Flying Girl Will Make It Through, or Believe

Flying Girl Will Make It Through, or Believe
11/8/08 AEDM #8
Golden Fluid Acrylics

Nanowrimo grand total 21,227 (3362 words yesterday)


Been thinking about change, lately. And how scary it can be to change. We are creatures of habit and we like to know how things work. Like my routine, for instance. I have created my routine around me so that I can keep track of my work, my life, my kids, my brain.

But perhaps it is good to shake things up a bit sometimes.

Yesterday, instead of putting the kids to bed right at noon, I let them play in their room. Now G always plays in his room, while Ivy sleeps in her crib, but yesterday, I brought up some of the playroom toys and put them in their room. The new set up gave the toys a new light, and they were fun again, after languishing in the corner. They played together, creating a choo choo train out of a play mat and who know what else they did, since they waved bye bye to me and shut the door whenever I came to check on them. Finally, we get to a place where they can entertain each other.

The same day, we decided to rearrange the house, moving the playroom to a smaller, enclosed porch, with more light and air. The boy loved it right away, seeming to feel a sense of ownership over "his" room. The girl needed some adjustment, feeling uncomfortable until she realized she could pull the little side table up to her little chair and eat or draw or whatever. Now they love it.

I have to say I feel a little disoriented. I may be more like Ivy in needing to adjust and find my way in the new situation, but at the same time, it feels like air has been let into even more areas of life. I know it will take me a few days to adjust, to rearrange my space, my day and my habits, but otherwise, I feel as if there is room now for some new paths. Wait until I fix it up and show you my new "office." I never would have shown you my previous one. This is my working station when the kids are awake, where I can research and plan and list, before I get to the real work when the kids go down. New play space, new work space.

Yes. More change. Life, not political slogan.

What does this have to do with my FG today? Maybe I'm wondering about the constraints of the FG project. I mean, how long will I continue? I enjoy FG, but day in and day out for almost two months now? I'm getting a little bit tired.

I don't really want to give up painting every day... but sometimes our routines benefit by being shaken up, just witness changing the playroom around. The kids have more independence in their new space and I feel as if there's a little less clutter in my head and it allowed my new work area. A place where I can still supervise the littles, but not be stuck into a little cluttered corner.

I have an idea for the FG project that I have been kicking around in my head for years. I've always been a little too frightened to start it, because it's a big project that is a bit demanding. But after doing FG all this time, I've begun to believe that I am actually fully capable of doing this new project. I don't know if it will all work out, but all of my FG pictures didn't work out, either. Some of them, though, I just adore and succeeded beyond my expectations. The project itself, the whole of it, succeeded beyond anything I thought would happen.

So that brings me back to today's FG. It's very simple. I did that on purpose. It's a return to the beginning of FG, silhouettes and horizon. But I added a word. "Believe." Because, really it's about faith. You have to have faith in yourself, so that you can move forward and reach your dreams. Even if you are frightened by the scope of a project, or by the unknown, or the possibility of failure, you have to believe that you can handle whatever comes your way.

All you warriors out there... are you listening to me?

You gots to believe in YOU.

PS Kate, I am going to respond to your wonderful award, but I have to find a time when I don't have writing and/or painting on my agenda, and this has been an upside down weekend.

PPS This is actually after the fact, but I have decided to post this entry to Inspire Me Thursday. It's an open topic, and I think this is the one that I would like to share with the Inspire Me community, because so many people are on their own warrior type creative adventure.