Flying Girl Where the Heart Goes, or Strings

Flying Girl Where the Heart Goes, or Strings
Golden Fluid Acrylics, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils

This comes from a few different places. First I saw this piece by Elsita, then I was sitting in a room with my kids running in and out of the rooms of the house, and it almost felt as if little pieces of me were running with them, my attention, my mind, my sanity, my heart. Then, the Illustration Friday prompt ended up being "strings" and I was amazed, because I had already been planning this and the connection was immediate. Maybe I shouldn't be amazed, There has been an awful lot of synchronicity going on in cyberspace lately. Perhaps everyone is dealing with a lot of the same things, or a lot of the same ideas. I don't know, but I see connections all over the place. Maybe that goes to this painting, too. The way our subconscious mind takes in information from all over, and perhaps the way we also send out our signals without knowing we are.

Although the image of this painting was clear in my mind, the execution of the painting was, shall we say, frustrating. First of all, doing these paintings is beginning to feel like work. When you live up to a commitment that you make, no longer going along according to whim or inspiration, it gets hard sometimes. And yet, if you live by your word, you have to do it anyway.

It's kind of like love. No one hates that first blush of love when all is in accordance and the attraction runs high, just like art and inspiration. It's when that other person starts blowing their nose, or sits around watching tv gorging on chips or you really just want to be left alone that love starts to get difficult. It's when it love/art feels like a constraint that you are getting into the real meat of it.

So I sat down not wanting to paint, and did it anyway. There are probably half a dozen layers of paint on that background there. Too dark, too light, too yellow, too contrasty. Blegh. I fussed and fussed and fussed and hated it. I truly thought it would not work out. I gave up on finding perfection with the columns/walls/floors and just stuck in some intriguing windows. That was interesting. Then I put in FG. Then I decided to dress her up and make her more figurative. She's wearing heels, even. But when I painted in the hair, and had the idea to give her that Veronica Lake swoop that the whole painting just fell into place.

It's so strange that such a small detail would make it work. Then I put in the vines and worked on some details and that was it.

To tell the truth, I am still a little uncomfortable with it. Something about the colors doesn't seem all the way there, but there is also something that I really like about it. So I'm going with the good, and letting go of the not so good and letting the work stand as it may. Like love.

Hey. I bet you didn't know that I didn't MEAN to make all the references to love, even though it's FG Where the Heart Goes. That was a total coincidence. Well, not a coincidence, I'm sure. The mind is a powerful force, especially when you're not really paying attention to what it is doing. It sneaks around.

Maybe part of the reason why it is able to do that is because I am busy thinking about so much. All the things I have to do. Conversations I need to have. Trips I have to make. Things the kids are doing or need to do or aren't doing. The future, the past, the present. The dishes and the cheerios. Maybe that's why FGs Heart goes in and out of so many different paths.

Maybe that is also why I drew this for The Big Draw.
Juggling. The Big Draw #10
Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pen

Do you need me to explain? Sorry for the wonky picture, though. I wanted to make sure the little unicycling guy would be in there. I kept the scallop pattern from FG Goes In, but alternating color made it almost look as if it is a harlequin pattern. And notice that the different size pattern in figure and background keeps them from competing. It doesn't hurt that the figure pattern is a heavier line. It's the balance between dark/light, large/small, organic/geometric that keeps things from getting mushy and confusing. Also the blank page gives your eye somewhere to rest.

What do you think about drawing in blue. Fun, huh? Where did I see a drawing in blue yesterday? I've got to be better at marking these things down.

If there are wiggly lines in this drawing, it is because I literally had a little girl hanging off of my limbs. She probably would have liked it if I had thrown her up in the air and juggled her... but my back would decidedly not have liked it.

On a fun and happy note. I just received a lovely print by the lovely Mati Rose. It's my first win at a giveaway, ever. Very exciting. I feel my luck changing already, thanks to this Little Lucky Elephant. Thanks again Mati, a big hug and kiss from me (and the boy who tried to steal it for his own). I really adore it and can't stop staring at it. It's inspiring me to get my desk area together.

