I can't believe it's almost May. MAY. That's the month of soft Spring that's right before Summer starts.
The trees full of leaves and flowers constantly surprise me. I look at them, and think, "Wow! Where did that come from?" Time has sped up so rapidly, it's quite taken my breath away. Time passed leisurely last year, in comparison to now.
Gabriel's infancy is gone. Long gone. He's almost a year old. I could actually call him 10 months now, although I think I'm stuck on 9 months. He's standing, pulling up on furniture, cruising along the coffee table and sofa, he's walking if he holds onto our fingers. Isn't that a toddler? He is literally toddling along, chasing after the cat.
So I'm not the mom of an infant anymore. And I won't be the mom of a toddler for long. I see the other moms in Williamsburg (and there are a LOT) the ones chasing after their toddlers, and it seems like such a permanent state. It seems like they are so far ahead of me, and I will never get there, and they will never be anything else but toddler moms. But that's just not the case.
It's all a transition. Life is always on it's way to some other state. Motion. Moving. Mobility. Gosh, he'll be starting school soon. I just heard from another mom that my zoned school is actually a good one. That's a lucky relief.
So am I supposed to be thinking about schools now? Gabriel learns to sit up, learns to eat solids, learns to walk-- then school? Greadness Gooshus. Okay, maybe some talking and toilet training in there, too, but it seems like first love and college and his own apartment is right down the chute.
And then what about me? What about my goals? Ignore them now for Gabriel, so that when his life is taking off independently I have nothing? Nuh, uh. Take care of mommy, take care of baby. I want him to have a fulfilled mother. I want him to know it's possible to work for and attain the goals that are most important.
I'm thinking ahead, definitely. I need to work on using those moment that I have in the present, though. It's those little present moments that get us to the future. Step by step. Day by day. First it's April, then it's May, then...?
6 days ago