How To Reappear

How To Reappear: Listen To Your Heart Beating, by Rowena Murillo

The process of coming back from a fallow creative period can be very difficult.

Uhm, like, REALLY difficult.

I think we do a lot of self flagellation over not being able to create. Hand wringing, hair pulling, shirt rending. Metaphorically, I hope.

If you're an artist, shouldn't it be EASY to create? Shouldn't it come naturally? Shouldn't it be something you want to do and like doing? Shouldn't it be fun?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It should.

Except for when it isn't. Because sometimes creating is hard and it's like pulling teeth and you want to avoid it because it is facing things you really don't want to confront and it's not fun at all because, goshdarnit, it is hard work! And that is just as it should be, too.

So, yeah. I've been in a deep creative funk, at this point for a couple of years. I'm always trying to get it back, I'm often doing projects and writing novels and snapping photos and writing in my journal and taking workshops  and doing challenges and these are all good ways to get your mojo back, but in some ways, I've lost my direction.

At some point, I have to pull all my little projects together and make it mean something. Something for myself, give it a purpose.

But what happens if I don't know what purpose I want to have?

I wonder, maybe, if this is the reason for my creative slump.

Maybe instead of spending my time with figuring out what projects I want to do, or how I want to do them or when I have time to squeeze them in, perhaps I need to spend some time working on WHY I want to be creative.

Why? What is my purpose? What fills my life with meaning? What is that something that keeps me going?

Another problem.

How the heck are you supposed to figure out that?

To answer that, I refer back to the drawing. Follow the things you love. Follow the things that fill your heart with gladness. Follow the things that make your heart say "yes." Just keep following them.

Take real steps to make those things a part of your life. Find the "yes," say "yes" to it. Do.  Don't imagine it, don't say "oh that's really nice, I should try that, what's playing on netflix?" (btdt)

Do.

Create.

Big Things Are Done With Small Actions

Hi all.
I have committed the fatal creative error of grandiose dreams.

When I fell off my blog, I kept wanting to come back bigger and better than ever. I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence when I stopped blogging just as I hit one thousand blog posts.

All of a sudden, I felt like everything should be much bigger than it was. And when I stopped blogging I thought I should come back with everything revamped, a new website, new goals, new everything and all better than I had been doing it before.

But the truth is that I got to 1000 blog posts because something about my blogging worked for me. My blog has always been a blog about process. It has always been casual and immediate and about sitting down every day to create and to document my creativity.

So here I am. Coming back. Hoping to stay back. Hoping that by returning to something that was an effective part of a successful creative process, I can make it work. Once again.

The thing about creating is that you can't do big things. All big things are made up of small things. You can't climb a mountain, you can only reach one handhold, then the next, then the next, and keep going until you have climbed that mountain.

I wrote a novel, but I didn't do it by writing a novel. I did it by writing a word, a paragraph, a page, a chapter, a draft, a final, and now a thousand different versions of a synopsis.

Big things are done with small actions.

When you feel overwhelmed with your big things, step back and see what small step you can take to get you closer to your goal.

So I'm going to make a goal to stop taking my blog so seriously, expecting it to be so established and perfect and professional and I am instead just going to commit to seriously sit down to write my small, imperfect, process driven, document of my daily creative life.

Re-Vision and the Past 93-95/100

 re-vision
acrylic on paper
93/100

I spent all morning and afternoon painting yesterday and then ran out of time to post. I am slowly catching up to my 100 works in 100 days goal. Of course, I've been neglecting other things. Well, life is about sacrifices isn't it?

I feel like today's post shows a departure for me. I'm not quite sure where it's going. Maybe it is more intentional and less improvisational. I'm okay with that, although it takes a lot longer to do. Thus all day painting and running out of time.

I did start with a symbol, the eye, one that has been a common refrain through out my artistic life. Mostly doodled on notebooks when I was a kid. I read somewhere that it was something about "being seen." I don't know. Maybe that's go something to do with where my head is at nowadays.