Flying Girl Goes In, or Wonderland

Flying Girl Goes In, or Wonderland 10/9/08 (hey! 10,9,8! countdown.)
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencil, White gel pen

So last post, I didn't know where FG would go, and last night when I sat down to paint, I still didn't know. I had a few ideas culled from my extensive blog reading, but none to hold a painting down. If you recognize your own influence, you're probably right. Honestly, I sat for an hour or so without putting pencil to paper. (enjoying using those watercolor pencils for undersketching) before I finally committed. I looked back at previous paintings to let her guide me. Where to next, after the deep sea? And I thought it was time to leave the sea. And what came up was inside. Indoors. Yes the first indoor FG. At first there was just a simple room with a plain window and steps leading up. But I didn't like it. Actually, the appearance of the door and stairs going down was the first sign to me that this painting was indeed going to work. FG herself started out more abstract, then more realistic, then back a step into partly conceptual.

But it just seemed so plain and bare and seemed to be missing something, so the wall detail went in, and then the sheer curtains. Then the sea outside the window. Then some flower details in the dress, the ribbon, definition in the hair, the waves on the ocean, the boat out at sea, and lastly... the little mushrooms in the corner. The last was the detail that made it come together for me.

This is about earth. Flying Girl has entered her earth adventure. I suppose it's not a coincidence that the stairs went from going up to going down, deeper. Symbolically speaking, the earth could be about fertility, because that is what enables plants to grow. It could also mean the past... those things that are buried. Another reading is the practical. Earth is the most practical and solid of the elements.

This painting definitely feels like a transition to me. Leaving the sea, entering through the window, and then that doorway to the new land. She's ready, I suppose to handle things she has never done before, up there in the sky.

Somehow, I think something led her to abandon her boat and fly in through the window. Perhaps the sight of a white rodent, hopping away. Is she trying to find the elusive creature, the intrigue, the way?

Funny. These interpretations I'm doing almost feel like I'm reading tarot cards. My own tarot cards, born out of my psyche. Maybe that's what's with all the recent paintings and drawings and 3D houses. I've always thought of houses as being representations of our minds, anyway.
House, The Big Draw #9
Pen, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencil

Maybe that's why I went with this drawing for The Big Draw. Also it is reminiscent of the houses I used to draw when I was 8 or so. My little cross sections. Also, maybe it's a bit of a way to visualize where I want to be. A little house, some outside space, a studio, a garden. Simple.

Maybe also the past was on my mind, as I saw around blogland various delvings into the past. Infact, inspired by Dragonfly Reflections, I decided to post an old photo.
circa 1971

That little one is me. The other one is my mom. It's funny to think how young she was, no more than 26 or so.

A little delving into the basement, perhaps.

Oh yeah. Remember that old saying? The way in is the way out.

Hm.

Flying Girl and the Big Wave, or Tsunami AND Flying Girl Follows Her Teachers, or Fish

Flying Girl and the Big Wave, or Tsunami 10/8/08
Golden Liquid Acrylics, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencil

Unlike the night before, where I had no ideas for a painting but jumped anyway, last night, I was flooded with ideas. I had no less than THREE sketches before I sat down with my paint.

Which to choose? The more challenging one, with more details, and a newer style, which was, however, slightly undefined? This one, with the wave, that was slightly scary? Or the final one, a simple idea based on some newspaper clippings with an idea I had been thinking about for days?

In the end, I went with the one that gave me that squoonch in my stomach. I happen to be afraid of tsunamis. Even large surf at a beach makes me dizzy. And yet, I've had the metaphor of "riding the wave" for many months to help me through all sorts of struggles and triumphs.

This was a pretty easy painting. I did an underdrawing with the watercolor pencils, and it led me to the blue sky. I wanted the green water, but I actually had a lighter color in mind that I just didn't have anymore. (Have to put in an order to Dick Blick.) So I treated the acrylic more like watercolor, with a thin wash over green watercolor pencil. I am okay with the effect, although it wasn't really what I was going for. It is interesting enough.

