Write. Just Do It.

Write, or Pink Smith Corona

To reach your dream, you have to make a commitment, a real, solid, painful commitment, much like a marriage. It's a better or worse kind of scenario. It's the kind of commitment where you forsake all others, and give up other things to stay true to the dream. If for instance, you dream of being a writer, you may think only of the wild and alive story that you have brought into the world, the glories of publishing, the swagger of being that writer with the pen in hand and the journal, sitting at the cafe like some Parisian bohemian, drinking strong black coffee and pouring his soul out onto the page. But being a writer is often a lot uglier than that. It's struggling with the days when the words don't come. It's a deadly dull day job or grinding financial struggle. It's rejection letters. It's fear and insecurity. It's isolating. It's the hundreds of pages that you have to delete because you were just going down the wrong track. It's your laptop dying when you didn't save, when you had finally figured it out, and were *that* close to the masterpiece of your dreams. It's that moment when you say, "Forget it. I give up. It's too hard."

A lot of the time, when we think about our dreams, we only see the hilights, the pretty pictures, the golden light streaming through the windows and the joy of achieving what you have worked for all that time.

But the truth is, dreams are hard work and they have shadows, too. They are full of struggles, confusion, failure, drudgery, dust bunnies, neglected children, neglected health, being broke, lonely days, detours, breakdowns of many varieties, long stretches of silence, block and giving up.

But if this dream is really your dream, if you love the journey, not just the idea of accomplishment, if you love the work, then trust yourself, trust that when you come back, your dream will be waiting for you and you can climb your way back onto the path. But, it's hard. Don't think it will be easy. If you really want this, and you have lost your way, you will have to claw your way back, regain the ground that you lost inch by inch. But believe in your dream and believe in yourself, because it's that belief that makes the dream possible, even when it seems like it isn't.

PS  This is my 1000th post. I think that is why I've had such a bloggers block this year. I knew this momentous post was coming up and I wanted to make it a landmark, important. I made the stakes too high and it kept me from writing. One Thousand blog posts. ONE THOUSAND. Even thinking about it kind of blows my mind. So perhaps, instead of making this a special post, I will just quietly go back to writing my blog, one post at a time, the way I wrote every one of those thousand entries, without trying to make it momentous. Maybe I'll reward myself with a new sweater. Or a cake. Cake is good.

PPS I'm also doing nanowrimo this year. Is anyone else taking the challenge? I am rosymamacita over on nanowrimo if you want to buddy up.

PPPS I have prints of Write or Pink Smith Corona up for sale in my shop. You notice it says "Write" not, "Hey, why don't you think about writing and avoid the blank page until you are absolutely 100% sure you have it all perfectly down and will not make any mistakes and really really know what you're doing and are totally confident and the circumstances are just perfect and you're not tired or stressed out or don't have to go deep clean the kitchen." Just write. Do it.

PPPPS Yay me for sitting down and writing this blog entry instead of just thinking about it for more weeks on end. 

Of Writers and Divas

La Diva Airstream, articulated paper doll

giclee print, mini brads, ~8.5" high

I've printed out, cut out and assembled my La Diva paper doll. I just wanted to show you how cool she turned out when all put together. I still think she needs a frilly apron, and now a vintage camera, but there wasn't room on the paper when I was drawing. Those "new style" skirts take up a lot of material... fabric and/or paper.

She is far more glam than I will ever be, but I am glad that she was commissioned, because I love her.

I've also put her up for sale in my shop. Finally. I'm trying to get my back log up in there, but there's so much I get overwhelmed. So it's an achievement to put her together, do a photo shoot, edit, and list. And then go and write a post! Geez.

So tell me to stop feel like I'm cheating for putting the same piece up two posts in a row. I already feel guilty for letting my once daily blog slip to once weekly if I'm lucky.
The Writer, Altar Ego, close up of articulated paper doll

giclee, paper, mini brads, 8" tall

And here's a reminder about The Writer. She's up in my shop, too. How exciting. Two new things. And she also serves as a constant reminder to myself that I am working on my novel, however slowly, even if it's just researching the query process.

I also started some polymer clay beads last night, while watching Glee, which I just love. It's an experimental process, but I want a new necklace, so I brought out my clay.

I hope your processes are continuing on. I hope you're not too hard on yourself when you don't get as far as you'd like. I hope you're letting your alter egos out to play sometimes. It's good to play sometimes.

It's Here Now, Are You?

Bookmark: "It's here now, are you?" Bhagavan Das (quote on reverse)

repurposed menus, ink, paint pen, acrylic gel medium, embroidery floss

2"x8"

So another day passed without me writing! Yipes. I picked up an extra shift at work from a girl who has bronchitis, so I came home late and exhausted, watched Glee and then promptly fell asleep. Today I'm not going in until 11am and that leaves 2 or 3 hours to run to the basement and write.

Let me tell you, I'd better do it, instead of procrastinating, because otherwise, I am in danger of getting saddle shy. Is that the term? You know, when you fall off the horse, and then they say, "get back up on the horse again".

