Flying Girl in Stormy Skies, or Breathe

Flying Girl in Stormy Skies, or Breathe
3/31/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic

I really try to practice this. Man, life is bumpy sometimes. And sometimes, there's nothing really wrong going on, but it just gets you anyway. Sometimes you get all caught up inside and twisted around and tense and every bit of energy in the world is trapped inside you and you are left just BUZZING.

That's when I try to remember to breathe.

Just in, just out.

It's surprising how just breathing can help to calm you so you can move forward.

It's surprising how just breathing can release the pent up energy into the world, leaving you calmer, if just for the moment.

This is my second painting in a row with gray skies and a cityscape. Rough times? Well, just your general, you know, state of the world. And a couple of prompts that made me think along these lines. This one came from Jess Gonacha. She asks what we want to let go of and what we want to replace it with. so here's my list.

LET GO OF: impatience with myself, control over everything, my imperfection, S's imperfection, anger and resentment, fears of success, fears of failure, perfectionism, the need to do everything NOW NOW NOW, and working all the time.

LEAVE ROOM FOR: abundance, success, peace, enjoying daily living, playing with my kids, music, experimentation, doing grown up stuff like going out, my novel, faith that I am on the right path.

And yeah, what do I do when I need to let go of the tension or the fears or the past? Release. Breathe out.

Leave some lung space for the good air to come in.

oh yeah, prints are here. And my first original drawing is in the shop, too. Look for more to come.

Flying Girl in the Land of the Ghosts, or Let it Go

Flying Girl in the Land of the Ghosts, or Let it Go
3/28/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic on Paper, 7"x10"

The theme for Inspire Me Thursday is ghost. I thought that would be so easy, to create a kind of Edward Gorey like ghosty of Flying Girl, but instead, it turned into a real Flying Girl who was lost in the land of the ghosts.

Oh, it's the past. It's the scars and the pain and the losses and the could have beens. It's basements and cellars and the roots of things. It's distant sounds and far off wishes. It's empty windows and going nowhere.

When we get stuck in that land of ghosts, we don't do ourselves any favors. Lost there, our liveliness is overshadowed by the weight of all that past. We can be blue skies inside of us, but if we won't let go of that ghost, the rain clouds will keep coming in.

So do like Flying Girl. Let It Go, and fly off towards the hopes that the past gave you. Leave behind the pain. Because it's not all pain. Find the bloom of hope, the bird that flies off, and follow that.

I'd also like to mention that although it doesn't look like it, this painting is actually me playing with color, for CED's April prompt. Yes, it's gray, but I wanted to paint the light and shadows, the color coming from behind. I wanted to contrast the gray of the sky with the sky blue of the dress. And even the gray is both warm and cool gray. White and cream. Black and charcoal. And that's not counting the underpainting. It's bright pink, yes it is. Although the painting itself is gray. Take a look at that sky...see the layers, there?

"One Complete Thought Would Be Nice"

"One Complete Thought Would Be Nice"
3/27/09
Mixed Media drawing on antique book page, 4 1/2"x 7"

I'm doing this while making hamburgers. Yes. Multi tasking. Distraction. I have so much to say, but so little time to pull my thoughts together.

In fact, while drawing this picture, my thought process-- one that was trying to do as the 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women was directing and Plan to Achieve My Goals-- was interrupted by a two year old who was directing me to draw houses and "popsiple" trees. So this painting represents the difficulty of planning a cohesive thought, let alone goal, while trying to do a million and one things.

But, I'm kind of stubborn, and if I decide something is important and I can't get at it the way I want to, then I find another way, so while the kids took their nap (aka sat in their room playing and resisting nap) I went out into the garden and thought about where the last 12 weeks have led me.

Not coincidentally, I have finished my Portfolio Project-- because the project and the book were both twelve weeks long, and I started them at the beginning of January. We're 1/4 of the way through the year!

So I took stock of my 12 weeks. I've come far, opening my etsy shop , stocking it with 32 pieces so far, and selling my first artworks to people who don't already know me. I've learned new avenues in the internet and discovered new directions I would like to go with it all. I've expanded my repertoire of art techniques and even started painting a little larger, which I've been scared to do for, oh, say 15 years. I've grown my blog readership and met wonderful blog folk. I've started my second blog where I can play a bit more with lovely things. I've taken up the guitar, badly, but finally, after longing to learn to play since I was 7. I started drawing again and using some of my favorite techniques of yore that I have let slide. I even wrote a couple of poems. One thing that I did not achieve that I wanted to was to finish the second draft of my novel.

Once I realized that the shop needed to have a lot of time dedicated to it, the writing time just disappeared. I'm hoping to pick it back up, but I'm still learning the business end, so I'm not sure how I'm going to fit in the writing again.

