Pulling it Together 67-71/100

 Head of a Girl 8 (Tilly Losch)
ink on vintage Alice in Wonderland Page
67/100

Like I said before, I am trying to put my house together, trying to pull together all the pieces of myself and my art and make it whole again.

It's remarkable how confusing and disorganized things can get. Or sometimes maybe we just need a break. Maybe we just need to step back and get some distance so that we can look at things and say "yes, this is what I want," or "no, this is not where I want to go."

So sometimes it helps to stop the go go going and be silent, to see what once was there, what is there now, and what you want to be there.

Found Still Life
(flowers, pencil, miniature houses, toy leash, and vintage contact paper on the counter)
68/100

This one is a case of looking and seeing what is already there.

I looked down at the corner of my craft cabinet counter, and saw this little still life, just sitting there. I gasped and grabbed my camera and started snapping away. It's where I'd tossed a few things that I was done with, the little houses from yesterday, the handful of garden flowers that my daughter gave me, whose stems were too short for a vase, the yellow pencil, and the broken purple toy leash that I told my daughter I'd fix.

It's interesting, because although it took me a few tries to frame it right, and I did remove extraneous items away from the composition, when I tried to "make it right", when I took away the junky purple toy leash, the composition went flat.

It was there. And I needed to pay attention to it, to see it for what it was, a snap shot of life, color, line and texture. Movement in stillness and discards. There's something about those bleeding heart flowers that seem to me to be always moving, even when they are just sitting there, wilting.

"Day" Flying Girl Articulated Paper Doll
acrylic on paper, metal brads
69/100

And then, sometimes, you have to work and think about something, plan it out and put it together.

I've been thinking about making a Flying Girl Paper Doll for a while, but never got around to it, because I knew it would be a bit of work and commitment.  Sometimes life is like that. You take ideas from the past and finally sit down to work on them, make them into something, even if you're not sure that they really will work out.

 Reveal
Pen and watercolor on paper
70/100

Here's a sketch I made, without real plans, just allowing it to come to be, although, again, I am pulling on past sketches and motifs.  I don't think that everything is actually revealed, here, even though it's called reveal. Perhaps time will be the big reveal.

Belated Bunny with Big Legs
Repurposed velour, cotton knit, buttons, thread, polyfill
71/100

And here's the stuffed bunny I started almost three years ago and never got around to finishing. It went three years without eyes or legs.

Even now, my daughter tells me that the legs are wrong and I need to make them smaller. I guess she's right, they don't really fit this bunny.

Belated Bunny (detail)

But she's kinda cute anyway.

Well, I continue to try to pull together my house, and my art and my writing. I'm working on my synopsis for my novel and my query letter... something that has needed to be done for quite some time.

Like I said, sometimes it takes a commitment to pull together all the disparate efforts, all the history and the knowledge and the ideas. And sometimes it takes a re-commitment, after a period of silence.

We shall see.

Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Successes

YES champagne charm celebration card

I made this little charm greeting card for a celebration, combining the banner and champagne glass that I painted and cut out a while ago with the golden beads and fishing line, the stamped backdrop and the fancy edge. I even added a gold edging with paint.

I think it's important that we remember to celebrate the moments of our lives. Sometimes they can be small moments, like a success with a new craft project...and sometimes they can be big moments, like a wedding or a new baby. Usually, they're something in the middle.

Butterfly Charm celebration card

Sometimes, I forget to celebrate my successes, and I get wrapped up in the hard work that I still have to do. Or worse, I get wrapped up in the things that DON'T work out, and I forget to celebrate the things that do.

I like the idea of sending cards to people in celebration. It's a little way to make their day special. Maybe we should send cards more often, write letters more often, celebrate people for smaller reasons or life in progress.

"I love what you're doing with your blog!"

"Your son is getting to be so grown and cute. You are a great mom!"

"I'm so proud of you for going for your dreams!"

"You are so brave, no matter what happens. You never give up!"

"Boy oh boy are you a good cook!"