I did struggle with the land image for a while, originally drawing in a boat without land. But before I painted it, I switched to a little house. Perhaps I was influenced by the previous houses I'd drawn. Perhaps by this house,
that I created yesterday on a whim from a Cheerios box. Which was a prompt for Inspire Me Thursday. The paperbag tree was inspired by maya*made's mushrooms. I just thought I needed a tree more than a mushroom for my little diorama. And I get a kick out of the bookshelf setting. Sorry about the dark picture. It was late when I took it and I hate flash. Back to the story.

I'm not sure what made me switch from the boat to the house, but I liked the switch. Maybe it is my fear of tsunamis that makes me feel a little house on the coast is vulnerable. It doesn't even have to be a tsunami, just a big storm. My friend used to have a little beach cottage in Montauk, Long Island and I was always terrified that the dune would wash away and the house would fall into the sea. It wasn't even my house.

I like to think of Flying Girl as protective in this picture. As warrior-like. In fact, for much of the painting, she wielded a sword, first fire white, then fire red. But neither seemed right for the composition. And I had an issue with the silliness of trying to keep a wave back with a sword. That doesn't even work metaphorically.

So I painted the sword out, and had to let her stand (or fly) the way she was. Then I was done with my painting, and it was still early, and I still had syndicated sitcoms to watch, so I turned the page to my next Flying Girl idea, still knowing that I needed to do my Big Draw drawing.

I kept the green, because, hey, it was underwater. Painted everything flat colors and then.... wanted more. So I took out my artist pens and drew on it. I drew all over it, although remembering my lessons from my previous two paintings, I wanted to stay away from too much pattern so I left the water flat. Then I realized that this Flying Girl was indeed my Big Draw entry. Because it's all drawn, except for the background color, and that's allowed.
Flying Girl Follows Her Teachers, or Fish
The Big Draw #8
Golden Liquid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Y&C Gel Xtreme Pens.

Then I took out my white gel pen. I love those things, and that added even more texture to the detail in the fish and the coral and the seaweed. In fact, it made them come to life. I added in a few bubbles and some rocks (at the far bottom, that's not a smudge) and voila, done.

Then I looked back at my paintings and I saw that it was indeed, again, like two panels of a story. Here is the wave, threatening. Then apparently, FG has been overwhelmed and drawn below the waves...

But she is not drowning. She is there to learn from the fish.

Here is a lesson: Find the lesson, even in disaster. Learn. Discover. Grow. Become strong.

I wonder where she is going next? Is she still on a water adventure, as she has been for the last few days? Will she step on land? Find fire? Fly in the air once again. I'm seeing an elemental theme here.

You'd think I'd be in control, but it's a mystery to me.

Flying Girl and No Landmarks, or Unknown

Flying Girl and No Landmarks, or Unknown 10/7
Golden Liquid Acrylics, Holbein Gouache

When I started this painting, I asked myself, "Do you trust yourself enough?"

I was going in without sketches, without a grand concept, without a color scheme. Just a vague idea of storytelling with those aborigine journey/dream paintings. I hesitated with the blank page, jittering nerves, not wanting to screw it up, knowing I'd have to post it. Then I jumped in and I just painted.

Also in my mind was the vague idea of being underwater, or being in space. Or perhaps it's an internal, dream journey, not an external one at all.

Maybe there's a lesson in here, after all?

What do we do when we don't have landmarks to clearly guide us in our journeys? When we are off the grid of the life we have expected? What happens when we step off that ledge of security and take the leap into the unknown?

Do we trust ourselves to be able to handle what happens? Do we trust our own ability to make choices?

The unknown is scary. Are you saying yes and leaping? Or backing down, looking to the known, the safe, the understood. There's a choice here. Neither are bad choices. Safe isn't bad. It's a valid choice. We don't all have to leap as if we have wings. But safe doesn't take us out of our comfort zone. Safe can lead to a world of happiness and ease. But the unknown... it can challenge us to reach new heights, and get farther still on our path to the future.
The Big Draw #7, 10/7/08
Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens

To change the subject, I don't know if there can be anything safer... a sketch of the flowers on my bedside table.

What? You don't see it?