Best to get back to it before I lose the flow all together.

I will keep you updated.
In other news, I wanted to tell you guys about the new item I have in my shop. Not one print but TWO. I call it the Prayer for Girl in Flight set. It's a new way of doing things, but I really do feel like these drawings go together with the others. I want to take some photos of framed pieces in a lovely setting and put them on the listing, but I don't have the time or set to pull that together yet, so I thought I'd just put the listing out there, instead of waiting.

Because you see, this is now, and this is today, and it really isn't a good idea to wait until things are all perfect before you try for what you really want out of life. Because this is life, right now, right here.

And thus I have tied in the title piece (bookmark) the topic (getting back to work) and the etsy shop. Woohoo.

Oh, by the way...what are you putting off? Waiting for a day when circumstances will be optimal? Waiting for more time or a perfect photo or your mind to be in the best place, or those sniffles to go away? Waiting for that day when things are right and you can be happy?

Don't wait. Now is the time and this is the living.

Mermaid on the Midway, or She Knows Without Knowing

Mermaid Girl on the Midway, or She Knows Without Knowing

Acrylic Paint on Paper, 8"x8"

50/100 in 100 days creative challenge

I've been holding on to this one for a while, but here it is. I really like her.

What do I tell you about her? That I worked on her for so long. That I didn't work on her for even longer. Staring at a half finished painting, wondering what to do. That I asked advice on what to do with her and got advice and still stared at her without painting, wondering if it was the right thing.

In the end, I neither did my first instinct with the piece, which was to put another graphic pattern in the water, with a slightly muted blue, so it wouldn't stand out, nor did I do what the other artist suggested, which was to paint in organic fluid lines to suggest the water, also muted. I decided the pattern would be too busy. And I tried the organic lines and was not satisfied. So in the end, I just did a graded lighter blue to darker blue, with and organic flow between lines. The detail, which I'd planned with the graphic pattern, went instead into the hair flowing about her, which suggests her being underwater, but not obviously. I like the subtleness about it. The way her scales could be a dress. The way her tail is secondary, and could be ignored if you were just looking at the girl.

But like I said, this is not the painting a day kind of project. This is a process that is more extended and involves a lot of staring, considering, thinking, wondering, looking out the window, doing other things, coming back, considering some more. Maybe in a way, all that not painting is a way to get to whatever we already know.

When I was in the midst of painting this picture, I also stumbled across this little cast iron lady and I was compelled to buy her. I mean, come on. A teal mermaid? A requirement.

Oh, and if you're interested in a print of my mermaid, you can get her in my etsy shop, here

The Painted Lady, or You Have Something To Give

The Painted Lady, or You Have Something To Give

Acrylic paint and watercolor pencils on paper

8 1/2" x 8 1/2"

This is a painting that I did a while ago. I forgot to post it. Ooops. I posted a sneak peek once and then I think I got caught up in the drama of packing and moving and just forgot. It was posted over here at Magpie Girl, and then I just plum forgot.

So here she is.

She seems so gentle to me, although usually, a tatooed girl would be seen as tough or strange or counterculture.

But maybe not posting her was okay. I've finally gotten prints of her up in my shop, along with some older work, and some even newer, never seen before, work that you have to go over there to see. Oh, how sneaky of me.

Not only that, but the extra day gives me time to get my butterfly tutorial together. Stay tuned.

Miracle of Miracles: A Shop Update!

Look what I've done this weekend!

No, not make stuff. I did photo editing and finally got some of my back log of new things into my shop. I know, not paintings, but the world is not made of paintings alone.

I love all these things. I wouldn't put them in my shop, if I didn't.

The flying girl blessings are all so meaningful. Thank the Rain for Falling (black and white) is one of my favorites. I love the way the lizard felt and button thread made it feel somehow both substantial and subtle. This is Where Love Resides (white painted) was a revelation, when I turned a disliked cotton Flying Girl into one that spoke to me. Perhaps my personal lesson there was that we can turn our less that stellar circumstances into a life filled with joy and love. And then there is I Am as Open as the Night Sky, which is actually the very first Flying Girl I did in three dimensions. And somehow, still, the sentiment of being as open as the night sky is a reminder to me to say yes, to not close myself off... a lesson I really need sometimes.

And I use my Borgia Book all the time. In fact the "Say Yes" drawing was done in it. Mine is the one with the orange dot in the picture. All the others are for sale in the shop, in order-- Bloom, Spin Your Web, Star Being Born, and The Raindrops.)

Some of these things, the Borgia Books in particular, I haven't really posted about. I love them. They came out of going back to work at a restaurant. I wanted somewhere to put my thoughts while I was working, something unobtrusive that I could keep in my pocket or apron. Something that could collect my positive thoughts. So I whipped them up and named them after my first job waiting tables... Cafe Borgia, in Greenwich Village, when I was just out of college and burning to be a poet.

