Imagined Still-Life, or Garden with Gabriel and Ivy

Imagined Still-Life, or Garden with Gabriel and Ivy
11/25/08 AEDM #25
Golden Fluid Acrylics

I went a different way last night. No oracle, no Flying Girl. No. The kids playing in the garden with their uncle's dog. Balls, sticks, tempers flying. This could be a picture from life, those are the clothes they were wearing. They are standing next to our fish pond. But they are not allowed to stand so close to the pond, the grapefruit tree is on the other side of the garden, and, oh yeah... these kids are never this still.

If they were, G wouldn't have strands of hair sticking up all over the place that I was unable to snip during his hair cut. Oh well. I look at his hair cut as a rough draft of what will be, after I next get him to stand still for two minutes. This painting, too, is a rough draft. Or, at least it isn't quite finished.

I don't particularly like the background or the composition. I've been looking around at other artist's websites, and paying attention when they share their process. It is fascinating. I think I was particularly inspired by Amanda Blake (whom I adore) and how she created Norma Always Wore the Perfect Outfit. I never went to Art School, although I majored in art in High School. I got the basics, but I never got the chance to explore art concepts and techniques with other people when I was mature enough to go deep. I know there are benefits to being an autodidact and going on your independent inquiries into life, but sometimes I wonder what I missed. That's why I really enjoy when artists share what's behind the magic curtain.

I'm still learning about painting. I do a lot of experimenting, and the more I do, the more I learn. I guess any good artist will always be learning about their craft and their creativity. It is so much about the process. I believe that. That's why I share my process here, sometimes. But sometimes it's also about the product. I'm working on that, too.

Maybe I should stop painting everything in my journal, and start painting on proper paper... or canvas even. *gasp!*

As for writing, it's very interesting. I never show anyone the process of my writing. Nothing that's not perfect. No one has every read the first drafts of my novels, but I've posted my process of painting everyday on the world wide web. Go figure.

And yesterday, I watched Anne of Green Gables on PBS instead of writing furiously, so only managed 440 words.

nanowrimo total: 45870

This is the last day for the Flying Girl giveaway, so post before midnight if you want to be in the drawing.

The Magic Maker, or A Spoonful of Sugar

The Magic Maker, or A Spoonful of Sugar
11/24/08 AEDM #24
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens

She blows in when the wind is just right and everything becomes magic. She is the heart of a song. The fall of a golden leaf in autumn. The scent of cinnamon rolls in the oven. She is the one who makes every day into pure magic. Some think she is Mary Poppins, practically perfect and something not quite human, but that is not true. The Magic Maker is inside of you. She is the part of you that says "yes." She is the part that pays attention and hangs up the colored glass to shine in the window. She encourages beauty and joy and wonderful things, because these are the things that make life better. These are the things that make the necessary bitterness of life palatable.

It doesn't matter how difficult your life is. There is still a sunset or a song on the radio or a piece of chocolate with pomegranate and chili filling. Whatever your magic, entertain it. And through the magic, make it through the tough times with your soul intact.

An interesting thing about The Magic Maker... she does not make the hard time disappear. She does not bring love where there is none. She does not give you gifts that you do not already have... she makes magic of what IS. Listen to old Mary... I mean Magic Maker, and catch that rainbow while it hovers above your rainstorm.

PS She also wishes to say that laughter makes you float.

In the reverse, the magic maker is here to say, you've got to get out of your gutter. There's a whole sky above you twinkling with stars, gleaming with sunrise, dotted with puffy clouds, swirling with energy. Look up from your grind. Look up from the gloom that the bitter reality has left you in and pay attention to the good things. Only seeing the possibility of doom is a good way to walk straight into Doom Street. Stop searching for signs of disaster, signs of what is wrong with the world, and look instead for the directions in life that are pointing towards a better world.

My suggestion, begin to keep a list of the things you are thankful for, the things that bring you joy, the things that are beautiful. No matter how small or how large, pay attention to the little things. It takes time to change the habits of negativity. It doesn't happen over night. And there is no magic pill, either. But the plus side to this is it doesn't take some inborn magical ability to have a positive attitude, it just takes work and retraining.

If you want it, you too can have a life full of magic.
***
Interestingly, I was sitting at my desk, finishing up some touches on The Magic Maker, and G came up to me, with some markers, and said, "Magic!" Then he went "POOF!" and he made them "D'appear." He did this for a half an hour, making all sorts of things disappear and reappear. Waving his arms dramatically, being suitably pleased at my amazement at his magic making abilities.

