The End, or Coming Around to the Beginning Again

I've Got the World on a String
11/30/08 AEDM #29 and #30
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pen

I did it! Finished nanowrimo yesterday at 52, 104 words. I am now a winner. This is the closest I have ever cut it... although apparently last year, I didn't validate my word count correctly.

More importantly than finishing for nanowrimo, I do not feel burnt out. Well, a little, but the pressure is off a little. I want to finish this book, which I think I can do in 20k words. Then I have to revise both the first and second books (both last years part one and this years part two.) Shh. Don't tell anyone. I kind of cheated by working on a book that was already in progress. Well, I hadn't picked it up in a year and I did not read it over, and it was with a distinct change in pov and setting, so it really was like a sequel, which is allowed.

As for the revision, I think both books will be cut majorly, as I weed out the extraneous babble and focus on the journey of the story. I'm thinking this is a simple Hero's Journey, and I need to brush up on that format. That will get rid of a lot of the fluff. But boy, the revision is going to be a monumental task. I probably have about 300 thousand words to go through. Makes nanowrimo look wimpy by comparison, doesn't it?

I recently found out that Water For Elephants, by Sarah Gruen was a nano novel. Loved that book. My faith is strengthened. Best Seller List, here we come.

As for the painting... I drew a quick sketch last night, feeling exhausted and not really wanting to do another whole painting. Then I did a quick paint job this afternoon, wanting more than just pen drawing. I kind of like the crochet look of the golden lotus in The World.

Do I feel like I have the world on a string? Not really, but I can't get the song out of my head. And I've been having mandalas on the brain, too. So this is what came out.

Right now, I want to go to my room and work on my novel some more. I still have quite a bit to go and I am hitting the climax. Maybe I don't have that much farther to go. But anyway, there's stuff to write before naptime is over, so congrats to all nanowrimo winners and participants. Even trying to write nano is an achievement in my mind. And thank you to all the AEDM participants. It was a blast creating with you, even when it hurt to pick up a paintbrush.

Just remember folks... creativity doesn't have to stop just because the challenges are over.

Love and Paint and Ink,
r

Hope, or What It Takes to Get You There

Hope, or What It Takes to Get You There
11/28/08 AEDM #28, Illustration Friday
Golden Fluid Acrylic

If you look close, can you see the balloon? That is hope's power. Sure, it's delicate, sure it's practically invisible, but if you have faith, it will get you to the land you have been dreaming about.

Flying Girl is ready. She is almost there, almost reaching that tower rising out of the Autumn woods, the place where fairy tales are made real.

However, I would like you to notice that this Flying Girl is not a princess. She is not a fairy tale herself. She lives quite firmly in the real world.. as is evidenced by the thick soles of her boots. That's for all the grounding that needs to accompany the hope.

What would happen if hope was unbalanced? That would be when we put all our hopes in one basket, expecting that to come real, without being realistic and having secondary plans. It's also when we think all we have to do is wish hard enough for our dreams and they will come magically true. That is not what hope is about. Hope is about believing that your actions will bring about what they need to bring about in order to reach your dreams. The key to balancing the unbalance "Hope" is to take action. Hope without action is mere wishing. In order to make hope function, you need to allow hope to buoy your steps. Because you are not a passive princess waiting for your dreams to come true, you are the hero of your own story, and heroes have to do the work, not wait for the lady on tv to pull their lotto numbers.

***

This was inspired by the prompt from Illustration Friday, Balloon. It was only after I finished it that I realized I had already done a Flying Girl with a balloon. So I checked back, and there she was, another balloon flying girl with a red bob and stylish clothes. What the heck? Totally coincidental.

But you see, hope floats. This one is a bit more serene and hopeful than the last one. A little bit closer to reaching where she is going, I think. And I like the way this one has a nearly invisible balloon.

Maybe it's because we are nearing the end of nanowrimo. I myself am 1,989 words away from winning, and I expect to reach 50k by naptime today. Of course, the book won't be finished, so I would like to maintain my 10k a week goal until I am done. Who knows how long it will take. Well, I hope to be done with the first draft sooner rather than later, but the end product of the book? Who knows.

