Wednesday, January 21, 2009

In Rain And Shine, or Union

In Rain And Shine, or Union
Golden Fluid Acrylics, Prismacolor watercolor pencils, Pitt Artist Pens on paper, 5x8"

I have to be quick because I promised my novel I would write before nap time squalls out.

This piece was inspired by all the Valentines day stuff I've seen around, lately. Why we need to give Valentines day a month preamble is beyond me. I'm not the V Day kind of girl, actually. Not the pink and red heart, angels, lace, long stem red roses or expectations kind of girl. Although I can really get down with some chocolate.

So not being the pink hearts kinda girl, I thought, what would my Valentine sentiment be like?

Here it is. Dark and kinda gloomy... but not really. Because it is honoring the truth that in order to open up to love, you have to open up to pain. It may hurt, but you can't close out the pain if you want the joy.

But, after my process began with this hearts and birds Valentine thing... I began thinking not about relationships with other people, but my relationship with myself.

I've decided that I am not longer going to beat myself up for not always being hearts and flowers and sunshine. I'm going to honor the rain and the silence too. I'm going to honor the imperfection... forget that urge to perfectionism, that is the urge to stasis, to death. I'm going to say, hell yeah, my stomach is wobbly. If I exercise or eat better it's not because there's anything wrong with my stomach, but because I want my body to feel good.

If my house is a mess, I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'll clean it for order, maybe... but otherwise I'll remember the choices I am making, and why I take my nap time to create, instead of sweep cheerios.

If I am not going as quickly as I want in my novel, I am going to look at what is, at the care given to my children and myself, my art, my living, and say, this is my life as it is. Fighting against what it is isn't going to change my time limits or energy constraints. It just is. Not faster, not slower. Is.

In this time of New Years Resolutions, and Projects and Words to define my year, I'm going to be here now, and enjoy what I've got while I've got it. Not worry about failing to reach my goals or being afraid if I do or don't.

Doesn't mean I won't still be trying to get that novel into gear or open my shop or think about what I want in my future. I think if I make achieving my goals simply about the journey, and not about my worthiness as a human being, it will be a lot easier to achieve them. Plus, I'll enjoy the road.

It means I am going to honor my process, my speed, my conflicts, my fears, my goals, my loves, my joys, my pains, my moments, my skies, my girls flying and superheroes chasing after them.

It means, not only does a romantic couple need to stick together in the rain and the shine, but I need to stick together in the rain and shine. The union is within myself here.

I am, you see. Positive and negative both. I just am.

And so are you. You am, too. And I love you for your failures to be perfect.

Sickness and health, 'til death do you part from yourself... are you committed to you?

How would your life change if you loved yourself, even in your faults, flabby, lazy, sloppy, fearful faults?


Genie Sea said...

It's ironic. When I first landed on your page, I saw the painting and thought, "That would make an awesome wedding invite." Little did I know, it is! A wedding of self to self. Absolutely magnificent Rowena. Absolutely :)

tammy vitale said...

Hi came over from Creative Every Day because I identified strongly with your comment (I too love words and have not put many in my art because - well, who knows why). And I identify with your thoughts today...nice meeting you!

squarepegperson said...

Rowena! oh!oh! Rowena! This is so great!! I love the dark/light thing - positive/negative - it's my STORY...none of us are just half..and love how you talk about being committed to yourself - calling others to that..i wear a wildchild wedding ring to myself..have an artist friend who also married herself..and both of us (amusingly) LOST our darn rings..but I found mine..about a year ago - yea! have to ask her if she's found hers yet..

Tremendous post! thank you..i needed inspiration today - this is IT!

mapelba said...

My conversation would change more than anything else.

Valentine's Day is all about being pierced with an arrow for the sake of someone else--what is not dark about that?

tammy vitale said...

p.s. gave you a shout out over at my blog today (1/23/09)

Super Nova said...

Yep. Committed so much to myself that I find relationships getting more and more difficult (yep, the silence on the blog of mine reflects a lot of relationship turmoil that I don't know how to process....never give men you are dating your blog address...)

However, as for romance, the best thing to get on V-Day for me is a subscription to the Economist.

Pure perfection.

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