Friday, August 29, 2008

Playing Peekaboo

It's one of my kids' favorite games. Hiding, then popping out, big grin, saying "BooBoo!" Still here, mama.

Mama does some peekaboo, too. Pulling the covers over her head and pretending not to be here.

But she is. Still here mama.

I think, just like with the kids, it's not really a game. There's something very important about peekaboo, learning about permanence, about the laws of cause and effect, about individual agency. This is what happens when I do this. She will still be there even if I hide. I can make someone jump/laugh/scream.

Me when I'm hiding, it's not really a game, either. There's serious business going on here, even when I'm just laying down reading an escapist book of fiction or not answering emails.

I believe in a fallow period, maybe many smaller fallow periods. Times of rest and reflection. Of sitting with all the facts and details and dreams and ideas we have at our disposal and ruminating over what they are all about, but not actually requiring anything be done.

I am not doing much creating right now. No photographs. Very little writing. Only a touch of art. But there is more going on under the surface. This might very well be a hiding time. A time when the lights are down and the moon is out, drawing to the surface all the meaning of life.

Plans are being laid down.
Ideas are percolating.
Research is accumulating.
Thumbnail sketches are getting drawn.
Old friends are reconnecting.
Decisions are being made.
Time is being organized.
Plus, potty training is underway (which if you ask me, is part of why not much else is.)

It is not an exciting time. There's very little evidence of the work being done, but it's there.

But check back with me in October, when I will be on the verge of opening an etsy shop. (I have just made the decision now, this moment. I'm calling myself to task for October. That gives me one month, four weeks, to get my stuff together.)

And watch out for Nanowrimo in November, when I will be starting a new novel that is bubbling away in the back of my brain. As a hint, it has something to do with werewolves, and girls in disguise. Yes. I know, I am already writing a novel, but I want to take part in Nano, and I cannot continue with any of the parts of this work that I am already engaged with, and I am not ready to write the third book, at all. Besides, I think Nano may serve as an impetus for my revisions.

And what about December? By December, I think all decisions about living arrangements should be made and we should know what coast we will settle on.

This has not been an easy year. It has been a transitional year, which is why it's been tough. So much is in development. But I can see how I am getting closer and closer to the outcomes I have been working on. Actually, I can't wait to see what I will accomplish by the end of the year, and I am quite certain I will be making some lists and taking stock of everything that has happened. I have a feeling that I will be amazed by all that I have done and am doing in the turmoil of 2008.

But I don't think I could accomplish anything without taking these down times and allowing myself to just be. What about you?

Are you resting enough? Taking breaks? Allowing your half-formed ideas the time to become full? Remembering to breathe?

You gotta breathe. You need to let the air in sometimes.

6 comments:

Karen Maezen Miller said...

The cure for not writing is not writing, I find.

Anonymous said...

where can we find your first novel?

Rowena said...

dear anonymous, my first novel is in my trunk. I have not revised it. I went to grad school for teaching instead.

dear karen. LOL. I had to read that twice. I have always thought the cure for not writing is writing, but now I am beginning to think you are absolutely right. Consciously and positively NOT writing. Not laying the guilt and anxiety on because you're not writing. CHOOSING to not write.

D'Arcy said...

I have been in those moods lately too, especially with my painting. My photography comes so easily to me, even though I have SO much to learn about it that it makes me wipe pretend sweat from my brow...now that i am back at work, most nights I come home with only enough time to eat dinner, exercise, read a bit and then go to bed....summer is my creative time, fall lies fallow, but it's alright because I sit back and enjoy everyone else's harvests.

mapelba said...

I'll be doing NaNo again this year. Glad you'll be there too!

Kate Lord Brown said...

Maybe it's the time of year too - changing seasons. Letting things unfold gently, planning ahead to filling those long dark nights with new work - everything comes round again.

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