Oh that's right. It's a blind contour drawing, where you draw on the page without looking at what you are drawing, only at the object. Actually, this kind of fits with the Unknown, No Landmark theme. Because when you're drawing blind, you don't know how this line is laying next to the last one, or where this line is in relation to the other. That is probably why I drew the top of the flowers on one side of the page, and the vase that held them on the other side. Well, I did look before I did that, and maybe twice before, when my pen fell off the paper or I finished a section of flowers.

I like blind contour drawings. They are fun to do. You just have to get rid of the belief that art has to look like what you're drawing, or that it has to be perfect. You have to practice drawing with a bold hand and make decisive choices, even if you can't see what these choices look like.

That's a lot like life, sometimes, huh?

And when you go back to drawing with your eyes open, you can take what you learned through your blindness, and create your next piece with the same bold decisive line, the same attention to detail and contour, the same expression. It's a very cool exercises, and often the results make you laugh.

Flying Girl and the Flowers Inside, or Downpour

Flying Girl and the Flowers Inside, or Downpour, 10/6/2008
6x6 Gallery Canvas, Golden Liquid Acrylic, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils

This painting is a bit of a departure for me, and as such, was kind of difficult. The first departure is that I did it on canvas, and I did it in a different proportion. The second departure is all the pattern!

This is actually an idea I've been playing around with for quite some time, months even. The concept came to me out of the blue, that even in the stormy weather, when things are tough, we can carry our flowers and sunshine inside of us. This is what I aim for, I suppose, that sort of peace that continues even when we are struggling and the world all around us seems to be chaos.

I think I finally committed to trying one of the canvasses I bought because of this image. I'd been trying to draw it in my journal, but the proportions were wrong, I think because the umbrella added height to the picture. Maybe I could have figured it out, I suppose I could just have made her smaller, but with all the detail, it might have been even tougher than it was.

In the end, I am satisfied, but oh, what a journey. She used to be pink, you know. If I hadn't been hounded by yelling preschoolers and whining toddlers this morning, I might have shot a picture of her original incarnation. Oh, who am I kidding, it wasn't the kids that stopped me, it's because the storm was raging inside of me and I was unable to keep it out. The flowers were not growing.

But, the kids had a picnic in the back yard and went to bed, and I had some time to paint and clean up a little and shower and dress up. I have decided that it is time to let go of the yoga pants and tank tops and remember my style. It makes me feel good. I suppose it's a way to get the flowers back, a way to keep equilibrium and calm. To ground.

And I fixed the painting. Once I painted over the pink, which had already painted over a messy pink and red flowered pattern that I had decided was too busy and clashed too much with the gray and purple striped background, I felt better. Pale yellow was cheerier than pink. I painted in some green leaves and some larger white flowers and was a little discombobulated. It never came out the way I wanted it, each time I've tried this concept, but I had to keep going, because this is canvas, dammit, canvas. I put some yellow centers in the flower, to bring back the yellow background, then I came upon the idea of adding smaller dots of white flowers and it all just fell in to place. Why? I don't know. Probably the contrast of small pattern with the larger pattern of the stripes. Just like with clothes, you don't want the mix competing. Once I figured out the flowers, all I had to do was outline in green, and the FG no longer seemed so amorphous. Phew. If it was hard to read about, it was harder to do.

The skyline was the last thing. I particularly like the tree and how it wraps around the bottom of the canvas.
I had a problem when it came time for posting the Big Draw, because it turns out I forgot to specifically draw for it... but I did draw something that I am not ready to show, because it's kind of a secret right now. So I have a drawing, but it's unpostable, so I'm going to cheat and post something I drew a few weeks ago. Lizabeth of motherhoodrevolution is the one who pointed me toward this. It's a sketch of a photograph taken maybe a hundred years ago that my paintings brought to mind. When I looked it up, just had to sketch it. So I did.
Sketch of Incantation, b&w photo by Anne W Brigman (Amer 1869-1950) You can find it at metmuseum.org [edited to fix the broken link, I hope.]