Did it have to do with the magician on Sesame Street? You bet it did, but it's quite a coinkidink. Or, perhaps a simple case of synchronicity. You know that's always popping up. It's no coincidence that we watched Mary Poppins yesterday, and she shows up today.

And I went on with my own magic making today, giving the kids their first taste of the joy that is refrigerator cinnamon rolls. I was going to save them for Thanksgiving morning, but I decided to do them today. I love those suckers, although I limit their intake for obvious reasons. They've always seemed kind of magic to me. A little bit of sugar frosting makes everything magic, right?

We also built a little pillow fort in the play room, a nice place to eat their lunch while I take my photos, upload the photos, write my post and say hi to you guys. Pillow forts are full of magic, and so is sneaking in time to write.

Maybe the magic there is I'll be able to use nap time to catch up on my writing and even some chores?

nanowrimo word count: 45430. (1322 yesterday-- boy woke up from nap early. writing session interrupted.)

The Past, or She Who Does Not Face What Is

The Past, or She Who Does Not Face What Is
11/23/08 AEDM #22 & #23
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, White Gel Pen.

She is blind to the future that is hers. She is blind to the life of the present that is happening around her. She is wrapped up in things past. Loves and delights and sorrows. The things that she has lost. The things that she wishes she still had. Her eyes are almost closed. Her mouth is turned down in sorrow.

Her long delicate neck is burdened with the weight of all this past that she is carrying around with her. That is a lot of heaviness.

You ARE your past. Your past settles into your bones and creates who you are in the present. The choices you make now are directly and indirectly influenced by all the things you have learned and experience in the years past. This can be a wonderful thing, as y0u draw upon love and kindness and logic and joy. It can also be negative and draining, if fear, loss, pain and cruelty are the parts of your past that you focus on.

Turn to the light, turn to the joy and change your inner voice to one of positivity. Think about those who loved you, and remember all the things about you that are worth loving. Think about the things that made you happy and create a new life inspired by them. Remember the valuable lessons that you have already received and carry them forth into your new life.

***
I am realizing that perhaps I should follow the actual cards of the Tarot a little more closely. What I'm finding is that the things I am dealing with or the things on my mind are the images that show up again and again. The Diver was similar in meaning to this one. Maybe I should take out my Tarot and pull cards and allow my paintings to be inspired by that.

Me, I have a tendency to think in the future. I am always a little bit ahead of myself, thinking about where I want to be and the things I have to do to get there. For instance, Thanksgiving dinner has not happened and I am thinking about what I need to do to get ready for Christmas. I want to craft and make hand made gifts, but will the painting suffer? I don't know. I am going to have to organize the mish mosh in my head around that. I think about painting pictures for people, but then I won't be able to post. Maybe I should post old paintings/collages/drawings from the past. It might be nice to do some sewing and fabric crafts... which I haven't done for ages. Or jewelry. I do love making jewelry. It's one of those things that I have always enjoyed. Maybe I could even use December as a kind of experimental workshop for things that I might develop to sell in my soon to be etsy shop.

Another thing that is swirling around in my head... this compulsion I feel to paint a new painting every day. What is that about? It started out as a personal challenge. But is it a necessity? No, I don't think so, and may lead to burn out.

I can still be creative everyday if I don't paint every day. This painting took two days... three even, because I worked on it this morning before posting. Taking more time on a painting means the detail can be finer, the technique can be more precise. Sometimes I look on these paintings as rough drafts, some times they seem complete in themselves.

I suppose there are no answers to what my creativity SHOULD be. It evolves and changes as life does. Much as this post did, mish moshed and swirly. Not really about the past, as the image suggests. Or is it? There is a bit about using the past to create things for the present/future. And also, is it my past experiences that have made me such a perfectionist and so hard on myself? Is it because of what I have been through that I set myself such high and rigid standards? I MUST DO A PAINTING A DAY OR I FAIL!!!!!

You know, it takes quite a while to deprogram your brain from the negative self-talk and turn your mind to more positive thoughts.

All part of the process.

My Original Flying Girl Giveaway is still going on until Wednesday night, so come on over.

The Creativity Dance, Do Si Do and Around She Goes.

Ivy, 2 days ago.
(Gratuitous adorable kid shot on red tricycle since my camera is AWOL.)

And the dance continues on.

Thanksgiving preparations are invading on my creative time.

I took a trip with my mom to Aldi for the first time to stock up for the feast. It is cheaper, but it makes shopping a lot more complicated as many more stops are added into the routine and it happened during the time I usually get to work. Grandpa watched the kids, though, so that made it easier.

