Friday, May 15, 2009

Little Girl Playing in the Sun

Little Girl Playing in the Sun
TtV Casio Exilim through Duaflex II

We come back around.

Here we go again.

This is what I have found the rhythm of life to be: A crest where we are riding the wave, we've got it all figured out and we are moving... then a fall, where things don't seem to make sense and opportunities are lost and things stop working... then a dip, a trough, where we feel sorry for ourselves and mourn/moan about what we've lost or don't have, a place where it feels like you are stuck and forward motion is impossible... then the slow climb/swim up to the top again, where we go step by step, stroke by stroke, trying new things, trying old things, figuring out the shape of this new wave and slowly understanding our surroundings (internal and external) until we are... back riding the crest of the wave again.

I don't have any paintings to show today. I am not so happy with what I have been doing, and the stakes seem to have gotten too high for me to post things I am not pleased with anymore. I may need to revisit this... because I used to show any old piece of crap... ahem... working draft of a painting that I had to show.

But I have been thinking about this process of climbing out of a funk. I'm really glad that I've gotten to a place in my life where I can deconstruct the funk and map the road out. I am really glad I learned those skills... because I have never figured out how to completely avoid said funk.

I am finding that my defunkifying process is quite similar to my painting process. Should I break it down?

1. The Blank Page. This is when there are no answers. When there are too many questions and possibilities to put a mark on that page. "I don't know what to do." This is already at the point where I have tired of wallowing and hiding, and want to get out of the funk, but before I have figured out how to do so.

2. Inspiration. Looking around the world for beauty, joy, colors, shapes, composition, something to fire you, something to give shape to your yearning. Before painting, this could be me looking for prompts, or perusing other artist's work or listening to what other people have to say and waiting for that glimmer of an idea to appear. In defunkifying it could be trying to pay attention to the joys that are all around me (hence the little girl with her smile turned to the sun) or it could be reading inspirational words or it could be talking to someone who understands, or it could be reading the tarot for perspective. It's about looking about you and... if you're not ready to say "yes" to the world, then at least saying... "hmm, could be."

On that note... I'm going to stop.

Because, this is where I am, and I am not quite sure about the next step... or I am, but I want to see where it goes.

Plus, I just heard a baby girl crying in her crib, and I do believe nappies are almost over and I have done nothing about getting dinner started yet.

What I have is a beginning. What I have are first steps. Or even pre-steps if you will.


Kimberly said...

I just found your blog from Writer Mama's blog, and am thrilled to find a blog I can relate to so well! This post hits home with me very well, especially the crying of a baby in a crib interrupting our thoughts :) A beginning is all we need. I've had to have several beginnings to really get myself going sometimes, too!

Juliet Colors said...

All good advice. Funks do seem to be inevitable for me too, so having a plan to deal with them is crucial. And often getting started is all that's needed.

jena strong said...

Love your open eyes, your willingness not to know, your pre-steps. Sometimes I feel like *everything* is a pre-step. Defunkification - just saying that actually gives me a little lift.

aquamaureen said...

Thank you, Rowena, for honoring the little steps, even the maybe-not-quite-a-step steps. They all count, don't they?

I'm pretty sure that luminous picture is of your daughter, but it is also a perfect image of the persistent joy inside me, that doggedly hangs on and will NOT give up. Thank you for that dear sweet picture.

Genie Sea said...

Beginnings are little miracles. Blanks slates full of possibility.
Juggling all the aspects of life and carving out some time for your process is definitely what you are doing. And believe it or not, you are doing it well.

Personally, I love seeing "works in progress". I come here in support, not in judgement. I am pretty sure the others do as well.

Besides. You are a talented artist. I'm sure one of your doodles on a napkin would be interesting :)

marta said...

I'm in a bit of funk myself, so this was good to read. When you do figure out how to avoid said funk, please post immediately.

Amanda (Blake) Fall said...

Hi, Rowena... Oh, my heart goes out to you. I know all too well the "funk" process.

Something that's helped me--and led to some of my most surprising work--is plopping down right in the middle of the funk and creating right in the midst. For me, at least, it's too tempting in those times to either not create anything or to be overly critical of what I do make.

I find that when I put whatever I'm feeling--funky or not--into my work, rather than avoiding it or trying to pretty it up, a huge weight lifts.

I wonder what a Defunkifying Flying Girl would look like?

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