I know when I got intentional with it, I began to think about what I KNOW my life is about nowadays, and that is reviewing my life, my work and my goals, and revising and re-visioning it all. I kind of like that I am taking symbols from the past and rethinking them again. Or art supplies from the past and seeing what I can do with them. Or vintage photos from the past and recreating them from my perspective. (I found piles of photo albums from my own family, my ancestors. I should really try to incorporate them.)

this bowl is full of hope
acrylic and graphite on paper
94/100

I saw an illustration of a bowl somewhere and since then, I have been slightly obsessed with the symbolism of the bowl.

It is an empty receptacle. It holds whatever it is you put in it. It is also used to hold offerings, to other people, to the gods, to yourself. You can not fill the bowl unless it starts out empty. The emptiness of the bowl is what allows it to hold the gift, the sustenance.

I drew it in pencil and painted half of it. It is not unfinished. That was intentional. There's something about the bare bones of pencil drawing that I like. As if it is being created. It is also without color. It is work a day, functional, not really meant to be shown. It is what belongs underneath the surface.

I also wanted to show the marking lines for the words. This bowl is laid down to it's essence, this is what it is made of.

The inside of the bowl is the color of a spring sky. Hope. The outside is a pattern of pencil circles that remind me of stones.

The background is half painted with the swirls, kind of reminiscent of steam, or vines. Something growing, something rising. I painted it with titan buff, because I wanted it to still be white, but a white with color, as if it was hope alone that changed the plain white paper of the table to the color.

head of a girl 13 (tori amos)
ink wash on paper
95/100

I saw a High School picture of Tori Amos, and although she was not "quite" as vintage as the other photo sources I've been using, there was something about the loveliness, the imperfections, the romantic curly hair, the youth and hope of a girl who would become something powerful and darker as she grew... I just wanted to paint it.

And I wanted it to be pink and girly and dreamy.

She doesn't really look like her, but I wasn't really trying to make her look like Tori Amos. It was the feel that got me and the feel I was trying to convey. I thought a too-close portrait of Tori would be distracting.

Well that's what I did yesterday. Hopefully I will be able to paint some more today so I can keep my momentum going. I have four more days of my self imposed challenge, and only five more pieces to do.

I CAN DO IT!

But Wait, There's More, 85-92/100

 There's a light
acrylic and gel pen on paper
85/100

Spent yesterday and this morning trying some stuff. I had this page of dark blue, awaiting something or other. I think I managed something or other.

Be Present
acrylic on paper
86/100

Then I thought I'd try painting a bit of something around me. Sometimes, when I don't know what to paint, I remember that I can look outside of me and paint something in the real world, not just in my imagination.

But I added some imagination anyway. Scallops take a long time to paint, did you know that? They take a bit of attention. Sometimes painting almost feels like meditation.

Green Hand
acrylic on paper
87/100

 More scallops. Smaller. More attention. More hands.

Blue Chair
acrylic on paper
88/100

 Back to real life. Sometimes I like to practice my visual acuity, paint what I see. This turned out pretty well except I did not judge my paper very well and the chair ran off the edge of the page. :( Oh well. That's part of what you do when you paint. Composition. Maybe I'll try painting this lovely antique desk chair again, and this time have it stay on the page. I did like how I managed the cane back, though. And the dark and light of the shadows, that was nice. I love to watch the paint bleed into the water, I like the spontaneity it gives. It's lively.

one step at a time
acrylic on paper
89/100

One of the things I do when I paint is try to use all of my paint. I had a whole bunch on my palette, was I supposed to let it dry up and go on to the rest of my day?  I refused. Still didn't know what to paint though, so I wrote myself a message.

Upon retrospect, I think I should have tried the chair again, just to see what came of it.

but wait there's more
acrylic on paper
90/100

Maybe this is because of the extra paint I was still trying to get rid of.  Or maybe it's a message. Transitions are hard. Very often they feel like endings, deaths, losses. But there's always something beginning, being born, and gained. Kind of like that whole Aztec calendar thing. The world might end. Then it will begin again.