Flying Girl Searches for New Lands, or Voyage
Golden Acrylics

I think I am getting bolder in my FG decisions. Perhaps, she is too. This sea voyage could go anywhere, and it's harder to see that horizon from down at sea level, as opposed to up in the air. Plus, you never know what is going on underneath you... is it the coral reefs? sharks? treasure ship? a school of fish? Atlantis? It makes one a little woozy to think of the world going on under the surface. And this is a long distance journey, me thinks... not just a short hop to freedom or wisdom.

I like the touch of realism added to the abstraction. The sea came out much better than I expected. Sometimes you just have to trust the process and the brush and the eye and keep going until the scattered paint marks start to coalesce into sense. So did the clouds, although I could work on them a little. Also, the horizon... I had just meant to blur sky and sea together, but what ended up on the page was a hazy coastline. I think it looks good, adds more meaning to the symbolism, and connects nicely to the last FG, almost as if they are two frames of a graphic novel. Hmm. Interesting.

You see, this is the first time I really linked the two paintings together on purpose. I wanted to see where FG would go when she finished her rest and stepped off of the bank, into the waiting boat. And thus a new painting was born. I used the same process with FG and the Girls' Night Out. (Just a reminder, if you want to have a Bloggy Halloween party, go to A Fanciful Twist and sign up. Or just wander her links on the day of to witness others getting in the Halloween Spirit. I myself am planning upcycled crafts and kid treats, plus another Halloween FG.)

Life is an interesting journey, even when you can not see how your separate trippings come together to make a longer voyage. How does post partum depression connect to not only regaining my creativity, but gaining a deeper creativity? How does being isolated in a new state without friends relate to opportunities opening up from everywhere? How does financial struggle create internal peace?

Step by step, I guess. Baby steps. Small attentions. Obsessive lists. Personal kindnesses. Petty frustrations. Deeper understanding. Everyday joys. Tight constraints. Simple faith.

As part of this, I think, this small paying attention, this opening to inspiration, I allowed myself to be inspired by Danny Gregory (as I said yesterday) but I went in a completely different direction than I planned. Every Day Matters, here. (Ooooh. Pens. I love pens.)
Snack, 10/5/08 Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils.

I was sitting at my computer, wondering what I should draw, thinking about the photo thing that I had talked about and feeling uninspired. Then my eye spied my snack on the tv tray next to me, and an inspiration was born.

Even thought I had an awesome photo, I didn't want to draw it.


This, by the way is my great, great, (great?) grandmother, on the bottom left. Madeline Bancer was her name. Wasn't she pretty? I wonder what she was like? Was she a suffragette? Sweet? Mean? I wonder if there are any family legends about her.

I still may draw this later, or do something with it. I just think it's a cool picture, even though it didn't inspire me. I guess it just wasn't going in the direction I was going. And that's something to honor. We shouldn't feel forced to take on a challenge that doesn't help us reach our goals. Like Inspire Me Thursday this week, whose prompt is Cereal Box. I might make something crafty with a cereal box, like an inspiration file, but it's not going into Flying Girl. And that's okay.

How are you doing with your daily choices? Are you letting your dreams guide them? Or are you fighting your instincts to do what you think you are "supposed" to do?

Flying Girl Takes a Rest, or Breath

Flying Girl Takes a Rest, or Breath, 10/4/08
Golden Fluid Acrylic

Things are a little different in Flying Girl land. I told you yesterday I was tired. When I sat down to plan out my next drawing, I started getting all complicated and elaborate, but I knew I didn't have the energy or brain power for that. So I took a breath and told myself, "simple, gentle." and thought maybe Flying Girl needed the same.

See, the thing is, with any goal, you have to adjust it to your situation. If you have a weekend for a children's story assignment, don't try to rewrite Alice in Wonderland. (I had this assignment in grad school. I went with stick figure drawings and allowed that to steer the whole project, and I think it came out great!) If you are exhausted at night, don't try to paint the Sistine Chapel. If you need to eat better breakfasts, don't try to cook a home made gourmet feast when you know you'll have two wild cuckoo head monkeys running around in the morning, hanging from your elbows.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to succeed by not over reaching what you can do. Small can also be beautiful. Simple can be profound. Quiet can be JUST what you need after a busy day of living. Don't stress yourself out by making yourself do something that just isn't possible within your constraints.