I think I need to send more cards, because I certainly know people who are being brave and trying new things and putting all the daily effort into things that won't see results for years and years.

And I also need to find ways to celebrate my own process, my own small efforts on big journeys. Because I have them, even if I tend to gloss over them and instead just see where I'm falling short. What can a celebration consist of? My daughter always wants birthday candles and sprinkles... I guess there's something to that. My son wants seafood. That's what he wants, shrimp and calamari and mussels. They both like staying up late, popcorn with movies, sparklers, parades and free toys. What do I like? Chocolate, margaritas, cafe dates with myself where I get to write in my journal, sitting on the porch painting, home baked desserts, new books, new art supplies, buying a print from etsy.

I think I need to make a list of all the things I like to do for celebration, and then, when something good happens, I need to pick something from the list and do it.

What are ways that you celebrate your little successes in your daily life? How do you honor the steps forward that you've made?

Butterflies, Flowers and the Creative Process

 Watercolor Painting

I spent the day yesterday painting. Not one painting, but these little illustrations, little things that make me happy, that I think are lovely. I got all sorts of photo references from pinterest. It's such a good tool for those of us who are visually oriented.

I've been a little obsessed with stationery and illustration and lettering. I don't really know what I am going to do with them. It's all still in development. What if I end up not using them at all?

I guess that's the risk of making art, or really anything. The risk of life, even. You don't know how things are going to turn out, if you will like it or if it will all fit together, or if you'll change your mind thirty minutes after you've painted out the last stroke and put the work away never to look at it again. Or if you make something and the world does not receive it well and no one really resonates with it and it just disappears into a drawer somewhere.

I guess that's why you need to enjoy the process of creating, of living, or working. If you're after it all just for the results, for the end product, for the pay or public acclaim, then you are missing the joy that you can get from actually making, from living, from experiencing life and trying new things. The physical loveliness of paint washing on the paper, colors deepening as you add layers, the thrill when something you planned turns out, unexpectedly, to be far more lovely than you were imagining, the hunt for ideas that make you sing.

What this basically comes down to is about enjoying the process.

Release the worry about what it all means and where it is all going. Trust that you are going somewhere you need to go.  Even if these pretty flowers, butterflies and celebratory snacks never go where my vague ideas thought, even if they DO get stuffed into a drawer never to see the light of day, the act of creating them may take me farther down my path. Maybe painting these pages is not about the pages that I've painted, but about the act of painting.

I do so love to paint, you see. And I don't do it nearly enough. So if this project got me to take out my trusty winsor newton travel paint set, then maybe that was the point. Maybe I've already gotten something out of this project because of the thought that I put into writing this post, and the creative process?

Whatever it is, in and of itself, creating is a worthy activity. Not just for what you can create, not just for items that you could sell and posts that you could write, but because creating brings beauty into the world. Creating is you envisioning possibility and making it real in the world.

And let me tell you, there are no limits to where THAT can take you.

So take some time and imagine those possibilities, those things you'd like to see come real in the world, a painting, a novel, a beautiful room, a garden, a meal, and put your energy into creating them.  Put aside your worries about how it might go wrong or take too long or be a disappointment, because the act of creating is transformative, no matter the results.

Trust Your Wisdom, Owl Paper Doll Greeting Card

 Trust Your Wisdom, Woodland paper doll greeting card

Here is one more paper doll card.

I like him. We all know the owl is wise, that he sees and hears things in the dark that we do not. That he finds his prey and zeroes in on it in silence, with soft wings.  But do we trust the owlness in ourselves?

Do we trust our own wisdom? Our own knowing in the dark? Our own ability to focus in on our goals and get things done?

I think we generally know more than we think we do, it's just that we don't trust our own knowing.

Practice listening to your instincts. Practice believing in our own wisdom. Practice listening in the dark to the hints that say you are on the right path.

 These are the rest of my puppet animal cards. I call this the "Be Gentle" series. They're still in development. I should probably not post them before I have them completely developed, but oh well, I'm big on process here on this little blog.