I also wanted to post these things because having a shop update is a triumph for me. I seem to have so little time to tend that sort of thing, that when I commit to getting it done, it seems like an accomplishment. Fine, it's not that big a deal, right? It's not that creative, but it's a lot of work. And fine, I didn't get all of the things listed that I wanted to... I still have to edit and list all of my pins, but... I did this.

So I'm paying attention to what I did, instead of just what I still have to do.

Don't forget to pay attention to your own accomplishments. Reward yourself. Remind yourself that you are achieving things, you are moving forward. It makes it easier to keep going and to enjoy what you have done.

Click the titles of the pieces to go to my shop where you can also find original paintings and drawings. (Prints will be returning soon!)

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle (Going Around Again, In Art and Packaging)

This is a sneak peak of something I am working on but am not ready to post (partly because I just don't have the derned time).

It's a piece that came about in surprising ways, and I just happen to love this detail shot, and how the old gray blue of the metal door in the background looks so soft and lovely and picks up the underpainting. And I love also the way the silver develops a kind of rose colored sheen to it, from I don't know where.

If you'd like you can guess the project... It's actually an old project that I almost entirely recreated, experimenting with new methods. It was fun.


Here also is a project. I made a stamp out of an old eraser. It's a total "whatever" project. I had the urge to make a stamp, but had no supplies. I carved it with a pen knife, so it's pretty rough. But I don't mind rough.

I do mind that my flying girl stamp faces backwards. I forgot about the reverse, silly me. She looks sad when she looks to the left. It seems like she is looking at the past, not forward, to me. So I will have to try the stamp thing again, maybe this time with actual tools meant for the purpose.
This is one of the purposes I have put my flying girl to. I don't know if you can tell, but I am making packaging for my store. I am planning a nice fat shop update. Or perhaps a gradual one, depending on how much time I have.

I've decided to do recycled, repurposed packaging, as much as I can. I'm using grocery boxes to make matchbook style folders to hold my little pins, with some leftover birthday tissue to line the matchbooks. I'm still experimenting with making pillow boxes for other products. I like not having to go out and just buy things. I like feeling resourceful.

Do you see the little silver flying girl on the matchbook? She's kind of flying topsy turvy. It's not the best picture, but I wanted to post what I've been doing.

Huh, come to think of it, the first project, the love image? that is also recycled. I knew I wasn't going to do anything with the piece as it was, so I reimagined it. Now I like it.

Three cheers for reducing, reusing and recycling.

Hungry for Color

When I saw this painting, Pole Orange, by Labokoff on the Color + Design Blog, I just about lost my breath.

I don't know why I responded so much to that color.

What do you think about the visceral reaction that we have to color sometimes?

Do you think it means we are hungering for something?

I could imagine that wanting this color might mean I craved warmth, which I do, after such a long gray winter.

Or perhaps it means I am needing the vital energy of orange, that color that looks as if there are molecules zinging around.

Speaking of zing, maybe this orange-need means I want some citrus in my system. Vitamin C and the sparkle of the orange oil that squirts out of the peel when you first stick your thumbnail in the skin.

And there's something about the contrast of the gray that I like here, too. I don't think I'd feel the same if it were more bright colors, like orange/lime green/lemon yellow.

However, I really could manage sitting in an outdoor garden with a fresh key lime margarita, lemon colored sun, and some raw oysters with hot sauce and horse radish.

How does this connect to this picture? I don't know.

But wouldn't it be nice?

Beautiful work by Jen Swearington

mixed media quilt painting Bridge with Birds and flowers by Jenny Threads over on etsy.

Sometimes I see something online that I can't help but stare at. Something I can't let go of. This is one of those times.

I am enchanted by the blues and muted skies, the orange yellow flowers, the luminescence. The graphic quality that is at the same time antiquey and tattered. Oh yeah, and the drippy paint. I love drippy paint. I don't know quite what to say but I wish I could do this. I do believe it is all hand sewn. I guess that explains the price.

I think I am heading towards more textile work. It's a totally unexpected creative swerve. I wasn't expecting to be drawn to fabric and sewing, but I am. Where does it come from?

I've been thinking about mixing painting and sewing and have been holding back for I'm not sure what reason. Looking at this mixed media painting/quilt, I feel that much closer to taking some sort of fabric/paint step.

Blog It Forward: What Inspires Me

Oh, the irony.

Here I am, snowed in, still recovering from some series of flus and colds, in a writing and painting rut, trying to plan my daughter's 3rd birthday party and not having much inspiration with any of it, and the commitment comes calling to share "What Inspires Me" with the world.

Don't get me wrong, it's and awesome blog mashup, started by an awesome blogger, thank you, Victoria of SFgirlbybay, but the timing is flat out inconvenient. DAMN YOU LIFE!!! ahem. just kidding. sort of.

