Trust: Realize Journal
paper, pen, marker
I took yesterday off. With a not that bad cold and a brain that refused to string two thoughts together in a coherent manner, I decided that it was okay to not work all day. I didn't have to revise another chapter of my novel or even make a from-scratch dinner for my family. In fact, I decided it was okay to laze around in bed all morning drinking tea and to read crappy books that I flung across the room after finishing in a fit over how badly written they were. I did enjoy some judicious quoting out loud of particularly ridiculous passages, though.
I think it's important to remember that we are people within our goals and tasks and to do lists. Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes I need to remember I don't have to multi task 24 hours a day.
Anyway, even within my day off, I did end up painting. I did a flying girl--- the first in what must be a month. I liked the way it was a different part of the brain working. Not logic or organizing. Just a 'let it be' kind of thing, where I flowed with the paint and the brush.
And today I woke up and did some thinking and some organizing and some dreaming and some sketching. I didn't get the revising done on my book... but there were other people to consider this morning, and I let it slide.
What IS all this getting done stuff? Goals and plans and calendars and lists and productivity and organizing. Every body is just so darned bustling.
Here we are at the beginning of the year, and we're all looking at this long stretch of days ahead of us, imagining what we'd like to see and how much weight we'd like to lose and what good things we want to create and what bad things we'd like to cut out.
Ah, resolution time.
But in my world, big things don't get done without allowing backslides. Huge goals fail if I don't allow myself to be imperfect. Resolutions collapse if I don't take into consideration the weaker parts of myself, my hunger, my love for chocolate, my illnesses, my perfectionism, my cluttered head and lack of funds and busy schedule.
In the first two weeks of the new year, even though I have big goals, I have to allow myself to do absolutely nothing at all. Taking days off. Reading bad books (seriously, if those people can get published, some on the BESTSELLER lists, then I can do it too). Doodling in my notebooks. Laying out some tarot cards. Perusing my favorite blogs. Sleeping late.
I also have to allow myself to futz around and SEEM to do nothing at all. A lot of the time when it looks like we are inactive, we are working below ground on the thing we want to bring to life.
Like when someone is pregnant with a child, that child is growing MONTHS before anyone else sees any sign of pregnancy.
I feel these plans bubbling. I feel these projects growing. I feel the dreams being born.
And from the outside?
All you see is futzing.
Where in your life are you silently building your dreams? Take stock. Acknowledge your plans. Acknowledge the need to start out slow. And notice that you are actually moving forward.
Only one warning... don't let the slow movement stall out. Stay focused on the big goal....keep heading there. Don't fall asleep and stay asleep. Sleep late, then wake up the next morning ready to rev the engines a little. Don't let your one day off of your project stretch into two, or three or weeks.
(uh oh. I need to find the time today to get back to revising.)
3 weeks ago