What Next?

What Next? (What I Wore Today)
9/9/09
Pitt Artist Pen and pen

So I am done with my self challenge to paint, and I don't really know where to go next.

I mean, I have lots of things to do and many responsibilities and all, but what happens next with my painting? With my art? With my creativity?

Now that I have reached this goal, what do I do with it? What do I do with what I have learned? What do I do with my creative habit?

I don't want to stop painting. I don't want to lose my daily creative habit. But I'd like to expand my definition and my boundaries.

I also have to maintain my etsy shop, and I haven't been doing very well at that. There's so much work to put up and I haven't had the time and/or motivation to do so. I mean, I did have the SWINE FLU, or what I like to think of as the swine flu, and I'm still recovering from whatever it is so there's a reason for falling off of the work. But I still need to get some of these new paintings up there.

I'd like to organize all the work done in these past 100 days. My computer died in the middle of it, so the photos are not all in the same place, but I would like to have them in one place. Maybe Flickr.

It turns out the more that you do, the harder it is to keep the business side of it all organized.

I Finished My 100th Painting in 100 Days Today, (What I Wore Today)
9/8/09
pen and pitt artist pen on paper

But you know what? I am longing to do something more than just paint.

I want to alter an old college tshirt that is too big and baggy for me. I want to finish making some felt toys for the kids. I want to work on some creative games to play. And the biggest thing...

I want to do something with my lonely, neglected novel.

But I don't know what.

I am glad that after this whole ambitious project of mine, I have developed some more faith in my creativity. A year ago, I wouldn't have believed it. I believe it was about a year ago that I embarked on a month long challenge of Flying Girls. I probably have done 300 new paintings/drawings in this last year. And at this point, I don't need to keep my focus so narrowed down onto one theme.

That's fun.

Maybe I'll do some creative journal planning sort of things. Some dreammaking and stepthinking. Visualizing my goals have always helped me. I like charts.

And tonight is the new season of So You Think You Can Dance and Glee. I might just like to paint something on this night. I won't be able to write if I'm watching tv, but I can paint.

I am also having fun doing these sketches of What I Wore. .I whip these up when I am having my morning coffee usually. Plus this project keeps me from choosing the shlub when I get dressed in the morning.

So what happens if I keep drawing/painting every day, but still allow myself to choose other creative activities?

I wonder where I will be and what I will have done a hundred days from today?

Another Door Opens.... I Don't Know Where It Goes

What I Wore Today... what day was it again? I lost track... oh yeah, the 27th.

I got this vintage green wool sweater that has been half felted in it's life time. It's very warm, and I like the little cables about the edges. And the color is somewhere between forest and kelly. Being a winter, green can be a questionable color for me to wear, but seeing as this is a jewel tone without too much yellow, I can get away with it. Plus wearing it with a black turtleneck and a purple tunic/dress helps. Heck, with the black and purple, I could probably get away with beige... which is my deadliest color. Truly, I've tried, and every time I wear beige, I look like a corpse. And not the fun zombie kind.

What am I babbling about?

I've been having a hard time not getting lost in day to day. Blog posting is irregular lately because I don't have as much access to the internet as I used to. I can't jump on while the kids are eating lunch or while I wait for the chicken to roast. Hence... well... a post infrequently. It is what it is.

On the plus side, I have been filling my days with making stuff. I finished the second draft of my novel. At 23 chapters, about 90,000 words and 235 double spaced pages... there it is. Now to send it out to my critical readers and take a break from the writing of it.

I find I don't know what to do with my mornings anymore. I used to write for two hours, but now I just wander around wondering what to do with myself. Come to think of it, it's not just mornings. I'm not watching as much tv, and I don't have my library of books around, so I'm not reading as much, either.

In the absence of writing projects or internet browsing, I have continued with my soft sculpture flying girls, done some of these What I Wore Today drawings, sketched some stuff on my vintage Alice in Wonderland book pages, cooked meals (btw I have to finish up here and start my teriyaki fried rice pretty soon), tried out a new fabric project just this very morning that I won't talk about until I've experimented enough to make me feel quite satisfied, watched some movies with my kids, and done the random other mom things that always fill my day.And I don't get enough internet time to post it all.