The whole thing is over here. All 300 bloggers who are participating, big cheeses as well as blog newbies, and everything in between. Well, I'm not newbie, but I'm no big cheese in the blog world, either, so I'm in between. In my group, group 9, I am following Walk Facing Traffic on March 2nd, and leading into Was Eigenes on March 3rd. Check them out.

So. What does inspire me?

Easiest answer? My kids. It may be corny, but it's true.
(Gabriel who never stops moving, unless it is to watch cartoons or read about animals, dinosaurs, aliens or monster trucks. He wants to be a scientist. Or maybe an artist. He likes to tell stories and pretend to be superheroes.)(Ivy and her love of everything pink, fairy like, princess like, or glittery, to the reluctant acceptance of her black and gray clad feminist mom. Eh, she likes what she likes. And she wants a Barbie for her birthday. I got it for her, because she's not me, and that's okay.)

They are creatively inspiring. From their demands for paintings of aliens or ant pins, to their requests for stories-- last night it was a baby pirate story, or wanting me to play guitar (badly) for them at bedtime, or wanting to make cakes and frost them with pink sparkles. Wanting to do things for my kids makes me expand my creativity. Seeing them in the world makes me think of new things. Knowing who they are and wanting them to have more out of life spurs me on to keep going, keep trying for my own dreams, because I want them to keep trying for theirs.

Aside from my kids, I find inspiration in nature, trees, animals, the sky, the ocean, science, plants. I find inspiration in old stories, kids books, mythology, fairy tales and fables. I find inspiration in my own history, my past, people I've known, people I miss. I find inspiration in movies, tv shows, music, poems. I find inspiration in other artists, both famous and not so famous. Etsy is a huge inspiration. I want to be like so many artists on Etsy. My heroes. And the many bloggers out there. Too many to list. I'm also inspired by color. I'm inspired by chance. The random choice of word or concept, smashing it up together with some other color, concept or word.

And when I am in a state like I have been lately, when I am creatively inactive (I do not support the term "creative block" or "writer's block" or any of that. It's a negative way to look at a period that is often necessary to the creative process,) I'm still inspired, even if I don't do anything with my inspiration.

Actually, I think my creative inaction is part of what inspires me. Whenever I have been in a stage of inability to create, it has always been a step towards a new era in creativity. Remarkable, really, when you think about how hard it is to be stuck like that, how painful it is to be unwillingly silent. But almost every time, the silence has led me back to my voice and my creativity.

So I'd like to give a big shout out to nothingness as my inspiration.

Even without big traumatic creative hurdles, even a quite nothingness, and emptiness of mind and space. The kind you get while staring out the window at a cafe perhaps....


Or maybe the kind when you are sitting in a car or train or bus, watching the field roll by in silence, waving dry grass in a cold breeze....
So here's to the downstroke, the indrawn breath, the negative space.

Here's to the inspiration of nothing.

Dusty Critters

The other night (last night? the night before? I don't know, it's all blended together) I decided to try making a little tiny dog, like my almost five year old asked me too. I've never made a dog. So I thought, hmmmph... how shall I do this?

I sketched out the pattern above on my graph paper, and added a kitty, just in case the first plan didn't work out.

Well. After cutting and sewing, snipping off a little extra fabric here, taking some stitches there for the correct shape, adding ears and sculpting with thread and needle, here is my first attempt at mini stuffed animals!Yay!

I call him Dusty Puppy. Partly because he looks like a little dust bunny/puppy, and partly because he looks a little bit like a wire haired terrier... which reminded me of the puppy that we adopted from the streets of the Bronx when I was ten. Her name was Dusty.

Here's is Dusty Puppy's buddy, Dusty Kitty. They like to play together. I'm still working on making their faces look more kitty and puppy like, but I think they're pretty cute, wonkiness and all.


When the kids woke up, they started demanding all sorts of things. The puppy was hungry. He needed a bowl of water. No a bone. Now he needed a dog house. Now he needed a collar and leash. "Aren't you done with his doghouse yet?"

"NO MOMMY. HE NEEDS A PUPPY FRIEND!"

So by the next night, I added a new Dusty Puppy. This one has a better looking face, and glass bead eyes... although I did still have to take stitches to keep his legs from splaying out.

Here's Ivy who couldn't wait for me to finish my photo shoot and decided it was time to play. She has demanded another kitty, too. At least she's let me alone about the mermaid for a while.

So this has been my last couple of days. I call it my Mommy Sweatshop. They have really put me to work, and won't let me sell any of the puppies/kitties on etsy.

"NOOOOOO! My kitty! My puppy!"

Sigh. Must go. Break time is over.

Back to work.

I Have Been Enchanted

Enchanted by this sweet little etsy shop. Sweetbestiary and her darling dolls, puppets, masks... whatever exactly it is that they are. I couldn't turn away from her shop. No I couldn't, even a favoriting left me feeling like it would be too far away from me in the breadth of the wide internet sea. So I thought I would post some of her little creatures here. So they could be nearer to me.