 Revel
acrylic on paper
91/100

Or maybe because there was actually more painting coming. I'm feeling the scallops, and decided to go back to some past imagery from my 100 days. The silhouette.

Aloft
acrylic on paper
92/100

And here was a tiny sketch that I started and never managed to finish. So I went back and painted it in and gave it some scallops, because why not? and I was feeling the scallops. It took most of the morning to do a lot of these paintings, although a couple of them were finished last night.

I am working hard on catching up. I have 4 more days and 8 more pieces to go. Almost there. I'd love to get back to the place where I can just post one piece a day. And I need to get started on Christmas, too. Phew.

Well like the drawing said, but wait, there's more. There's always more.

Belief is the Theme, 80-84/100

 Head of a Girl 12, red and sepia
ink on paper
80/100

I'm going backwards with this one. When I found my red ink, I started experimenting with it. I was not happy with my use of the medium until the last one I did, which was this one.

 "I draw my hand..."
ink on paper
text reads [I draw my hand to say to the world and myself, that I am the maker. I do. I create. In my hand I hold the power to guide my life. The hand is the tool of human agency. The hand allows us to create the the {sic} world that our big brains let us IMAGINE. That's right. The hand allows us to be human because it allows us to create. And because we can create, the mind is free to dream up all that is ever possible. Between the mind and the hand, we become creators, we become the heroes of our own stories-- Rowena Murillo]
81/100

Then I saw something where red was combined with black, and I said, aha. I will add my sepia ink to the red ink drawings and see what happens. It worked, with various levels of success. Here, adding the text gave meaning to the not very good sketch of the hand, turning a failing piece into a successful one.

believe
ink on paper
82/100

Believe is the current theme. I actually liked this one the best, so I left it the way it was, without sepia ink.

believe that you can figure it out. And if you can't figure it out, you can figure out a way out of the mess. And if you can't figure a way out of the mess, maybe it wasn't that important to begin with. -RM
red and sepia ink on  paper
83/100

I liked this one the least, even with sepia ink. I had the medium all wrong.  The red was too heavy. My brush was too thick for what I was attempting, and my vision of what I wanted was not clear enough for me to even get close to it.  Oh well. I take it as a learning experience. Thus the added words. This piece is the one that isn't "that important to begin with."

Trust In You
acrylic on paper
84/100

This is the same theme, but different style and medium and technique. I do not know where the animal mask idea came from. It just came upon me and demanded to be painted.

Still behind on my 100 in 100 days goal, but if I do three a day, I will make it. I can do three a day. I hope.

Wish me luck.

Oh, and if you have any insight into what the final piece, Trust In You, actually means, I'd love to hear your interpretation. I think it's a deer. It might be a fox. I am not sure. But why is it a mask? And why is it combined with the words? And why on a black background? Anyone want to analyze it?

Pulling it Together 67-71/100

 Head of a Girl 8 (Tilly Losch)
ink on vintage Alice in Wonderland Page
67/100

Like I said before, I am trying to put my house together, trying to pull together all the pieces of myself and my art and make it whole again.

It's remarkable how confusing and disorganized things can get. Or sometimes maybe we just need a break. Maybe we just need to step back and get some distance so that we can look at things and say "yes, this is what I want," or "no, this is not where I want to go."

So sometimes it helps to stop the go go going and be silent, to see what once was there, what is there now, and what you want to be there.

Found Still Life
(flowers, pencil, miniature houses, toy leash, and vintage contact paper on the counter)
68/100

This one is a case of looking and seeing what is already there.

I looked down at the corner of my craft cabinet counter, and saw this little still life, just sitting there. I gasped and grabbed my camera and started snapping away. It's where I'd tossed a few things that I was done with, the little houses from yesterday, the handful of garden flowers that my daughter gave me, whose stems were too short for a vase, the yellow pencil, and the broken purple toy leash that I told my daughter I'd fix.

