Expecto Patronum and Dementor Stones: A Harry Potter Party Favor

 EXPECTO PATRONUM!!

Almost two months ago, I showed you a craft I made, with plastic animals and silver craft paint. I called them patronuses and had plans of making them a favor/activity for my son's Harry Potter birthday party, but I was stumped as to how I was going to present them.

It took me a while but I did finally figure out how to do it. I created a modified surprise ball from a tutorial I found here. These are more stone shapes than balls, but I thought that was appropriate because they're kind of dementors. The black shapes of darkness, fear and sadness.

I filled the bowl (found at a thrift store in a lucky coincidence... always keep your eyes and mind open when on the look out for creative project ideas) with my dementor stones.

And then I drew out a sign for the spell the kids needed to defeat the dementors. I had a whole sheet of blank labels that I made, using a tea stained paper, so any time I needed a label or sign, I just wrote out another. I used many of the labels for my potion bottles, and others for candy labels. I taped the label to a skewer that I cut in half, and the tapes the end of the skewer to the patronus bowl.

The party was planned out with different levels of activities. After they'd run around a bit I set them down with the Expecto Patronum/Dementor Stones, and asked them what they knew about dementors. Enough of the party goers were Harry Potter fans that they explained the story to the others.

Then I told them about the Expecto Patronum spell, and when they said the spell, they had to think very hard about good and happy things. so that while they were opening up the dementor stones, they could bring their patronus into being.

They unwound their dementor stones and ended up with their silvery patronus charm.

Each kid found one of these inside of their dementor stone and I told them that their patronus spirit would help chase away bad thoughts and feelings.

"Like bad dreams?" one of the kids asked.

"Exactly," I said.

These were the stones that were left, and the dementor shrouds that dried up and blew away.

Dementor Stone Tutorial

This is how I made the dementor stones. I bought black crepe paper streamers and then I picked a relatively large patronus figure.

I started with one end on the figure and, holding it tightly and stretching the crepe paper out slightly as I did it, started wrapping up my figure. I tried to wrap it evenly, sort of like wrapping a ball of yarn. The tighter you pull it, the more the paper will conform to the shape of your figurine.

You want to wrap it in opposite directions, pulling snugly so that the crepe paper almost stretches around it.

When the stone is wrapped completely and the shape of the patronus is concealed in the streamer, cut the streamer and glue or tape the end to the outside. It does not have to be round like a surprise ball. This is only one gift and I do like the stone shapes. I was thinking that it would be a cool surprise, though, to add glittery confetti inside of the stones, so as they unwrap, the wizard or witch would be releasing magic. But I thought of that after my shopping trip was already done.

If the patronus figure is smaller, like this little turtle, you actually need a thinner streamer. So I pulled off a good deal of the streamer, folded it several times so that it was layered, and then cut it in half lengthwise, so when unfolded I ended with two long narrow streamers.

At this point, you wrap up the figure the same way you wrapped up the bigger one, snugly and firmly, wrapping in different directions as you go to cover the whole figure. If the streamer snaps, it's no big deal. Just hold onto the end that has already been wrapped, and keep wrapping it with the rest of the streamer. You can add more glue if you want, but it's not necessary. You don't want it to be too hard to unwrap.

Finish wrapping and glue. Let the glue dry. I like how the black crepe paper, pulled tight, is almost shiny and seemingly solid.

Present to your favorite Harry Potter fan, and watch the magic happen.

Harry Potter Sugar Mice with Sour Sghetti Tails

Sugar Mice for a Harry Potter Party

In my search for sweets for my son's Harry Potter party, I fixated on a few things. Chocolate frogs,butterbeer, and these sugar mice.

I've looked through quite a few recipes, looking for something that was easy, inexpensive and tasty. I learned that real sugar mice, classically, use cotton strings for the tail. But in some of the recipes I found, they had licorice strings. I realized that I had already packages of "sour sghetti" that I got on sale and they would be perfect. I also found some recipes that were basically fondant.... like the kind people frost wedding cakes with. Those were all pretty high maintenance recipes. In the end, I decided to go for the simplest. I didn't use a sugar mice recipe at all, rather I went for a butter mint recipe, but I skipped the mint entirely, and flavored it with vanilla, since I knew I would be using the sour sghetti, I thought plain sugar mice would go better with the fruity sour taste than mint.

Vanilla Sugar Mice

1/4 cup softened butter.

1/3 cup sweetened condensed milk.

3 1/4 cup powdered sugar. 

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 tsp vanilla

sour 'sghetti or other long thin candy strings

Mix butter, condensed milk, vanilla and salt with a stand mixer or hand mixer until smooth. Add the sugar a little bit at a time and mix until it reaches a consistency of firm play dough. 

You might need to add more powdered sugar to make it stiffer or more condensed milk to soften it up. When it feels right, you can start modelling the mice.

 Here I've illustrated the process.

First I take out some sugar dough and roll it into long snakes.

Then divide the snakes into more or less even  pieces. You don't want the mice to be too big, because that's a lot of sugar for one bite, so aim for marble size ball.

Roll your pieces into marble balls.

Take your marble balls and press the end of your sghetti string into the ball.

Pinch the ball so that it surrounds the sghetti string.

Mold the squooshed piece into a pear shape, largest shape near the tail. Pinch the nose so it is vaguely mouse shaped.