Then I went to her blog and continued to be enchanted. Her name is Flor and she's from Argentina but lives in London. She's starting over with her art after many lifetimes, well 20 years according to her, but I know how that feels like a lifetime. Her blog is new, her shop is new. Her art is new. And she writes in both Spanish and English, so I can practice my pitiful Spanish.
This Deer Boy is so charming. I love the stag antler boy/man thing. I once made a sculpture out of a found box and sculpee and a photo I took. He was an antler/god man thing and I gave him away as a present. But I still think about him.
These lovers are sold out already. But I couldn't help but post them here. I love the way they are looking at each other. And I love the box they are living in. Reminds me of the assemblages I used to make out of boxes, like the antler/god man I talked about above. Or a broken music box that turned into a meditation on the journey to love.

I miss doing stuff like that.

I guess with how this little shop has just swept me away, maybe I need to follow that feeling, back to something I used to do, on to something just a bit new. I'm enjoying the felt constructions I'm doing now (still must post these) but I miss the sculpting/shaping aspect of clay or papier mache.

I'm trying to gear myself up to do some papier mache, I think. How coincidental that the front page of etsy would have this little papier mache doll/creature shop.

Isn't it interesting to see how inspiration works, how it weaves back and forth between the past and wishes and chance and old loves. I love the burbling feeling of brewing inspiration.

What's inspiring you lately?

My Hand Made Felt Pins and Some Etsy Inspiration

A Bunch of Handmade Felt Pins, or What I've Been Doing With My Time
wool and polyester felt, thread, embroidery floss, thread, acrylic gel medium, acrylic paint and bar pins.

What is possessing me lately?

I do not know. The painting has mostly slid to the side, and I have been doing stuff in other media.

It recalls a younger me, I think, and all the mixed and multi media things I used to do over the course of my life. Mostly to keep my hands busy, I think. I always feel better if my hands are busy. Is that weird? I'm rather a low key person. Maybe that's where my energy goes.

I've been inspired also by other artists, who work in many media, not limited to just painting or drawing.

Like perhaps Brooke Schmidt, who I just discovered this weekend but was immediately smitten with. Wax and Coffee! (I just love this one so much. The circles and repetition, the mixed media reflection, the colors.)
Clay. (I love when the same imagery you've been envisioning pops up in other people's work. I don't know if it's the zeitgeist, or sychronicity, or chance, or I'm just noticing it more, but it's cool.)

Textiles (Look! It's wings. How can I resist wings?)

Fabulous. And look, here's her blog, which seems quite in tune with the things I'm exploring... or perhaps are too lazy to explore right this minute. Coolness. I think I am in love with the internet.

What do Brooke's pieces have to do with my little pins? Not much... although the magnet does kind of resemble them, and I was thinking about doing a cloud pin before I even saw it, I swear. But I do think that looking around at how other people are trying to integrate the different aspects of their lives, how they don't tie themselves always to the same medium or vein of self expression, it has allowed me to feel better exploring my own varied creativity.

We don't have to tie ourselves to labels, like "painter," "writer," "crafter," "mom." We can exist within all of these facets. We're not one thing, right? We're many things. Don't be surprised if I start making dolls, or experimenting with papier mache, or start painting really big canvasses (although I can't imagine where I would have the room to do that, right now.)

All I'm saying is, we don't have to limit ourselves. We can expand into realms we are drawn to, whether or not we are experts in the field or we are experts in other fields.

I keep a list of lovely projects or things I'd like to learn how to do, or things I want to research. Lately, I've been looking back at those lists and saying, why not.

What would be on your list of lovely undertakings?

PS I just noticed that Brooke's wax and coffee art work echoes the collection of pins. It's almost the same pattern. A cluster of dots. I totally did not see that before.

Lost In The Wild, or Do You Trust Yourself Enough?

Lost in the Wild Flying Girl Brooch Set
wool and polyester felt, thread, acrylic paint, pin backings
(that black one is lizard patterned. Funky.)


I have lots older stuff to show you, but I've been completely taken away by this new project of mine. I'm making felt pins!

I've been cutting out silhouettes, painting, embroidering, appliqueing, sewing, stitching, arranging. It's been lots of fun. I have a bunch of this beautiful gray wool felt, and have been spicing it up with the brighter colors of regular felt.

I've been playing with embroidery, which I really haven't done since my seamstress grandma taught me back when I was seven.

(As a little side story, after my sister and I moved into our apartment on Elizabeth Street in Nolita in 1994, an incredibly "hip" New York neighborhood, my grandmother came to visit us and told us that the sweat shop she sewed in all day was right across the street. And thus does a grimy, industrial and ghetto neighborhood become chi chi.)

I do not know where I am going with these little pins, although I have already branched out into more images and brighter colors, but I am doing them because I am having fun. I like putting the colors together. I like arranging the pins into little stories. I like that each pin I make, I like better than the last. I like that my sewing and embroidering is getting better with each one. I like the way each pin is at least three layers of felt, and you can see just a hint of color of the inside layer. Just like my paintings, interestingly.

