Friday, August 28, 2009

Bold

Right before it goes down

I don't have a painting today. Oops.

But I still wanted to post, because I've been doing a lot of internal work, and frankly, I need to get my head straight before I move on to the painting that the boy is bugging me for right now. He wants a magic cat. He keeps asking me why I'm not painting. And the girl doesn't want to take a nap.

Pushy kids.

Anyway, I've got lots of plans and dreams and hopes for my future, and yet, physically, I feel very stuck in stasis. It's an interesting dilemma. To want so much and start on the journey for it all and then have it moving oh-so-slowly.

But then I read this post about mondo beyondo goals and started to think about what it meant to be bold.

I have these bold dreams, you see, but before I can achieve them, I pull back. I get timid. I ask for less than I want because I am afraid to put what I really really want out there. Afraid I ask for too much. Afraid perhaps I'm not worth it all. Come to think of it, I was like that with boys when I was young. I never let them know that I really liked them so they never knew and I never got them. "Got" being not a very good term in this context, but you know what I mean.

Back to the present day. I still have that habit to ask for only small things. To whisper my desires. To NOT be bold.

Oh geez. You know what this means, right?

I just dared myself to shout my desires. Oh crap. If anyone else ever dares me to do something I just roll my eyes and ignore, but I can't accept the fear conquering me anymore. If I'm scared I have to face it. I have to give in to the taunting of the bold me, who doesn't usually get to be incharge.

So listen. Hey! You! Universe! I'm talking to you, and I'm putting my intentions out there.

And I'm putting my biggest dream first.

To have a creative compound where I can live happily with my family, and creative people can come and stay, for retreats or workshops, where I can have a cheerily running studio and gallery on an old farm with all of it's out buildings where all the magic can happen. For everyone. I want magic for everyone.

That's my big dream. It feels almost impossible from where I am now, but maybe if I work on my smaller dreams, it won't feel so outrageous.

To finish my trilogy and make wonderful and get a great agent and a great publishing contract that begins a substantial career as a professional novelist.

To teach online creative courses and be able to do what I love to do while still staying at home with my kids.

To go to Blogher in NYC.

To make a good living with my creativity, art, words, teaching.

To make really good friends and be a part of a vibrant, supportive creative community.

To write a book on creativity and have it published.

To grow my etsy shop into a self sustaining machine.

To paint large canvases (I've been small too long).

To show in galleries and sell my art.

To develop WE into a bicoastal business with my two friends.


Okay Kelly Rae? Are you happy now? I'm going to keep going. I'm going to tackle my goals boldly. And if I can't do it all right this minute, I'll tackle the ones I can. I will work on my etsy shop. I will talk to my two friends with whom I have been developing these WE workshops for YEARS. I will work on the material for the chapter in the creative book. I will GET BACK TO MY NOVEL.

And I'm going to keep from telling myself that it is all too much. I'm not going to overwhelm myself. I'm just going to take it one step at a time. And if I have to take a break for the living of life, I'm going to do that and then I will continue to take bold steps as life unfolds.

Now you.

What is your bold you daring you to do? Declare it to the universe.

8 comments:

Carmen said...

All of those... absolutely attainable! You can do it. I believe in you.

Connie said...

OMGoodness Chica!! We have the same heart..the same dreams...I could just copy and paste your dreams on my blog--and it would say all that I feel!! Except my real life Dirty Footprints Studio is going to be in the jungle of Costa Rica!!! Oh, I love this post! I love that there are other amazing women out there that share my dream--that want to make the world so much better--that long to get everyone jazzed about being Creative.

You're fabulous!!

Peace & Love.

Amanda Fall - PersistentGreen said...

Ha! Love it. I can't believe how many of my dream-big ideas are similiar: creative co-op. Novels. Giving online workshops. Publishing "creative" books. Large canvases. Etsy shop viable.

Hey, we're chugging right along together in the 100/100. How about we chug right toward these Big dreams?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

sandi lei said...

Rowena~ what a treat to come across your blog. I linked over from Connie's. I have seen this before- seems the moon must line up just perfectly and so many post similar subjects. Your art is magical!!! i feel your fears, but they stop me b4 i even begin. I am inspired by your writing and your honesty. Connie tells me all the time to just do- stopping thinking and planning.... so your words today rang home so true to me. Thank you. i am beginning to believe that the process is not an overnight one for all, and by putting my message out there to the Universe- goodness will come. BUT also to really enjoy the journey!!! xo

Marisa @ Getting Back To Basics said...

May you boldly follow your dreams and claim them.

Fear of rejection is a powerful force, but because you were bold in publishing this post, more people are finding you and discovering your talent. I love your blog and I will be back.

aquamaureen said...

AMEN girl!!!!!! I need to quote Amanda/Persistent Green and say that SHE wrote just what I would write: that YOUR post came right out of my own thoughts and dreams and hopes.

Can't you feel it??? A groundswell of dreamers/hopers/believers finally set free from paralyzing fears. A burgeoning of love/beauty/creativity that this world so sorely needs.

We have allowed these dreams to be voiced now. There's no putting the genie back in the bottle.

Look out, world . . .here we come.

sperlygirl said...

i hear you, and soooo 'get it!' and i admire you putting your big dreams out there - and oh how lovely they sound especially the creative compound. magical. thanks for putting it out there, rowena, ...when you do, you inspire others! warmly, s

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