Tuesday, October 30, 2007

This is so hard

I’ve been trying to work on my outlines and characters and all that, but everytime I turn around, the boy is whimpering in his sleep… or maybe he’s getting ready to wake up again. And the apartment is still such a wreck. And I’ve had muffins for dinner, although they are zucchini muffins that I made this afternoon. The recycling needs to be done. And my back is killing me. They don’t tell you that in all that prenatal stuff. They don’t say how having kids wrecks your back and the rest of your body, actually. Sure, they always talk about losing your figure, but I’m not talking vanity, here, I’m talking function. MY BACK IS KILLING ME.

And the tv is going, oh yes, it’s going. I can’t tear myself away. I guess I just want to have a little relaxation time. Especially with my scattered brain. Of course, I wouldn’t be so scattered if the tv were not playing. I mean, really, do I NEED to watch Beauty and the Geek? It’s not even a new episode, it’s all “behind the scenes” crap. Come on, Ro. And yet, I don’t want to turn it of and focus down. It’s such hard work. And I’m so tired.

Rant over, I guess.

I have one day left to get this stuff done, and that day is Halloween. I’m not going to get the apartment spotless. I’m not going to have a month’s worth of meals prepared and frozen. I’m not going to have the apartment packed for the move that will probably come in a couple of weeks. I don’t have a comprehensive list of characters or a map of the land. I don’t have my plot down pat, but I suppose things could be worse. So I don’t know every scene, that doesn’t mean I can’t still write. I do have a good idea of what happens. There are so many things I could have done to get ready for Nano, but wasn’t able to get to. That’s okay. It’s because I’m living a very demanding life, and that life doesn’t get to stop just because I want to do Nanowrimo. Whatever I manage to achieve during Nano is fine.

In the best case scenario, I actually develop my writing habits and don’t fall off when Nano is done, and take my writing career seriously. That would be an even better scenario than what happened last year, where I wrote 101 thousand words or so in November, and finished a 140 thousand novel by the middle of December, but after that I crashed and burned and didn’t even look at the dern thing until the summer. (Fine I also had a baby, but we’re talking writing habit, here.) So if I just go slow and steady and hit 50k words, it’ll be good. That’s still a heck of a lot of words. I don’t need to race for a higher word count, really I don’t.

Okay. This helps me. I don’t have to do it like last year, although I like knowing that I wrote more than anyone else in New York except for Jaybiz. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. I don’t have a deadline built into my writing. I mean, well, there’s Nano, but I get to keep writing once November is over.

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