I am planning to put these pins up in my etsy shop, but I haven't figured out the details yet. Gosh. I have so many things to list, but no time/focus to do it. Someday, I will just have half a million new works up, over night.

Now... all I need is the etsy fairy to come and put it all together for me.

Ah, well.

As I said, I am enjoying them, but I have no idea if anyone else will. I have no idea what will come of them. Maybe I'll move off into other kinds of jewelry... rings, necklaces. OH MY GOD now I want a felt cuff. I can't stop coming up with ideas here. So I'm just going to go with it, even if it might not lead anywhere at all.

I believe that if you follow your heart, and face your dreams bravely and honestly, you can't really go wrong. Even if something doesn't work out... well, you gain so much knowledge, wisdom and understanding from failure that you still end up ahead of the game.

So, now I'm asking you... where does your heart tell you to go, even if your brain is afraid it's a bad idea? If you think honestly about what would happen if you failed at that goal, is it really all that bad? Would you be able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off if your heart-goal collapsed? Do you think you are strong enough, resilient enough, brave enough to aim for what you really want, and possibly fail?

I think the real question here is, "Do you trust yourself enough to follow your heart?"

Flying Girl Blessings, or I am as open as the night sky

Flying Girl Blessings, or I am as open as the night sky
felt, polyfill, thread, silver embroidery floss, recycled bead, paper and golden fluid acrylic
about 6" from top of head to bottom of banner? I forgot to measure. Hanging thread adds another six inches.

Yesterday while browsing about the web, I got the burning urge to make a 3-D flying girl. Something that could exist in our very own world, not just the world on the page.

Sometimes I get tired of just painting. I've never really been a one medium kind of gal, but I've spent the last couple of years mainly diving into paint. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but sometimes I start to feel a little bit confined doing just one thing.

All growing up, I made stuff out of everything. Doll dresses. A little stuffed shmoo that I made with my sister. Crocheted slippers. Little plasticene figurines. Balloon farms. Paper dolls. Bracelets out of purloined telephone wire. Radio shows on tape. Horror stories to read to my Junior High School friends. Macrame friendship bracelets. Beaded necklaces. Lipgloss out of vaseline. Cut paper animals. Twig houses. Sculpee christmas ornaments, beads, dragons and wizards, dice, brooches. And this was all before I ever took being an artist really seriously. It was just something I did because I enjoyed it and it kept my hands busy.

Over the past year or two, I've been watching other artists explore the breadth of creativity, while I was trying to focus down on one or two media. I suppose it makes sense. I needed to explore one medium, rather than bounce around like a jumping bean.

But yesterday, after seeing other people do stuff that I just thought was cool, it was like I bust out and HAD to do something.

I don't have as many odds and ends as I used to. They are either in storage or have been purged. No silver beads or glass mosaic tiles. No sculpee or fabric stashes. No folders of magazine clippings or that package of copper leaf I've been hoarding.

So I went with my leftover supplies from making Christmas softies for my kids.
Flying Girl Blessings, or I am as open as the night sky (back view)
(here you can see the hanging cord and bead)

This ornament is the result of my fevered multi-media jones.

She is actually the second version. The first version was in black cotton and I found her too delicate to turn and stuff. I nearly tore my hair out trying to manage. I still might be able to salvage something of her, but these are both prototypes.

I am not pleased with the materials. Polyester felt is not my medium of choice, but it was what I had on hand. And good for learning.

I do, however like something in the idea, here. I am planning to make more of her. I am thinking I might like to sell these in my etsy shop. I particularly feel like these pieces, more so than a 2-D work of art are about making something real in the world (HA! There's my focus word for the year-- "realize"). To me, this flying girl seems like a wish made real. An idea to focus down on.

That's why I called her a blessing. In my mind, I think this piece is a concrete manifestation of someone wanting to be open to love. You cannot find love if you do not open yourself to it... open yourself to the possibility of love, the possiblity of being hurt, of depending upon someone, or being there for someone else.

I suppose I was thinking about Valentines Day. You know, love and kisses and pink candy. I've never been very good at pink and candy. Well, candy yes, pink hearts and flowers not so much.

Ironically, I have already been commissioned to create another flying girl doll made of pink, for my almost three year old. She wanted this one, actually. I said I'd make her one of ther own. She chose pink.

I suppose I will need to come to peace with my own pink cottoncandy heart and give my daughter her own Flying Girl blessings.

Commissioned Works, Demanding Bosses (aka My Kids) 73-77

Fom Us To You... or Aquarium
73/100 in 100 Creative Challenge
Water Color and Pitt Artist Pen on Paper 5x8e

Sorry for the bad pictures. I ran out of light this weekend. And also had some more blips on my internet service, but it was a minor issue and soon resolved.

However I would like to share with you what I've been painting these last couple of days.
My son requested an aquarium with a shark in purple, that we could send to people in the mail. The next page was based on Ivy's insistence that I give her goldfish.