It's interesting, because although it took me a few tries to frame it right, and I did remove extraneous items away from the composition, when I tried to "make it right", when I took away the junky purple toy leash, the composition went flat.

It was there. And I needed to pay attention to it, to see it for what it was, a snap shot of life, color, line and texture. Movement in stillness and discards. There's something about those bleeding heart flowers that seem to me to be always moving, even when they are just sitting there, wilting.

"Day" Flying Girl Articulated Paper Doll
acrylic on paper, metal brads
69/100

And then, sometimes, you have to work and think about something, plan it out and put it together.

I've been thinking about making a Flying Girl Paper Doll for a while, but never got around to it, because I knew it would be a bit of work and commitment.  Sometimes life is like that. You take ideas from the past and finally sit down to work on them, make them into something, even if you're not sure that they really will work out.

 Reveal
Pen and watercolor on paper
70/100

Here's a sketch I made, without real plans, just allowing it to come to be, although, again, I am pulling on past sketches and motifs.  I don't think that everything is actually revealed, here, even though it's called reveal. Perhaps time will be the big reveal.

Belated Bunny with Big Legs
Repurposed velour, cotton knit, buttons, thread, polyfill
71/100

And here's the stuffed bunny I started almost three years ago and never got around to finishing. It went three years without eyes or legs.

Even now, my daughter tells me that the legs are wrong and I need to make them smaller. I guess she's right, they don't really fit this bunny.

Belated Bunny (detail)

But she's kinda cute anyway.

Well, I continue to try to pull together my house, and my art and my writing. I'm working on my synopsis for my novel and my query letter... something that has needed to be done for quite some time.

Like I said, sometimes it takes a commitment to pull together all the disparate efforts, all the history and the knowledge and the ideas. And sometimes it takes a re-commitment, after a period of silence.

We shall see.

All I Can Say Is I'm Trying 43-48/100 in 100 days creative project

 Fight For It
Pen on recycled menu
approx 4"x4"
43/100
This series here are doodles I did while I was at work. Some of them took quite a bit of concentration. I'm looking into where ideas come from and how the process of doodling can lead into serious paths for creation. Sometimes it's just about allowing the inside of your brain to come out into the outside world.

 Path
red ink on paper
4"x4"
44/100

I started this as a kind of book. My original thought was that the whole book would be the artwork, but come on now... I'm 40 days behind. I need to give credit to myself for everything I've done, not finished, elaborate works that aren't really a day kind of project.

No Thoughts
ink on paper
4"x4"
45/100

The little booklet was supposed to be my thoughts made visual. This was the second page. No thoughts. Oh well. It's still part of the process. Sometimes we get ideas not by directing our thought processes, but by allowing ourselves to be empty and open.

Red Ways to Breathe
ink on paper
4"x4"
46/100

This was more of the doodles. This kind of organic plantish kind of drawing. Somehow, it reminds me of lungs. It reminds me of breathing. Plus the in and out of the drawing, the one by one manner of execution leading to something larger. What larger? I don't know.

Systole/Diastole
ink on paper
4"x 4"
47/100

Don't ask. I don't know.

Sucker
ink on paper
4"x4"
48/100

This is inspired by octopus tentacles. I like circles. I like patterns. I like doodles. I did not know where this was going. I just did it. I guess that's what doodles are.

I have 19 days left in my challenge. Can I do it? I have some new paintings/drawings. I have the photos from my trip. I have a new larger project... not really a day project, also. I have some ideas for new things. I have some things that I haven't photographed yet. I have my kids costumes. I really should count them. They took a lot of creativity. I have to be consistent with my posting, as well as my creating. See, now, a project like this? You have to make commitments, and keep going even when you'd rather not or things get tough. Things got tough for me and I did not keep going, but I recommitted.

There's a lesson there. Life does not really go smoothly most of the time. It's nice when it does, but the real test is how you keep going when things get tough. Give up? Or re-evaluate and recommit? All I can say is I'm trying.

52 more to go in those 19 days. Can she do it?

I'm trying.