Constraints aren't even necessarily a bad thing. I think they are actually wonderful. Sometimes they make us feel safe. Sometimes they help us get into a routine of productivity. Sometimes they allow us to only focus on our few choices, to keep from being overwhelmed.

Sometimes they are the natural result of the energy you are expending, as was my tiredness yesterday. See, I woke up too early to meet my mom, drop the kids off for grandma to watch, and go yard saleing. Oh, how I love yard saleing and it was worth the exhaustion. Thrifting, flea marketing, sidewalk scavenging. All so delightful to me. And it really fires my creative juices. Sometimes it feels like hunting and gathering, something so primal. In fact, when we found an estate sale, I took out my camera to take shots of stuff that was gorgeous, but I wouldn't ever use. I told a woman it was like going on a photo safari, instead of actually hunting.

Infact at the estate sale, I found my new darling. An old viewfinder Kodak Duraflex. I am planning on experimenting with that through the viewfinder technique, or whatever it's called. I found a link somewhere, once. I hope I bookmarked it.

My New Toy 2$!!! 10/4/08 The Big Draw #4

There is a pleasure in drawing what is around you in your daily life. It's almost meditative. The act of drawing in itself is pleasing, and having the document of those things which mark your life.

I know a lot of people are inspired by Danny Gregory and it is totally understandable. I remember reading his book when I was a writer/artist/waitress, spending my days at Greenwich Village cafes, reading, sketching and writing, and my nights serving food, then going to jazz clubs. (Ahh, it sounds so romantic, now.) It made a lot of sense now and inspired me then, so many nostalgic years ago.

Hmm. I just went to that Danny Gregory link I gave you and I am inspired again. It might be fun to draw some old photos of the family for today. I wonder if i can fit that into my busy childcare/cooking/cleaning/painting schedule. It's important to realize that I might not be able to draw from an old photo album with the kids around, while I might be able to sketch them, or a garden flower, or an idea in my head. Maybe if the kids stay asleep a little longer, I can try it now, instead of organizing my art cabinet.

Well, we'll just see how our afternoon turns out.

Flying Girl Plays in the Sweet Life, or Sugar

Flying Girl Plays in the Sweet Life, or Sugar
Golden Fluid Acrylic.

This is gonna be short because I had a busy day on not very much sleep, but I muscled through to both paint something new and post. This painting was inspired by the prompt over at Illustration Friday, the word being "sugary".

What's going on with FG today? She's learning it doesn't all have to be Go Go Go. She doesn't always have to be goal oriented, Focused on making that journey and developing her flying muscles.

Sometimes it's okay to enjoy things a little. Sometimes it's okay to allow the sweetness of life to buoy you through the more labor intensive times. Sometimes it's also okay to interact with the world around you. FG is not just in the world of air and thought, but down on earth, playing with the sugar flowers. That reminds me of the clovers we used to pluck when we were litte. We would pick the little purple petals and suck out the nectar for the sweetness. Why can't we do a little more of that in this forward motion life? Sometimes I think the stopping and smelling of the roses is what propels us along farther, faster.

For the Big Draw, I was actually inspired by a part of Keri Smith's book. She has an intro on her site comparing her book to a museum that will contain our unique vision of the world. I thought, hey! I can do that. What is my unique vision? What is the museum of my creativity?
The Museum of Me, Big Draw #4
Writing: (exterior) Love Fountain, Road to the Future, Experience Sculpture Garden, Intention Slope, Gentel Gardens, Zen path, Commitment Fountain, Faith Steps, Path Fountain, Joy Steps, (interior) Awe Arches, Beauty Atrium, Reception, Maps, WC, Coat check, Contemporary Color, The Culture Galleries, Media, Internet, Books, Everyday Sublime, Inspiration in the Divine, Stop and Smell the Cafe, Observation Balcony, It's the little things Shoppe, Perspective Balcony, The Hall of Histories and Mysteries, Silence Observatory, Baby Steps Gallery, The Nature Courtyard and the rest benches.