Busy, huh?

Even though I feel like I'm standing about, hands in the air, saying "what do I do next?" all day long.

Well that's the thing about messing with your routine.

It forces you to come up with new answers, new outlets, creative solutions.

I still am not so sure why I need to be "productive" to feel good about myself, and if maybe I shouldn't be able to just BE without making something or moving forward with something, but until I get that figured out, I think I'll take stock of all the projects and productivity and creativity I am engaged in.

Oh, what's that quote?

When one door closes, another one opens? Who said that?

There's always the Tom Stoppard quote, "Every exit is an entrance somewhere."

What exits have turned out to be entrances for you? What new doors have you been discovering lately?

The Creative Process and Commitment.

Big Girl Pants

Big Girl Pants

Acrylic on Paper

I've been doing a lot of drawing with acrylic paint. I guess it's technically painting, but it feels like drawing to me. 

A few days ago, I took out a couple of tubes of paint and brought them to my Sittin' Chair, where I have my mom office, where I sit and go on the computer or watch the kids or drink my coffee or write in my journal or whatever. My command station, if you will. I was inspired by this from Louise Bourgeois, because it reminded me of the doodles I used to do compulsively when I did more sitting around listening to lectures and meetings and such. I figured, if Louise Bourgeois could do it, so could I. I only picked a blue, like Louise, and a random, pull of the draw, Quinacridone Azo Gold. I figured I could do something with those two colors. Now every time I sit in my Sittin' Chair and have the urge to do something artsy, I pick up my journal and my paintbrush, and squeeze out some Azo Gold and/or Prussian Blue.   Following this, things happen. Things I do not plan. Things that have me wandering down paths I did not predict. I am okay with that.

Be Your Best Self (gold)

05/100 in 100 Creative Challenge

This was the first thing I did. 

A kind of reminder to myself. I enjoy lettering, even though I don't think it always looks perfect. I guess I don't want it to look perfect. I like the rough, human element. I like that it is not mathematically correct or symmetrical, even. 

Plus, I think this is a good reminder. It's not about being perfect. It's not about living up to who people think you should be. It's not about sacrificing yourself. It's not about blaming other people or doing things out of spite or out of obligation.

It's simply about being the best you that you can be. It's between you and you, and nobody else. And being the best you makes you happier. And it makes those around you happier.

Be Your Best Self (gold and blue)

06/100 in 100 Creative Challenge

Okay, I fibbed. First this is the one that came out. But I tried a design in gold and I just didn't like it. At all. So I scrapped it and did the plain gold one from above. So the plain was the second started, but the first finished. There's something to be said for plain and simple. But I also like embellishment and pattern and doodling! So I went back and said, hey, I already ruined it, why don't I experiment a little.

So I added the organic doodle pattern. Is it perfect? No. I still think the composition is off and it's crowded and not quite what I was thinking, but I do think it's interesting. This is perhaps a step in the direction to where I am going with all this. Not that I know where I am going with all this.  But the best me trusts my own instincts and trusts the process and is not a nitpicky perfectionist. The less than best me has problems with those things. So I decided to go with the best me and show it anyway. Plus, you notice, I'm counting it in my 100/100 Creative Challenge, even if it's an imperfect draft. This is a positive attitude, I think. 

Untitled (Blue and Green Organic)
07/100 in 100 days creative challenge

 The next thing I drew, was more doodles. Again, didn't know where I was going, just let it grow organically.  It was all blue, and I wanted more color, but I didn't have more color at my Sittin' Chair, so I went for the Azo Gold and added a dollop to my palette of prussian blue. Voila, a kind of khaki piney green. Good enough. I added more doodles and embellished the original kind of plantish kind of shape.

I still might go back into this one and add more gold. Or not. I am letting it develop.

Big Girl Pants.

This one is my favorite, though.

