Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Remember Your Dreams and Find Your Wings

Flying Girl Flies at Night or Remember Your Dreams
12/30/08
Golden Fluid Acrylic

So yesterday was my Fourth Year Blogoversary. It's hard to believe I have been blogging so long. Actually, I started the year before, but I've been with Warrior Girl for four years, and it began when I began my journey with motherhood.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I started this blog right before the new year. I think it was the New Year and the reflection that came with it that had me sit down and pay attention to where I had come from and where I was going. Thus Warrior Girl was born.

To mark that day, last night I sat down with my paints, something I hadn't done in a comparatively long time, considering my every day painting habit of the previous few months, and I let Flying Girl loose to wander.

Remember Your Dreams was what came out.

That's really what this blog has meant for me, I think. It came at a time when I had forgotten all those dreams I had once had, lost in procreation. Maybe these things don't happen to every pregnant and nursing mother, but to me they did. A big part of myself got lost. Two kids later, and four years, I think I've gotten back to myself, in no small part because of this blog and the community I discovered here.

Maybe it shows you how lost I was that I was writing this blog for 3 years before I even got a reader or two. It wasn't until last year around March where I really started putting effort into this blog, writing regularly, commenting, finding communities where something clicked, people who I saw as kindred.

That's what this year was for. And that brings me to the other painting I did last night. I guess I was ready to paint again after my Holiday hiatus.

Flying Girl Sends the Call, or Find Your Wings
12/30/08
Golden Fluid Acrylics

Yeah. That was this year, as I explored my creativity for the first time in 4 (maybe longer) years. It wasn't easy. It might look easy at the end point, when all you see is the output, but it took so much work, both mental and physical and so long, and so many baby steps. It's only when I look back at the beginning of this year that I can see how far I've come.

And I did. I looked at my journal from a year ago. I could barely read it. I had forgotten what I horrible state things were in. I was in. Sometimes, it is easy to forget how hard this year has been. I mean, really, really bad.

And I am so glad.

By focusing on positivity, on happiness, on beauty, on meaning, on lessons and productivity, on moving forward, I was able to gain so much more than I would have if I had focused on all the really sucky things that happened this year. I don't even need to give details, just imagine your own sucky things, or worse ones if you had a good year.

And I wonder also, if this year had not been so hard, would I have made so many leaps and bounds forward in who I want to be?

I say this, not to gain pity for my hardships or congratulations for my successes. I say this for everyone else.

It is possible.

No matter how bad it gets, there is hope.

You can come back. You can discover your wings. You can remember those passions, even if you have to go digging around in your childhood to find them.

So thank you for coming on this journey with me this year. I don't think anyone's been following since the beginning of WG, but there are a few who saw the start of my rebirth.

And it has meant so much to me.

I wonder where we will fly next.

6 comments:

Profoundly Inarticulate said...

Thank you for this beautiful post. I've been enjoying your blog for about a month now, and I particularly appreciate this post, as someone who is newly focused on discovering my own dreams and the wings to get there. And for what it's worth (coming from a complete stranger), I think you are really talented and I am happy for you that you have found your way.

Christy said...

Happy 4th blog anniversary! May the new year bring realization of your dreams, projects and aspirations!

Happy New Year!

honeybee said...

Your words and art resonate very deeply within me. I am in the process of finding and nurturing my own inner child and celebrating her. I think you are right in that some of us have to go digging around our childhoods in order to find our passions and creativity.

Happy New Year and I am looking forward to seeing more of your passion for writing and art in 2009.

Melissa

The bean-mom said...

Beautiful post.

I've been lurking here for a little while now, having found you through Ophelia Rising's blog. You are certainly not the only mother to loss herself in procreation, as you put it. I felt much the same way. Like you, I had lost my dreams. This year, I am finding my way back to them, rediscovering things I thought had been left behind (forever) in childhood.

Good luck with all your dreams and goals in the new year!

Emme said...

I just caught up on your posts for the last few days, down to this one. Your paintings are way-ultra-uber-awesome! Seriously, I think they are really cool. I am just trying to get comfortable in a "beginner's mind" space, and not setting up too many rules or expectations for myself and my rediscovery of myself, after motherhood 4 times over. Thanks for sharing your heart as we travel this path together.

Oneirognostic Wholehearted Limnosophy said...

Thanks for this beautiful post, your blog post words and this painting is really appreciable, even so motivative. Its true that We all see dreams, and at times, the vividness of our dream leaves us with a question about our hidden unconscious mind. In fewer incidences, we frequently see the same dream, but in the hustle bustle of life, we rev to overlook it. Here at limnosophy you can learn how to remember your dreams .Even you experiencing a new way to realize your dreams.

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