Take two tiny dots of sugar dough, pinch them flat between your fingers and then pinch onto the mouse where the ears would be. Try to keep the dough warm/workable before you add the ears, because as it starts drying it gets less sticky. 

Poke tiny dots into the face of the mouse to serve as dots. You can also add tiny frosting eyes, but I thought the impressions worked fine.

And there is your mouse.

I even found that the extra step of adding the ears, while cute, isn't really necessary. They still look enough like mice when it is just the pear shaped dough with the eyeballs pressed in. I bet you could also use little round sprinkles as eyeballs, too. That would be cute.

Let them dry for a day or two to harden. And then serve to all the wizard wannabes.

Living This Season As It Is

Working with the kids on papier mache Harry Potter wands.

The summer time is in midswing.

The days are long, stretching into the night. The heat is sweltering. School is out and the kids are home and looking for trouble.

In my mind, I think of summer and a time of relaxation, vacation and the opportunity to really get into projects I want to do.

But the reality is that, as the mother of two still young children, there is no vacation for me in summer.  This is not my vacation, but theirs. I am back on duty as a nearly full time stay at home mom. However my job outside of the home isn't lightened during these times, in fact, this is the busy season for us so my hours are a little longer at that, too.

The problem arises here, when my reality does not live up to my expectations. Just like when you go to a movie, expecting it to be AWESOME and it is just "meh." If you had sat down in the theater without those grand expectations, you would have enjoyed the movie, called it "fun" and been pleasantly surprised. But because you believed it should be something more, something other than what it was, you get cranky, and dissatisfied.

So my summer is like a blockbuster movie that failed to live up to my expectations. I thought I would get back to writing, whip my house into shape, shape up that fabulous Harry Potter party for the boy, paint every day, build my etsy shop into a behemoth, keep my kids from the summer slide and create fabulous games and activities for them every day.

Really... there are still only 24 hours in the day, and there was no way my summer could live up to these grand expectations. Especially since with every goal that I did not meet, I got more and more disgruntled, pouty, even.

This is not the fault of my summer.  The summer is what it is. The kids are running wild and watching far too much tv. I am going to work 5 days a week and coming home 3-6 hours later. The pumpkin seeds we planted are a bust. The kids' reading program plans lost steam, slumping along like summer slide fashion. I have far less time to myself as I am waking up later, since the kids don't need to get to school early and the kids are staying up later with the sun, so that means writing is pretty much out. I can do some creative things while the kids are with me, but I can not get the focus together to really write intensely when the girl wants my attention every 5 minutes and I am refereeing sibling fights every other 5 minutes.

OK.

Well the point of all this is that in order to be productive and enjoy the life that we have, we must accept the season that we are living. This season is summer. It is not the summer of my childhood, with endless days stretching out unmarked (or it isn't for me, that's MY kids' summer.) Nor is it the summer of my teaching days, when my hard work during the year was punctuated by glorious days where I could write and paint and really get down to the work that I had to put aside during the work year.

No, this is the busy mom summer I have. To accept it as THIS summer, means I don't expect it to be the lazy summer of my childhood, or the painting/writing summer of my pre-child days. To accept it as THIS summer means I enjoy making crafts with my kids, or staying up late with them, watching favorite movies from my own child hood (that's right, ET, I'm talking to you). It means researching and experimenting with ideas that will create my son's dream Harry Potter party, even if I think I should go even farther and make it even fancier, even though I am not a professional party planner with unlimited resources and dedicated time. Accepting this summer as it is means letting myself be lazy sometimes, and not expecting constant productivity.

Perhaps it also means letting go of the disappointment that I am not in another season, where I can do each and everything on my dream to do list.

The dream to do list is not about reality, see? So why hold onto it? Why not just accept that this is my season, and the best I can do is to make it the best season it can be, to appreciate it for what it is.

What season are you in right now? Are you accepting it for what it is, or are you wishing for some other summer? Some other springtime or autumn?

Too Hot to Cook Oreo Pudding Pie

Oreo Chocolate Pudding Pie

This Fourth of July, it was too hot to do anything but sit inside, the air conditioning blowing, and watch movie marathons. Ok, I went online for a little while. Shh. Don't tell anyone. 

Whatever is one supposed to do when one wants to have a sweet treat to go with one's grilled steak and corn feast?  One certainly isn't about to turn on the stove, let alone the oven. So one searches the internet to find no cook desserts and then goes to one's pantry to figure out what one has in stock.

Or that's what I did, anyway.

What I finally came up with was this no cook Oreo triple layer pie. Oreos. Instant pudding. Milk. Heavy Cream for whipping. I didn't follow the recipe exactly, I almost never do... but I did notice just now that I put too many cookies into the crust. Whoops. Almost the whole package.  Perhaps that's why the crust crumbled when I took it out of the pan. And I used unsweetened whipped cream instead of koolwhip, which, while it is more labor intensive, I think is actually an improvement on the recipe. It avoids the chemical taste of koolwhip and cuts the sweetness. I didn't add the cookie pieces to the whipped cream, either, because I like the smoothness without the crunch. I also think non instant pudding would be better but I didn't have any, and I wasn't about to turn on the stove to make pudding, either. 