So that brings me to the planning my goals. I've got big goals for the next five years, including living off of writing, art and teaching. I'm good with diversifying-- there are a lot of things I want to do.

But I'm going to focus on the next twelve weeks... I guess another Portfolio Project, if anyone else is continuing to do so. Here are my new goals. I'll have to give them a try and find out if they are too big for the time span, which is what I found out about the last go round:

Expand my etsy shop:
increase sales and visibility.
add new paintings, prints and drawings.
add new "other things" (I've got a few ideas currently kicking around in my brain.)

Finish my second draft of my novel
write as often as possible (figure out a schedule that works with the rest of my day/plans)
get another critical reader
write a synopsis
start researching agents

Start publishing articles
research publications
write queries

Apply to artist grants
research
write
send

Work on my nonfiction creativity work
do an outline
write some articles developing it specifically
teach an e-course or something with the work I've been doing.

and the biggest goal:

Live my life and be HAPPY instead of always stressed out
make time for me without work
journaling
practicing guitar
alone time
reading
make time for S
play with kids more.
make real live friends and keep in touch with physically distant ones.
do more with family.
eat well.


It's a lot. I don't know if it's all doable. But if I set out on this journey and don't give up, the one guarantee is that I will get farther than if I just float around without any goals at all.

How about you... what would you like to do with the next quarter of your year? Spring is a lovely time for new goals.

Flying Girl Yearns for the Sea, or Defy Convention, Gift and Kick Back

Flying Girl Yearns for the Sea, or Defy Convention
3/26/09
Golden Fluid Acrylics on paper, 7"x10"

I am not a normal girl. Or rather, I'm terribly normal, but I don't let that stop me. What's normal? It's just an imposed constraint that is defining who "everybody" is, what "everybody" does. Even in normalcy, we're all weird and strange and not like anyone else. We all have unusual dreams or odd quirks. Are brains take twisty turns or we laugh at things no one else thinks is funny.

And that's a good thing.

To tell you the truth, I'm getting a little bored with my normal constraints of Flying Girl. I know there is more to explore, but I feel like I've walked down those paths and I'm looking for new ones.

From my history, I've learned this boredom isn't a bad place to be. All it means is that it's time to branch out and try new things. Is there a new technique to try? A different medium? Would a little side project fulfill my need to do something different? Is there a theme that I haven't addressed before? Maybe the challenge is as simple as switching up the colors. I actually think that the color yellow is what started this whole flying girl kick in the first place. The Illustration Friday prompt was yellow, and I was not used to using this color. Flying Girl came out of it.

We can get very settled staying in normal. We can lose our fire curled up by the radiator with a nice cup of cocoa. It's comfortable... sure, but where are we getting with the cushions and blankets and bonbons by the tv? A little plush on our behinds, that's where.

So defy your normal. Step out into the unknown and uncomfortable, just a little. Try something new. Don't go for that tried and true color, but for the one you think is too bright, too garish. Try a different perspective in your story... the one you don't quite understand. Maybe the tale that comes out of it won't be your knock-it-out-of-the-park hurrah, but maybe you'll learn something new, maybe you'll get one step farther to where you really are supposed to be-- before you got so comfortable.

I've tried something a little new. Or rather, a little old. Going back to the sketching. Going back to the old pages that I tore out of my altered book I made years ago. Glad I saved them. Because when I was looking for something different, they showed up.

I did them yesterday and today, and they were kind of in conjunction with FG. That's why I'm posting them here. I like the dialogue they have with her.

Triptych (?)
"Gift" mixed media drawing on antique book page, mounted on Moleskine.
"Kick Back" mixed media drawing on antique book page, mounted on Moleskine.
FG Yearns for the Sea, or Defy Convention, acrylic on paper

The shoes were drawn before the FG, but completed with the paint leftover from the FG. I like the conjunction of the contemporary sneakers and jeans with the old timey dress and sailing ship. Plus, FG's not wearing shoes, but I am (in the picture, I mean). And then the leaves I drew today. They were a gift from the kids. They like collecting things and giving them to me. I was looking for something special to draw on the page that says "Godliness." What's more special than dried out, colored leaves your kids give you? Plus, they almost look like they are aloft on the breeze, drifting like FG. And really, is the real gift our freedom?

The other thing I like about this? Those moleskine pages the drawings are mounted on? From my old journal where I used to paint. And they are edged with the leavings of old FG paintings. It was just coincidence the paint splotches matched the sketch. But I loved the way they looked there. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with these. Sell as prints? Sell the originals? That would be scary for me.

What new thing can you try that might stretch your boundaries? Give it a try. I dare you.

