Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Push Through

I found my novel. The one I wrote when I was 25-- TEN years ago! I wrote the first draft and then put it away when I decided to become a teacher. Over the course of life and moving and cleaning and all that stuff, I forgot where it was. Thought I might even have let a friend read it-- one who moved to Costa Rica-- so there was a possibility it was disappeared, but yesterday, while cleaning the book case, I found it!

Lately I've been thinking about it, much more so than the novel I had been working on more recently. If the old novel still held my attention, but the new one didn't, I was a little concerned. Maybe the new story wasn't really the one I should be telling. Maybe I should go back to the old-- except I didn't know where it was.

So now that it's been rediscovered, maybe it's time to reread, re-evaluate, re-write.

Guess what's been happening along those lines?

Everytime I sit down at the computer to rewrite the old novel, I get SO-O-O tired.

But I am not that easily fooled. I know the tactics that the brain uses to keep the nice, comfy, safe, status quo. It throws all sorts of obstacles in the way. Those obstacles might be real or they might be made up, it really doesn't matter, the point is that they stop you from doing all that hard work that will get you all the scary things in life that you really, really want.

My mind tells me that I am tired, or have a headache, or have to organize my photos, or clean the sink-- which is when you really know it's my brain trying to mess with me, because there is no way I actually WANT to wash dishes.

That's when you have to push through. I've tried it. It really does work. But what it does take is commitment to that thing. I have to commit to writing, rather than commit to being tired.

In the long run, having written will make me feel better about myself, happier, more energetic, etc, than being tired and zoning in front of the tv. That may be the easier option, but really, it isn't the best.

So next time I sit down to the computer, after whatever long hard day trying to figure out what a non verbal ball of laughs and tears wants, I'm going to push through the "I'm tired" and just do it.

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