 I'm not sure if everyone realizes that the floral deer/owl/bunny are actually the back of the painted ones. This was my brainstorm. I was dissatisfied with the plain back and found a way to give it some character. I like this character, particularly with the graphics of the stamped background.

This Be Gentle series is something that I needed to hear for myself. Many of the pieces I make are made because I need to hear something, I need to pay attention to a little bit of wisdom, either something I've found out there in the real world, or something I know inside of myself, but have not really gotten around to paying attention to.

Making these cards is a way that I trust my own wisdom. And posting them for you, believing that other people need to hear the same thing I do. It's a big leap, I know, to think that everyone is in the same place that I am, but I'd rather put it out there for the people who need it and will resonate with it, than keep it to myself out of fear and self doubt.

 Who Who Who
do you trust?
Trust yourself.

Say Yes To Life, woodland animal paper doll greeting card

Say Yes To Life, woodland animal articulated paper doll greeting card

Here is my bunny. Well, here is the bunny I made for my Bunny. My daughter thinks her real name is Bunny and insists we all call her Ivy Bunny. I made the bunny paper doll particularly for her.

But I like this bunny here, on this card, with the background of lush leaves.  

A rabbit is a sign of Spring. It's a sign that there is abundance, a sign that things are growing, a sign that we should go ahead and let our hope out to romp around in lush gardens.

Don't hide from the joy and the opportunity, get out there and raid that lettuce patch of life. You belong in the abundance that is out there. You are made of yes. You are made of growth and fertility and creativity. Don't let the little fears keep you hidden in your burrow. A rabbit is small and gentle and vulnerable, but every moment they are alive, every step they take into the world is full of bravery and chance taking.

What are you hiding from out of fear? What could you say yes to that might change your life? What chances could you take that would open up possibilities for you? Where could you be brave. Practice saying yes everyday to something that scares you. You might be surprised at how your world can bloom.

Be Gentle To Yourself woodland animal greeting card

Be Gentle To Yourself Woodland Animal Greeting Card

I've shown my little deer before, but I wanted to do something with her. I wanted to also do something with some of the stamps I've been messing around with. 

So this is what I came up with.  I'm creating a set of "Gentle" greeting cards. They come from my woodland animal articulated paper dolls that I made as a favor for my daughter's fairy princess tea party fifth birthday party. To tell the truth, the paper dolls skewed a little too old for five year olds. But I really liked them anyway so I wanted to find something to do with them.

I think one of the ways to be gentle with yourself is to look for the good in things that maybe didn't work out quite the way you wanted them to. Don't toss the baby out with the bathwater, to put it in the vernacular.  

It's very easy to only focus on the negative, and think that what you are doing is failure, or who you are is not good enough. But if you start saying, "okay, that didn't work so well, but let me look for the positives and see how I can use them the next time," then you shift your perception of your work, and yourself to something that is creative rather than destructive. And I have to say, this doesn't only go for creative projects and drafts of art work, but also for real life. I've seen this happen in work situations where people scrap projects because there were failures, without looking to see the benefits. I've seen women do this to themselves by only focusing on trying to change their physical flaws and devaluing their beauties. It happens in relationships where people focus on little things that bother them and don't give credit to the big good things that can fade into the background. I've seen it in pessimistic world views looking for how everything sucks, and missing how everything rocks. Oh yeah, and low self esteem and negative self talk.  You don't suck. You rock.

So practice looking for the positives. Remember that having flaws does not mean you are bad. Remember to pamper yourself and take care of yourself when you're sick.

Here's a photo of my daughter, sitting on the porch wrapped up in her comforter, watching the fog and the traffic, taking it easy, cozying up.  Not pushing. Just enjoying. I should try that. It would be a lesson in being gentle to myself and allowing myself to just be.

 And here's a detail of my card. The other side of the fawn puppet is a print of a small fabric. I made the card stock two ply. I like it for stability and I love the little pattern.