24 oreos (plus more for garnish) food processed into crumbs
1/4 cup butter, melted
2 packages instant chocolate pudding mix
2 1/2 cups milk
1 half pint heavy cream, whipped

Mix oreo crumbs with melted butter and press into bottom and sides of  9" pie pan. Mix pudding according to pie instructions on the box (you know, pour milk into pudding mix and stir until combined.) Spoon half pudding mix into the pie plate and spread out evenly. Add half of the whipped cream to the remaining pudding mix and mix together. Add to pie plate and spread out evenly. Add remaining whipped cream to the top of the pie and spread out evenly. Sprinkle with cookie crumb garnish. Put in the refrigerator to chill/set. (The recipe says four hours, but with the instant pudding, it was definitely ready by the time dinner was finished, about 2 hours.)

If you want, garnish pie with mocha syrup. That was my daughter's idea, and it was really good. This pie is not nearly sweet as you'd expect it to be and is pretty light, although do not imagine that means you can eat another piece and not get a stomach ache. At least that's what happened to me.

Ok, well this isn't one of my recipes and it's a pretty well known one, I guess, but I've never made it, and it was easy, and I do really like the sub of fresh whipped cream. It satisfied my needs and hit the spot, so I'm posting it.

Rowena's Easy Crockpot Chicken Tacos

Rowena's Easy Crockpot Chicken Tacos

Here I am trying to keep up with my blogging and all my artistic goals at the same time I am a mom who stays at home part of the time and works out of the house part of the time. It's kind of a difficult balancing act, much like being a mom just in general. 

But I have decided to count my cooking and organizing and repurposing and kid activities and photo editing and social networking and researching as part of my creative output, along with my painting, writing and crafting. I need to understand all the various parts of my life as being creative and productive. It makes me feel more productive, which makes me feel stronger and more capable which means I am able to tackle more and more challenging creative endeavors. 

It all goes together. It isn't separate. One of the things I'm trying to do, in addition to keeping to do lists and creative logs, is to plan ahead. Take photos of things as I am doing them and then saving them for when I am ready to post, or editing them, (I used PicMonkey here, due to the demise of Picnic.) Also to make my plans for Monday early, so I can get prepared and not feel overwhelmed when I sit down to do EVERYTHING I want to do on my day off. Unlike most people, my weekends are the height of my work week, and Monday is when I can get my personal work done.

And the truth is, I often devise my own recipes, and then I forget to write them down and think I'll remember the next time I try, and sometimes I don't, so I lose that dish that I liked so much (like that Linguine alla Rowena... black olives, lemon zest, goat cheese? I forget.) So maybe I'll start posting them here, a kind of illustrated extended creative log. 

So here is my crockpot chicken tacos recipe, which I made last week while also painting.... and which is inspired by this post and my own shredded pork tacos recipe that I've been making for years now.  I have a couple of secrets that make it super easy and super tasty.

Rowena's Easy Crockpot Chicken Tacos

Chicken breasts (can be frozen, no defrosting! save time!)
1 large can diced tomatoes (this time I used tomatoes with chiles, which is great, but you can use plain tomatoes, too.)
One diced onion
Chilpotle in Adobo (diced or food processed)
Salt and Pepper to taste
Cumin to taste.

Toss your diced onion into the crock pot. Open a can of diced tomatoes, toss that in, too.  Add your chilpotle in adobo. I put in one heaping tablespoon of the food processed mix. That might be two or three chiles diced. Don't forget to add the adobo sauce if you are dicing. Put less in if you like it less spicy and more if you like it HOTT. Put in your frozen chicken breasts. I used 5 here. Again, adjust it to your needs and tastes. Salt and pepper to taste. Cumin to taste. The chilpotle in adobo adds a lot of flavor, but I put in cumin because it is a comforting flavor to me. You could probably skip it if you want. Or add some of your favorite spices and herbs.

Cook it for 8 hours on low or 4 hours on high.

Shred with two forks.

Serve with slotted spoon on tortillas with desired toppings. Cheese, Avocado, Jalapenos, Pico De Gallo, Lettuce, Tomatoes, Onions, Cilantro, Olives, Sour Cream....really anything that floats your boat. I used Cheese, Avocado, Jalapenos.

Bring a big napkin, it's messy and delicious.

You could use this chicken recipe in many dishes. A quesadilla with this, cheese and salsa verde is delightful. Or burritos or Enchiladas? Yum.

Like I said, I actually adapted this from my pork tacos recipe, and really the only difference is that instead of frozen chicken breasts, I use a big pork roast. Everything else is the same. And it's great with cheese, pico de gallo, guacamole and lime.

 But wait. There's more.

Get ready for my two hints.

TIP#1
 Chopped onions are great for cooking. Yes. They are cheap and flavorful and a necessity for many foods and many cuisines.

However, chopping a load of onions while you are watching two rambunctious kids can be dangerous. When my kids were toddlers, I actually chopped off the tip of my finger trying to prep a crockpot meal while my kids were running around. Not only did that meal take longer than necessary to get ready, since I spent quite a while clutching my finger and getting lightheaded at the sight of blood, it also caused a great deal of pain and stress.

Then my mom introduced me to the little bags of pre-diced onions in the frozen food section of the grocery store. Sometimes they come with diced peppers and carrots too. Once I started using those, my prep time could shrink down to almost nil with some dishes (like this one.) Frozen onions aren't good to eat fresh, but if you're cooking them, they lose nothing that I can see. If you want to save money and use up produce, you can also chop your own big batch of onions and freeze them for your own use later. Now instead of dicing onions while I'm trying to toss together a quick meal, I just reach into the freezer and grab a handful or two. Of course, I can still chop them fresh, like I did this time, because I was out, but it's nice to have the option.

