However...
This is not a bad time of life.
This is a new development for me. To be going through tough struggles and yet still be aware that there is happiness running throughout the difficulties. To experience things not going my way, and yet still be able to see that I am not failing, but in fact growing in huge leaps and bounds in the most important ways. I cannot see where life is going to go-- shoot that's not true, I actually can see where life is going to go, at least the general neighborhood of it. It's the specifics of whens and hows and whats that I can't quite see. I know I am going to achieve the dreams I have been working on all my life... I just don't know what they are going to look like when I get there. And I'm okay with that uncertainty because I have faith that it will all be okay.
In fact, I have faith that is all okay right now, even in the middle of the *rolling eyes* pain.
What's going rightish?
- I am reading for pleasure and relaxation.
- I just did laundry.
- The cat likes to sit out in the sun, even if she gets fleas.
- Taking some time to lie down and read is making my back feel better.
- I have been connecting with some long distance friends.
- I have made a few confrontational phone calls, instead of just stewing and feeling bad and being afraid to call people out.
- I have researched creating a business plan with the Small Business Administration.
- I have drawn two hand drawings, which are almost like journal entries from a mostly nonverbal place.
- I have restarted potty training with the hopes of being done with diapers in two weeks.
- I have gotten the kids a doll house which I was supposed to get them 6 months ago.
- I have said "no, it's not okay," when it was not.
- I have started to eat more vegetables.
- I have instituted a rewards system and sticker chart for Potty training both kids.
- I have remembered again and again that right here, right now is just perfect and impermanent. The same for everything. Including myself. Perfect and Impermanent.
- I have remembered that it's okay to be sad, tired, worn out, upset, uninspired, and even depressed, and that has made it all better.
What's going right with you?
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6 comments:
I went back and read your post on Thursday...there were a ton of obstacles. Anyone in their right mind would have been done with all of it. Then I read this post today and even though you still have a ton on your plate, I love that you shifted your perspective. I can literally feel the positive shift in your words...you gave yourself the gift of kindness. I dig that...you've inspired me.
I was feeling a little lost before...a little creatively confused but right now I'm digging that lost thing because it means that any road out of these woods will lead to something new and exciting....thanks for reminding me that sometimes all you need is to change the way you're looking at the world.
Extremely tough time in my life as well... but I can also see the end result. And the happiness. And the peace.
I look at it like this... when you go to clean, to really deep-down clean, that things get to be one helluva mess before it gets clean.
So... I'm at the helluva mess part. Sounds like you are too. It will get cleaned up, we just need to perservere.
Your friendship.
My job.
I actually made my bed this morning and put on makeup.
i have made it to the gym everyday this week.
I have finally not eaten more calories than I have burned off.
I got a gift certificate in the mail and got a new pair of shoes.
I went to my first therapy session on Saturday and it was GOOD.
I saw the new Woody Allen movie and IT was GOOD.
I am going to go to bed now and read about Buenos Aries to get ready for vacation.
Now, I could do a list of bad as well, trust me, but like you said, let's focus on what's going right.
Something is going right--I'm just too tired to figure out what.
This post really resonates with me right now. This has been one hell of a year, and yet, somehow, I am different. It's not the end of the world like it would have been 5 years ago, or even 3 years ago. It just is what is, and the good stuff keeps rolling along with the bad.
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