Right before it goes down
I don't have a painting today. Oops.
But I still wanted to post, because I've been doing a lot of internal work, and frankly, I need to get my head straight before I move on to the painting that the boy is bugging me for right now. He wants a magic cat. He keeps asking me why I'm not painting. And the girl doesn't want to take a nap.
Anyway, I've got lots of plans and dreams and hopes for my future, and yet, physically, I feel very stuck in stasis. It's an interesting dilemma. To want so much and start on the journey for it all and then have it moving oh-so-slowly.
But then I read this post about mondo beyondo goals and started to think about what it meant to be bold.
I have these bold dreams, you see, but before I can achieve them, I pull back. I get timid. I ask for less than I want because I am afraid to put what I really really want out there. Afraid I ask for too much. Afraid perhaps I'm not worth it all. Come to think of it, I was like that with boys when I was young. I never let them know that I really liked them so they never knew and I never got them. "Got" being not a very good term in this context, but you know what I mean.
Back to the present day. I still have that habit to ask for only small things. To whisper my desires. To NOT be bold.
Oh geez. You know what this means, right?
I just dared myself to shout my desires. Oh crap. If anyone else ever dares me to do something I just roll my eyes and ignore, but I can't accept the fear conquering me anymore. If I'm scared I have to face it. I have to give in to the taunting of the bold me, who doesn't usually get to be incharge.
So listen. Hey! You! Universe! I'm talking to you, and I'm putting my intentions out there.
And I'm putting my biggest dream first.
To have a creative compound where I can live happily with my family, and creative people can come and stay, for retreats or workshops, where I can have a cheerily running studio and gallery on an old farm with all of it's out buildings where all the magic can happen. For everyone. I want magic for everyone.
That's my big dream. It feels almost impossible from where I am now, but maybe if I work on my smaller dreams, it won't feel so outrageous.
To finish my trilogy and make wonderful and get a great agent and a great publishing contract that begins a substantial career as a professional novelist.
To teach online creative courses and be able to do what I love to do while still staying at home with my kids.
To go to Blogher in NYC.
To make a good living with my creativity, art, words, teaching.
To make really good friends and be a part of a vibrant, supportive creative community.
To write a book on creativity and have it published.
To grow my etsy shop into a self sustaining machine.
To paint large canvases (I've been small too long).
To show in galleries and sell my art.
To develop WE into a bicoastal business with my two friends.
Okay Kelly Rae? Are you happy now? I'm going to keep going. I'm going to tackle my goals boldly. And if I can't do it all right this minute, I'll tackle the ones I can. I will work on my etsy shop. I will talk to my two friends with whom I have been developing these WE workshops for YEARS. I will work on the material for the chapter in the creative book. I will GET BACK TO MY NOVEL.
And I'm going to keep from telling myself that it is all too much. I'm not going to overwhelm myself. I'm just going to take it one step at a time. And if I have to take a break for the living of life, I'm going to do that and then I will continue to take bold steps as life unfolds.
What is your bold you daring you to do? Declare it to the universe.