When I did this chapter, back in 2003, I was only a few months out of teaching. I'd quit teaching to follow my art. I could easily have made this chapter about being an actual teacher, which I had loved, mostly.
But I didn't.
No, this chapter became about the ups and downs of life. The shadows and the light. The rollercoaster. The ferris wheel. The ups and downs. The carnival. The wheel of fate.
How do we learn?? Truly? By living life and taking the lumps and learning the lessons of our mistakes and clawing our way back up when we are down and understanding the heights are only temporary, only just another part of the whirling, twirling ride of life.
In all honestly, I am probably in a low spot in life. It contracts and I draw back, open up smaller doors to let in the light needed.
There's something to say for contracting, making your goals smaller, letting things go. There's something to say for reassessing what is really important and what you really want your life to be about.
So here I am, on the wheel at it's bottom... but, you know, I do have faith that it will be going up soon. I mean, maybe it's stalled out a little, but I have faith, any minute, it could start rising. Or maybe it already has, and I don't notice because the movement is so slow and I am only seeing the lack of altitude.
What can I focus on right now? Well, what I can do right now.
In fact, I am going to write out my goals for November.
1. Write 50k (or more) words in my Urban Fantasy novel for nanowrimo. (I am at 3256 on day 2 1/2)
2. Get back to drawing/painting every day, again. (I think I found a way in. I think I'm going to paint/draw works that are inspired by quotes. I'm looking for inspiration, looking for hope, looking for focus, and wise words from the world's philosophers, writers, artists will help me, I think.)
3. Try to maintain my shop a little better. I've been slacking due to life being uncooperative, but I think I can get some more stuff in there, if I focus.
4. Finish my chapter on Intuitive Painting and Journaling
Hey. I'm going to limit my goals to three. My daily living and my childcare issues are separate. And they take a lot of my time and energy. Although, come to think of it, I am going to add some personal goals to my professional/creative goals above. So...
5. Potty train the girl. I think she's getting close. She never used to pee on the potty but now she is complaining about the diaper. If I can get her to WANT to use the diaper, then I've gotten somewhere.
6. Take care of myself. Make sure I have time to relax. Get enough sleep. Eat right. Take my vitamins.
So there it is. Small goals. Or big ones, but only a few of them.
I think in order to fit those things in, I have to have a schedule.
It might go something like this.
7-8 wake up. Set kids up with Dora and breakfast and write in silence for one to two hours. Get basic minimum word count.
9-10ish play with kids, snacks. Online.
around 11:30 lunch for kids and blog.
12noon to 1: maybe some drawing, reading while kids play outside or watch tv (tv is my babysitter. it may be bad mothering, but it's the only way I get time to work)
1: girl naps. boy watches a movie and/or plays quietly. Write chapter. Or perhaps this is where I get the shop updated. Perhaps I alternate days for this. One day on the chapter, one day on the shop. Or perhaps there's time there for getting writing done.
4pm: girl wakes up, I make dinner.
6pm playing, relaxing, reading, whatever
8pm primetime tv for me. but IF THERE'S NOTHING ON I should just write. After my shows, write.
11pm. Bedtime. I don't know if I can do this, but maybe. I've been having some trouble sleeping, so lets see.
Well, I'm going to work on this goal list and on this schedule. If I alternate days and stick to the schedule instead of goofing off, I should be able to manage something.