Catching Up, 33-42/100 in 100 Creative Challenge

first drawing with old ink

ink, pen and gouache 

33/100 in 100

I've decided it's time for me to document the things I have been making, painting, drawing and creating over the last month or so.

Before, during and after the move, it's been difficult to keep up with what I thought I should be doing, but one of the things about my 100 in 100 days creative challenge, is that it's supposed to be flexible enough to fit into the life of the creator.

So even if I did not paint one painting every day, I want to keep up with what I have done, not only to live up to my challenge, but also to take stock of the creativity I am living, even when I think I'm not being creative at all. Because of that, I need to value all of my creative output.

So this first one I'm showing is the first thing I did when I sat down in my new studio, in the corner I cleared out before unpacking any of my clothes or other living type of boxes. I was more eager to unpack some of the boxes I'd left behind three years ago. Boxes with things like art supplies, books, note pads etc.

I found a moleskine note pad and wanted to do something with it. Then I found some old ink bottles and an ink pen. I thought, "hey I wonder if it is still good?" so I opened it up and started drawing with it. It was still good.

ink and pen

ink and pen on paper

34/100 in 100

Here's a drawing of the old ink bottle and old pen. There's a nice little glass that I found in the room and filled with water (there's a sink in my studio, too).

Girl
ink and gouache on paper
 35/100 in 100

Here's another drawing/painting I did with my ink and pen and a brush. Then I found a box with some old tubes of paint, gouache and acrylic and watercolor. Not all of these tubes were good, but some were. I don't know if this drawing was successful, but I didn't care. The point was to get drawing again.

 Girl in Dark Stars
pen and ink on paper
36/100 in 100

Then I realized that my ink was bleeding through the thin paper from the moleskin book. Not really the heavy art kind of moleskine. So I thought I'd go with the bleed through. I took out the pen again and went over the ink that bled through. This made me think of stars.

Girl in Light Stars
bleed through, pen and ink and acrylic on paper
 37/100 in 100

This is the last page of bleed through and I thought this was the most interesting of all. Rather than drawing more ink on it, I just outlined it. Then I remembered the stars from the last one and needed to add white stars. The white is not paint from my old boxes, but was the acrylic I carried with me from Michigan.

remember your dreams
pen, ink, gouache and acrylic on paper
38/100 in 100

I liked the idea of using something from my past to make something new. I guess that's why I wrote this out. Then used the blue and white to make clouds. Simple, but still it's important.

(don't get lost)
pen and ink on paper
39/100 in100

Maybe a bit of overwhelm here, as I was getting lost in the unpacking and upheaval of moving.

Rain
acrylic on paper
40/100 in 100

More experiments with old materials to see if they are working. This was an old jar of paint that I bought from a hand made paint store in Brooklyn, Sarkana, many many years ago. I don't even know if the store is still open. The color is called "Overcast" and I loved this gray blue color. I guess it feeds into stormy skies.

Rocks
acrylic and ink on paper
41/100 in 100

I also experimented what would happen if I mixed the various media together. Stormy gray, almost muddy. But I liked this one.

Storm

acrylic and ink on paper

42/100 in 100

More storm. Am I remembering storms on the ocean? I always loved seeing them roll in across the sea.

Anyway, I have more things to post. Expect some art-heavy and thought-light posting, as I put more of my recent work up. Here's one reason why we should keep up with our goals, instead of procrastinating and leaving it all for later. It's kind of a bitch to catch up. 

Transition- Waiting, Flying and Falling 20-15/100 days

Waiting

acrylic on paper

25/100

I am finding myself having problems, not with my 100 works of art in 100 days, but with blogging said works of art. I've gotten back to my novel writing, too, and while that is going more slowly than my painting, I am moving forward on that. It is hard to find the time to paint, write, blog, work, cook, keep house, spend time with my kids, and various other necessary activities. 

I am also in a decidedly transitional period, and am finding that to affect my concentration and ability to commit. 

