Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Pink Dawning Traveling and Carelessly, Now

Pink Dawning Traveling
48/100 in 100 Creative Challenge
Golden Fluid Acrylic on paper, 5x8"

Sometimes, when I sit down here to write I feel like it's the only time I can take a breath and think about my life.

I feel like I am always on the run, even if I am not going somewhere. I'm not even that active a parent, taking kids on outings and all. I just feel like the very day has me on the run. The very day is a whirlwind of averting disaster and kissing booboos and getting everybody fed and cleaned and picking up and putting to bed and playing games and getting them to calm down.

And then there's my To Do list, which is still somewhat spotty in its achievements. I'm always trying to multi task my day and be so productive.

Sometimes I feel caught between my to do list and my living.

Do you have ways to live in the moment without letting your moments take over? Ways of getting things done without letting your To Do list make you into a future machine?

I guess I want to start living in the moment again. It feels so hard.

I'm finding this Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith and Jamie Ridler's bookclub to be a big help in living in the moment. I used to write in my journal like I was mainlining ink and paper. Now I have the blog, but it's a different thing.

Even my paintings are less about my thoughts about life and more about an abstract idea and the application of the paint on the paper. I enjoy it, but it's not the same as the personal tidbits I put into my journals and even Flying Girl. Right now I have pages of paintings and drawings in WTJ that I'd like to share, but the boy is dropping his nap and my time to organize it all is getting shorter. Sigh.

Yesterday, I wrote a poem on the WTJ page with the direction to "WRITE CARELESSLY. NOW"

Here's my poem
Carelessly, Now

carelessly, now
as days shock by in a never ending
cycle of tears and tantrums, cheerios
and milk
the dirty diapers and demands, the
hunger and small soft kisses, carelessly
now we follow the sighs .

carelessly, now. carelessly, now
grasping too tight to that relentless
motion trying to gain control of the
mommy mommy mommy never ending.

carelessly, now
rushing past the very things
that make my heart beat.

carelessly, now
just trying to get through the day
carelessly holding in my own

this aching precious life

bedtime calls
carelessly, now.

waiting to be roused too early
by children and their cuddles
that morph into shrieks. carelessly


let go.


ina said...

Really beautiful, Rowena. I love the pink dawn of the painting, so calming, a place to breathe. And I recognize all the yearnings and living in the poem.

It is such a tricky balance, parent and artist. Luckily my girls are both interested in making art. So sometimes we can draw together and sometimes they understand that I need some creative time alone.

I don't know what you do with your kids, but since my girls were very little, I've bought them hard-bound sketch books, so that they have a place to make art. We also buy packages of typing/printer paper from the dollar store for everyday drawing, cutting, and taping, but having their own sketch book like mommy's I think has helped them know that I take their creating seriously, and I need them to take mine seriously, too.

I'm rambling :-)

mapelba said...

I've recently had to admit that I have a hard time living in the moment, I do not relax, I do not take time. These are things I don't really know how to do.

Your art is peaceful though. Taking time here feels like relaxing.

Christy said...

Hello Rowena! Trying to catch up with all your new artworks and blog posts!

Have a blessed week.

aquamaureen said...

Oh Rowena, thank you for sharing from your heart.

The painting--I really love it. I don't know painterly terms, but it has an "old-fashioned" feel to it that I really like. And the horizontal lines seem really integrated with the whole piece. And the colors: feels as if you are feeling beginnings.

Then your poem. Wow. Yet one more area of expression where you really get to me. One line stood out in neon to me: "rushing past the very things that make my heart beat"

Okay, don't shoot me for sounding simplistic, but what if you stop. Stop rushing past. The core of you is noticing the things that make your heart beat. Why not let the rest of you listen to what your core is telling you . . .we make so many choices in our days and we write our lists and we try so damn hard to do all we are "supposed" to do. And do we ever "get it done"????

So what if we mutiny . . . and just stop ourselves mid-rush and notice--really notice--whatever it is that is making our heart beat. IT IS IMPORTANT. What if we picked up our to-do list only AFTER we have stopped and spent time with whatever is calling to our hearts . .. maybe we would find ourselves and our lives transformed.

We are not meant to rush around madly. The core of us is calling to us, over and over. What if we finally listened?

Okay. I'll stop preaching.

jena strong said...

A song.

Christine Claire Reed said...

Rowena, I cannot imagine how you juggle it all...

We had an (adult) guest for a few days and now I am completely wrecked. Off my schedule. Out of my routine. Tired from too much talking and sound and doing and running...

All I can think is that you must be kind to yourself. Patient. Loving. Nurturing. Not expecting so very much. Knowing that they will both be in school someday and you will get some precious hours back to yourSELF.

WrightStuff said...

I love the poem. This wrecking sure brings out the creativity in everyone. To destroy certainly is to create! Enjoyed reading that.

Sharon said...

Lovely painting and poem. To add my two cents - as a mom of adult children - enjoy each day with the kids, building a lasting relationship with them starts as little ones. I so enjoy my grown kids now! Diapers and split milk are not always the norm. Talk a deep breathe and try to connect to each phase of mommyhood! They really do grow up so quickly. You will find the time to do what you love!
Happy Wrecking Blessings!

Kavindra said...

Love that you took that WTJ prompt to a whole other level. Beautiful and wonderful.

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