In the end, I want to have four of these gentle paper doll cards. And I'm thinking I'd like also four bold paper dolls... but I really haven't figured out how that will look yet. Luckily, I don't have to force it. I can be gentle for now. The time for boldness is coming soon. The gentleness prepares the way.

Remember to be gentle to yourself when you need it. Don't think you have to be bold all the time.

Fawn paper doll and Cultivating Creativity in Gentleness

Fawn paper doll, with mushroom

Sometimes, I feel like I am chasing inspiration, chasing down my aspirations, hunting them through the woods.

And I'm making a lot of noise, crashing through the woods with my clumsy intentions.

My inspiration runs off, faster than I can keep up, and disappears into the shadows, just a tease of an idea, a flash of white tail and what I want to do.

In the almost 40 years that I have been pursuing my creativity, I am still learning how this all works. There's no equation for it all.

Perhaps I should take my metaphor father, though. Perhaps instead of chasing after inspiration, I need to do more sitting quietly, hidden in the camouflage of my life, and wait for it to come to me.

Yes, I know I do. Sigh. Moms with little kids don't get to do much sitting quietly.

Yesterday I had so many ideas and so many intentions they were all crowding for attention. I made lists and ran around from one idea to the next, running around also taking care of my daughter and getting ready for work. Honestly, I almost forgot I had to go to work, so wrapped up was I. Then I went to work with the same amount of nervous energy, and was unable to do anything practical with it. I tried to stay away from more coffee, let's just say that.

Perhaps also what I'm chasing is not something outside of me. Perhaps it is inside of me, that creativity, that center of calm or that energetic intention. Perhaps I need to be gentle with myself through this process. Perhaps we all do. Perhaps we need to cultivate our selves, our creativity and our souls with a measure of gentleness, care, and feeding. Provide for our creative selves, offer safety, calm and sustenance, and instead of having to hunt down inspiration, it will come to us.

With that in mind, what are some ways that we can cultivate our creativity.

1. Provide time where we can be silent with our thoughts, dreams, visions, experiences, etc. In other words, stare out the window time, futz with our supplies time, do nothing and just exist time.

2. Provide space where creating is encouraged. A desk. A basement study. A corner in the bedroom set up for writing. A dining room turned into an art studio. Tell your creativity that this is the space reserved for it, and it is welcome to come.

3. Provide food for creativity. Read great books, fiction and non fiction. Watch films that engage you. Play music that fills you with energy. Look at art that makes you want to pick up a paintbrush.

4. Husband your physical well being. Eat well. Sleep enough. Get out and exercise. Organize your physical space. Declutter.

5. Provide the supplies that you need to create. Gather them so that they are available to you when you need them.

6. Set up regular time to be creative. Yes, inspiration is fleeting, but give it a comforting routine, a safety in the knowledge that it is welcome and will be fed, and it will come.


These are ways to cultivate our creativity in gentleness and positivity. And then we actually have to sit down and do. DO. Write. Paint. Compose. Cook. Whatever your creativity demands. Don't forget the do. It is good to be gentle with ourselves in order to reach our goals, but we can't get there without taking action.

What are some ways that you have for cultivating your own creativity, luring it to come to you?

Collaborating with my Daughter and a Girl Ballerina Articulated Paper Doll

Girl Ballerina Articulated Paper Doll

Yesterday was a girly day. Ivy stayed home with me and we hung out, danced, had peanut butter toast, created a painting of a purple, polka dotted squirrel.

I drew the outline of the squirrel in purple crayon and then she painted it and added polka dots. She actually use a pencil eraser to make polka dots, like she's seen me do with my stamps.

She stole my sunglasses and posed, I took pictures.

 I also printed and cut out this Girl Ballerina paper doll I painted quite a few months ago. I'd always intended it for Ivy, since she is the one who asked for it, commissioned it, you might say, but, well, I don't know what I was waiting for. I printed her out on cardstock, but found that too flimsy, so I actually used a fixative to add another layer of cardstock. So this is a two ply doll. I have wondered how it would work to actually laminate her, for real kid play, but I'm not sure that would make her better.

