Monday, April 11, 2005

So Tired

I just got home after nine hours of my crappy, tedious porn job. It's cold outside. After only two days, spring slipped back towards Winter. The wind was blowing and the walk to my apartment was so sharp. My back is still killing me from hours in a bad office chair. And everybody on the subway is just too stupid to lilve.

I'm so tired I could cry. That's all. That's all I feel, this exhausted simmering frustration. I can't imagine how I could have survived this pregnancy stuff while I was still waiting tables and bartending. I can't imagine what would have happened while I was teaching. I'm barely surviving this job, and I don't have to put out any energy except the energy to put up with stupid porn blurbs like this:" watch these Meatholes (AKA whores) be verbally and physically dominated intil their worthless souls are revealed in a cornucopia of sex, bottled up emotions, and semen guzzling." Yes, this is a quote that illustrated all that is wrong with the porn industry.

But I don't even want to talk about that. I'm just too tired and hormonal. I'm afraid it just gets worse before it gets better. And I'm even more afraid that it doesn't get better for years and years. But there's so much I have to do-- I mean in my life-- and I'm just so tired.

Definitely this is a quote that points out to me all that is wrong with the porn industry.

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