Flying Girl Swims, or Explore Undiscovered Lands

Flying Girl Swims, or Explore Undiscovered Lands
3/25/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic on paper, 7"x10"

Here's a departure for me. So bright. Half naked.

I saw sunny skies, in my head. That sharp, hot light of mid summer. Or was it the cool blue of a pool? It makes everything else brighter. Pure colors. Clean lines. Modern. A little dream like, but not romantic. Nothing ornate. No banners or swirls or words. Just silence, and the swim. Breathing. Sun.

Sometimes I feel like a fish out of water, lately. Things seem familiar, sort of, but then I'm kind of floundering about, trying to figure out the best way to get moving.

I like this Flying Girl. She has not let the water or lack of water stop her. She keeps going, equally in the air or in the sea. I imagine there's a lot more of this scene for her to explore, and I imagine she's not ready to stop in her adventure, but rather, is enjoying this strange swim.

I'm trying to keep my stuff together and list things in my etsy shop every day. Work work work. So here's a link if you want to buy a print of this one. I think I want to put it up on my wall, myself.

Flying Girl Remembers her Courage, or I Am the Adventure

Flying Girl Remembers her Courage, or I Am the Adventure
3/25/09
Golden Fluid Acrylics, Faber Castell Pitt Artist Pens, and white gel pens on paper, 7"x10"

Sometimes I forget that this is all about the adventure. It's not about getting things right or being rich or even being productive. I forget that I am not just a person on this journey of life, but I am constantly in flux myself. I am not a thing, I am a being. I am the living. I am the adventure.

So I drew myself a hippie chick on a safari. Or maybe she's on a walkabout. Or maybe she's just hiking into the landscape. It really doesn't matter where she is or what she's doing on this trek, or where she's going to end up. What matters is that she continues on, like the light, like the sky, like an adventure.

I also am incorporating the prompt for Inspire Me Thursday, late though I am. Well, the prompt it "I am."

Goddess Inspire, or Flicker of Imagination

Goddess Inspire, or Flicker of Imagination
3/23/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic and Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils on Paper, 7"x10"

Goddess Inspire came out of nowhere, and yet she is all around.

In fact, don't you think you know her? Wasn't she that girl down the block? Didn't you see her in that place the other day?

She's so familiar.

Say hi.

The flicker of this painting came when I realized the next Thursday Sweet Treat prompt was "Flicker of Imagination" although, I think I thought it was Flicker of Inspiration. Either way, I imagined a girl looking out at us. Maybe also seeing a couple of portraits in and around blogland had a portrait happening in my mind.

But what was really interesting was what happened when the drawing (with watercolor pencils) was covered with paint. Things happened I did not expect and her face changed as I painted. When I added the hair/shadows even more happened. And I left the edges bare mostly because it seemed to want to be unfinished.

This girl really did come out of nowhere, and I really do feel like I know her, but she doesn't match anyone I know. Do you know her? Can you place that face?

I think she is a goddess. When you let your inspiration take over, do you see a face of the goddess, too?

To purchase a print, go here.

Flying Girl Cuts it Away, or Let Go of All That Is Not Yours

Flying Girl Cuts it Away, or Let Go of All That Is Not Yours
3/22/09
Mixed Media, Golden Fluid Acrylic, Antique Book Pages, on paper, 7"x10"

I had no idea what I was going to do with this picture until I thought of using some of the old pages that came out of a book I altered about five years ago. And then I realized I also wanted to use the themes from Illustration Friday (Subtract) and Next Chapter: 12 Secrets book club (Subtract Serenity Stealers). How convenient that they dove tail so nicely. Who planned that?

Anyway, there is actually a fully painted flying girl underneath the paper collage. I guess in order to subtract things, you have to add first.

The idea I had here is that in order to find the heart of the matter, the center of the self, you often have to cut away all the things that do not matter. You find out what does not fit, what does not give you joy, what makes you feel bad about yourself or out of sorts, and you get rid of it.

A lot of people have been asking, here and there, how to find their passion. Really, I think it's first a matter of finding that spark, and then cutting away the excess around it. For instance, I discovered I loved writing when I was a kid, then I learned a lot about different kinds of literature, fiction, non fiction, poetry, epic tales, post modernism. I learned about reading and writing and teaching. I learned about various topics, art and science and culture and psychology. I followed breadcrumb trails down dark alleys and scrounged for bits and pieces of magic, or trash.

As time went on, I was able to eliminate what I did not want to focus on. Or I was able to take pieces of an idea and fit it into my passion. So here I am years later, realizing that I still love writing, but I don't need to be writing the next Pulitzer Prize winning serious literary novel. I like my Science Fiction and Fantasy, and my blogging and maybe I'll go somewhere further with it all.