TIP #2

Chilpotle in Adobo sauce is an amazing, flavorful addition to many dishes. I use it in Mexican dishes or in anything with a sauce or gravy. I make a great sherry chicken with chilpotle and lime using this. Or you can mix a bit of this with sourcream and lime for a tasty dip. Or just chilpotle with mayo, and you have a spread that makes great sandwiches.  But it can be kind of annoying to chop the chiles as needed for recipes which sometimes mean I won't do it at all.

So I buy a can (found in the Mexican foods section of the grocery store) and just toss the whole thing in the food processor and puree it.  Then I put the puree in a jar and keep it in the fridge for timely and easy flavoring whatever I want to have a smoky, spicy kick. I love my chilpotle in adobo.

I hope you guys like this recipe. It's so easy, especially with the tricks I added, and so tasty. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. In fact, I'm going to dig around in my refrigerator and see if I have some leftovers for a lunch chicken taco.

The Pink Pennant Banner and The Grumpy Day

Pink Pennant Banner

repurposed kids clothes, tulle

AEDM, day 7

Well, good morning.

I have a cold and am tired and achey and cranky. DON'T mess with me.

However, I'm still trying to maintain my creative goals. Despite the way life have a tendency to whack one over the head with the busy stick. Eh, to be honest, it's my day off, I'm not that busy, except for the kids climbing all over me. Apparently they did not read my entry today, particularly the part where it said DON'T mess with me. Sigh.

But, to maintain AEDM, when I was feeling like a grump and having no ideas that were at all creative, I used my jar of creative ideas and pulled out a project that inspired my imagination in the past. I ended up pulling a project that I've been putting off for months.

I told the kids months ago that I would decorate their room like a circus. I figure it would be good for cross gender preferences, the lions and bright colors for the boy, and the sparkly decorations and pretty ladies for the girl.

One of the things I'd planned to do was to create coordinating pennant banners for each side of their rooms.

Pulling this project now made me go to my scrap clothing bin and pull out an old pair of pink camouflage sweat pants that Ivy was too big for. I would have preferred pink flowers or stripes, but those who are lazy cannot be picky. That would be me, the lazy one. I almost cut up a pink flowered dress that I didn't particularly like, but the girl saw me and cried out, "Oh not my princess dress!" and so a new princess dress-up dress was gained (seen in the first picture).

So pink camouflage it is. Please notice, I did not sew a darn thing. I just cut out triangles and slit little holes in the top. It's sweat shirt material, so it won't fray. That was part of the plan, my friends. A particularly nice detail, I thought, was when I realized that the roll of tulle I had leftover from another project would make a good ribbon. And it did. I used a bobby pin as a needle and threaded it through the slits I'd made in the top. Tied the ends into bows, and then pinned it up to the wall in her room.

Here it is, in her room. It's not a very good picture, but did I tell you I was lazy?

She likes to put her toys up at the top of her bed so she can make up stories about them. Along with the dolls and stuffed animals, there are a couple of fabric flowers, a pinwheel, a flower lei and a potty chart award, as well as a dream catcher, and barely visible to the side, her very own pink Flying Girl mobile. In this light, she kind of looks like a girl on the flying trapeze. She's already asked for a unicorn painting... and I either have to paint it or I have to buy something from etsy. The boy asked for a lion. Or was it a tiger? I don't remember.

Anyway. Grumpy and Sick Rowena has done her duty for AEDM. Grr.

I still have to go write for Nano, if I can dig up the time alone to do so. Grr.

I need some chicken soup and orange juice. Luckily, I made chicken soup two days ago when I felt the cold start to come on. Hey! I should put the chicken soup in my AEDM count.

The Sun

The Sun, (Flying Girl Tarot Card)

repurposed menu, pencil. acrylic paint, watercolor

I did this at work yesterday. Someone I know was having a hard day. I thought, you know, I don't have it in me to be a mom to everyone I know. I just don't have that much energy. I barely have it in me to be mom to my actual kids, but then I thought, I don't have to be a mom to everyone. I have something to give that is my own special thing to give.

Then I asked myself, if I had something to tell her, what would I have said? And the image that popped in my head was The Sun, from the tarot. And then of course, the song, Here Comes The Sun went singing through my head.

What did this image mean to me? As a message for her? Hard times come. There's no stopping them. But if you look at them as a passage we must travel through, if you understand that there is an end to struggle, and you understand that after darkness comes light, well, then, you know the struggle will have its own purpose. And you know the sun will come. Life will be joyous again. All is right with the world (even in those days/weeks/months when it seems like nothing is right).

And what kind of message is that for me? Because you know, all the messages I have for you are messages for me. When people buy prints and paintings from me on etsy, as I am packaging up those pieces, I am getting a message that I need to hear.

So what this piece is saying to me is to enjoy the sun that is shining today. No matter the struggles or worries, the sun is still shining. Even above the clouds, it is shining. Open yourself up to the joy of life, and let it be the beautiful life that it is.

nanowrimo: 20432

Orange Dinosaur for a Boy

Orange Dinosaur for a Boy

91/100 in 100 days Creative Challenge

felt and thread on backpack

My boy wanted a dinosaur backpack for his first day of school.