 When Camouflage Doesn't Work
acrylic on paper
20/100

There are decisions that need to be made, priorities that need to be adjusted. And I am still figuring out how I want it all to work and how I will manage to get it to work.

and if I surrender
acrylic on paper
21/100

All in all, that means I've slacked on the blogging. Sorry about that folks, but sometimes you have to do what is necessary.

But I am still enjoying the challenge of painting, and painting with a limited palette.

Blue, Gold, White. What happens when you mix them? What happens when you thin them? Use them solo, blend them all together. Paint with them, draw with them, water washes, scumbling, layers, opaque and transparent.

 tilt
acrylic on paper
22/100

This one is confused about what she is. She doesn't know. She thought she wanted to be something else, then she got up in the air, and got lost up there a little.

I'm exploring other ways to integrate the flying girl, I think.

Flying Girl Flies Again
acrylic on paper
23/100

Like this one. Arms akimbo in a swirl of orange.

Is she flying or falling? It's always a question.

Are those bubbles rising up or stones weighing down?

Oh I don't know.

Breathe
ink on paper
24/100

A change of pace. A reminder. A drawing.

Waiting

25/100

This one is my favorite. She started out all gold, then I added color. I'm moving away from the two color palette, although I'm still using variations of blue and gold with the turquoise and brown. The rose actually showed up accidentally. The drawing from the last page in the journal was pressed through the page onto the next page. Only in that one place, though. So I went with it. I like to go with the accidents of life, and see what comes of them. Sometimes it is very interesting, sometimes it just doesn't work.

I have another portrait that I forgot to photograph, then decided I wanted to work on it some more. And I'm working on another figure. I might consider adding layers to that one, too, instead of just the single color.

I can't believe I've been doing this for almost a month already. Time does go fast, and it's nice to keep track of your growth with the little bits of paintings that you leave behind you.

Woman in Triangles and Woman Lost in Stripes, #9/100 and #10/100

Woman in Triangles
acrylic paint on paper
9/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I have decided to do less story telling about my paintings. I'm okay with not knowing what exactly is going on in them. I'm okay with not having the answers in my art. I saw this vintage photo  of Nita Naldi, sultry silent film star, and it led to #9.

I don't really know what I am doing with it or where I am going, but I am going in this direction, whatever it is.

It really is the most important thing about creating art, I think, committing to making art. Committing to each work of art. Committing to yourself as an artist. Committing to your vision. There's a lot of trust involved in committing to art, or to anything, for that matter. You are trusting that it won't be a waste of time, that you will like what comes of the commitment, that you won't be hurt by what comes up.

There's a lot of bravery involved in committing, a lot of bravery in following your heart.

Woman Lost in Stripes
Acrylic Paint on paper
10/100 in 100 days creative challenge

Especially when you don't know what will come of it.

The Creative Process and Commitment.

Big Girl Pants

Big Girl Pants

Acrylic on Paper

I've been doing a lot of drawing with acrylic paint. I guess it's technically painting, but it feels like drawing to me. 

A few days ago, I took out a couple of tubes of paint and brought them to my Sittin' Chair, where I have my mom office, where I sit and go on the computer or watch the kids or drink my coffee or write in my journal or whatever. My command station, if you will. I was inspired by this from Louise Bourgeois, because it reminded me of the doodles I used to do compulsively when I did more sitting around listening to lectures and meetings and such. I figured, if Louise Bourgeois could do it, so could I. I only picked a blue, like Louise, and a random, pull of the draw, Quinacridone Azo Gold. I figured I could do something with those two colors. Now every time I sit in my Sittin' Chair and have the urge to do something artsy, I pick up my journal and my paintbrush, and squeeze out some Azo Gold and/or Prussian Blue.   Following this, things happen. Things I do not plan. Things that have me wandering down paths I did not predict. I am okay with that.

Be Your Best Self (gold)

05/100 in 100 Creative Challenge

This was the first thing I did. 

A kind of reminder to myself. I enjoy lettering, even though I don't think it always looks perfect. I guess I don't want it to look perfect. I like the rough, human element. I like that it is not mathematically correct or symmetrical, even. 

