orange, to that bright red on the outside, so the tree itself is luminescent. AWE. SOME.

I wonder if Grandma bought the car to match that tree, because they are the exact same pumpkin red shade.

I tell ya, Michigan sure does have some pretty Fall foliage. Almost too pretty to actually capture in pictures.

Right Here, Right Now.

Gorgeous Fall

So here we are, mid October. I'm working a lot, both at my paying job and with my writing and my art.

I am also working really hard at living my life.

By that, I mean I am trying to enjoy my life. Trying to be present in the moment. To not wish it away on future goals and long lists of what I have to/want to do.

You know what helps with that?

When I walk out of my front door in the morning and take my five minute walk to work, up the street lined with red, orange, yellow, tan, brown, and occasionally purple trees.

I have lived in Florida the last two Autumns, so I missed the perfect Fall. Here I have it. The weather alternates between warm and sunny, and crisp and cool.

And I am perfectly aware, as I walk up that perfect Fall street, with the charming houses, and the crunch under my feet of fallen leaves, and the warm sun and the cool breeze, that this is the only moment of this that there will be.

Tomorrow, more leaves will fall, and the branches will bare, and the weather will get colder. There might be wonderful things about tomorrow, but it won't be today. So perhaps we should revel in the today while we have it.

I haven't finished my author's outline yet, or the synopsis of my novel, or my agent research. Still working on it all. I don't have any new creations to show up here in my blog. My etsy shop is limping along, not getting as much attention as I'd like. I'm still working with my son on his writing, that he feels like he can't do. The house continues to be halfway to a shambles.

But my morning constitutionals are like walking through sunshine made solid. And the air smells somewhat spicy, like cinnamon. And I actually HAVE finished my novel, more so than I've ever done in my life. And finances are stable for the moment. And work is a good place with good people. And the kids are strong and happy and growing up. And it's all good, right now, in its never doneness.

Right here, right now, what is good with you?

The Last Pages

The Last Pages

casio exilim

I have 10 minutes to write to you before I have to run for lunch.

Have I been avoiding this post? Why? I have big news.

I shhhhhhhh finished my novel.

The above picture is me editing my last few pages, down in the basement, alone, blessedly, working.

Now I have to polish up those first few chapters, although after I finished the last page, I did do another pass at the troublesome first chapter. I've worked at it so much that it's not as bad as I feared.

I think I'll take a break on that editing for a bit, and start working on my synopsis. Do some research on agents. Take a stab at doing a query letter.

If any of you know of any good websites for research on these matters, I would be so grateful if you sent them to me. Knowledge is power, you know.

And of course, if you want to take a look at my mss and publish it, I wouldn't be against it. ;)

A Day In My Life, 10/10/10

First Picture, Still Sleeping

Holy Cannoli! I have a lot of pictures. This is only some of the photos from my day long photo shoot of October 10th, 2010. 10/10/10. There are some more on my flickr account. I don't think there are any duplicates between the two. And there are still more that I haven't published, but could. And there are still more, not uploaded from my camera, that I took after the kids went to bed. Not that many. I was tired and busy editing.

One good side effect to all these pictures is that I finally signed up for flickr pro. Maybe that will entice me to use flickr more effectively.

Anyway, there are so many pictures that I think I will just title them, rather than write about every single one. All photos here were taken on 10/10/10, with my old Casio exilim point and shoot that fits into my pocket.
We Are Wide Awake
Cat Love
Waiting For Coffee
Save Me
I Wuv Fuzzy
Constant Motion
Coffee
Crazy Hair
Escape
Brush
Window
South Street
Go Go Go
Work
I Love Lattes
Home Again
Home
Yard Sunshine
Bedtime Stories