I have recently come to the realization that something in me never expects to be done with these books, almost as if it isn't possible to actually complete a novel, all the way to the final draft. And certainly not possible to get an agent or an editor.

How interesting.

The dream is there, but what is that lack of faith that it will be achieved?

I have learned a lot from writing this nano book. I am clearer about what is going to happen, and thinking that I am going to remove a whole blooming lot of what is already there. I want to simplify my story. I love a simple and true story, even if the setting is grand and global, I like the simple issues: love, loss, fear, struggle, transformation, power, joy, difficult choices. You know, things that everyone goes through on their own level.

I want to remember that I prefer simple, even if I have more facility to handle more complicated plots and themes and ideas. Just because you CAN do something does not mean you SHOULD do something. Compare, for instance, since I am writing a Space Saga, the simple Hero's Journey of Star Wars with the mess that is the final three installments of the Star Wars story. Lucas had money and power out the wazoo, and used it to make this grand sprawling thing with special effects to blow your socks off... but it lost the heart of Luke's original journey.

No offense to any Star Wars fans, it's just the way I feel about stories. It's ALL about the stories.

Thankful and Reconsidering Creativity

I didn't do a painting last night. Are you kidding? I was practically falling asleep on my feet. I did a lot of creating, but not with paper and paint. Cooking, kid raising, and so on, but, I realized I did do some sketching before the process of cooking Thanksgiving dinner got started. Here, I've ripped the sketch out of the note pad and placed it on top of a pink and green background that I made whenever I had leftover paint on my palette. I hate wasting good paint. So, I had greens from one painting and pinks from another and they became a kind of seascape. The sketch (AEDM #27) is an idea for "Freak Flag Fly, or Weirdo" except I spelled weirdo wrong. Here's to still having problems with i before e. except in weird cases.

Well, I am thankful that I am weird. I have not only gotten used to being different from most people, I have also begun to really like it.

I'm also thankful for Thanksgiving leftovers.

I had my mom's cherry pie for breakfast. I am thankful that I'm a grown up and can have cherry pie for breakfast without someone saying, "you can't have sweets for breakfast." No that doesn't sound like me--uhm, yes it does.

I am thankful for guava paste and gouda that I had for a snack. My mom brought it. It was apparently a favorite of my Spanish Grandfather's.

I am thankful for hearing more stories about my rich family traditions... from all over the world. She also told a story of how he brought back some amontillado sherry from Spain one year, and it was the best wine she'd ever tasted. This is my father's father, you see, not my mother's. PS. Guava paste and gouda sounds gross, but it's really tasty!

I am thankful that I tried to make my Puerto Rican Grandmother's rice and beans with sausage stuffing. It turned out pretty good, although it doesn't taste quite like hers.

I am thankful that I could share that Puerto Rican tradition with my non Puerto Rican uncle and stepfather.

I am thankful for rice and beans and sausage stuffing for lunch.

I am thankful for many many things... other than food.

Like a laundry machine so that I can wash the MANY changes of clothing that my kids are going through every three hours, it seems. ugh. Stop making messes.

And thankful for this house, with the laundry, dishwasher, fire place, computer, play room, etcetera.

Thankful for my camera so that I could take pictures, and let my kids take pictures, too. The fireplace picture was taken by G.Thankful for the family, this is my mom (who did most of the clean up while I put the kids to bed) and my stepfather. My uncle is somehow out of the picture. This picture was taken by Ivy... although I think I helped her with this one. It's pretty durn good for a one and half year old.

I am thankful also for my readers and the fun I've had with them and my fellow bloggers this past year.

I am thankful that I only have 6 thousand or so words left before I hit 50k in nanowrimo.... because I have not been doing well at getting that word count out lately. And thankful I still have some time to write today.

I am thankful, always thankful, for the possibilities that lay before me, before my family, before the very world. I am thankful, and hopeful, for the future.

And the Winner Is...