Why are there no dinosaur backpacks to be found?

Perhaps I just did not leave myself enough time to do the exhaustive research and perhaps importation of said dinosaur backpack.

In the end, my boy and I made a deal. He would get a plain back pack, and I would get him a bakugan to clip onto the backpack, and then I would sew a dinosaur onto the backpack.

So. Dinosaur backpack achieved.

First week of school achieved.

All I've got to say is, I think it's harder on me than it is on him. Drop off. Pick ups. Forms to fill out. Lunches to make. Lunch boxes to clean out. Outfits to lay out for morning. Children to get out of the house on time. Plans to be made for back up picker-uppers. Early morning alarms to rise for. Piles of papers to sort out. Homework to supervise.

He just plays all day.

I'm concerned that I'll be having to do this for the next 15 or so years. But by then, they'll be able to get up and get dressed and off to school by themselves... right? Right?

Happy Mother's Day

My Kids' Wildflower Bouquet Gift to Me, in their Papa's Handmade Masking Tape Vase Gift to HIS Mom (approx 40 years ago)

I try not to blog on the weekends, so I can spend time with the kids and also doing the myriad of other mom duties... and non mom duties, but this is a special weekend.

I just wanted to wish all the Mothers out there a happy, happy Mother's Day.

Because of all you do for others, and all you mean to them.

But mostly, just because of you.

(Now you go have an awesome weekend!)

Mother: Then and Now

Williamsburg, Brooklyn; A Journey/Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson
An Altered Book
Mixed Media, 2003

Chapter 4: Mother (found poetry)

left page: MOTHER

right page:
be
through the streets

the spirit of

life, damn it!

a passion
leading

tide of
the years

and even

Once
arose
faithful
fury

are you ?
here

hunted

and her
unexpressed
dream
presence

about

It's very interesting. I made this altered book long before I was an actual mother. And although I wanted to be a mother, some day, it was an abstract concept. Whenever I thought about mothering or pregnancy or birth, it was always in terms of creation... creating art.

Here the chapter given to me was "Mother" and all I could think about was being an artist. I'm sure he, the original author, Sherwood Anderson made his chapter about being the son of a mother, perhaps looking at his mother in her age, after years of being the mother of a man. Now I look at it an what is trying to be born is The Self, from the depths of The Mother.

How often, in history, in literature, in art, is a mother considered for herself, rather than for who she mothers, how she mothers, her iconic position as Mother?

Oh, maybe it's changing, now that more women have a voice, now that mothers are beginning to speak out about what it means to be a woman, a human being, as a mother.

left page: yes

right page: something/needs/to be/born.

Where I am now, as a stay at home mother whose time is dedicated to caring for her children all day long but who is also trying to carve out a place in all this for her art and writing, is confused.

I think it's a balancing act. A continual balancing act. Weighting my tasks this way or that, looking for a place for myself and giving my children the love and attention that they deserve.

Sometimes I think I have a balance and everything seems to be flowing easily... but that always falls apart as my goals change or external circumstances change, or the children change... as is their job, to change and grow.

This balance is not a static thing. It is fluid and sometimes more like a juggler trying to catch something before it falls, rather than some perfectly balanced thing.

Yesterday I worked on my new novel for one and a half hours. No. TWO hours. I took one hour when the girl went to nap, then a half hour while they were eating. then another half hour when we all went out to the back yard, I sat on the swing seat and they ran around with fudgcicles trying to find various ways of getting dirty. They succeeded better than I did, to be honest, coming in for bed filthy. My brain was clogged and cluttered and having a hard time focusing.

I got quite few ideas for my book yesterday, but had some trouble putting them in order. Balancing them.

Well, today is another day and I will look for my bits of time to work in between naps and meals and I recorded an ocean documentary so the boy will probably be engrossed for an hour while I focus on getting all those new ideas down in some sort of order.

Must remember to keep breathing and remember the long view. Be nice to myself. I think it will help me stop snapping at the kids when they spill their cheerios on the floor, yet again.

Pink Dawning Traveling and Carelessly, Now

Pink Dawning Traveling
48/100 in 100 Creative Challenge
Golden Fluid Acrylic on paper, 5x8"

Sometimes, when I sit down here to write I feel like it's the only time I can take a breath and think about my life.

I feel like I am always on the run, even if I am not going somewhere. I'm not even that active a parent, taking kids on outings and all. I just feel like the very day has me on the run. The very day is a whirlwind of averting disaster and kissing booboos and getting everybody fed and cleaned and picking up and putting to bed and playing games and getting them to calm down.

And then there's my To Do list, which is still somewhat spotty in its achievements. I'm always trying to multi task my day and be so productive.

Sometimes I feel caught between my to do list and my living.

Do you have ways to live in the moment without letting your moments take over? Ways of getting things done without letting your To Do list make you into a future machine?

I guess I want to start living in the moment again. It feels so hard.

I'm finding this Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith and Jamie Ridler's bookclub to be a big help in living in the moment. I used to write in my journal like I was mainlining ink and paper. Now I have the blog, but it's a different thing.