Same two paints. Same journal. Adding one more external inspiration to the mix though. (the link leads to this article which is incredibly fascinating, but it was the illustration that inspired the drawing, which is really just using the media to draw a person, but inspiration is funny that way.)

I did it this morning. (I should be writing again, but I have not settled down from the excitement of back to school. I will be writing again. I promise. I'm going to. Shh. I know I'm making excuses.)

I drew her out in the same prussian blue, in a loose style, because sometimes I get frustrated with my own fussier styles of painting, with my favorite stripes. I spent a lot of time drawing little fashion drawings a few years ago. A kind of  "what I wore today" thing that also illustrated my life as a stay at home mom with artistic urges. When I was young, I wanted to be a fashion designer, took some classes, but didn't go in that direction. I still find that my drawing is influenced by fashion drawing. At this point, I think I might be interested in moving away from that idealized and glossy slim caricature of women. I might be interested in drawing pictures of women who are more squat. Much like myself. 

Anyway, you are learning a little bit about my creative process. I'm letting you behind the curtain here. I often don't know what I'm doing but am running on vague feelings that something is cool or something bothers me.

The background here was supposed to be flowers. But they did not turn out to be flowers. I don't know what happened. I just know that right when I started, I said, "these don't look like flowers," and rather than forcing them to look like flowers, I committed to whatever they were and I took them all the way. 

I kind of like how they turned out. They are slightly ugly, slightly menacing... to me anyway. They look a little bit like microscopic things. Or stones. I kind of think of them as stones. Troubles, maybe.  This was not a problem for me, because like I said, I get frustrated with my fussier styles, and I also get frustrated with my urge to make everything pretty. If the background went from flowers to microscopic, stone-like troubles...I like that tension. I don't know. I think that's what takes art into the next level. Tension, contrast, questions, mystery. Maybe I need to have more of that and fewer answers. Hmm.

That is something to consider.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've talked about my creative process like this. It feels good and I think it did me some good. It means I am getting to be more conscious about my artistic choices. Part of committing to being creative means thinking about being creative and the process and methods. 

This is how we go deep. 

The Official Rules of the 100 in 100 Days Creative Challenge

I Got Dressed Up for a Five Year Old's Birthday Party. Sorta

What I Wore Today (er... Friday)

Over at Creative Everyday, the theme of January has been "Body." Goodness knows, women in the US today have major issues surrounding Body. Maybe it's everywhere, I don't know.

It's not my favorite issue... I just don't feel like I want to obsess about my body. I've done that and I'm over it. It is what it is. Could I be eating healthier and getting more exercise? sure, but I don't want to make art about it. I have been trying to be more conscious of what I wear, instead of just layering to keep warm, thinking about the style of the layers. And drawing these What I Wore Todays makes me more aware of how I adorn my body and the way it makes me feel about myself.

Although... if you take the theme larger, and think about Body in larger terms, it actually does fit with what I have been doing. First of all, I've given my two dimensional Flying Girls a physical body with these soft sculptures. And then also, I have also been doing a lot of organizational work, trying to EMBODY all these ideas I want to live.

Do lists and schedules and outlines represent "The Body?" In a way, they do. I say this because I have a tendency to avoid physical necessities, whether it is eating the right food at the right time (too much sugar and coffee) or getting the laundry folded and put away.

In a way, we live in our body, right now. And our body has needs. The physicality of life, our basis, our well being.

Actually the theme for next month is "Home" and that leads in so nicely. From making sure our physical needs are taken care of to making sure our home, our house, our security is taken care of.

Well, I live pretty much in my head, so maybe it's good to attack these two, very basic, physical questions with the first two months of Creative Everyday.

Feeling A Little Better but Not Well Yet Journals, 94-96

No Nonsense Mom Wear, Friday, September 4, 2009
96/100 in 100 creative challenge
Pen, Pitt Artist Pen, on paper, journal 5x8"

This is what I am wearing today. I thought I was better from the flu, but if you look at this drawing, she doesn't seem quite 100% yet. Those kids in the background? They're doing the monkey dance and the bunny dance and being very loud about it and now my ears are aching. well my head, but it got in through the ears. More recuperating is required. Must take it easy and not pretend I'm not sick.

