Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Nobody Knows

Williamsburg, Brooklyn: A Journey/Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson
An Altered Book, Mixed Media 2003

Chapter 6: Nobody Knows

I didn't know how much sense yesterday's post made. I rewrote it about three times.

I tell ya, when you're in the middle of things growing and changing, in the middle of creation and sometimes destruction... not much makes sense.

In order to make sense, I think you have to be able to find some perspective.

Now THAT can be so hard.

The thing that I have realized lately is that life is change. We are always changing we are always transforming and shedding skins, facing fears and dealing with disappointment. We are always reaching for the next goal and releasing the things we used to hold so dearly.

Stability is an illusion. We like to think that things will stay the same, that we will be safe and comfortable in our old shoes. We get settled in our routines and when things happen to shake them up, it can really throw us.

But even old shoes are always evolving... mostly devolving, but changing.

This chapter of my altered book, if I remember, was prompted by a challenge in my women's group at the time. My challenge was to do scraffito... although it was not my preference. If I were to do it today, I'd do something different, change it so that it fits my current sensibilities... but this book is 6 years old and it is what it is. It represents who I was in all of my imperfection. It also marks a spot in my life, and how far I've come.

And this page, for all its imperfection, was about me accepting my life, for all its imperfection.

Gosh I still struggle with this.

I think for me right now, in this period of transition, I have to shrink my goals down to right now where I am. Don't start any new projects (although perhaps do some thinking about future projects,) just keep working on the things I can... my novel, my blog, and my life.

Because the truth is, nobody knows what the future will bring, for good or ill. All we have is right now, today. Right here.

This is enough. Release the ambition and just be present. Say yes to the now. Say yes to this life.
..

5 comments:

Jan said...

I've seen this piece (I think?) and it's awesome. I appreciate your reflections on it. Change may be the norm, but that don't make it easy.

Rowena said...

You probably saw the real book, Jan. I've been focusing on my outline for my novel and getting settled here, and haven't been painting much. I find a painting or photo helps me to focus on my post... so I thought I'd post the whole book, chapter by chapter, while I work on my outline.

Natasha said...

The idea of change has been on my mind for the last few months. There is no such thing as security..there is no real stable moment..everything is evolving ..it's like being on the endless escalator - going up of course - but going and movement is good for me...when I get scared stop and inaction leads me to feeling lost so movement is good but being able to find a place where I'm moving, in the present moment and being ok with the knowledge that I'm not sure what comes next is a real challenge. t feels good to know that I'm not alone.

Genie Sea said...

I'm with you on this path Rowena. Sometimes paring down to the essential is absolutely necessary and vital. I believe we are both in a shift; and with times of great movement, great stillness is needed within.

Rowena said...

Natasha, you are not alone. Believe me. We are all on this journey, although maybe at different points in the journey. I think sometimes that hiatus in movement is still part of the movement.

Sometimes we need to take a rest, to stop and reflect, to recharge or reorient.

I'm trying to use my stopping times as part of my forward movement. And maybe sometimes we have to move sideways a bit.

I'm also trying to change my perception of change to be something less scary and more adventurous.

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