Monday, January 19, 2009

Inspiration: My House

Inspiration: My House
Prismacolor Watercolor Pencils, Golden Fluid Acrylics, Pitt Artist Pens

This is a continuation of my exploration and honoring of my Inspiration, for my book group of 12 secrets.

This weekend was a tough one for me, as I felt I was coming down with something and I was fighting against creating at every opportunity. But there it is. I've decided that I am not going to kick myself when the inspiration and motivation isn't there. I'm going to try to keep working, but if I don't, if I need to sleep instead, or if I need to read the book that just came from Amazon, or if the kids wake up from nap early and my writing time disappears (all of which happened this weekend) then I am not going to beat myself up over it.

I'm a mom who is an artist. I'm discovering what a journey this is in its own right. It's not like it was when I was a single gal who searched out jobs where I had my days free, or my summers free, or ones that would feed my creativity. It's not like I can sit on my couch all weekend with a journal and a paint set, or go to cafes and write for two days straight. This is a new situation and it takes delicate balancing. Time with the kids, time for the house, time for the guy, time for making money, time for my physical health and well being, time to relax... and time for the creating, time for the exploring, time for the finalizing.

I am working on not struggling with my own pace, my necessarily slow pace at moving to the next step. Maybe that's why I am having problems with inspiration right now, because I am about to make some sort of leap. I hope so. I'd like it.

But, onto the painting. I have been trying to paint in whites and pales, which is how this painting began. Every time I try, I get it wrong and am unsatisfied. I manage to fix the pictures, more or less, but they don't end up being whites/pales. That's okay, I think. I realized I haven't spent much time on those shades. This kind of thing takes work and concentration and practice. You have to discover your techniques... at least I do.

So I covered over my pales and made my house. This is my house of creativity. This is my comfy couch, where I write and sketch and watch tv, and sit with my coffee and cake while I ruminate, where I enjoy company that supports my creativity. This is my studio, with computer and easel and supplies, with space to move and to think. This is my gallery of work, the body of my creative existence, collected to inspire and remember. This is my library of resources, my books, my stories, my loves, my histories, my journals. This is my rooftop view, that allows me access to sky and perspective. These are my fire escapes, my alternate way out, way up, my silent spot for rumination. My sky is alive, my ground is fertile, my roots go deep and deeper still, my tree... well, she can be many things.

My house is not real. Or it is real, but it is not physical. My physical life has very little of this. A corner with a borrowed computer. A bedroom with a typing table and an old chair. An old couch in a shared tv room, a bag of paints and carry along supplies. This is my reality.

And you know what????

It works.

Hey, I want the dream studios that I've been seeing around the web. But that's not my life right now. Right now, I do what I have to. I find my dream in the corners. I make my art on a tv table while watching the kids play. I write in snatched moments between action and action.

It doesn't matter what your creative space looks like. It doesn't matter if it's not perfect. What matters is what you do.

What spaces/times/activities find you creative, despite their imperfection? What corners of the day do you manage to snatch a few moments for your art? I'd love to know. I'm always looking for new ways to get it done.


Leah said...

please do take care of yourself. sometimes your body and mind need a rest. it doesn't mean you're not being creative when you're not creating something physical. sometimes what we're creating is internal! xoxox

tekeal said...

at the moment i'm trying to make my daily functional family life be smooth and thoughtful and caring, and this takes immense creative energy and patience on its own. i don't know if it's also what i use to procrastinate, but it seems all consuming right now. also the freezing inside that accompanies having little paid work at the moment... and the longing to create. i've often thought of you when choosing whatever it is i chose over creating, and try not to compare, but be inspired to be more efficient. i'm working in my dreams, on trams to appointments, always hoping to accomplish something big in the evenings- then am so tired i often read around for inspiration, write something, post a pic... the tension is building regarding putting actual paint on paper. i always love reading your words. so honest and real.

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Not even the "Fast and furious" movies (yes, my guy likes cars ;) ) are about hot car races alllllllll the time.
There are moments that are good for creating and moments that are good for replenishment.
Follow your flow. :)

Jessie said...

this post speaks to the part in my soul that needed to hear this the most. thank you.

squarepegperson said...

i followed my nose here..from a comment you left about the portfolio project much wisdom in this post..and the question about your house - whether it IS real, just not physical - LOVE that!

my kids are grown - it went so quick (yes, i know that sounds trite..but it's so TRUE) - and when i read the words of mothers and fathers who still find time to honor their souls - to create, even if they wish for more time to do so, when they've got young children, i do a namaste beautiful to see the blend - Go Warrior Mama-Girl, Go!

Beautiful post!!

jess gonacha said...

lovely lovely lovely. that sounds like a good exercise, trying to paint in different colors than your usual. i'll have to try that!

Nikole said...

Beautiful painting, beautiful post.

I try to sneak in work during my daughter's (short) naps and at night after she goes to bed. It all comes in bits and pieces, as she is a pretty terrible sleeper, and I never have much time. I'm finally starting to get more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a time, and my brain is starting to feel less fuzzy. This does help with my productivity and being able to do more in short spurts.

"It doesn't matter if it's not perfect. What matters is what you do." This really pushed me through a hard space yesterday. Thank you.

Jen Lee said...

"I find my dream in the corners."

This is pure gold, Rowena. I love it when you talk about being a mom and an artist--and I agree, it IS a journey in its own right. The solidarity of knowing I'm not the only one trying to work it out gets me through so many days!

Sue said...

Excellent, wise words -- good balance!

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