I got inspired to do this when I discovered this Flickr group dedicated to drawings of What I Wore Today. All I can say, is FUN.

All Year Long My Kids Bring Me Flowers
94/100 in 100 creative challenge, 9/3/09
Watercolor, Acrylic, Pitt Artist Pen and Pen on paper, 5x8" journal

I did this yesterday. Have I ever told you about my hand paintings? I first discovered this trick back when I was recovering from heartbreak in 2001. I wanted to express myself and start painting again, but my head and heart was empty.

So whenever I wanted to make something, I would trace my hand in my journal and allow it all to come out within the journal. I painted them different colors, filled them with words or wordless swirls. I drew in multiple hands or collaged them or painted selfportraits in them. The hands gave me a framework, a script within which to explore what was going on with my head. I developed a kind of visual language for myself by utilizing these hands and it opened up a door for deeper art that I could then step through when I was ready.

Yesterday morning I had nothing to say, so I traced my hand. Flowers came to mind, so I filled it with flowers, weeds, just like the ones my kids give me.

I like the hands. They say that my life is in my own hands. I have the power to create it the way I want it to be.


Waterguns and a Wild Garden...
95/100 in 100 creative challenge, 9/3/09
Watercolor and pen on paper

Then as you can see, my kids wanted to play with waterguns. It gave me the time to paint this. IT's the extra gun. No one wanted the red gun. Don't ask me why. It turned into tantrums and yelling and whining. But it made a fun painting subject. :)

I am enjoying these daily living drawings. I am enjoying being present ish. I am enjoying the simplicity of sketching things I see instead of putting so much meaning into things. And you can see they are quicker than the paintings I had been doing. 2 or 3 a day? Good for my output count. I'm all caught up. I think it's not only a less time consuming style, but it's also a less weighty style. It is about imperfection and going with what comes, not layering and shading and filling in every last wrinkle. It feels lighter and more airy.

I've been thinking about living lighter, actually. Of letting go of the stuff. All the stuff we hang on to and think we ABSOLUTELY need to be happy. I'm not sure how much of that stuff is physical and how much of that stuff is mental, emotional, psychological, metaphorical etc.

I know I'm heading into a traveling light phase. It might not last that long, but it might. I've already gotten rid of so much, I am finding that I am hanging on to what I have left and the things and habits that make me comfortable.

Maybe drawing the things will help me come to grips with letting go. I don't know. It's a thought. And it's a journey. A journey of lightness, hopefully.

The Last Drawings before the Finale, 97-99/100

PHo

Good Morning

97/100

Woo Hoo! Getting Close. Tomorrow is day 100 of 100 in 100 days creative challenge.

I can't believe I am actually going to have 100 paintings/drawing in those 100 days. Can't believe it's over. Can't believe it just takes each single day's effort to reach the big goal. There's a lesson there in achieving our goals.

100 pieces of art seems impossible until you actually just go one by one.

I'll be honest, I didn't always paint or draw every day. Sometimes I did two or three in one day and then took off the next few days. And if it weren't for allowing a wider range of art into my count, I don't know if I would have achieved my goal.

But I think widening my definition expanded my creativity and my ability as an artist. It definitely gave me a larger vocabulary.

I am freer now than I was before.

Ow! Ace Bandage

98/100

Back when I was only painting Flying Girls, I got a lot out of going deep into one theme. I was allowed to explore that one idea and develop my style and the things I loved. I think I developed a me as an artist.

But I think as that went on, I started to feel trapped by what was once a comfortable boundary. I got bored of flying girl. Now, boredom in itself is not a bad thing. Because it can make you try new things. I found different ways to interpret Flying Girl and make her exciting. But then I got even more bored and I realized it was time to move on.

I've done Flying Girls and moved into the Traveling paintings. Wreck This Journal allowed me to expand beyond my expectations and go off into new/old directions. I did some flowers that allowed me to indulge my doodle urge and my love of patterns and detail. I did the more realistic drawings of things in my daily life and re entered the world of art journaling... which I used to be completely into and have recently abandoned. And these last few days I've been having fun with these "What I Wore Today" illustrations. My love of fashion returns. Not that you can tell with my I-just-threw-it-on outfits.