I also stopped by a Salvation Army and found the most darling hand made reversible linen and fisherman print overalls for Ivy, and picked up some bargain comics for G, as well as another small table for the playroom. I was looking for a toaster, since mine burst into flames this week, but no toast.

When we got home, after picking up the kids, they passed out, because it was way past their nap. As I got out of the car to put them in their room, I realized I had forgotten my purse at my mom's house! Too many packages, too many things to keep track of.

So, no photo of my painting from last night... although I never finished it anyway. Perhaps this is a message from the universe that I don't have to live up to my ridiculous standards of not only being creative every day, but of finishing a piece every day. Was I still creative? Yup.

And even if I went to make dinner instead of sitting down for the remaining half hour and writing , that turned out creative, too. (Vegetarians, turn away.) The chicken carcass that had been sitting in the fridge had to make room for the ham and turkey breast for Tgiving. So it went into the pot for chicken stock. But I've never really made chicken stock, not well, anyway
. I am only a poultry person if I have to be (hence the ham for thanksgiving) and lately chicken is almost all my kids will eat. But today I thought I'd try my half understood thoughts on chicken stock and half way into that, decided I would make it chicken soup.

All I can say is... whathehuh? It's delicious. What did I do? Chicken with too much chicken on it to throw away. Carrots. Onions. Celery. 3 cloves garlic. Bay leaves, marjoram, salt. A little chicken base, too, because it felt a little thin to me. Then some whole wheat thin spaghetti and it's a yummy meal. And cheap! Almost all leftovers and veggies heading past their prime.

Maybe I need to be a bit more creative in the kitchen. And by the way, the kids are eating it up.
Quoth Ivy: "Yumnum. Shoop."

Flying Girl is Coming Together, or The Dance

Flying Girl is Coming Together, or The Dance
11/22/08, AEDM #21
Golden Fluid Acrylics on Paper, 5 1/2" x 8 1/2"

I fell asleep again, right after putting the kids down. Konked out. Probably was asleep before the boy was. So I didn't paint last night, or get my writing done for the day, either. This Flying Girl was done this morning, while the kids were watching Saturday morning cartoons/hanging off of my knees.

This is the dance of my life lately. Finding the balance between my personal goals and needs and the goals and needs of being a mother. Sometimes I have all my hoarded nap time to create. Sometimes family calls and the energy goes elsewhere. Sometimes the nap gets cut short or I need my own sleep more than I need to paint. Sometimes I ignore sensible things for the life of the mind, sometimes I put creating off for taking care of business. Sometimes I manage it all at the same time, but then collapse.

Come together, dance apart. Solo. Grand Jete. Pirouette. Pas de Deux. Jazz Hands.

This painting could be a romantic thing. Sure it could. Love and marriage and the dance of a relationship. That is it's own dance. But for me right now, the dance is between artist and mom.

Nano: still 41480. Nada yesterday.

PS. check out the giveaway if you haven't.

The Dragon, or The Creative Fire

The Dragon, or The Creative Fire
11/20/08 AEDM #20
Golden Fluid Acrylic

This image is the Dragon. He represents all that is in us and can be set free. He is the fire of inspiration. He is passion. He is imagination made real.

Dragons are interesting. They don't exist, but they are a world wide concept. Or do they exist? Are they buried in the past, leaving only shadows of themselves for us to interpret? Dragons, dinosaurs... it depends upon your point of view and the stories you want to tell.

Dragons point to the unimaginably powerful force that is the human mind. What stories do you want to make real? What possibilities do you want to create in this world? If you can imagine it, you can create it. The dragon gives us the drive to do so.

The dragon represents fire. Fire represents the life force, the will. Take this image as a reminder that you are capable of anything. You have the passion. You have the will. You have the ideas. Jump, and you will fly across the horizon with the strength of the dragon, inspiring all who witness your transformation.

But can the concept of Dragon be all light and goodness? No. Fire not only makes civilization possible, but it also is an elemental destructive force. Is your passion ruling your reason? Is the fire out of control, getting in the way of manifesting your own dreams? Is your anger keeping people and opportunities away? Are you in danger of burning out? Burning up?

Reversed Dragon serves as a reminder that the fire that can warm can also burn and you need to get control of that fire before it rages through cities and destroys the population.

***
I am looking at this dragon as a sign that it is time to manifest my dreams. I am on the verge of getting my tech together to open my etsy store. I know I have been talking about it forever, but I am almost there. What is the difference between now and before? Is it The Dragon that says it's time to take things out of the realm of ideas and into the realm of reality?

I am still interpreting this image. Could it also have to do with the discussion I had with my cousin about some other family members where in we both released some of our own anger? Hmm. We talked on the phone instead of me doing my writing for the day, so it interfered with my creativity, but I don't know if releasing that pent up energy was a negative in the larger picture.