Even my paintings are less about my thoughts about life and more about an abstract idea and the application of the paint on the paper. I enjoy it, but it's not the same as the personal tidbits I put into my journals and even Flying Girl. Right now I have pages of paintings and drawings in WTJ that I'd like to share, but the boy is dropping his nap and my time to organize it all is getting shorter. Sigh.

Yesterday, I wrote a poem on the WTJ page with the direction to "WRITE CARELESSLY. NOW"

Here's my poem
Carelessly, Now

carelessly, now
as days shock by in a never ending
cycle of tears and tantrums, cheerios
and milk
the dirty diapers and demands, the
hunger and small soft kisses, carelessly
now we follow the sighs .

carelessly, now. carelessly, now
grasping too tight to that relentless
motion trying to gain control of the
mommy mommy mommy never ending.

carelessly, now
rushing past the very things
that make my heart beat.

carelessly, now
just trying to get through the day
carelessly holding in my own
tears.

carelessly
carelessly
this aching precious life
slipping
by.

bedtime calls
carelessly, now.

waiting to be roused too early
by children and their cuddles
that morph into shrieks. carelessly
now

don't

let go.

Flying Girl and the Break of Dawn, or I Hold The Night Within (and wreckage)

Flying Girl and the Break of Dawn, or I Hold The Night Within
25/100 in 100 creative project, 6/26/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic, white ink pen on paper, 5x8"

This is what the dawn looked like from my window as I lay in my bed with a child who had been woken by lightning in the middle of the night and refused to go back to sleep. More or less, my eyes were bleary.

But also, here is the internal landscape. In the dawn, we carry the night inside of us.... and in the night, we carry the dawn. The bird? Well... I guess there's something inside of her that keeps her flying, no matter the night, no matter the dawn.

For this week's book club entry, I took my Wreck This Journal for a walk with the family. We fixed the double stroller, now they only want to ride.

But the journal went on it's own two feet... er... multiple pages. The edges wore off a bit and the cover got smudged, but I was not as wreckeriffic as some of the hikers WTJ hikers I've seen. I'm okay with that. The leash is a nifty woven leather belt I found at a thrift store for a buck.
This is actually the second time I decorated my cover. The first time, which looked much like this but with a purple milk pen, got completely smudged and wiped out when I took the book for a walk. So I redid it in white. I like white on black. It probably reminds me of chalk boards, and all those years of being either a teacher or a student. Sometimes both at the same time.
Here is some more purple milk pen... covered by blue milk pen when the purple alone wasn't opaque enough to cover the letters. I like the way this looks. It took forever and my hand cramped up, but I still like it. This might be my favorite page. It makes me smile. Why? I don't know. I'm weird. I also like that I didn't follow the directions to the letter. Notice there is not one jot in the margins. I like the written page too much. Perhaps this is an ode to books. You can't read it anymore, although it didn't matter to begin with, but it still looks like language. It's still familiar and comforting. And the only word left un covered is "yes."
Here's my ugly page. It started when I realized how much I was yelling at the poor kids. Yes, they were ignoring me and making messes and fighting and all that, but still. Ugly mommy. G said it didn't look like me, but oh well. There's also scared/overwhelmed me... which is perhaps where the yelling me came from. On the same page is G's prompt of ugly things having a hundred legs. Then he said it looked like a centipede. And then there are the cockroaches... palmetto bugs, that are huge and fly... both dead and alive. The dead ones don't fly, but they lay on their back and occasionally kick their legs and grab onto the broom when you try to sweep them out the door. *shudder* Also the little poop in the potty. Yuck. The ripped screen window, which lets in evil mosquitos. The dirty foot prints from walking around barefoot on top of scattered cheerios and bananas and whatever else my children shed every minute of their beings. The cheerios and dust underneath the sofa. Oh yes, and little kids waking in the dark of night and not going back to sleep. Ugh. This is all in shades of black, dark gray, dark brown, with a smidgeon of stale pee yellow and oh yeah... a touch of red for the burn of a mosquito bite that has been scratched too much.

Happy Mother's Day!

A Peaceful Lily Pond to You
TtV Casio Exilim through Duaflex II

Because when you have a fish pond full of blooming lotus flowers, you take lots of pictures.

Enjoy your Day

Girl of the Wild Heart

Girl of the Wild Heart ACEO
Acrylic on 140lb Watercolor Paper, 2.5x3.5"

Wild heart? Wild head?

I have the wild head. Wild and whirling full of all the things I have to do.

Is this the struggle of moms who are trying to achieve something?

I wish I had the wild heart, free and running through the shadows, fleet of foot and clear of eye.

Cool air rich with the scent of growing and dying and secrets and sun.

Maybe that's what life is like. Even in the wild head, the running from thing to thing, maybe that's no less that what the Wild Heart does. And maybe within that, we can find the balance.

Hey, running is just falling and catching yourself before you hit the ground. Again and again, tipping forward off balance and landing on the next foot. Fall, catch yourself. Fall, catch yourself. Fall, catch yourself, for as far as you want to go.

And that's how we travel fast.

Monkey, Bunny, and Mommy's Journey

Monkey Balloon ACEO acrylic on paper, 2.5"x3.5"
Bunny Flower ACEO acrylic on paper, 2.5"x3.5"

These mini paintings are in honor of my own little Monkey and Bunny... and in honor of Easter.

I don't think there are big momentous meanings behind them. I kinda just did them for fun.