Today's Word is Sparkle

99/100

These are fun. I don't expect them to be heavy or weighty or even all that meaningful. They make a neat way to document my life for a period of time. And Ivy loves to watch me draw them. In fact, I think she did her own version.

Mama, Gabriel and Ivy
By Ivy
chalk on chalkboard

I particularly like the pointy head and mouth that runs from side to side w little google eyes. LOL.


I'm going to save anymore writing about it and work on finishing tomorrows painting. Number 100. I have the background painted, but I am a little intimidated. I think I want it to be SPECIAL. I don't want it to suck. I am afraid I will ruin #100. Thus, I freeze.

Another lesson. Lower the stakes. 99 didn't bother me. Nor 38. But 100 is momentous and I'm trying to be momentous.

Just be, chickadee.

Just be.

I feel like crap today (and I'm mean to my kids)

I feel like crap today (and I'm mean to my kids)
What I Wore Today: January 7, 2010
paper pen and marker, 8x5 journal

Okay so today I woke up feeling like I had to stop being such a shlub. Feelin glike it was time to get back to business. Wake up and work and take care of things and start pulling it all back together.

Unfortunately, I'm in the middle of a cold. It's not the worst cold in the world (knock on wood) but I'm still cranky and achey and I cad't breade true by dose.

But I still showered and dressed in real clothes, not the long underwear that I put on two days ago as my regular daily outfit. I swear, I woke up and dressed up in underwear. I had a thought that I should maybe start doing photos and/or drawings of my outfits, just so work at home, stay at home mom me in the middle of a snow storm in Michigan would not go around in underwear in slippers every day.

Okay, well, I'm still in slippers. They're purple terry cloth with little pink roses embroidered on them, but you're just going to have to take my word on that.

See here's another aspect of the REALIZE theme for my year... I need to take care of the daily realities of life, whether that is cooking and shopping and feeding my kids or paperwork or making sure I'm healthy or staying in touch with friends and family or getting dressed in real clothes or doing laundry. See, 'cause all that stuff, that's real life. Just because I'd prefer to read or write or draw doesn't mean I can ignore the real details of life.

Real life is about living in the details, as well as shooting for the dreams. How to balance that?

Still working on that.

I was doing some plans for my calendar, which is kind of turning into a sort of twelve week curriculum for living my life as I want to. I have to remember to put daily realities in there as well as goal setting. I have to also remember to put relaxation and joy in my schedule.

Why is it we so often forget to schedule in time for pleasure in all those obligations we give ourselves?

Live in the Better Day

What I Wore Today (only not today. It was last week, before I got another bleeping cold.)

Where to start? Where to start? Where to start?

There really is so much to do, so many dreams. So many fears.

It would be easier just to watch tv everyday and take care of the cooking and the house and the kids, and think, because I don't have the ideal situation, the ideal place, the ideal time, I should put off going for those dreams.

But, over the past few years, I've watched myself give up opportunities. I've watched myself put things off for some time later when it will all work so much better. I've watched myself pretend that I was being wise by putting things off, instead of being bok bok chicken.

I'm learning that this is the life I have, and it will never be ideal, so I might as well not wait to get going.

The time is now. There is no time but the present. A stitch in time saves nine, yadda yadda.

There are so many trite phrases about this because it is so true and so common.

So now I'm left with questions...

What steps do I take first?
How do I make sure I am staying on task?
How do I manage the doing of the living in the living of the living.... uh oh, I fear I am already rationalizing myself out of doing the things I need to.

What are the tasks YOU'VE been putting off, hoping for a better day?

Wouldn't it be best if you just did them, and started living in that better day, instead of waiting for it to come to you?