Love and Fishes, or Goldfishies
74/100 in 100 Creative Challenge
Watercolor and Pitt Artist Pen on Paper, 5x8"

I think she meant crackers, but first I painted this. I figured it would go with the Aquarium and could be a kind of greeting card. We'll see how it turns out.

The words were my own invention. Seeing as neither of them are literate yet, I could push the boundaries on this.
Bloom Where You're Planted
75/100 in 100 Challenge
Watercolor and Pen on paper, 5x8"

After she got her goldfish crackers, she was tired of all the marine life. She demanded I paint flowers. And instructed me as to which colors they should be.

Purple Flower
76/100 in 100 Creative Challenge
Golden Fluid Acrylic on Paper 5x8"

Then she wanted a purple flower. At first she was quite perturbed when I was drawing the little funny looking stamens and pistils in the center, but she got over it as soon as I added the paint. I would just like to say that the brown leaf is there because she demanded it be brown, not green, no matter how I tried to convince her it should be green like the other leaves. I was surprised to find that the brown served to ground the painting and add that little sense of frisson that happens when you combine things that aren't expected. I did go and add the brown outline to integrate the leaf into the rest of the picture, and then I put in the scallops, because, well, that's what I've been doing with my personal flower pictures lately. I'm liking the patterns.



Anemones in Pink and Green
77/100 in 100 Creative Challenge
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Watercolor, Pen and Pitt Artist Pen on Paper, 5x8"

This one is my favorite. It was started before the purple flower but finished after as I added an acrylic background to the watercolor flowers. The flowers were Ivy's request (pink) but she got really mad when I drew them all in before I painted them. She wanted me to go one by one. A micro manager, that one.

It was actually inspired by a picture in a Martha Stewart magazine. I never realized how cute those little button-like buds were.

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with it, but as Id worked on the purple picture I started to get an idea about colors and patterns that would conflict with the pleasing composition of the flowers. I like it. It almost looks like crochet. Lacy.

All of these painting are in my journal. I stopped painting in my journal when I opened my etsy shop, as I wanted better paper for my pictures. But you know what? I really like this anemone one and I might just sell it as prints, anyway.

I've been trying to do more art journaling not for sale so that I could get back to what art has always been for me, but if I do something I like, I can still sell it.

Speaking of selling, I am finally starting to list my backlog of paintings. There are so many, it's one of the reasons I don't feel guilty about artjournaling. I don't "NEED" a new painting in my shop everyday. I have plenty. So if you want to check out the new prints and originals (yes, one of a kinds) then head on over.

Goldenrod Light on Gray Horizon, Traveling

Goldenrod Light on Gray Horizon, Traveling
46/100 in 100 Creative Challenge, 7/15/09
Golden Fluid Acrylics on watercolor paper, 5x8"

This has so many layers and it took me forever. I started out thinking I'd try metallics again. You can actually still see some silver paint in the sky. But it didn't work out. I liked the warm gray better, the umber, and titan buff. And it wasn't yellow to start with, but orange. Can still see some of that there, too. And there's green, too. For something that seems so limited in it's palette, I sure used a lot of colors. I like it.

I think this is it.

I think this is the direction I want to go. I feel the urge to get larger with these paintings. Of course, that's not so easy since I don't have the time, space or supplies to get larger right now. Plus, I am getting ready to move, so not really looking to bring in bulky canvasses and all of that. This is not the time to get larger.

And yet. I feel it growing.

Not only do these paintings make me feel like painting larger, but they also make me think of other things. No. They don't want Flying Girls in them. That is not their purpose. But you know what? They want Flying Girls WITH them. I think these might come in pairs. I think the landscapes might translate into companion FGs. They might be separate, but also have inspired FGs, too. Oh I don't know. Maybe not, but the point is they don't close out the FGs.

I'll tell you something else. I'm going to start listing again in my etsy shop. I just have to work out some logistical problems... mainly time issues, and then I will try. And some of these will be going as originals, not prints at all. I don't actually see these travelings as prints. They seem like originals to me. And the gold Flying Girls have to be originals. Well, these are more logistics. I will give everyone a heads up on my process when I get things worked out.

Traveling Treasury and Wreckage

My first news is very exciting for me. I grabbed my first etsy treasury. It's probably because it was the holiday weekend and not everyone is sitting around at home while little kids nap. But I did it! I got one. Woo Hoo!

It was so much fun. I have moving on my mind. I want to do a roadtrip across country, but I don't know if it will work out. We might have to go another route. BUT, the very concept inspired my window shopping and curating. The treasury is called Traveling, just like my aceos. These are almost all new shops to me, but most of them just popped right up in the search to be exactly what I wanted. Please take a look, it won't last long. In Wreckage news... somehow, I can't see taking my book into the shower. I just don't want to, and my shower is very tight. There isn't anywhere to put it but on the floor. Not willing to do that. So as an alternate, I put it out in the torrential downpour in the garden. There are puddles showing the rain drops.
I also dropped paint, in various dilutions and colors and then closed the book here to make a print. The kids really enjoyed watching this process. I did it color by color, rather than all the different colors together. And you can't really tell, but the last shade is gold, and it gives it a lovely butterfly wing kind of sheen.
This is the page that went along with my Traveling ACEOs. I actually kept the little cards on the paper as I painted. Part of the painting was drips and runs, so I let the ACEOs drip onto the page, as well as wiping and testing paint on the page. I like the color theme. I might add more lately.

