Monday, February 16, 2009

Flying Girl and Thief of Hearts, or Fear

Flying Girl and Thief of Hearts, or Fear
Golden Fluid Acrylic

I like to think of this blackbird flying away with her heart as a part of Flying Girl, herself. Where is her other glove? That thing that cradled her and kept her warm and holds her scent? Oh, it flew away as a bird, taking her courage with it.

I'm thinking about secret #6 in the 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, and this is is my saboteur. Myself. My own doing. Giving away my power by giving my fear power.

To tell the truth, I am doing SO much better than I used to. I am recovering from my external saboteurs, and my fears. I have been working at it a long time. The more I can identify them, the less power over me they have.

The fear of being successful and of failure. The fear of criticism. The fear of being powerful. The fear of money. I am working on all of these things so hard. Often I can't address them head on, but have to go around the other side, sneaky like.

If I focus on doing my business cards, which I have been struggling with, and I go back to it 4 times, will I fool my fears into thinking each baby step is smaller than it is and I am not going to have to actually work my way up to owning my creativity, my business, my power?

If I stop revising my novel where I am stuck, and instead print it all out and go over it again, maybe with some coffee out in the garden while the kids are playing and the meatballs are on the crockpot (my first attempt at this, I'll tell you how it works out) will my gremlins get caught unawares?

If I keep painting every night, and build up a body of work, will my fears get pooh poohed away when I finally do get the shop opened, and all of a sudden have dozens of pieces for sale and I will actually be in business, instead of just thinking about it?

When Flying Girl catches that rogue blackbird and dons the power again... will she be able to use that power of fear to help her fly?

You know what? I just realized I am farther along in my process than I thought I was. I thought I was just being lazy, wasting my day and not working on my novel. But I've been doing work behind my own back.

Take that you mean old gremlin/blackbirds!


Genie Sea said...

Maybe the blackbird isn't flying away with her heart, maybe her heart is leading the way. :)

Querulous Squirrel said...

The black so stark and powerful, yet the pink softens. I don't know what that means, or if it has to mean anything, it's just an emotional impression.

Marta said...

Love FG in her black dress.

How do you keep all this work of yours? How do you manage your space?

D said...

All the baby steps are leading you exactly where you are supposed to be. Keep at you are getting there.

I love your header for the blog.


Today, I've learned to daily become the creative woman imprinted upon my soul!

sema said...

great post!
It helped me work on my similar fears while designing my t.shirt print designs.are they good,will they sell,etc

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