Wild Mermaid Princess Thing in the Jungle, and Me

Jungle Royalty (in the garden) What I Wore Today
September 17, 2009
pitt artist pen, pen on paper

So I've been absent for a while. Turns out that I was far more productive when I was in the middle of the flu than I was after I had been through the worst of it. For the last week or so I have just been exhausted and too tired to do much of anything but moan. So I thought I'd spare you all posts saying how tired I was and I didn't do any painting, anyway, because I kept pooping out once I made lunch for the kids.

To tell the truth, I'm not 100% right now, still a little achey and headachey. BUT only Ivy's high pitch squeal or a brass band can still split my head open, not normal music or the boy's shouting... so it's an improvement. And I still have a little energy, so before it runs away, lets get this post going.

Wild Mermaid Princess Thing in the Jungle

Ivy has been obsessed with Mariana the Mermaid Princess' magic crown (from Dora the Explorer). She has been using her plastic cereal bowl as a crown, and it inevitably slides off of her head and crashes to the floor with a ringing clatter, bringing on that split-open head feeling in mama. So yesterday, I'd had enough and took out a cereal box, cutting it into a crown, then painting it with gesso. I told them they could paint it when it was dry, but Ivy loves hers white.

I've been trying to capture a photo as she runs around the house, saying she has to bring the crown to Mariana. When she ran outside with it this morning, I ran after her, trying to catch the Wild Thing in her native habitat. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I got this one, but she spent most of the time ducking between hanging vines and overgrown elephant ears or tall swaying ferns. The little dickens. She also doesn't think that anything bad will happen if she falls into the pond, because, obviously, she is turning into a mermaid.

So after a few weeks of inactivity and exhaustion from the flu, here's three creative projects in two days. Photo, drawing and crown. Not bad for She of the Flu.

I feel a headache sneaking up. Sigh. I was hoping I could get a little packing down... that's still coming up on the horizon. Just taking things one step at a time, I guess.

The Return of Glamour Mama

#1 Out With The Girls Mama: Cotton [pleated] Yoke Dress with Self Tie/[add: Green T-Strap Heels/Floral Cloth Hand Bag w Wooden Handles/Wooden Bangles/Green Multi-Strand Beaded Necklace.
#2 Solo in the Village Mama: Vintage Inspired Cropped [Asymmetrical Boucle] Swing Jacket w 3/4 Sleeve/Ruched Knit Tunic/Tweed Knickers/Calf Boots/Army-Navy Inspired Purse w Wood Handle.
#3 Playground Mama: Fitted Leather Jacket, Empire Tunic, Skinny Jeans, Calf Boots

The prompt for this week's Inspire Me Thursday is Wardrobe.


Bah! I thought, at first, as my mind rifled through my actual wardrobe, looking for inspiration. I have been a pregnant, nursing or the mother of messy and demanding toddlers for much of the last four years. My wardrobe is a mess. What I wear now is for rolling around on the floors and getting covered in peanut butter. When I was a bartender, my clothes were entirely to tight, too low cut and too short for today's needs. And before that, my decent clothes that I wore when I was a teacher... well they are either worn to death, or they were put away and got discovered by moths. I need to get a whole new wardrobe. However, I am not in a buying phase. In fact, I am rather non-materialistic, both out of need and, conveniently, out of conviction.

But that doesn't mean Mama can't dream.

I decided I would design my dream wardrobe. My superhero, rockstar, brave, warriormama wardrobe. It seems to be a Fall wardrobe, because in Summer, you think about the new school year and putting on sweaters.

It makes me happy. I like the way they came out. I love the outfits, especially the middle one. And the dress was totally on the wing and came out better than expected. I even like the color. I did not have the colors that I saw in my head, so I went with the markers I had, which didn't work out the way I thought, but when I messed with them, they came out even better. I look at these drawings and think, damn, I should have done something with my fashion jones.... I coulda been a contenda.

So here is my dream wardrobe, thanks to my year of High School fashion design, (at the High School of Music and Art, I might add.) I would have done more outfits, like "Home with the Kids Mama," and "Writing All Day Mama," and "Papa Watch Out for Sexy Mama," and "Hosting A Party Mama," but the kids woke up from their nap, and Mama also lives in cheerio land and has to get dinner together.