When I was a child, I loved to create drawings of houses. The younger me drew cross sections, with rooms and their purposes. When I was older, I drew floorplans and dreamed of architecture until I realized how much math I needed (still dealing with my math phobia). So the idea of creating my own museum just sounds fun. Plus, I love the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Natural History Museum. I know it's not really what people think of when they think of drawing, but it's what struck me. And the color is to make the rooms clearer, and hey, just get a little creative, because if I can't get creative with the museum of me, really, that just doesn't make sense.

I do know that there are stairs leading up and leading down, so there are more rooms to explore. But not tonight. Tonight I'm going to go to sleep and hope the kids don't get up too early.

Flying Girl Follows her Star, or Intention

Flying Girl Follows her Star, or Intention
Golden Fluid Acrylic

I've got to be quick here because I spent the whole of naptime thinking about plans and goals. It is not a coincidence that this Flying Girl is about Intention.

After the last few posts, infact, the last few weeks, I have been watching myself get closer to my goals in life. Sometimes I feel like I go awfully slow, but I am still moving forward. Sometimes I have thought that I should be moving faster or perhaps I am going slowly out of fear. But I have still been learning so much in the process, so I have faith that everything is going to be all right.

I don't know if it was coincidence or synchronicity, or someone heard me talking and was responding, but last night before I started my new Flying Girl, I found this wonderful post from Cliodhna about intention. I have never seen anything laid out so clearly to help me make the leap from intentions in my mind to intentions in the world. She makes it a simple five step process. (Simple in the saying, not the doing, I understand.)

Here is what she says:

#1 Make the wish from your heart

#2 Intend success

#3 Let go of any expectations and attachment to outcome

#4 When the choice comes up in every moment ask yourself, before blindly making it, which one coincides with my intention at this moment

#5 Trust that is all going according to plan and enjoy the journey

So there is Flying Girl, following her north star to her goals, even though she flies over the wild ocean and it seems there is no spot of land to rest upon.

Sometimes that is the way it feels when I embark on these painting (in a small, evening type of journey). I have an idea, sometimes a sketch, sometimes a color scheme, sometimes just a concept for what I want. I intend it to be the best painting ever. I take off and start painting with an open mind and heart for whatever comes up. I try to trust that it is all what needs to happen, whether it comes out as expected or not.

Did you notice a step missing there? Yes. Number 4. That's the one I realize I lose, often. The constant choosing of the intention. Is this moment feeding my intention? Is this choice taking me to my ultimate goal?

Sometimes that number 4 can be tricky. It doesn't mean that you have to be burning the candle at both ends, never relenting on your forward movement. Sometimes the choice to step back and relax or reassess is part of what will get you there, while pushing forward will get you stuck. That's a difficult distinction to make in the moment. When confused, I think it's best to move on to step number 5 and realize this is all part of the process.

Water Babies, Gabriel and Ivy in the Garden. The Big Draw, #3.
Pen and ink. Prismacolor Watercolor Pencil.

Even mess ups are part of the process. (We seem to be on this theme lately.)

I sat in the garden while the kids played, intent on doing my drawing for the Big Draw Challenge. And really, I should have just turned the page after I drew the big head Ivy. It was the first thing I drew and I knew it was goofy, but instead of saying, no, I don't intend to draw a goofy Ivy, I kept at it and kept at it. This entire drawing (except for the boy) was made to obscure the goofiness of Big Head Ivy. I committed to it and took it all the way home, but I still can't help seeing Goofy Big Head Ivy.

Does that mean that the drawing is not getting me to my intention? No it does not. To be fair, when I saw the picture in thumbnail on my camera, it almost looked like a faded photograph, so if I can manage to ignore Goofy Big Head Ivy, it's not that bad. And it is not a failure.

I do not know where this challenge is taking me. It is part of my intention, not for each individual drawing, but for the challenge to my artist self. For the building of my artist's practice. For my ultimate dream of an art and writing career, in which I do begin to earn a living from what I love and do not have to go back to teach HS as part of a huge bureaucracy when the kids are ready for school.

Here's the thing about being an artist that I discovered over my many years of being artistic but not being "an artist".