Congratulations, Shelly Lowenkopf! You won Flying Girl and the Whale. May she bring you focus and dedication, and give you access to your own universal forces.

This is what Flying Girl and the Whale says to Shelly.

The whale speaks most because of the way it reminds me of the Ahab tendencies I have for good and for failure, a splendid object lesson on the uses of focus and dedication and the lessons to be had from them.

Then there is the Flying Girl who now represents to me the Mother of the Universe, Kali Ma, Herself, neither fearful of the whale nor trying to control him, posing for a photo op with another of the many universal forces available to her.

He always amazes me with his insight and wisdom, and he has helped me out in my writing again and again, just with some coincidence of posting about just what I need to hear. For more of his wisdom, check out his blog.

And just in case my gushing has you questioning my impartiality, I didn't pick the winner. Little Bunny wanted to do it.

I wrote the names on strips of paper and then rolled them around a paintbrush handle. (Is that symbolic? I didn't mean it to be.) I think that's actually called paper quilling. Then I dumped the paper quills into a glass jar, and the little girl got right in there.

I had to take the whole dog and pony (quill and bunny?) show out to the porch, which serves as my photo studio, so I could have a little photo shoot.



She's still playing with the jar and paper quills now. They're all over the floor. No, now they're back in the glass jar.





Anyway. Thank you all for your wonderful wishes and entering the giveaway. I thought it was lots of fun and will be having more in the future. It's fun to give away things.

Shelly, I will be in touch to get your information. :)

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it. And if not, I hope you had a great week.

Portrait In Process

So I told you yesterday that someone wanted me to do a commission? Well, here's my practice painting. Is that what it would be called? It's based on a photo of these two lovely folks.

I should have taken a picture of the original sketch, which I drew in blue watercolor pencils, but I didn't realize I wanted to keep track of the process. I should have, seeing as I'm going to have to reproduce this in a larger format. I really like the way the watercolor pencils blend into the acrylic paintings. I can use it or cover it up.

This is the underpainting. When I saw it, I thought... hey I like this! And I wanted to not only document it so I could reproduce it, but also, I just liked the way it looked. Oh, and sorry for the bad photo, it was done way late at night, with no natural light.
Then, I added white over the blue sky for clouds, and white on the tshirts. I like the way they meld together. In fact, when I did this layer, I said, "I still like it!" I guess I'm worried that I'll fuss with it until I ruin it. Always a problem when you are invested in the outcome. You've got to get over the fear of losing what is and just take the chances that what it ends up being will be good. I think that's called having faith in yourself.
Here is a more detailed stage. I've added the green of the grass and some facial details. I think I got him, but she is harder to paint... fewer shadows.
Cape Cod Double Portrait
11/26/08 AEDM #26
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils


I really like this style, but I need to ask my customer (OMG I have a customer) if this is what she is envisioning. I've tried more realistic painting styles, and it doesn't really turn out to my liking. I do think maybe I can venture some better flesh tones and some more detail in the grass and sand. I really like a narrow palette, just a few colors, and this color scheme is so light and airy. I want the couple to stand out from the background, but I don't want them to be separate from it. I like the unified feel of foreground and background. I am now at the stage where I don't want to mess it up. I don't want it to be much more than what it is now. I want that kind of rough look, but I'd like to go just one step more "finished." She definitely needs some pink in her lips.

However, this is the practice painting, so I don't really have anything to lose. I still have the photo if I want to go back to the simpler version. Or perhaps something different entirely.

Hey, J! If you see this, what do you think? Email me and we can work together.

Oh, and as for Nano...I wrote about 25 words yesterday in my novel. I had painting to do and I had correspondence to keep up with. And I wanted to see the rest of Anne of Green Gables. I was being indulgent, and I'm okay with that, especially since I have to cook Thanksgiving dinner (or half of it) today. I'm going to wrap this up, then shuffle the kids off to bed, take a shower, and come down to chop onions and make glaze.

It's a good thing I was so far ahead at the beginning of November.

As for the winner of the Giveaway... I can realistically say I'm not doing the drawing today on top of cooking dinner, painting and maybe even some writing. Look for the winner tomorrow!

