Thursday, October 01, 2009

Back Alley Way, After the Kids Go to Bed

Back Alley Way, After the Kids Go to Bed

Day 8 of the 100 Hours of Writing in 100 days Creativity Challenge.
One HALF HOUR this morning again. 4.5 hours total. 3.5 hours behind.

UH OH The deficit is getting worse.

Something needs to be addressed here.

I started writing with good intentions but had to stop. Why? Because there were kids who were demanding my attention and I was simply unable to focus any longer. I said to myself, once I make lunch I can write a bit more. I said, once the girl goes down, I can write a bit. I said, once I entertain the boy or once I respond to this email/twitter/IM or once I prep dinner or.... well, now it turns out the girl does not want to sleep any more and I didn't get a drawing done for this post and I didn't get any extra writing done, and now I know dinner must be made and i know once dinner is achieved it's about wrapping everything up and putting kids to bed and then, well, then I will take the garbage out to the dumpster and I will look at a view similar to the above photos (although a little darker, now. Every night a little darker) and I will be too tired to write.

Okay. So let's say instead of being after bedtime and looking down the alley at the sunsetting, let's pretend we are standing out in that brick lined alley and taking a deep breath of the air that smells like flowers and lime and the heat has spilled out of the sky and the shadows are rising and we can just be. Just be in the moment.

Let's be in the day for this moment.

Release the have tos and the expectations.

What do you want to do?

I want to finish this novel.

What do you need to do to finish this novel?

I need to sit down and write every day. I need to commit. I need to focus on the grand shape of the thing and the details of the words. I need to sculpt it. I need to live it. I need to love it.

What is getting in the way of doing that?

Organizing my time. Prioritizing that time. Sticking to my guns no matter how tired I am or how I feel I need to "relax". The kids still come first, and there are some things, even some big projects I need to commit to, but there are some pastimes that I use to distract myself from living the life I want to live. The main thing that is getting in my way is the internet.

How can you take that obstacle out of your way so you can live the life you want to live.

I think I need to give myself a budget for the internet. And I think I need to stick to it. Perhaps not turn on the internet at all until I've written my hour. That's tough, because I need to check my email at least... don't I???

Do I? Can I wait until noon to check my mail? Or rather, until 11:30 when I make the kids their lunch? Can I avoid Facebook, twitter, etsy, flickr and those other addictive sites? Can I wait until noon to peruse my blog reader?

I need to cut out the chatter. I am absolutely distracting myself with busy work for much of the time. I'm doing it on purpose, too. Pretending an intention to write, but really know I'm just going to surf the web and search for something new to fill my head with, instead of the thing I really want to give my attention to.

I need to spend more time breathing in the place where I am, and less time trying to catch ahold of some sort of invisible wave, trying to get somewhere, all the time. Trying to fill every moment. Trying to multitask every minute.

I think I should try some more of that nothing, too. Remember the nothing. And then continue on with the everything. Find the fear, and then release it to find the meaning. Choose the dream, and then let go of the things the clutter the path.

What is getting in the way of your dreams? What is blocking you from taking those steps down that path?


Lisa said...

Exactly, exactly. What's blocking me? Same thing blocking you. Expectations of the kids, internet time, almost-there-but-not-quite committment. Wow. YES! Thank you.

Jessie said...

Oh girl, you are writing in a language I understand.

Kelly said...

Well, the internet might be getting in your way, but I'm glad you use it.

I saw your goals about your blog on 43 things the other day. They made me smile--they are similar to the goals I have for my own--it was good to know someone out in cyberspace understands.

Your writing is beautiful. Keep up the good work--whether it's blog writing or novel writing, you are changing a corner of your world.

Suki said...

Your writing is wonderful.
The thing which is blocking me is the not too full commmitment, work I have to do full time to have some money. I really could change it if I would, because I know I am good in what I do.

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