Here she is with plain feet and just her leotard and tights. She comes with pointe shoes (you can just switch the flat feet out for the pointe feet), flowers, a practice ballet skirt and a fluffy tutu. She also has two tiaras, one pink, one white. I did quite a few of these articulated paper dolls, but I didn't finish them all and some I never managed to put together. I think things just got in the way. But I've been going through my back log of art and projects and trying to do something with what I already have.

 She is a pretty girl, I think. Not a grown up like my other paper dolls. Because she's for my daughter to play with. And PINKPINKPINK because that is my daughter's favorite colors and if it isn't pink she isn't satisfied.

Here is my daughter playing with her Girl Ballerina. Instant fun. She was putting on performances in minutes flat. Then she came running back asking for the flowers, because the performance was done.

I wonder if she will enjoy playing with paper dolls as much as my sister and I did when we were little. She's still a bit young for delicate toys, but I guess she's old enough to start learning, and start learning to take care of her toys.

It seems Ivy and I had a very collaborative day. Our squirrel painting, dancing and photo taking, as well as the paper doll, which I executed, but really was inspired by and directed by her.

Inspiration doesn't just come from inside of us. The world around us can inspire us. The people we love can also. Kids, friends, family, students. My kids have asked me to paint them certain things in the past, and that has always taken me in different directions than I usually would have gone in. The paper doll I made before this was a punk rock chick... ballerinas are just not my thing... but even if they are outside of my current comfort zone (I seem to remember drawing ballerinas obsessively when I was 10 or so) they can express something surprising and unexpected once I take them on.  It can be a challenge to try to link your creativity with someone else's ideas, feelings and concepts, but the challenge can be good for you.

Think about how those around you can inspire you. Is there something your child would like you to make for them? Do you want to give a surprise gift to a friend you care about? Do you look up to someone? How about doing a project with someone you enjoy? Or give your kids/students a project and then do the project with them.

How can you collaborate with those around you in a way that feeds your own creativity?

Wood Land Paper Dolls, a work in progress

Wood Land Articulated Paper Dolls
giclee print, ink, mini brads

For my daughter's birthday, I made some little paper dolls for the goody bags. It was a fairy princess tea party theme, so along with flowers and glitter, I added some creatures to keep the fairies company.

This isn't the best picture. That's because along with being creative, I'm trying to make my professional set up more... well... professional. I never got a good product shot of all my paper dolls. Part of that is because I was running my little tuchis off until the first guest got in the door and the part of my to do list where it said "take photos" was at the end. And I never got to the end of the to do list, I just ran smack dab into the party. They don't tell you that a "fairy princess tea party"  means mommy is a waitress for the rest of the afternoon, pouring tea and serving cupcakes and escorting little girls to the potty. So all the paper dolls and containers of fairy play dough and glitter cardboard crowns and pretty paper flowers all got taken away or messed up before I could show them to you. Poop. I still have white and yellow and green crowns, but everything pink, purple or silver has scampered off.

I'm going to have to go back in, find what's left of the party, the dregs if you will, and do a photo shoot. It doesn't help that the only sunny days have been when I was at work. The rain and snow messes up my light. Of course that means today is rainy.

But I am trying, like I said. I've been researching different ways to set up a home photo studio on pinterest. And, after the news of the demise of picnik,(they say they are moving to Google+ but I like to have options) which I have used for photo editing for the last few years, I decided to try out picmonkey. I used picmonkey to make the most of my midnight, lamp lit photo of the wood land paper doll favors in progress. It's kind of cute, more about process than product, I guess. But, i figured it was better to get something to post now, instead of waiting for the perfect photo set up to show everything off.

Remember, being creative is not about getting things perfect, it's about working with what you have and seeing what happens. I still have time to get the details right, but nothing will ever get done if I always wait until I have everything figured out before I do anything.