Imagined Still-Life, or Garden with Gabriel and Ivy

Imagined Still-Life, or Garden with Gabriel and Ivy
11/25/08 AEDM #25
Golden Fluid Acrylics

I went a different way last night. No oracle, no Flying Girl. No. The kids playing in the garden with their uncle's dog. Balls, sticks, tempers flying. This could be a picture from life, those are the clothes they were wearing. They are standing next to our fish pond. But they are not allowed to stand so close to the pond, the grapefruit tree is on the other side of the garden, and, oh yeah... these kids are never this still.

If they were, G wouldn't have strands of hair sticking up all over the place that I was unable to snip during his hair cut. Oh well. I look at his hair cut as a rough draft of what will be, after I next get him to stand still for two minutes. This painting, too, is a rough draft. Or, at least it isn't quite finished.

I don't particularly like the background or the composition. I've been looking around at other artist's websites, and paying attention when they share their process. It is fascinating. I think I was particularly inspired by Amanda Blake (whom I adore) and how she created Norma Always Wore the Perfect Outfit. I never went to Art School, although I majored in art in High School. I got the basics, but I never got the chance to explore art concepts and techniques with other people when I was mature enough to go deep. I know there are benefits to being an autodidact and going on your independent inquiries into life, but sometimes I wonder what I missed. That's why I really enjoy when artists share what's behind the magic curtain.

I'm still learning about painting. I do a lot of experimenting, and the more I do, the more I learn. I guess any good artist will always be learning about their craft and their creativity. It is so much about the process. I believe that. That's why I share my process here, sometimes. But sometimes it's also about the product. I'm working on that, too.

Maybe I should stop painting everything in my journal, and start painting on proper paper... or canvas even. *gasp!*

As for writing, it's very interesting. I never show anyone the process of my writing. Nothing that's not perfect. No one has every read the first drafts of my novels, but I've posted my process of painting everyday on the world wide web. Go figure.

And yesterday, I watched Anne of Green Gables on PBS instead of writing furiously, so only managed 440 words.

nanowrimo total: 45870

This is the last day for the Flying Girl giveaway, so post before midnight if you want to be in the drawing.

The Magic Maker, or A Spoonful of Sugar

The Magic Maker, or A Spoonful of Sugar
11/24/08 AEDM #24
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens

She blows in when the wind is just right and everything becomes magic. She is the heart of a song. The fall of a golden leaf in autumn. The scent of cinnamon rolls in the oven. She is the one who makes every day into pure magic. Some think she is Mary Poppins, practically perfect and something not quite human, but that is not true. The Magic Maker is inside of you. She is the part of you that says "yes." She is the part that pays attention and hangs up the colored glass to shine in the window. She encourages beauty and joy and wonderful things, because these are the things that make life better. These are the things that make the necessary bitterness of life palatable.

It doesn't matter how difficult your life is. There is still a sunset or a song on the radio or a piece of chocolate with pomegranate and chili filling. Whatever your magic, entertain it. And through the magic, make it through the tough times with your soul intact.

An interesting thing about The Magic Maker... she does not make the hard time disappear. She does not bring love where there is none. She does not give you gifts that you do not already have... she makes magic of what IS. Listen to old Mary... I mean Magic Maker, and catch that rainbow while it hovers above your rainstorm.

PS She also wishes to say that laughter makes you float.

In the reverse, the magic maker is here to say, you've got to get out of your gutter. There's a whole sky above you twinkling with stars, gleaming with sunrise, dotted with puffy clouds, swirling with energy. Look up from your grind. Look up from the gloom that the bitter reality has left you in and pay attention to the good things. Only seeing the possibility of doom is a good way to walk straight into Doom Street. Stop searching for signs of disaster, signs of what is wrong with the world, and look instead for the directions in life that are pointing towards a better world.