That fire element is pretty powerful stuff, but it needs to be taken care of, both the passion and the anger, or it can get wild and backfire. Perhaps it is better to let that kind of stuff out, and transform it into creative energy, than to hold it in and until it burns like a wildfire and you have to stand on your roof with a hose, lest it take your whole house. Much better to channel that fire into fireplaces, ovens, refineries, kilns, novels, paintings, dance, music, etc, than to let it go BOOM.

Nanowrimo total: 41480. 2662 words yesterday.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't already, come on over to my Giveaway for the chance to win one of my original Flying Girl paintings. Please leave a way for me to contact you.

Flying Girl and the Migration, or Follow
11/19/08 AEDM #19
Golden Fluid Acrylic, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens

What is she doing? Who is that strange bird? Is she part bird herself? Not sure, but as she goes through her changes, she flies, always onward. Even in the rain. Even as the wind blows. Even as her guide morphs into falling rain while she follows. She doesn't stop.

Does she get tired sometimes?

I think so. But even when she rests, there is a part of her that is still flying.

And I've got to stop painting to the very edges of the paper. Geesh. You'd think I'd a figured that out by now. I'm late with posting because I really didn't like this painting until I painted over the background with a lighter, less green color. And it didn't gel until I put in the spirals on the bird. And it didn't really gel until I went over the drawn navy spirals with the zinc white paint, and they smudged and blended and turned elusive. Then when I did the same on the bird... it went KAPOW! I like the effect and I may try to use it again.

I had a good birthday, thanks for all your good wishes. I didn't write, because, well... it was a busy day. I painted three (3!) Flying Girls yesterday, although I finished this one up this morning. And I cleaned the house and I made corn muffins and I watched the kids and I had a birthday party (although I did not host it). I even saw CSI and had a glass of port when everyone left.

My favorite part, though, even topping the presents that the kids got me (a wooden fruit bowl, a metal duck container, a purple cardigan and a sparkly wine colored bolero [my kids have good taste] from the local thrift store), was checking on all the lovely comments to my giveaway yesterday. Don't miss it! It's going until the end of Wednesday (New York time).

Happy Birthday To Me Giveaway! Flying Girl Flyaway!

Flying Girl and the Whale, or Messages from Below
11/19/08 AEDM #18
Golden Fluid Acrylic on Cold Pressed Watercolor Paper, 5"x7"

Flying Girl and the Ship, or Messages from Above
11/19/08 AEDM #19
Golden Fluid Acrylic on Cold Pressed Watercolor Paper, 5"x7"


Happy Birthday to me! Happy Giveaway to you!!!!!

My first giveaway. I'm so excited. I still do not have my tech up to get down to business and open my etsy store (although I believe we are getting close), BUT I really wanted to thank all of you who have visited and appreciated what I am doing.

So I painted a thank you!

I did these both this morning. Last night I was so tired I could not paint, and was disappointed, because I had been planning my surprise party giveaway for a while. But this morning, these two sisters rose out of the depths (or came down from above, depending on which sister) and demanded to be listened to.

They are both originals, not prints. I will give one of them away... you just get to choose which one. So here's how you can win.


1. Choose the sister who speaks to you. (Flying Girl and the Whale, or Flying Girl and the Ship)
2. Tell me in the comments what she is saying to you.
3. Make sure you leave a way for me to get in contact with you. (Look at that, you don't even need a blog.)
4. Be lucky... because I will draw numbers randomly. One entry per person.
5. Be timely, because the giveaway will end at midnight, Eastern Time, November 26. I will post the winner on Thursday, November 27th-- coincidentally Thanksgiving Day.

Yay! I'm so excited. Let's get this party started!!

PS I'm choosing these paintings for the Illustration Friday prompt of "opinion," because these sisters see things from different perspectives, and boy does that seem to influence their difference of opinions. Plus, you are offered a choice/opinion between the two.

Comfort, or Cat

Comfort, or Cat
11/17/08 AEDM #17
Prismacolor Watercolor Pencil on Paper, 5 1/2" x 8 1/2"

Comfort is here to remind you that, like a cat, you are at home in your own skin. The cat exists in the present. She does not worry about tomorrow or about yesterday. She never tries to do more than one thing at a time, other than sleeping and soaking up some sun. This cat could be in her own garden, or trekking across the world, it does not matter where she is, she is comfortable in her self.

