My plate is full

But I’ve been struck by this idea that I can set up a shop and sell my art online.

I have always avoided selling my art or showing my art beyond a very small level. I always pooh pooh what I can do, although everybody around me thinks that I should do something with it, that I HAVE something. Maybe I blow my talent off because it is something I have always had, and art has always come easily to me, so I discount it. I also have a thing about the art industry. And I’m not very competitive… I get scared by the tough guys, the big guys, The Man.

But what if I were to open up a small art shop on etsy.com? What if, what if? I almost don’t want to talk about it, because I don’t want to be held accountable if I waffle and wimp out. I guess that means I should tell everyone.

But, like I said, my plate is full… I must be insane to take up a new project right now, with a toddler and a baby, a novel to be revised and rewritten and published, a second novel to be written (and a third, because it’s actually a trilogy. Go Sci Fi!) A house to be kept clean. Food to be shopped for and cooked. A photo project going on. A blog to be kept up. A relationship to attend to. You know, a life to live.

I think the key is to not got haring off in wildly different directions and try to be something I not, but actually build my art practice into my daily life.

I think I should use my day. If I am going on adventures with my children, I should document them in paintings. If I want to write a novel, I could draw images of my themes and questions. If I want to do an inquiry into what it means to be the hero of my own story, I should explore it in images. If I want to keep up my blog, I should post my art and write about my process and my progress. If I want to cook… well… not quite sure how to blend that one in, but you get the picture.

I also think that I should not try to adopt the styles of those artists that I see and like. I am not a novice. I’ve been painting and drawing for 30 years. I have recurring themes and images. I have ideas. I have a lot of previous work to use as inspiration. I have explored and enjoyed different media. I don’t have to find a new media. I have cabinets full of supplies. I don’t have to run to the store and buy new paints. Granted, a lot of what I have is old, but what I do have might actually drive my art.

However, I feel like I don’t have a cohesive style. That may just be my insecurity talking. It may be my rusty chops. I have to climb back on the artist wagon in order to find out who I am as an artist again.

I suppose, just like with writing, I can actually use my art to find out who I am as a person—since I have gone through such profound changes in the last few years.

I am an artist, because it is who I have always been, a creative. But I want to be a painter again. I want to be a visual artist. And I need to live it to be it.

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