I could just as easily have discovered my passion to be photography, or jewelry making or philosophy or geology. Actually, the truth is, there are many worthy pursuits and passions out there. How do you know which fits you best until you explore them?

On my journeys, especially in the last few years, I was also able to eliminate old outmoded ideas of thought that kept me down and kept me scared. One idea being that I should be a precocious young thing who becomes a literary sensation before the age of 30, or that only literary fiction is worthy. Another idea is that I can not have financial abundance, or that I can not earn a living with my art and/or writing. This is after years of collecting dustbunnies on those silly ideas. I began to figure out which ideas are just full of ego, which ones are full of fear, which ones were placed on me by other people but don't really have basis in my reality.

And I get out my scissors and I snip it all away.

In my mind, all the biggest serenity stealers are in the mind. Even if your life is full of people and things that clutter up your world, if you can find the right place to exist in your mind, you can live in peace. That doesn't mean we shouldn't purge old things (sometimes those things are laden with ideas) but the most important part of that is the getting rid of the mental, emotional and psychic clutter.

What mind clutter are you willing to let go of in order to live your passion and reach your dream?

Oh yeah, to buy a print of this you can go here.

Flying Boy Where The Wild Things Are, or Dream

Flying Boy Where The Wild Things Are, or Dream
3/20/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic on Paper 7"x10"

This piece is kind of a companion piece to yesterdays. Not that they have much in common, really, besides a stuffed animal and a banner. But I got to thinking, if "Play" was inspired by my girl, then what about my boy? And this is what came up for me. As you can tell... I like stories. Kids stories, picture books, fairy tales, myths, histories, novels, dreams, tall tales... I just like stories. It's obviously inspired by Maurice Sendak's "Where the Wild Things Are" but I only used the book for the briefest reference on the colors of the boat and the fine tuning of the wolf suit.

That's my boy's teddy bear, more or less. He wanted to be in the picture. It might be his dream, for all I know.

I realize also, just now if you can believe it, that this painting fits the totally optional prompt of March for Everyday Creative. One thing I've found with inspiration is that it often percolates in your brain for a while... say three weeks... before it comes out and becomes real. I'm also starting to remember my dreams. But that might be because the kids papa is taking the kids in the morning to let me rest a bit (I've had a cold) so I am not starting right from eyes open with the kids and all their various needs.Ivy Watching Bubbles
3/19/09
TtV, Duaflex II, Crappy Casio Exilim.

And speaking of inspiration, yesterday's painting of Play must have inspired me, because I spent quite a while yesterday playing with my new gadget that I made for my old Duaflex II camera. It's made out of cardboard so I can do Through the Viewfinder (TtV) pictures. I don't know if they're any good, but I had fun seeing what I could come up with. When I look at the photos in the Flickr group mine look nothing like that. (I've been playing around on Flickr, too. Trying to figure it out.) They're over exposed and fuzzy and splotched.... but I LIKE them. When I was going through the shots to edit them, I got that funny feeling in my stomach a few times. Butterflies. That's often when I know I've done something right. The other way is when I can't stop staring at something. Like this Flying Boy. Keep looking at him.

So, I'm working on play, because I've decided I am too burdened with all I feel I have to do, but I can only do so much. So I need to change my outlook and come at the to do list, and everything else, from a place of joy. I chose this life, most emphatically, over easier more reliable life paths. I want to enjoy it.

Are you enjoying your life? What do you think you could do to start enjoying it more?

"working on play?" That's quite the oxymoron.

Flying Girl Goes to a Tea Party, or Play

Flying Girl Goes to a Tea Party, or Play
3/18/09
Golden Fluid Acrylic on Paper, 7"x10"

I really like this one. It reminds me that I really need to do more playing in life. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I am far too serious and I work far too much. And part of it is the mind set. I think of almost everything I do as work.

Maybe it's because for too long, I have equated my worth with my productivity and felt terrible guilt over doing things that were seemingly unproductive.

I can just roll my eyes over feeling guilty about living.

Anyway. I like this Flying Girl. I think we could all use some of her mojo. Obviously, she was a little inspired by Alice in Wonderland. Also a little bit by my little girl, Ivy. Right now she's a blond, but I figure that by the time she gets older, her hair will darken and she will be a brunette. I also call her bunny.

This was also inspired by Easter, and by Spring in general. I can't help thinking in Spring colors. In Easter egg colors. Of bunnies and flowers.

Hopefully the renewal of Spring, the rebirth, the shedding of layers and lightening of the air will influence us all and allow our own renewals.

All hail, Spring!

If you know some bunny who would like a print, I've got one over here.