Plus, I think this is a good reminder. It's not about being perfect. It's not about living up to who people think you should be. It's not about sacrificing yourself. It's not about blaming other people or doing things out of spite or out of obligation.

It's simply about being the best you that you can be. It's between you and you, and nobody else. And being the best you makes you happier. And it makes those around you happier.

Be Your Best Self (gold and blue)

06/100 in 100 Creative Challenge

Okay, I fibbed. First this is the one that came out. But I tried a design in gold and I just didn't like it. At all. So I scrapped it and did the plain gold one from above. So the plain was the second started, but the first finished. There's something to be said for plain and simple. But I also like embellishment and pattern and doodling! So I went back and said, hey, I already ruined it, why don't I experiment a little.

So I added the organic doodle pattern. Is it perfect? No. I still think the composition is off and it's crowded and not quite what I was thinking, but I do think it's interesting. This is perhaps a step in the direction to where I am going with all this. Not that I know where I am going with all this.  But the best me trusts my own instincts and trusts the process and is not a nitpicky perfectionist. The less than best me has problems with those things. So I decided to go with the best me and show it anyway. Plus, you notice, I'm counting it in my 100/100 Creative Challenge, even if it's an imperfect draft. This is a positive attitude, I think. 

Untitled (Blue and Green Organic)
07/100 in 100 days creative challenge

 The next thing I drew, was more doodles. Again, didn't know where I was going, just let it grow organically.  It was all blue, and I wanted more color, but I didn't have more color at my Sittin' Chair, so I went for the Azo Gold and added a dollop to my palette of prussian blue. Voila, a kind of khaki piney green. Good enough. I added more doodles and embellished the original kind of plantish kind of shape.

I still might go back into this one and add more gold. Or not. I am letting it develop.

Big Girl Pants.

This one is my favorite, though.

Same two paints. Same journal. Adding one more external inspiration to the mix though. (the link leads to this article which is incredibly fascinating, but it was the illustration that inspired the drawing, which is really just using the media to draw a person, but inspiration is funny that way.)

I did it this morning. (I should be writing again, but I have not settled down from the excitement of back to school. I will be writing again. I promise. I'm going to. Shh. I know I'm making excuses.)

I drew her out in the same prussian blue, in a loose style, because sometimes I get frustrated with my own fussier styles of painting, with my favorite stripes. I spent a lot of time drawing little fashion drawings a few years ago. A kind of  "what I wore today" thing that also illustrated my life as a stay at home mom with artistic urges. When I was young, I wanted to be a fashion designer, took some classes, but didn't go in that direction. I still find that my drawing is influenced by fashion drawing. At this point, I think I might be interested in moving away from that idealized and glossy slim caricature of women. I might be interested in drawing pictures of women who are more squat. Much like myself. 

Anyway, you are learning a little bit about my creative process. I'm letting you behind the curtain here. I often don't know what I'm doing but am running on vague feelings that something is cool or something bothers me.

The background here was supposed to be flowers. But they did not turn out to be flowers. I don't know what happened. I just know that right when I started, I said, "these don't look like flowers," and rather than forcing them to look like flowers, I committed to whatever they were and I took them all the way. 

I kind of like how they turned out. They are slightly ugly, slightly menacing... to me anyway. They look a little bit like microscopic things. Or stones. I kind of think of them as stones. Troubles, maybe.  This was not a problem for me, because like I said, I get frustrated with my fussier styles, and I also get frustrated with my urge to make everything pretty. If the background went from flowers to microscopic, stone-like troubles...I like that tension. I don't know. I think that's what takes art into the next level. Tension, contrast, questions, mystery. Maybe I need to have more of that and fewer answers. Hmm.

That is something to consider.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've talked about my creative process like this. It feels good and I think it did me some good. It means I am getting to be more conscious about my artistic choices. Part of committing to being creative means thinking about being creative and the process and methods. 

This is how we go deep. 

The Official Rules of the 100 in 100 Days Creative Challenge