I did a goddess girl at the same time... because I just don't like to waste paint, and I had extra blue and green and cream. I'll show you her tomorrow. Actually, that is a great benefit to these ACEO's... using up leftover paint before it dries. I am really cheap that way. ;)

But I did want to talk about a question that Converse Momma had yesterday.

"Do you create everyday?" she asked.

I started to answer in the comments but realized that it was such a big answer that it needed it's own post. And really, that's what this blog is about, living a creative life, becoming an artist in amongst the responsibilities of being the stay at home mom of two very young children-- who are at this moment running around like superheroes-- oh and crying. Ha ha ha. The joys.

The answer is: Yes, Converse Momma, I do create everyday.

But I didn't start out that way. About a year ago, I was barely creating at all. It was when I decided that last year, 2008, would be the year where I recovered my creativity. I started with my blog. I fussed around in my journal. I tried to paint. I cautiously avoided my novel that needed to be rewritten. But it started in my blog, where I began thinking about what kind of creativity I wanted in my life, about the truth and the fantasy of what it means to be creative. I faced dead on what it meant to be a mother and an artist at the same time, and how I could manage that. I had a big breakthrough where I realized that being a mom and living the creative life were not separate. One did not take from the other, but they were indeed the same thing.

If you go back to last April, it seems that every post is me struggling with my creativity. I don't think people who stumble upon my blog now would believe it, and that's why I link to all of these posts today. I WAS NOT CREATIVE. But I really wanted to be. Last April, I committed to being creative-- and that has made all the difference. If you made it through all those links, you must want to be creative, too.

How do I do it? I took it very slowly, and worked my way up.
I allowed myself to be inspired by other people, artists, writers, bloggers.
I joined communities and challenges... being in my situation, they are all on line, and yet, it still works.
I gave myself someone to be accountable to-- that's you, my dear readers. I post my creativity here, my paintings and projects and struggles and wins. And it reminds me that I always need something for tomorrow's post, so I don't give up when it would be so easy.
I steal time to be creative. Practice guitar while the kids are being read bedtime stories by Papa, and then show them what I've practiced and sing/play "twinkle twinkle little star," draw sketched in my journal while the kids are playing in the garden, write a post while they are watching Sesame Street, write a poem while I am on the toilet. I do not joke. People leave you alone when you're in the bathroom, and if you're a mom, you know how precious that is. My most fertile time being creative is positively opposite to all the collective wisdom of a room of one's own and good brain time.
My winning creativity solution is to paint while I watch tv on the sofa. I carry my bag of supplies into the living room and laugh at The Office while creating Flying Girls.

I forced myself to do it when I gave myself the challenge of painting a FG a day back in September-- I'd been too frightened to commit myself to painting every day, but it was in the back of my head and then it just organically appeared when I fell upon the old idea of Flying Girl. Now, I don't know what to do with myself if I don't have a paintbrush in my hand or a keyboard at my fingertips. I'm addicted, now.

Maybe that's the key. Get yourself hooked on creating. Make it a part of your bloodstream, so those minutes in the bathroom or waiting for the chicken to come out of the oven become like a hit of a drug. Art.

See, now I thought I was so healthy, skipping the myth of the addicted, drunken artist.... and it turns out I still fall into the stereotype... it's just the creating itself I'm addicted to.

This post seems awfully "me! me! me!" but that's another thing that needs to happen when you are creative. You need to be selfish and commit to it over other obligations. At least part of the time. I think that's one of the reasons it's so hard for women/moms to be artists, because they are expected to sacrifice for their families. Oy, I think that's a whole different topic.

Make a Robot Gift

Robot with 8 Arms, 8 Legs and 8 Antennae
12/5/08
pen on paper

Where have I been? What have I been up to?

I've been taking a break from Flying Girls and Oracles and Painting, but I have been crazy creative.

As soon as AEDM and Nano ended, I remembered about Christmas.

I switched over from my personal art to gift making. And also making things with and for my kids.

So far this month, I have made play clay, made play clay snowmen with the kids, and a Santa Hat, and a Christmas tree. I have made a crown... which was supposed to be for the girl, but she didn't like it, so it became an evil robot king crown. I love duct tape, styrofoam and cardboard. And a Halloween cape.

I made some softies for the kids presents, I made chicken soup from scratch, I made snowflakes with the kids. Lots of making, many things that I am still working on.

And I also made a song with the melody from "Silent Night" but the words altered to be about children sleeping through the night until 8am. That morning they actually slept until 8am? Coincidence or the magic of the Christmas Season? You decide.

Oh, and I designed the above Robot... destined, with his fellows, to become a Christmas gift painting for the boy-- which is why I'm using this for Inspire Me Thursday's prompt of "Make a Gift". This is his Robot Christmas. Ask him what he wants, and he says "Robot!" In fact, he helped me design the above robot. He drew a sketch and told me how many arms, legs, eyes and antennae it should have. I complied. I'd show you the sketch, but it got colored in. The complete painting is still under wraps. Hmm. And I'm going to make a softie robot, based on Martha's doll (Ivy will get a doll softie) and I think I need to design that robot before I start on it. Hmm. Much more gift making to do.

I don't know how much personal painting I will get to do this month. And I haven't even touched my novel. For shame.

Well, it's okay to take a step back now and again... although I did want to keep up my noveling. Hm. Grump.