My suggestion, begin to keep a list of the things you are thankful for, the things that bring you joy, the things that are beautiful. No matter how small or how large, pay attention to the little things. It takes time to change the habits of negativity. It doesn't happen over night. And there is no magic pill, either. But the plus side to this is it doesn't take some inborn magical ability to have a positive attitude, it just takes work and retraining.

If you want it, you too can have a life full of magic.
***
Interestingly, I was sitting at my desk, finishing up some touches on The Magic Maker, and G came up to me, with some markers, and said, "Magic!" Then he went "POOF!" and he made them "D'appear." He did this for a half an hour, making all sorts of things disappear and reappear. Waving his arms dramatically, being suitably pleased at my amazement at his magic making abilities.

Did it have to do with the magician on Sesame Street? You bet it did, but it's quite a coinkidink. Or, perhaps a simple case of synchronicity. You know that's always popping up. It's no coincidence that we watched Mary Poppins yesterday, and she shows up today.

And I went on with my own magic making today, giving the kids their first taste of the joy that is refrigerator cinnamon rolls. I was going to save them for Thanksgiving morning, but I decided to do them today. I love those suckers, although I limit their intake for obvious reasons. They've always seemed kind of magic to me. A little bit of sugar frosting makes everything magic, right?

We also built a little pillow fort in the play room, a nice place to eat their lunch while I take my photos, upload the photos, write my post and say hi to you guys. Pillow forts are full of magic, and so is sneaking in time to write.

Maybe the magic there is I'll be able to use nap time to catch up on my writing and even some chores?

nanowrimo word count: 45430. (1322 yesterday-- boy woke up from nap early. writing session interrupted.)

The Past, or She Who Does Not Face What Is

The Past, or She Who Does Not Face What Is
11/23/08 AEDM #22 & #23
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, White Gel Pen.

She is blind to the future that is hers. She is blind to the life of the present that is happening around her. She is wrapped up in things past. Loves and delights and sorrows. The things that she has lost. The things that she wishes she still had. Her eyes are almost closed. Her mouth is turned down in sorrow.

Her long delicate neck is burdened with the weight of all this past that she is carrying around with her. That is a lot of heaviness.

You ARE your past. Your past settles into your bones and creates who you are in the present. The choices you make now are directly and indirectly influenced by all the things you have learned and experience in the years past. This can be a wonderful thing, as y0u draw upon love and kindness and logic and joy. It can also be negative and draining, if fear, loss, pain and cruelty are the parts of your past that you focus on.

Turn to the light, turn to the joy and change your inner voice to one of positivity. Think about those who loved you, and remember all the things about you that are worth loving. Think about the things that made you happy and create a new life inspired by them. Remember the valuable lessons that you have already received and carry them forth into your new life.

***
I am realizing that perhaps I should follow the actual cards of the Tarot a little more closely. What I'm finding is that the things I am dealing with or the things on my mind are the images that show up again and again. The Diver was similar in meaning to this one. Maybe I should take out my Tarot and pull cards and allow my paintings to be inspired by that.

Me, I have a tendency to think in the future. I am always a little bit ahead of myself, thinking about where I want to be and the things I have to do to get there. For instance, Thanksgiving dinner has not happened and I am thinking about what I need to do to get ready for Christmas. I want to craft and make hand made gifts, but will the painting suffer? I don't know. I am going to have to organize the mish mosh in my head around that. I think about painting pictures for people, but then I won't be able to post. Maybe I should post old paintings/collages/drawings from the past. It might be nice to do some sewing and fabric crafts... which I haven't done for ages. Or jewelry. I do love making jewelry. It's one of those things that I have always enjoyed. Maybe I could even use December as a kind of experimental workshop for things that I might develop to sell in my soon to be etsy shop.

Another thing that is swirling around in my head... this compulsion I feel to paint a new painting every day. What is that about? It started out as a personal challenge. But is it a necessity? No, I don't think so, and may lead to burn out.

I can still be creative everyday if I don't paint every day. This painting took two days... three even, because I worked on it this morning before posting. Taking more time on a painting means the detail can be finer, the technique can be more precise. Sometimes I look on these paintings as rough drafts, some times they seem complete in themselves.