I didn't do a whole lot of wreckage this week, but I am noticing that it is having an effect on my art. The experimentation of the book is leading me to things that draw me. Things like repetition and pattern, for instance. Using less figurative work and more conceptual. These are things I have used in the past, so maybe I'm just getting back to them.

I still am uncomfortable with letting go of things. Proabably why I didn't want to completely soak my book. I don't want to lose something that I like. I will work on it.

Flying Girl All to Pieces, or Discombobulated

Flying Girl All to Pieces, or Discombobulated
024/100 in 100
Golden Fluid Acrylic and Prismacolor Watercolor pencils, 5x8"

This is what I felt like when I sat down to paint. All to pieces. Confused. Overwhelmed. But still knowing, somehow, that there was a pattern in it all. Just hard to see from the inside.

PS I'd like to say that I got two orders in the mailbox only moments before the mail man came to my door. And it was not easy to get them together while I had two little munchkins demanding my attention every 5 seconds. Feeding them didn't help. Turning on the television didn't help. Sending them to the garden to play didn't help. Yelling didn't help. Got to figure out a better system. Grumble.

Flying Girl Learns to Be in the Moment, or Live the Life You Have

Flying Girl Learns to Be in the Moment, or Live the Life You Have
004/100 in 100 Challenge, 6/4/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic and Pen on Moleskine paper, 5x8

Sometimes life laughs at you.

Sometimes it turns out completely different from the way you thought it would. Different from what you are comfortable with.

Sometimes life is challenging. Sometimes it places just the obstacles in front of you that you need to conquer in order to learn and grow and reach your dreams.

Damn Life.

We are not amused.

Let me tell you about this painting.

Again, sitting down to watch So You Think You Can Dance last night, I had no ideas for painting in my head. So I thought I'd do the little trick I do in such cases, where I pull blindly some paints from my bag.

The first paint?

Gold. Metallic gold.

Eek I thought, because gold does not reproduce well in photos or prints. But, hey, I actually like to paint with it so, I decided I'd take up the challenge.

2nd paint?

Cadmium Yellow Medium. With gold???? Nuh uh, I thought. No way. Clashy city. I wouldn't. So I put it back and dug in once more. Guess what I got?

Yellow. Again. I decided to not fight the color lottery, and instead go with it, although I could not conceive of what I might paint with gold and yellow, maybe the following colors would mitigate it.

Let me list the colors in order of the draw.

Metallic Gold,
Cad Yellow
Naples Yellow.
Primary Magenta.

and, wait for it....

Quinacridone Violet.

Holy moly. These are emphatically not my colors. I took out a dark (burnt umber) and a light (titan buff) to mitigate what I thought would be a disaster.

An image of a circle in square pattern came into my mind. I thought the colors could work, perhaps on a small scale pattern on the dress. But I imagined the background just the dark of the umber, with a red underpainting. There's no picture, but that was butt ugly. No offense to butts.

This morning I showed my kids what I had. They gave it the thumbs down. I said, forget it, it's not working, I'll just make the whole thing gold, and gave it a gold background over the dark. As I was painting, I though, hmm... that pattern is still the most interesting thing about this piece, so why not accept it for what it is. Accept the colors I pulled. Accept the weirdness of it... sometimes reminding me of a wall of lights and sometimes reminding me of boobies (I said it was weird). I decided to continue the pattern on the background, only slightly larger and slightly simpler.

And all of a sudden the whole thing went POP!

A little Broadway looking, a little Klimt, a little religious icon, and a lot of zoom.

This painting is out of my element. This painting was a stretch and a struggle. This painting was me allowing myself to be uncomfortable. Allowing my work to be ugly. Taking chances with scary things.

I'm going to take this also as a lesson in life. A lesson about struggle and risk and allowing things to be imperfect and hard. I'm going to believe that if I keep working at it, there will be a moment when life itself goes POP and becomes something bigger than expectations.

I don't know what it means to me as an artist, if I will continue in this direction or smush around a little. I do seem to be drawn towards patterns lately. And perhaps I am inching towards the gold and metallic again (I used to use them more). I don't know what's going on.

It's quite the adventure, quite the challenge.

Just like life.

And it turns out it's good that way.


PS I have taken a break from listing items in my shop, as I realized I was a little over my head with trying to be a full time artist and a full time mom, but I will resume in a little while. And this painting is going to have to be sold as an original, because I will not sell prints of something that does not print well (as metallic gold does NOT.) I'll post when I do a listing.