Are you trying too hard to be something you are not, right here in the moment? Never mind that you might some day be that thing, maybe even tomorrow... if you are not there now, be HERE now. Eat when you are hungry. Run when the urge strikes you. Pay attention to the moment as it moves through you. Play with the butterflies as they flutter. Love the nap. Enjoy your own sensuousness, your sensuality, your senses. Eat your meal of fish and milk and lick your whiskers with satisfaction. Feel the briskness of the cold, or the warmth of the heat. Recognize that you are you, and where you are is where you are. Accept it. Enjoy it.

In the reverse, maybe you've been a little too self indulgent, lately. Maybe you really have forgotten that you must find a warm place for when the snows and rains come. It is time to enter the world with the rest of us, and expand your meaning to something outside of your own skin. Welcome new ideas. Open up your communications with others. Work for the future. Plan. Remember the people and places you have come from. This all can come together and create a full life and purpose.
***

Lately I have been realizing that I can not do everything, every day. Things fall through the cracks. The laundry, potty training, projects I have been meaning to do. I didn't even know there were comments on my other blog. I just wasn't paying attention.

Not only do I lose little bits of my living, but I also get very frustrated with the moment. I am not getting enough done, I always think, even if the moment is chock full of beingness and doingness.

Maybe I need to cut back on the multi tasking. Maybe I need to schedule in some single tasking.

I single tasked with Nano yesterday and broke through the plot rumple. I don't know if it's brilliant, but it got me out of the jam. The good thing about nano is that you just have to keep going, even if you're stuck, and oftentimes, if you keep going, you get unstuck. What do I mean, 'oftentimes?' Always. There's no room for whining about not being able to write when you are chasing 50 thousand words in a month.

I enjoy the chase... like a kitty cat enjoying the butterfly chase? Maybe more like enjoying the bird chase, with the possible end point of the-cat-that-ate-the-canary grin.

nanowrimo total 36641

Nox, or Sleep

Nox, or Sleep
11/17/08 AEDM #16
Golden Fluid Acrylic

Nox is the Roman/Greek goddess of the night. She comes in the beginning, out of Chaos, and from her, a world of gods and goddesses are born.

Nothing will get done if you do not rest yourself. Rest is about renewal. Rest is when your body gets to reenergize, your mind gets to sort and make sense of all the information of the day, your soul gets to take a time out before starting anew the next day. This image serves to remind you that you need to get some sleep. That can be literal sleep, or it can be a step away from a project or problem you are grappling with. Perhaps what you really need is to let your subconscious work on your issues. Perhaps you need to step into the world of dreams and desires, of mystery and what once was chaos. Perhaps you need to trust that if you set a thing down and step away, it will still be there for you when you come back to it.

Just because night falls, does not mean we will never see the sun again. Night points to the necessary darkness in life, the necessary down turn, the necessary winter, the necessary shadow of the light. After night, the morning will come, I guarantee you. So let go, relax, and fall into the sleep that is calling.

If this image is in the reverse for you, it is time to wake up. The universe is sending you a message that you have been away from your life long enough. Time to shake off the sleepies and get yourself the metaphorical coffee. Allow the energy of the morning into your body and your goals. Take the steps out onto the clearly lit path of action and doing. You have gotten your eight hours, and now it is time for you to get going with your day.

I did not paint last night. Nope, not a bit. After putting the kids to bed, a took a rest on my own bed for a minute, and fell asleep for the whole night. That was 11 hours of sleep. I never got my down time to watch tv or to write, but I did get some sleep. It might mean I am catching something, but then maybe I am just burning out on how hard I am working and the fact that daylight savings time is getting my kids up an hour earlier than they did before.

Anyway. I slept a lot. I let the nightly clean up go. I did not paint. I did not unwind, I just sank into a deep sleep. And then, I opened my eyes to a three year old climbing up into my bed, yelling, "WA'E UP!" (That's Gspeak for wake up.)

So technically, I did not paint at all yesterday, but my day does not go until midnight to midnight. It goes from nap to nap. So when I swiftly painted this while the kids were watching Sesame Street, it counts for me as yesterday.

Nano: nada. (total wc still 34 thousand and change)
I read a book all day instead of working. I'm beginning to think I need to work, not everyday, but every week day. I think I need to have two days off a week, just like someone with a real job that gets a pay check.

In my search to have a balance between living and art, in my search to find a career in creativity and still take care of my kids, I am looking for sustainability, not a November crisis surge of writing/painting and then burn out. After I do nano, I still have to revise my novel/novels. And I still want to continue the work of being a professional artist. If I haven't managed to do this yet, it's because I am not looking at it quite as a job, but more as a personal challenge. I will get there. And I will do it the way I do everything.

Baby step by baby step, baby.