Being an artist is about committing to art. Just like being a writer is about committing to writing. You are an artist if you make art. You are a writer if you write. Period, really, no matter if you never get a cent from it or no one ever likes your work or even sees it.

Live art and you're an artist. So this challenge and this drawing is indeed getting me to my long goal, even if the individual drawing did not get me toward the goal of loving this drawing.

What is your big goal? Is your life coinciding with your intention? If it is, can you teach me how you do it? And if it isn't, choose one thing today that you can do to take you a step closer to your goals... and then release all attachment to the outcome, trusting that you are on the path that gets you where you need to go.

Flying Girl Will No Longer Be Trapped By Other People's Stories, or Alice

Flying Girl Will No Longer Be Trapped By Other People's Stories, or Alice, 10/1/08
Vintage Alice In Wonderland Pages, Golden Fluid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens.

Ai Dios Mio. Sometimes prompts do NOT help in the execution of an idea. Or perhaps it's trying to take on too many all at once. Inspire Me Thursday's prompt (from last week) was "papercut," which is why I took out my old Alice in Wonderland, partially altered book. I wanted to use the Alice in a Warrior Girl, but then I had the concept that I would integrate The Big Draw in the project too. I don't know. Maybe I was just not in the place last night to paint, feeling low, despite having a good day, maybe I really did take on too much but this is the original painting.
Don't mind the crappy photo... I was in the midst of taking it when I decided I hated this painting and had to fix it. (Ugh I really hate it.)

What does that tell me? Sometimes, when you make a commitment and go down a certain path, the outcome is not that great. Sometimes you try to hard to coddle something worthwhile together and it just does not work. That is fine.

You can change it. There is also the possibility that you can scrap it all together. You aren't chained to any particular path (be it painting or life path). But let's say you don't want to just toss all the effort you put into a thing already. You are not required to stay with what you hate. You are free to adjust your project, shifting focus from one element to another, painting over an element, or adding a new one.

In fact, you can also take what you have learned from your original project... a thing that perhaps did not work out as you thought it might... and create a new piece/project/path that works out much better.

I originally made a papercut of a tree for the Inspire Me Thursday challenge, it nearly crippled my hand, because I did not have the appropriate tools, but I did not end up using it in the Flying Girl. I went with the house/Alice instead (which turned out to be my favorite part of this painting). Then there I was, after what I thought was finishing my Flying Girl, with this papercut tree and a tossed off planning sketch that matched it in shape and idea, differing only in medium. And I thought, "well there's my drawing for the big draw." Unfortunately, I'd done it on a piece of paper that Ivy had scribbled on, because I wasn't planning on using it. Then I got a brainstorm.

There's my drawing. There's my papercut. How interesting they would look together. How interesting to see the different media. Look, they fit on the page together with room for a third. I think green would look nice. Gee, I should use a different medium, how about watercolor pencil? Why don't I cut out the first sketch along it's traced shape, trace it again, and paste everything down on a new page? No more scribbled page!
Three Trees, 10/1/08 The Big Draw, IMT
Prismacolor Watercolor Pencil, Vintage Alice in Wonderland Page, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pen.

I really like how it turned out. This ended up being my favorite piece of the day, and I wouldn't have gotten there if I had not tried all the things that did not work before. If I had been satisfied with the Flying Girl and met my challenges, I don't think I would have seen the possibility in this new piece.

This was a good lesson for me. Something I need to remember as I embark down a scary new path that I had always before shied away from. It's scary to make choices in life. In art, too, but the stakes of a couple hours, a piece of paper and a few supplies are much lower than the stakes of reaching your destiny. Perhaps this is what I have been afraid of. Being a professional artist has always scared the bejeebers out of me, from when I was 16 and decided that I did not want to go to an art college.

But isn't it better to make the commitment, go boldly down that path, and adjust your journey as you go? Perhaps you will end up some place better than you intended, perhaps with even more new and exciting paths stretching out ahead of you. We don't have to know exactly how things are going to turn out when we first step out on our journey. The bad is fixable, temporary, survivable, a learning experience.

The good can be even more amazing than we dreamed.