Dream Head. Work in progress.
I have been experimenting in Paperclay for a couple of weeks now.
I don't know what I am doing.
There is a place in not knowing that allows for deeper things to come through.
After practicing with the simpler shapes, the houses, the pears, the birdies, the hearts, I felt the urge to push myself. To try for something that I didn't know how to do. That I wasn't sure I was up to.
Last night I sat with a ball of paper clay and decided I wanted to try to make a doll head. It was hard. I worked on the features, the nose, the lips. I mashed them down and started again, feeling that it wasn't right, it wasn't the feeling I wanted, it didn't look the way I wanted it to. I pushed and pulled and smoothed and pinched and used my tiny tools (bobby pin, nail, push pin, x-acto knife, fingers) to bring it into a semblance of a face. Then I tried for the ears, and they were all wrong, messing up what I had done before. Gosh darn it, I realized the entire head was too small for the face, and I would have to add on hair or more clay or something to enlarge it so it didn't look like a pin head.
And then I realized.
Why do I have to do what is expected? Why do I have to create a doll head that looked like a regular doll head, or even a person at all. And then I realized... I don't really create what is in real life. I like to draw what I see, it's fun. It's journalistic, but more than journaling my life or reality, I love exploring the internal reality much more.
So my doll head became a dream head. Something not quite right, not quite real. Something that is reminiscent of reality, but also conjures up a dream, a fairy tale, the subconscious.
Yes. I went away from reality. I went away from the expected, the routine.
I took a chance on something meaningful, something that risks failure.
I found something important.
I don't know what it is yet... but it's coming.
Have you ever reached your edge of knowing?
Do you pull back and keep yourself safe?
Or do you jump and see what happens? (Gosh, that question is the exact description for my very first Flying Girl painting, which I did right before I graduated from college.)