I am running head long into the resistance.
Yes. Someone (I don't know who) has set up a guerilla movement in my head that is keeping me from my computer, from my writing, from my novel, from my most important goals. These are the warriors, they are fierce:
I am exhausted.
I am searching the web for various veryimportant answers.
I just have to answer this email.
I have no idea what to write anyway so I might as well not try.
I hear the kids stirring upstairs.
I am not centered so I have to center myself before I start anything because I am just so full of scattered, nervous energy.
I don't feel well.
I have to change my shirt one more time because this one just isn't comfortable.
I have very little time left before I have to go to work, so I probably won't be able to.
I have to make dinner while the kids nap, even though S is the one who will be home with the kids and he's in charge of dinner tonight.
I have to write in my journal.
I have to sort all my questions out in my head.
I have to write on my blog.
Yes, I am smack dab in the middle of resistance fighters and I am losing the battle. We all fight these battles when facing important things. We all face these battles when confronted with the blank page. Sometimes, I wonder if the blank page is really a representation of all our hopes and dreams and fears and desires for our selves. To face what we really want/fear in our lives is so scary, so jarring to the nice status quo of living, that our psyche sets up traps to to make us fail.
The best way to deal with those traps? Talk back to them. "I hear you. I see you. I get what you're saying, now go away because you're not helping, and I have stuff to do."
The guerilla warriors getting in my way are me, without a doubt. I am my own worst enemy, trite but true. If I wanted to let my enemy side win, I would say something along the lines of "I suck!" and then give in to the stress and fear and exhaustion...
But it's not that hard to win this battle. I simply have to say, "I hear you, but you're not helping. I have to go write now," and then live up to my word.
Yikes. Here I go. Off to write. Wish me luck.
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2 weeks ago
3 comments:
Good luck!
(I just thought you'd want to know that someone besides yourself is wishing you luck. I have to go write now, too. Thanks for your wise words.)
Did you write? Did you do it? You wrote on your blog...that's a start....did you work on the novel? Even just a little bit?? I bet even if it was a little bit, you did work because you are fighting and that can only lead to breakthrough....you're doin' it! I'm so freaking proud of you and wishing you luck but you don't need luck because you have determination!
You and I ...we are kindred spirits. When you return to the Big City for a visit we should have nachos ...and a drink to celebrate just trying to get it done!
Thanks for the wishes all. Maybe it helped. I did write.
Just stopped giving in to the excuses and wrote... the next day was a different question, but I think the fight must be fought continuously, at least until it becomes second nature.
WG
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