I suppose there are no answers to what my creativity SHOULD be. It evolves and changes as life does. Much as this post did, mish moshed and swirly. Not really about the past, as the image suggests. Or is it? There is a bit about using the past to create things for the present/future. And also, is it my past experiences that have made me such a perfectionist and so hard on myself? Is it because of what I have been through that I set myself such high and rigid standards? I MUST DO A PAINTING A DAY OR I FAIL!!!!!

You know, it takes quite a while to deprogram your brain from the negative self-talk and turn your mind to more positive thoughts.

All part of the process.

My Original Flying Girl Giveaway is still going on until Wednesday night, so come on over.

The Creativity Dance, Do Si Do and Around She Goes.

Ivy, 2 days ago.
(Gratuitous adorable kid shot on red tricycle since my camera is AWOL.)

And the dance continues on.

Thanksgiving preparations are invading on my creative time.

I took a trip with my mom to Aldi for the first time to stock up for the feast. It is cheaper, but it makes shopping a lot more complicated as many more stops are added into the routine and it happened during the time I usually get to work. Grandpa watched the kids, though, so that made it easier.

I also stopped by a Salvation Army and found the most darling hand made reversible linen and fisherman print overalls for Ivy, and picked up some bargain comics for G, as well as another small table for the playroom. I was looking for a toaster, since mine burst into flames this week, but no toast.

When we got home, after picking up the kids, they passed out, because it was way past their nap. As I got out of the car to put them in their room, I realized I had forgotten my purse at my mom's house! Too many packages, too many things to keep track of.

So, no photo of my painting from last night... although I never finished it anyway. Perhaps this is a message from the universe that I don't have to live up to my ridiculous standards of not only being creative every day, but of finishing a piece every day. Was I still creative? Yup.

And even if I went to make dinner instead of sitting down for the remaining half hour and writing , that turned out creative, too. (Vegetarians, turn away.) The chicken carcass that had been sitting in the fridge had to make room for the ham and turkey breast for Tgiving. So it went into the pot for chicken stock. But I've never really made chicken stock, not well, anyway
. I am only a poultry person if I have to be (hence the ham for thanksgiving) and lately chicken is almost all my kids will eat. But today I thought I'd try my half understood thoughts on chicken stock and half way into that, decided I would make it chicken soup.

All I can say is... whathehuh? It's delicious. What did I do? Chicken with too much chicken on it to throw away. Carrots. Onions. Celery. 3 cloves garlic. Bay leaves, marjoram, salt. A little chicken base, too, because it felt a little thin to me. Then some whole wheat thin spaghetti and it's a yummy meal. And cheap! Almost all leftovers and veggies heading past their prime.

Maybe I need to be a bit more creative in the kitchen. And by the way, the kids are eating it up.
Quoth Ivy: "Yumnum. Shoop."

Flying Girl is Coming Together, or The Dance

Flying Girl is Coming Together, or The Dance
11/22/08, AEDM #21
Golden Fluid Acrylics on Paper, 5 1/2" x 8 1/2"

I fell asleep again, right after putting the kids down. Konked out. Probably was asleep before the boy was. So I didn't paint last night, or get my writing done for the day, either. This Flying Girl was done this morning, while the kids were watching Saturday morning cartoons/hanging off of my knees.

This is the dance of my life lately. Finding the balance between my personal goals and needs and the goals and needs of being a mother. Sometimes I have all my hoarded nap time to create. Sometimes family calls and the energy goes elsewhere. Sometimes the nap gets cut short or I need my own sleep more than I need to paint. Sometimes I ignore sensible things for the life of the mind, sometimes I put creating off for taking care of business. Sometimes I manage it all at the same time, but then collapse.

Come together, dance apart. Solo. Grand Jete. Pirouette. Pas de Deux. Jazz Hands.

This painting could be a romantic thing. Sure it could. Love and marriage and the dance of a relationship. That is it's own dance. But for me right now, the dance is between artist and mom.

Nano: still 41480. Nada yesterday.

PS. check out the giveaway if you haven't.