Superhero, or The Ideal

Superhero, or The Ideal
11/12/08 AEDM #12
Golden Fluid Acrylic.

This is the Superhero, our perfect ideal of life, ourselves, a mate. This is all the potential we can find in life. This is all our powers. We are indeed superheroes inside our skins. We have the ability to do startling things if we just unleash our inner superhero. We can save our own day. We can fly across the skyline. We can put out fires with our irrepressible spirit.

If you were to pull this image, then the universe would be telling you how powerful you truly are and to trust those superhuman insights, those heroic endeavors. This card is your "YES YOU CAN!" card. This card is the sign that you are at the point where you have the ability to achieve those dreams you have been dreaming. That's how strong you are. That's how amazing you are.

However, if you were to pull this in the reverse, the unbalanced version of the Superhero, you are put on notice that your perfectionism is harming your forward motion. There is no way to be perfect. There is no way to do it all without sacrificing anything. There is no reason for you to expect superhuman anything, because you are, in fact, human and gorgeously flawed, like every last one of us. You might also be aware that you are expecting too much of the people around you. They too have flaws. We cannot learn the ways of the world without stumbling and making mistakes.

As for me, when I posted my Superhero picture, I saw how flawed my photograph was. But understanding the other superhuman tasks I have ahead of me today, I let it go. I don't have time to go back out to my porch where the best light is, and take more pictures, down load, upoload, wait for the tick tick time going by before I could get the perfect picture. Even superheroes don't do it all. Superman is super strong, can fly and see through walls and stop time with his breath, but he can't do anything around kryptonite, and he isn't super stretchy like Elastigirl. And frankly, even if Superman is nearly perfect, I always thought he was the most boring of superheroes.

And another Superhero thing, today. Potty training. I'm afraid I have been expecting my babies to be instantaneously potty capable. Without realizing what a feat learning to use the potty is. Gaining control over your bodily functions, understanding the signals in time, keeping a constant eye on when it's time to go, mastering your own disappointment when you make mistakes.

The boy is making steps, but the girl just looks bewildered when she makes puddles on the floor. I think the puddles are inevitable. I have to remember that she's not already a grown up Superhero capable of holding in the weewee until she gets to the potty. She needs to make her mistakes, learn the signals, connect the dots so that she can be her own PeePee Girl, power of the Potty! And I have to let her learn her powers, not force them on her. And I have to practice my own Power of the Patience.

Okay, this is silly. :)

But another of my Superpowers

SUPERMOMMYWRITER
3036 words yesterday! Even though the boy refused his nap screaming until he woke his baby sister who then began yelling herself, at which point the boy fell promptly asleep. Grrrr! And yet, although I could hear kids playing and/or yelling in their room the entire time I was writing, I went from 9oo words to 3000 without quite knowing how I did it!

I am going to glory in my mysterious superpower a little longer. Hopefully there will be a repeat performance this afternoon. I've already vanquished The Messmaker Team, who escaped the confines of their room to spill a bottle of water on mommy's bed and make pen and jewelry soup out of my bedside stuff holder. I don't hear them any more. I'd better get to my novel. I will tackle the Fortress of Messitude later.


nanowrimo total w/c 30098

Mama's Little Art Industry

I am not a perfect mom. I am not a Type A personality, who creates a curriculum and fills my children’s days with enrichment activities…although I could, one of my specialties when teaching was creating curriculum that integrated the arts into academics. Of course, that I COULD do it, but don’t makes me even less marvelous in my mommyhood. It makes me feel bad sometimes that I don't do all I could do.

But I would like to put forth a cheer for all the slacker moms out there. Just because we aren’t getting down there in our knee pads flipping flash cards of Impressionist Painters does not mean we are doing a bad job. No one really knows what makes one kid turn out to be a wonderful person whose life enriches the world. So I’m going to pat myself on the back a little and hi-light one of my slacker mom accomplishments.

Sometimes I check my googlereader while the kids are watching Little Bear. Yes it’s true. TV is my babysitter. Sometimes, the baby will sit on my lap and play with her toy computer while I do this. Sometimes, we will take out the Crayola Color Wonder finger paints and she will smoosh around on the tv table while I type comments on my favorite blogs with one hand.

She did so yesterday. And then toddled off to find some trouble to get into. But when the Little Bear dvd ended, G wandered back to my impromptu desk to check out the what’s what, and he came upon this:

This was the baby’s painting. The red circle was mine, but everything else was hers. Gosh, G started smiling when he saw it. “Mmm,” he said, “Good. G likes!” and he would not rest until I displayed it on the refrigerator. I see what he means about this scribble drawing. It almost looks like a bird flying above the trees to the setting sun.

My boy Gman has very developed artistic tastes. I don’t know if I made it happen. I didn’t have those flash cards of Monet and Cezanne… although I must admit I sat with him and looked through some of my old art books. I didn’t force it on him, I just noticed his interests. He liked paintings. So we’d read the art books he picked out, along with “Where the Wild Things Are” and “Moo Baa La La La.”

He still likes paintings, although I can see he gets frustrated with not being able to draw what he wants to. Lately, he has been focusing on drawing bad guys. But even when he can’t draw Spider Man and the Green Goblin, he can appreciate artistic beauty when he sees it.

The Collector and his Gallery

(reprinted from domesticglamor.com)