Thursday, February 10, 2011

Girls' Play Date and The Big Lazy

Oh it's going slowly with my creativity. I took Ivy out for a mama daughter play date. We went to Zou Zou's Cafe.

She had a sprinkle cookie.
Then we took out some pens and crayons and did some drawings.
Here, she drew mama's hat and a flower and various other things. And I drew her drawing. Children are very hard to draw. Their faces are so soft.
As for me, I did start revising my novel, but only a few pages and again, fell off the wagon.

Sometimes being creative is like an addiction. Or breaking an addiction to laziness (or whatever your particular fiend is, mine is laziness). Right now, I have to take it each day as it comes. Face the lazy. Make a choice. Remind myself that I'll feel better if I chose creating over lazy. Remind myself that when I take the first step towards being creative, it will be easier to continue. And it will be easier each time I deny that big Lazy.

I've been feeling the desire to revise my novel, but I mostly don't. I've been feeling the desire to paint again, maybe even Flying Girls, or maybe not. But I don't. I've been feeling the desire to start paper journaling again, writing, art, collage, etc... but I kind of wuss out on that, too.

What is this reluctance to be creative, even though you know you love it? Am I afraid of not being as good as I wish I was or wasting my time? I feel a physical resistance, sometimes, as if the thought of getting out my paints would be impossible, or it wouldn't be worth the physical effort. Resistance. The Big Lazy. (And the Big Fear that we don't like to mention because that might make it real.)

But on the plus side, I know that when I start asking these questions, when I start putting my thoughts and intentions out into the world, then that is a sign that the creativity is getting stronger. The creativity is growing. The Big Lazy (and the Big Fear) is losing power.

It takes a while of this kind of questioning and consideration to make the change.

First will come some not so great sketches in my journal (Hey! I already have some of those right here!) then will come some tentative watercolors. (I'm thinking of buying some new half pans for my Winsor Newton travel set. A new set is like 150$! I'm pretty sure it cost me only 40$ or so when I bought it 15 years ago, but it might have been on sale) then will come some acrylic paintings in my journal, then maybe I'll get up the nerve to paint some bigger things.

Well, we'll see.

How do you build up your creativity? How do you get it back when it slips away in the living of life?


Mary L. said...

I don't have much creativity within me, but I'm trying to "exercise" that part and make it bigger. The interesting thing about creativity is that it has no boundaries. Try getting out your paints and paint what laziness looks like. What does a lazy flying girl look like? Now, that I can relate to, and may even want :). Rowena, I love how close your mind and heart are. Mine are miles away from each other, but I'm learning to move them closer together.

Stella said...

Little Girl's hair is getting SO long. She's so beauitful!!

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